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what brought you out of the closet?
Old 07-17-2008, 09:38 AM   #1
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what brought you out of the closet?

i am either nefariously challenging by title alone to overtly undermine moderator authority or i am covertly manipulating so as to convert the readership-at-large and their family & friends to homosexuality (with five toaster ovens i can trade for a microwave. shhh, don’t tell the competition) or this is nothing more than a fun, oddly appropriate yet conveniently timed attention-getting title to open what i think & hope you will agree is worthy, non-soapbox, polite conversation on poster transition from lurker status to forum participant.

i came out early in my e.r. life. it was only months before i quit that i even started researching retirement. i didn’t consider myself a lurker at the time though i had read a few posts before participating here.

i recall entering like a storm charging out from hell, attacking martha for what i misperceived in my oversensitivity then as an off-colored comment on alzheimer’s, having been already rubbed sore with the disease as i was caring for my suffering mother and had been for years. i have since then come to know martha to be the best among you. sorry martha that i did not lurk longer to understand you better before my first reactive post that brought me out of the closet and into the forum. it is mainly by your graciousness that i now consider sticking around.

from somewhere in 2006:
Quote:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Martha
A coworker's father died of Alzheimer's disease not long ago.... Not a bad way to go; oblivious to reality.

quote:
originally posted by lazy
i can not imagine a more horrible or undeserved death than alzheimer's. fortunately my mother had the best care givers possible, her loving children. i will have to adopt care givers for me if that is my fate. i've already named them, smith & wesson.

one of the last complete sentences in lucidity mom said to me was "this is horrendous." and then she asked, "what can you do?" i sat down besides her and said "mom, there is nothing i can do." mom looked at me and said "i don't know what i can do either."

now mom is out of words, she tries to talk but it is all gibberish. she is no longer ambulatory. 85% of such people die within 6 months. we've been with her as she's deteriorated over the past 12 years. i said to her last week, "mom, i know you are trying to tell me something but when you talk there are no words, only sounds that seem like sentences but no words, just sounds. i'm so sorry this has happened to you." mom stared right into my face. i could see her struggling. she opened her mouth to talk. i was expecting more gibberish. in a weak & raspy but careful voice she said "i'm sorry for you." we sat in silence for a moment and then she went back into gibberish.

you think it is oblivion? you think it is not a bad way to go? you think just because someone can not communicate in a way you understand that they do not understand? well, good for you.
so, was it a question you thought you’d have answered? a quality you thought you could contribute? a statement that rubbed you the wrong way? a desire to reach out for a like-minded poster? an opportunity to correct error on the internet?

what brought the lurking you out of the closet?
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Old 07-17-2008, 10:33 AM   #2
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When I was obsessing about money, I searched the internet for information. I stumbled across this forum, found myself reading it everyday and it became quite the habit for me. Not only did I find the financial information helpful, but I found other subjects very entertaining. Before long, I felt like I knew the cast of characters, umm excuse me, forum members and I wanted to dive in.

After all, everyone has an opinion…right? Might as well throw mine in as well.
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Old 07-17-2008, 10:37 AM   #3
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I heard there was a forum that disliked FAs, so of course I had to join.........
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Old 07-17-2008, 10:39 AM   #4
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I heard there was a forum that disliked FAs, so of course I had to join.........
What'd the masochist do to the sadist?
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Old 07-17-2008, 10:43 AM   #5
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I jumped into this forum -the only one I participate in- after I found FIRECALC (so now you know- and can blame Bill Sholar!) and because I wanted to participate in a forum that covered a wide range of not-just-ER subjects. At 49, I was contemplating ER, and thought this might be a lot of fun. Unfortunately, as a neophyte poster, I got sucked into the Soapbox forum vortex and made some bad choices early on. I subsequently discovered that many of those demanding open-mindedness and tolerance have little in themselves, political correctness trumps dissention on controversial subjects (somewhat like real life, but in a small community where everything is in writing, there is no such thing as forgive and forget) so I am now on the “core ignore” list. May have to go back in the closet for a while and start over with a new identity… but I sure hate to give up the ole cowpoke on the jackalope.

