What to do if you do not want a funeral - Page 2

Goonie · 07-01-2008, 10:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lazygood4nothinbum

no funeral? yikes. i'll be throwing a party at the mausoleum i'm having built on those 80 plots i inherited. nothing too fancy but beautiful, rising dirgelike out of the dirt. i've already lined up the caterers and you're all invited to the party, um, er, funeral (well, except for those who plan to dance on my grave--not invited).

ok, well, probably i'll do something simpler but i plan to be just as annoying after life as i was during......

A friend and I are both planning on very low-key funerals, but joyous celebrations afterward! We also have it worked out that whoever is still alive, will do the other one's funeral service. The live one is to poke the dead one in the casket on the shoulder and ask "Are you dead or just pretending?" If there's no response, then it's "Well, he really is dead! Let's eat!!!".....that is the cue to fire up the grills and start the cookout celebration. Our families and friends understand our oddities and accept them as normal.....so our wishes will no doubt transpire as planned.

Back to the OP though, a lot of people I've known over the years have either donated their bodies to research.....no body = no major funeral expenses.....and their families would just have a simple memorial service at a local park at some point in time. Or else they had asked to be cremated and requested that only a simple memorial service be planned and held at a park, church, or somewhere like the VFW, Legion, Elks Club, AA hall, or some such place. Just discuss it with close family and friends, and explain your reasons, and answer their question/concerns, and they'll probably grant your wishes.

If they're still not sold on your choice, you could offer a small compromise and request a private graveside service for immediate family and invited intimate friends only. It can then remain small and private because only those who need to know, will know the 'when & where' of the service.

However, like others have stated, the funeral service is not for the deceased....it's for the survivors. It offers them the opportunity to not only mourn your passing away, but also to celebrate the memory of your living.

kumquat · 07-02-2008, 01:08 AM

I live up here in the frozen north and have told DW and offspring that they can either cremate me or bury me well below the frost line (an eternity of brutal cold for my body is no more inviting than an eternity of hell-fire for my soul).

That being said, funerals are for the living, not the dearly departed and if they want an excuse to celebrate my passing they should go for it. I doubt that I will know (or care).

lazygood4nothinbum · 07-02-2008, 06:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kumquat

I live up here in the frozen north and have told DW and offspring that they can either cremate me or bury me well below the frost line

i had told my mom that if she dies during winter i was going to store her in a freezer down here until the weather improved in jersey.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Goonie

The live one is to poke the dead one in the casket on the shoulder and ask "Are you dead or just pretending?" If there's no response, then it's "Well, he really is dead! Let's eat!!!"

i love it.

you know the other thing with no funerals (can you tell i've a morbid streak about me?) is that if you just have yourself cremated, what the hell are we supposed to do with your ashes. i mean, how rude. this goes way beyond just leaving your shoes in the doorway.

i'll put you on the shelf. i'll place you on the mantel. now that i'm moving i guess i have to pack you. oh, crap, i accidently spilled some of you. now i have to clean you up. it must be like living at the cemetery, that constant reminder of having lost love.

ok, so now i'm tired of carrying your ashes. tired of death in the living room. what do i do? throw you out? toss you into the garbage with the banana peels & gratefruit rinds & coffee grounds? compost.

grow some vegetables, make a nice stew. invite over all your old friends and grok.

**Marquette** · 07-02-2008, 09:21 AM

I'd like my urn to be shot out of a cannon into Lake Superior.

At one time, my dad wanted my mom to rent a u-haul to follow the procession with a big sign on it that said 'I'm taking it all with me'. I think he's going for cremation now too, though.

Kronk · 07-02-2008, 09:44 AM

Seriously, no one has suggested the simplest solution? Don't die.

d · 07-02-2008, 04:02 PM

i just tuned in to provide that answer!

Khan · 07-02-2008, 07:29 PM

Comics and Editorial Cartoons: Pearls Before Swine on Yahoo! News
(Pearls Before Swine)

summer2007 · 07-04-2008, 04:15 AM

Thanks for the replies everyone!

