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What Ever Became of Men's Groups?
Old 03-12-2008, 05:32 PM   #1
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What Ever Became of Men's Groups?

MenWeb - Men's Issues: Evolving Men’s Work And the Seattle Men’s Evolvement Network

This article is old, but pretty much summed up the problem with getting men to work with committment when they are not acutely troubled or seeking an immediate reward.

The women’s movement has been going on and on, since the ’60s. Have we men shot our wad, and are we now done with it?
Hey, it was great while it lasted! I was lucky enough to spend some time with Tom Golden, a physically distant but very close friend who’s also an international expert on men and grief. You may remember the M.E.N. Magazine articles on men and grief (now the heart of the MenWeb men and grief section). As we wandered through Volunteer Park and climbed the water tower to look out over the city, water and mountains we ruminated over Men’s Work. Tom said, “Yeah, but I miss the energy of those big gatherings!”

I searched for men's groups Seattle and found few current listings for hetero-sexual men. What is there seems tilted toward the "sexually adventurous".

Men are often not particularly good at supporting one another. There is homophobia, there is the feeling that this is not a really worthwhile use of time, and other blocks that I am not aware of.

Probably the best men's group is a long lasting golf foursome! What ever became of drumming? Last 2 drumming groups that I visited I was informed that although I was welcome, this was really for gay men. So probably not the best way for me to have like-minded guys to discuss gender issues with. Oh wait, hetero-sexual men aren't supposed to have gender issues! All that smarmy stuff gets handled by their wives & SOs.

There are various mixed men/women groups geared to intests such as African drumming. Not infrequently this devolves into which guys are going to get to bang the cute women, and vice versa.

One night my dance class was overbalanced with men, so we had to take turns waiting for partners. Didn't take long to get pretty competitive! I even found myself saying to one guy who was lingering with the woman that was up next for me-"Dude, you're done!".

It just came out of my mouth without thinking, but I sure took notice of it, as did he.

Ha
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Old 03-12-2008, 05:50 PM   #2
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Probably the best men's group is a long lasting golf foursome!
Very true. Also several men that I know have weekly poker games, which I suppose can be expensive but they enjoy the game and the companionship. Some of these games have been going on for decades. Their wives don't attend and probably don't want to! In addition, men around here plan hunting and fishing expeditions together without their wives now and then. That way they can get filthy, cook disgusting things over a campfire, and grunt at one another, I suppose (or whatever it is men do when women aren't there). Maybe this type of all male activity is more common in the South.
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Old 03-12-2008, 06:08 PM   #3
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Didn't take long to get pretty competitive!
Rowr!! The veneer of civilization is thin, indeed!

seems like there are a few floating around..
Seattle Area Way of the Superior Man ... - David Deida - tribe.net
Beyond Integral: Integral Warriors: Embodying the New Masculine, a men's group, Part two
maybe they are too new-agey or cult-y; I wouldn't know...

Or, maybe you can check out church support groups. Many are non-denominational and you might be able to find men who'd be open to forming their own formal or informal bull sessions with you.

Here's a secular charity-oriented one:
www.seattleworks.org: The Men's Group takes it to the kitchen . . .

Or maybe just start up something of your own and see who shows up...

All-guy outings making a comeback as men search for ways to bond : Casinos : Commercial Appeal
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Old 03-12-2008, 06:11 PM   #4
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I feel sorry for men .They really don't have gal pals who they can bare their soul to . When men get together they discuss sports not how they feel about their wife leaving for another woman . That part is just glossed over . How do men ever get past the crummy parts of life without discussing it . There should be an all male board where sports talk is banned and relationship , kids , failures and problems are encouraged to be discussed .
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Old 03-12-2008, 06:46 PM   #5
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Depending on your age, I thought "men's group" meant either poker night or a LAN party.
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Old 03-12-2008, 06:57 PM   #6
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I feel sorry for men .They really don't have gal pals who they can bare their soul to . When men get together they discuss sports not how they feel about their wife leaving for another woman . That part is just glossed over . How do men ever get past the crummy parts of life without discussing it . There should be an all male board where sports talk is banned and relationship , kids , failures and problems are encouraged to be discussed .

Lol you cant really think that can you?