Lazy, sorry to hear about your mother's struggles with Alzheimers. I have a good friend who has been institutionalized with it for the last 15 years. It is just heartbreaking to see how mentally debilitating this disease can be- for him and for his family.
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Old 07-17-2008, 10:51 AM   #6
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DW and I were DINKS and got pregnant. Just that year we figured out we could max our 401k accounts and had gotten a windfall from her stock options (about 20k) that caused us to wonder about increasing net worth and when we really could retire. Looking for information on line, found FIRECalc, and joined the board. Being a big mouth, posting wasn't long after that.
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Old 07-17-2008, 10:57 AM   #7
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I joined for all the great annuity discussions.
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Old 07-17-2008, 11:06 AM   #8
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You know those 1950s African safari movies where the Great White Hunter is leading the native bearers through the jungle? When the distant drums stopped pounding he'd look up and say "Hey, the drums stopped. It's really quiet now!" only to have the head bearer say "Yes, bwana, it's quiet. Too quiet..." Of course a few seconds later the poison darts would start flying.

We did a lot of research before we retired but oddly enough we never stumbled across this board. However we'd found the Trinity study and a bunch of other financial calculators so we weren't worried when I started ER. About 18 months into it, though, my spouse looked over at me and said "Bwana, this is too easy..."

This time I found the board through Greaney's website, asked if it was really that easy, and stuck around for more advice. Now hardly a major decision gets made in our house without consulting the collective wisdom.
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Old 07-17-2008, 11:06 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lazygood4nothinbum View Post
what brought the lurking you out of the closet?
I was here when the house was being built...
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Old 07-17-2008, 11:37 AM   #10
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I stumbled upon it when looking for "frugal living" or some such phrase, and found a forum that contains much, much more to offer. Issues of what to do after retirement, dealing with aging parents (we're in the middle of that now), in-laws and just personal development with lots of time and little/no responsibilities compared to the previous decades.

I see DW here trying to deal with a leaky roof - I've tried to show her how to change a furnace filter, she has no interest, she can't or won't learn to start a lawn mower or change the oil on it, all that homeowner simple stuff that most guys do naturally and most women do not. (Please note that I said "most".)

All in all well worth the time reading here to get the collective wisdom of those who have "been there" before on lots of things.
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Old 07-17-2008, 11:38 AM   #11
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I can't get in my closet.
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Old 07-17-2008, 11:51 AM   #12
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I was evaluating MC models for clients and I found Firecalc.
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Old 07-17-2008, 12:08 PM   #13
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I wound up on this forum while looking for first-hand reports of what early retirement is like for people in their early 40s who are not looking for a super-frugal retirement.

In practice, I've found very few of those. So far, 2 people are close.

But I did become interested in reading about other people's investment strategies, and how people are trying to figure out how much money it takes to retire.

Good stuff.
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Old 07-17-2008, 12:08 PM   #14
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I had just taken 2 weeks of vacation time just prior to my final retirement and was just basking in the idea of not working anymore. It was my FINAL vacation from work. I was doing searches on early retirement and I stumbled across this board. I had lost my husband only 2 months earlier and in reading the many posts on just about any subject, I was hooked.

I read and read and read. So many subjects were beyond my comprehension, but I'm still reading and learning. I have learned sooo much from this board, not all financial. Most of all, you all made me laugh. So many of you have such a great sense of humor. Serious discussions can turn a corner at any time and have me laughing or at least smiling. Great bunch of people.
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Old 07-17-2008, 12:34 PM   #15
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I had read something about the Trinity study years ago. Googling for it, to refresh my memory, led me eventually here. I don't think I lurked long before I posted. Posted occassionally for a while, then didn't come back to the board for a year or more. Now I'm back. :-) It is nice to read the cross-section of different topics that pop up here.
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Old 07-17-2008, 12:37 PM   #16
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FireCalc got my attention first, then the forum.
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As if you didn't know..If the above message contains medical content, it's NOT intended as advice, and may not be accurate, applicable or sufficient. Don't rely on it for any purpose. Consult your own doctor for all medical advice.
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Old 07-17-2008, 12:39 PM   #17
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FireCalc got my attention first, then the forum.
And obviously neither of those are taking.
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Old 07-17-2008, 12:43 PM   #18
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I couldn't sit by and watch others create all the havoc have all the fun...
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Old 07-17-2008, 12:49 PM   #19
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Was running numbers for a workable exit and stay that way strategy, tried many calculators, then Firecalc, which was the most useful. Then started reading the board.

The back and forth banter on a great variety of subjects, and the humor kept my interest. Still does. Even when it gets a bit edgy. Some of the edgy stuff is entertaining when viewed with some detachment. Plus the chance to contribute when possible.
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Old 07-17-2008, 12:52 PM   #20
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Like RIT I tripped over the Forum one day while looking for retirement calculators. Kind of late since I had been either retired or semi-retired (whatever that is; I know it depends) for about 27 years at that point. However, it is about the only Forum that I use heavily and recommend to anyone that will listen.
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