What do you do to be treated nicely?

[obgyn65]

What do I do to be treated nicely? Well, in real life, I tend to apologize a lot (some would say 'over apologetic'). Others have described me as 'sensitive', 'too shy' or 'too kind', not assertive enough. I avoid confrontation at all costs both in my personal and professional life, although I have no problem online to put rude posters back in their place, and even if I get an infraction for it :-) this website is the only place where I am totally open and honest about my personal and financial circumstances - nowhere else. I also spend a lot of my personal time and resources helping uninsured patients in need here and abroad, and hopefully patients who know this recognize what i try to do and treat me nicely in return (some do). Some of you may call this 'hubris' or 'disingenuous' - but to me it might be more a matter of "self validation" in a US culture and environment which are very different from my environment from birth. Still trying to get accepted...

[ls99]

Good posture, and being alert.

[Htown Harry]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pb4uski I try to treat others nicely and try to use "please", "thank you", "Sir" and "Ma'am" frequently. Seems to work so far.

+1

"Miss" works wonders with waitresses, female store clerks and other service workers.

Young ones are taken aback - in a good way - because it is used so infrequently. Those who remember its use are flattered.

(Side story... I went to a old-style, family-owned diner in an older neighborhood last week. The place was straight out of the 60's in every way, yet does great business. My waitress Kitty called me "Honey", "Darlin' " and "Hun" at various points during the meal. I gave her a nice tip.)

[Lsbcal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pb4uski I try to treat others nicely and try to use "please", "thank you", "Sir" and "Ma'am" frequently. Seems to work so far. If someone does treat me poorly I usually ignore it but in the extreme, if they really piss me off I turn on them with a vengeance and a sharp tongue.

I got a kick out of this as you ran the full gamut of emotions here. Somehow at the end of that last sentence a picture from the distant past flashed up complete with sound effects:



Maybe I've done a little of that too.

[travelover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lsbcal ......Sometimes I think that is the best thing about our pets. They accept us for how we are...... .

My dog thinks that I look and smell funny.

[MichaelB]

Quote:

Originally Posted by steelyman This is not at all a new idea, but I think people will treat you as nicely as you treat them. Sure, sometimes one's a jerk (I certainly am), but in the long run things get cemented.

+3

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Originally Posted by Bestwifeever I always say thank you. But generally I am pretty invisible so nobody treats me nicely or not.

Did someone say something?

[clifp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by W2R +2 I try to be nice to people as much as I can and to maintain a sweet, positive disposition. It's hard sometimes. Get off my lawn - YouTube

I find that pointing a gun at someone while doing my best Clint Eastwood impersonation pretty much guarantees that I am treated nicely and respectfully. At least while the gun is drawn

[FreeAtLast]

I try to treat people nicely. I listen to their stories. I always try to attend a social gatherings when invited. I do not get upset if I am not included. I try to help out when the person is in need. I rarely give unsolicited advice.

I try my best but sometimes circumstances make it difficult.

[Bestwifeever]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MichaelB +3 Did someone say something?

Thank you.

[Major Tom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Htown Harry +1 My waitress Kitty called me "Honey", "Darlin' " and "Hun" at various points during the meal. I gave her a nice tip.)

From time to time, I am called "sweetie" and "hon" by cashiers in local stores and love it. These types of greetings have a ring of old-world charm about them. It makes me feel happy when a relative stranger greets me that way. We need to keep more of these older traditions alive in our world

[redduck]

I notice when someone walks down the street with their huge rottweiler every one they encounter is on their very best behavior: lots of smiles and no sudden movements. Well, maybe an involuntary and unwanted sudden movement if someone becomes startled and scared at the same time.

[pb4uski]

Quote:

Originally Posted by clifp I find that pointing a gun at someone while doing my best Clint Eastwood impersonation pretty much guarantees that I am treated nicely and respectfully. At least while the gun is drawn

At least until the cars with the flashing blue lights arrive.