Anyways I have male cousin I talk about that stuff with. Talk about your stereotypes.
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Old 03-12-2008, 07:04 PM   #7
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i take it then that you would not be interested in joining my naked yoga classes.

i've been to quite a few pagan full-moon drum ceremonies on the beach here which i find to be overwelmingly heterosexual but still fun. there are not many gay guys who care to worship the goddess.
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Old 03-12-2008, 07:08 PM   #8
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i take it then that you would not be interested in joining my naked yoga classes.

i've been to quite a few pagan full-moon drum ceremonies on the beach here which i find to be overwelmingly heterosexual but still fun. there are not many gay guys who care to worship the goddess.
Only if we talk about sports and nothing else important...
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Old 03-12-2008, 07:22 PM   #9
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Lol you cant really think that can you?

Anyways I have male cousin I talk about that stuff with. Talk about your stereotypes.

I do think that . My So has four grown sons and when they get together even one on one they discuss sports . The one sons marriage was falling apart and they discussed who was being recruited for the Gators . Guys do open up with women but to other guys not so much .
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Old 03-12-2008, 07:44 PM   #10
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MenWeb - Men's Issues: Evolving Men’s Work And the Seattle Men’s Evolvement Network

This article is old, but pretty much summed up the problem with getting men to work with committment when they are not acutely troubled or seeking an immediate reward.

The women’s movement has been going on and on, since the ’60s. Have we men shot our wad, and are we now done with it?
Hey, it was great while it lasted! I was lucky enough to spend some time with Tom Golden, a physically distant but very close friend who’s also an international expert on men and grief. You may remember the M.E.N. Magazine articles on men and grief (now the heart of the MenWeb men and grief section). As we wandered through Volunteer Park and climbed the water tower to look out over the city, water and mountains we ruminated over Men’s Work. Tom said, “Yeah, but I miss the energy of those big gatherings!”

I searched for men's groups Seattle and found few current listings for hetero-sexual men. What is there seems tilted toward the "sexually adventurous".

Men are often not particularly good at supporting one another. There is homophobia, there is the feeling that this is not a really worthwhile use of time, and other blocks that I am not aware of.

Probably the best men's group is a long lasting golf foursome! What ever became of drumming? Last 2 drumming groups that I visited I was informed that although I was welcome, this was really for gay men. So probably not the best way for me to have like-minded guys to discuss gender issues with. Oh wait, hetero-sexual men aren't supposed to have gender issues! All that smarmy stuff gets handled by their wives & SOs.

There are various mixed men/women groups geared to intests such as African drumming. Not infrequently this devolves into which guys are going to get to bang the cute women, and vice versa.

One night my dance class was overbalanced with men, so we had to take turns waiting for partners. Didn't take long to get pretty competitive! I even found myself saying to one guy who was lingering with the woman that was up next for me-"Dude, you're done!".

It just came out of my mouth without thinking, but I sure took notice of it, as did he.

Ha
HA,

A friend of mine in the midwest belongs to The Mankind Project, A ManKind Project(tm) Website featuring the New Warrior Training Adventure and a focus on Men's Issues

He has spoken very highly of the discussions and hetero friendships he has made within that group.

They have groups around the U.S. and elsewhere.

While trying to find that site, I ran across this blog Beyond Integral: Integral Warriors: Embodying the New Masculine, a men's group, Part two
which describes a men's group which started in Seattle in Sept. 2007.

HTH,

omni
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Old 03-12-2008, 08:01 PM   #11
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I do think that . My So has four grown sons and when they get together even one on one they discuss sports . The one sons marriage was falling apart and they discussed who was being recruited for the Gators . Guys do open up with women but to other guys not so much .
You might find that men don't tell their wives/SO everything. When they get together they have their little chats. It certainly doesn't mean when they are done they fill their wives in on what was discussed Anyways just for divulging that information I might have to turn in my man card.
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Old 03-12-2008, 08:02 PM   #12
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Very true. Also several men that I know have weekly poker games, which I suppose can be expensive but they enjoy the game and the companionship. Some of these games have been going on for decades. Their wives don't attend and probably don't want to! In addition, men around here plan hunting and fishing expeditions together without their wives now and then. That way they can get filthy, cook disgusting things over a campfire, and grunt at one another, I suppose (or whatever it is men do when women aren't there). Maybe this type of all male activity is more common in the South.
simple recipe - burp, fart, scratch.

some guys do that in mixed company. LOL

ok, guys, have at it. throw those rotten tomatoes at me. but being a reincarnated dolphin, i simply make a Flipper sound and disappear into the deep. <splash>
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Old 03-12-2008, 08:04 PM   #13
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simple recipe - burp, fart, scratch.

some guys do that in mixed company. LOL

ok, guys, have at it. throw those rotten tomatoes at me. but being a reincarnated dolphin, i simply make a Flipper sound and disappear into the deep. <splash>
You know what they say about opinions.
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Old 03-12-2008, 08:11 PM   #14
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In my home town the older men get together for coffee once a week and talk manly things. Much like UncleMick's Slidell coffee shop. Men also get together to hunt.