I didn't really think of the funeral being for the living but you do have a point there.

I have went to funerals that were just grueling like 4 days and I thought I will never put any one through this!

I want every last penny that I have to go to my parents so they can enjoy it!

Jim

jambo101 · 07-04-2008, 04:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by summer2007

I want every last penny that I have to go to my parents so they can enjoy it!

Jim

Arent you getting a bit ahead of the game here?

A simple service at the funeral home with your ashes front and center would probably give your friends and relatives a chance to grieve and remember your life,as said before the ceremony is for the living Its not just about you. and although no one really enjoys a funeral its comforting for family and friends to get together at that point in time to share their emotions at their loss.

HFWR · 07-04-2008, 08:07 AM

What if no one shows?

Goonie · 07-04-2008, 11:40 AM

I remember one little old lady at a church I used to attend occasionally. She was a spry, happy old soul up until just a few hours before her death. She was in the emergency room having suffered a heart attack, and her DH and her Pastor were there. Naturally they were both very grieved to sit by her bedside waiting for the inevitable, but she wasn't a bit sad about it. She'd lived a very full and happy life, was friends with everyone she had ever met, had ALWAYS only seen the good in everyone, and was continually bright and cheerful. She made her DH and Pastor swear that instead of a mournful funeral, they would instead throw a gala birthday party for her 89th BD that was coming up.

So it ended up that the visitation and funeral were both held in the church sanctuary on her BD. And, according to her final wishes, they threw a big BD celebration in the church's fellowship hall with cake and ice cream, and games for the kids (she especially adored kids, and spent almost her entire life being a Sunday school teacher). Everyone was able to mourn her loss, and also to celebrate her life. It was a very nice way for family and friends to remember her.

She was always a bit of a quick wit also. So during her final hours she wrote a simple note and signed it, and asked that it be placed by her casket. As I was standing in line to pay my last respects, I kept hearing faint snickers and giggles from folks near the front.....and wondered what was so funny. When I got up there, I found out. The note she had handwritten and signed read:

"Although I won't be able to be there in person, you are invited to attend my 89th Birthday Party in the Fellowship Hall. God bless you all. Love, Nina"

She was quite a lady!

Khan · 07-04-2008, 03:07 PM

something positive: archive

Nords · 07-04-2008, 06:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jambo101

A simple service at the funeral home with your ashes front and center would probably give your friends and relatives a chance to grieve and remember your life,as said before the ceremony is for the living Its not just about you. and although no one really enjoys a funeral its comforting for family and friends to get together at that point in time to share their emotions at their loss.

Fine, then let them make their own plans and pay their own way-- I have better uses for what little's left of the estate.

Nothing turns me off faster from a funeral than seeing/hearing the family members guilted by the funeral staff into excessive spending. And military funerals can be filled with a bunch of highly pissed-off people who just want to go out and kill someone who's desperately earned it... let alone if it happens during wartime.

Khan · 07-04-2008, 06:55 PM

About 30 years ago I attended the (typical Midwest protestant taxidermist corpse heaps of flowers ) funeral of an in-law.

Two years ago I attended the (evangelical come-to-jesus he's probably burning in hell) funeral of a friend.

I did not attend the funerals of various relatives (who were cremated and scattered with minimal ceremony).

I'm donated to a local medical college, they cremate on site; maybe I'll leave some funds for someone to scatter the ashes off the coast of Maine. Volunteers?

Cattusbabe · 07-04-2008, 08:54 PM

DH and I are going the cremation route. We have a plot and all they'll need it a post hole digger to plant the biodegradable boxes we will be in. No fancy service. Just a group of friends and family at the Meetinghouse where we married to remember us as we were. There will be one simple head stone with each of our names and DOB and DOD. That is the official plan.