[Amethyst]

Yep. Bodyguard effect. Perhaps every small, frail, lonely older person needs a large, respect-inducing dog.

Amethyst

Quote:

Originally Posted by redduck I notice when someone walks down the street with their huge rottweiler every one they encounter is on their very best behavior: lots of smiles and no sudden movements.

[haha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst Yep. Bodyguard effect. Perhaps every small, frail, lonely older person needs a large, respect-inducing dog. Amethyst

Trouble is, old frail people with big aggro dogs are hazardous to themselves and others. Not sure what the answer is. Once society gets rough things get rough, and roughest for the most vulnerable which definitely includes the old. Still, an amazing number of old, frail and sometimes whacky men and women who are alone get along fine. Where I used to live I would see an old lady bent over so badly that she had difficulty seeing anything other than the sidewalk right ahead of her. Yet she walked around, did her shopping with one of those little pull carts, and seemed to be quite self sufficient. These people amaze me with what they can handle. Imagine being blind and crossing a street! They know full well that some of the morons in cars are texting, running from the law, drunk or otherwise impaired.

I think it really helps if there is a strong church in the neighborhood, and the old man or woman becomes a member-even better if they do this while he or she still can participate fully.

Ha

[Amethyst]

My experience is that church is just another pecking order, where everyone is assigned roles based on age and sex and expected to play them.

In that context, if an old person needs and gets help, it is not given unconditionally just because it's from a church. Instead, it constitutes a gateway to the inevitable "You really need to..." and "isn't it time you..." all fully discussed behind your back with other church members first.

Amethyst

Quote:

Originally Posted by haha T I think it really helps if there is a strong church in the neighborhood, and the old man or woman becomes a member-even better if they do this while he or she still can participate fully. Ha

[FUEGO]

Smile, eye contact, acknowledge others' existence, firm handshake, good posture, confident walk, act like you know what you are doing and are supposed to be there. Be polite to others, listen, respect them, have deference to others when appropriate. Say please and thank you. When talking to an adult stranger, give them a title (like Sir or Ma'am) even (especially?) if you feel they are "beneath" your social standing.

Maybe these rules only apply in the South? I have described the charismatic "good ole boy" that seems to climb to the top of the dung heap (socially and politically, particularly on the right), often without real merit other than charm.

[Bob Adams]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst My experience is that church is just another pecking order, where everyone is assigned roles based on age and sex and expected to play them. In that context, if an old person needs and gets help, it is not given unconditionally just because it's from a church. Instead, it constitutes a gateway to the inevitable "You really need to..." and "isn't it time you..." all fully discussed behind your back with other church members first. Amethyst

Good point! I've experienced the same thing in churches and it was a real turnoff for me. There are a lot of folks with agendas in those places. Many times I felt guiltier after church than I did before. Still though, I think that ha has a point and that churches can provide community (however dysfunctional) and that gets more important as we age.

[grasshopper]

Quote:

Originally Posted by FUEGO Smile, eye contact, acknowledge others' existence, firm handshake, good posture, confident walk, act like you know what you are doing and are supposed to be there. Be polite to others, listen, respect them, have deference to others when appropriate. Say please and thank you. When talking to an adult stranger, give them a title (like Sir or Ma'am) even (especially?) if you feel they are "beneath" your social standing. Maybe these rules only apply in the South? I have described the charismatic "good ole boy" that seems to climb to the top of the dung heap (socially and politically, particularly on the right), often without real merit other than charm.

This is really hard, but a great lesson to learn. If you met the supreme being at the grocery store, would you recognize the divine nature? You just never know what you may bump into.

[Larro Darro]

I forgot to mention good grooming. That is the reason I shave every Friday, if I need it or not. And I also pick out the very best thrift store shirt from my closet. It is important to me for people to see a poor, hard working fellow. Not the lazy, well heeled man I really am. {I do buy good shoes}

[MichaelB]

Lynyrd Skynyrd - Simple Man (with lyrics) - YouTube