In the city, the guys used to get together after work and drink. Then women came along and sorta spoiled it, along with a couple becoming alcoholics.

The Integral Warrier stuff I think is partly based on Ken Wilber's philosophies. Wilber is an interesting guy. There is a lot he has to say about the "separation" between science and spirituality that is interesting. He certainly is a master meditator--watch him control his brain waves sometime. But there is plenty to disagree with in what he says. I just don't see Ha as a Wilber type.

Robert Bly (author of Iron John and father of the men's movement) is a Minnesotan. I know a bunch of his relatives. Definitely the black sheep of the family. Beating the drums and shouting poetry is not very Minnesota Norwegian.
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Old 03-12-2008, 08:11 PM   #15
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You know what they say about opinions.
um...everybody has one, but... ?

<can't remember the rest of that line>
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Old 03-12-2008, 08:17 PM   #16
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Ha, I'm pretty surethey have Elks, Masons, Knights of Columbus and, heck, maybe even the International Order of Odd Fellows in Seattle. You're certainly old enough to belong at one of these places, no? Or do you not like knowing the secret handshake?

I always figured I'd join the Stonecutters when I get over 65.
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Old 03-12-2008, 08:19 PM   #17
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I feel sorry for men .They really don't have gal pals who they can bare their soul to . When men get together they discuss sports not how they feel about their wife leaving for another woman . That part is just glossed over . How do men ever get past the crummy parts of life without discussing it . There should be an all male board where sports talk is banned and relationship , kids , failures and problems are encouraged to be discussed .
Oddly enough, the guys are feeling sorry for you women at not having someone with whom you can be silly & irreverent, who can help forget the crummy parts of life while we practice grunting & scratching.

Besides, if such a board existed, why would we divulge that secret to the women? I'm just talking hypothetically...

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The one sons marriage was falling apart and they discussed who was being recruited for the Gators . Guys do open up with women but to other guys not so much .
Either that or it's a clever guy's diversion with secret vocabulary. When the women get bored/disgusted and wander off out of earshot, the real sharing begins... usually with an analysis of Oprah's latest relationship tips.

Just talking hypothetically, of course.
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Old 03-12-2008, 08:24 PM   #18
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[quote=Nords;628049]
Besides, if such a board existed, why would we divulge that secret to the women? I'm just talking hypothetically...


Maybe this is my calling starting a guys feelings board ? What should it be called ? Menopause for Machos ? or No Farting just feelings ?
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Old 03-12-2008, 08:25 PM   #19
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Theres something to be said about not having to hold your farts in.
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Old 03-12-2008, 09:02 PM   #20
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Yes, it is difficult to find "groups of men." Sports and athletics are one place, especially if you are competitive. Likewise, I often have an urge to go hiking and/or backpacking with men, because quite frankly, I don't want to stop every 2 minutes to marvel at how pretty the wild flowers are. I've got places to go, things to see.

On a different note, the Men's Movement itself is comprised of a number of different types of men's groups. There are the Men's Rights groups (against anti-male discrimination and bias), the Father's Rights groups, the Mythopoetic's (they beat drums in the forest), and the Pro-Feminist's. The mythopoetic's and pro-feminist's seem to be either stagnant or dying off, but the men's and father's rights groups are gaining ground and acceptance. While the groups tend to be small, there is some national exposure. The men's movement today is about where the women's movement was in the 60's. For example, a few years ago New Hampshire became the first state to establish a Commission on the Status of Men. There have been some recent court successes, such as the recent class action victory against Club Med sought by the Los Angeles and San Diego chapters of the National Coalition of Free Men (NCFM).

Politically, the pro-feminists tend to be very liberal and the mythopoetic's moderate to somewhat liberal. The men's and father's rights crowd seem to be an equal mix of conservative, moderate, and liberal. More so, women often take leading roles in these groups, especially in the father's rights groups. For example, 5 of the 14 board advisors at the American Coalition of Fathers and Children (ACFC) are women. Many authors on men's issues are women (when men speak up on behalf of men, they are often accused of "hating women" - women authors don't have this problem).

A couple of my own favorite internet groups are

Mensactivism.org | Men's Rights News & Info
GlennSacks.com
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