There is a company in (where else) California that will put some your ashes in fireworks and send you out in a blaze of glory. DH likes things that go boom so I think that will be a nice touch.

jambo101 · 07-05-2008, 04:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nords

Fine, then let them make their own plans and pay their own way-- I have better uses for what little's left of the estate.

Maybe instead of just throwing your body in a dumpster when you are done with it,maybe you can at least donate it to science or donate your organs to a needy recipient.

Nords · 07-05-2008, 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jambo101

Maybe instead of just throwing your body in a dumpster when you are done with it,maybe you can at least donate it to science or donate your organs to a needy recipient.

"What I said way back in post #11"

Just sent the paperwork in. Our eyes go to the Lions, our organs go to the Makana foundation, and whatever's left over goes to the UH medical school. But if too much is harvested at the organ donors (or if the body is too badly damaged) then the medical school doesn't want the leftovers. So we're keeping the dumpster option open.

A couple months ago when our teen was getting her learner's permit she was asked if she wanted to be an organ donor. We hadn't seen that one coming so she got a 60-second brief on what can happen after they sweep your remains up off the highway. She was pretty grossed out by the whole idea but agreed to volunteer for it because we had.

So when we finished our body-donation paperwork we went through the whole thing again with her. Now she can hold her own against well-meaning executors and funeral staff and won't be guilted into wasting her money...

unclemick · 07-05-2008, 06:05 PM

Cremation - wooden boat, flaming arrows and mead(after shooting the arrows).

All of which is dependant on my designated shooters to round up a wooden boat, outlive me and Mead being still commercially availible.

As to my friends/relatives - they have been known to have parties without me present(but alive) let alone being dead and needing an excuse for a wake.

And we ain't Irish!

heh heh heh -

P.S. I'm an organ donor on my driver's license - but at 65 they're a tad old.

bubba · 07-06-2008, 01:54 PM

Maybe I dreamed this, but I thought I heard just recently that the bodies donated to science were stacked up somewhere - so many of them they can't all be used. Could that possibly be true? If so, I'd just as soon they dispose of mine some other way rather than leave my cold, dead corpse stacked up in a corner with a bunch of other cold, dead corpses.

07-02-2008, 01:08 AM	#22
kumquat Full time employment: Posting here. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 716	I live up here in the frozen north and have told DW and offspring that they can either cremate me or bury me well below the frost line (an eternity of brutal cold for my body is no more inviting than an eternity of hell-fire for my soul). That being said, funerals are for the living, not the dearly departed and if they want an excuse to celebrate my passing they should go for it. I doubt that I will know (or care). __________________ Life's a bitch and then you come back - Hindu proverb

07-02-2008, 09:21 AM	#24
Marquette Moderator Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Planet Y Posts: 1,804	I'd like my urn to be shot out of a cannon into Lake Superior. At one time, my dad wanted my mom to rent a u-haul to follow the procession with a big sign on it that said 'I'm taking it all with me'. I think he's going for cremation now too, though. __________________ What's this button do?

07-02-2008, 07:29 PM	#27
Khan Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Greater Dayton area Posts: 2,831	Comics and Editorial Cartoons: Pearls Before Swine on Yahoo! News (Pearls Before Swine) __________________ "liberally laced with rancid yak butter"

07-04-2008, 08:07 AM	#30
HFWR Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ... Join Date: May 2005 Location: DFW Posts: 5,250	What if no one shows? __________________ Have Funds, Will Retire I will now proceed to entangle the entire area...

07-04-2008, 11:40 AM	#31
Goonie Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: North Central Illinois Posts: 1,940	I remember one little old lady at a church I used to attend occasionally. She was a spry, happy old soul up until just a few hours before her death. She was in the emergency room having suffered a heart attack, and her DH and her Pastor were there. Naturally they were both very grieved to sit by her bedside waiting for the inevitable, but she wasn't a bit sad about it. She'd lived a very full and happy life, was friends with everyone she had ever met, had ALWAYS only seen the good in everyone, and was continually bright and cheerful. She made her DH and Pastor swear that instead of a mournful funeral, they would instead throw a gala birthday party for her 89th BD that was coming up. So it ended up that the visitation and funeral were both held in the church sanctuary on her BD. And, according to her final wishes, they threw a big BD celebration in the church's fellowship hall with cake and ice cream, and games for the kids (she especially adored kids, and spent almost her entire life being a Sunday school teacher). Everyone was able to mourn her loss, and also to celebrate her life. It was a very nice way for family and friends to remember her. She was always a bit of a quick wit also. So during her final hours she wrote a simple note and signed it, and asked that it be placed by her casket. As I was standing in line to pay my last respects, I kept hearing faint snickers and giggles from folks near the front.....and wondered what was so funny. When I got up there, I found out. The note she had handwritten and signed read: "Although I won't be able to be there in person, you are invited to attend my 89th Birthday Party in the Fellowship Hall. God bless you all. Love, Nina" She was quite a lady! __________________ "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss -

07-02-2008, 09:44 AM	#25
Kronk Recycles dryer sheets Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Philly 'burbs Posts: 307	Seriously, no one has suggested the simplest solution? Don't die.

07-02-2008, 04:02 PM	#26
d Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 1,424	i just tuned in to provide that answer!

07-04-2008, 04:15 AM	#28
summer2007 Recycles dryer sheets Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 187	Thanks for the replies everyone! I didn't really think of the funeral being for the living but you do have a point there. I have went to funerals that were just grueling like 4 days and I thought I will never put any one through this! I want every last penny that I have to go to my parents so they can enjoy it! Jim

07-04-2008, 03:07 PM	#32
Khan Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Greater Dayton area Posts: 2,831	something positive: archive __________________ "liberally laced with rancid yak butter"

07-04-2008, 06:55 PM	#34
Khan Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Greater Dayton area Posts: 2,831	About 30 years ago I attended the (typical Midwest protestant taxidermist corpse heaps of flowers ) funeral of an in-law. Two years ago I attended the (evangelical come-to-jesus he's probably burning in hell) funeral of a friend. I did not attend the funerals of various relatives (who were cremated and scattered with minimal ceremony). I'm donated to a local medical college, they cremate on site; maybe I'll leave some funds for someone to scatter the ashes off the coast of Maine. Volunteers? __________________ "liberally laced with rancid yak butter"

07-04-2008, 08:54 PM	#35
Cattusbabe Recycles dryer sheets Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 359	DH and I are going the cremation route. We have a plot and all they'll need it a post hole digger to plant the biodegradable boxes we will be in. No fancy service. Just a group of friends and family at the Meetinghouse where we married to remember us as we were. There will be one simple head stone with each of our names and DOB and DOD. That is the official plan. There is a company in (where else) California that will put some your ashes in fireworks and send you out in a blaze of glory. DH likes things that go boom so I think that will be a nice touch. __________________ Any day your on this side of the grass is a good day.

07-05-2008, 06:05 PM	#38
unclemick Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ... Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 5,339	Cremation - wooden boat, flaming arrows and mead(after shooting the arrows). All of which is dependant on my designated shooters to round up a wooden boat, outlive me and Mead being still commercially availible. As to my friends/relatives - they have been known to have parties without me present(but alive) let alone being dead and needing an excuse for a wake. And we ain't Irish! heh heh heh - P.S. I'm an organ donor on my driver's license - but at 65 they're a tad old. Last edited by unclemick; 07-05-2008 at 06:08 PM. Reason: P.S.

07-06-2008, 01:54 PM	#39
bubba Recycles dryer sheets Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 58	Maybe I dreamed this, but I thought I heard just recently that the bodies donated to science were stacked up somewhere - so many of them they can't all be used. Could that possibly be true? If so, I'd just as soon they dispose of mine some other way rather than leave my cold, dead corpse stacked up in a corner with a bunch of other cold, dead corpses.