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What is kindest ways to get ppl to not talk about grandchildren?
Old 12-27-2017, 11:52 AM   #1
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What is kindest ways to get ppl to not talk about grandchildren?

Please help me find kind words that will work.

I've recently moved to a new town and started socializing with a gal I met. She is smart, educated, reads the news, has interests similar to mine (museums, etc) but she goes on and on about her 2 year old granddaughter. She will get a grandson in a few months and I assume she'll talk about him, too.

She talks about which colors the girl knows the words for, how high she can count. I'm happy she has so much love for this girl and love in her life.

I've asked her to please talk less about the girl. She tried for awhile but went back to looooong descriptions about the details on this girl.

She used to do lots of volunteer work with small children so I think she is just more interested in them than I am. (The part of my volunteer work with children were with teen girls.)

Are there some kind words you can offer to help me get her to cut down on the amount of grandchild talk? Otherwise, I'm going to have to exit this budding friendship.

Thanks!
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Old 12-27-2017, 11:59 AM   #2
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I doubt you can find a way to diplomatically do this.
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Old 12-27-2017, 12:05 PM   #3
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She will never stop talking about her grandchildren. Best to end the relationship ASAP.
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Old 12-27-2017, 12:12 PM   #4
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I doubt you can find a way to diplomatically do this.
+1.

You've already tried intervention. That's a sign (her response) that you should reflect upon at length and in depth, before continuing down the path
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Old 12-27-2017, 12:16 PM   #5
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Old 12-27-2017, 12:18 PM   #6
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Lots of people, especially our ages, like to talk about their grandchildren. It’s wonderful that they’re interested in their kids, and their kids. We don’t have grandkids, but there’s nothing wrong with your “friend.”

If that’s not what you want to talk about, find friends who have interests that match yours better. Would you keep a friend that wanted you to talk about your interests much less? People are interested in what they’re interested in, she may not be that interested in whatever you’d like to talk about. It takes all types to make the world go around...there’s room for all of us.
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Old 12-27-2017, 12:22 PM   #7
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You could try some reverse psychology, but that might backfire.

You could do something like whip out your smart phone and start going in detail about your most recent trip. Your friend won't be able to talk on and on about her granddaughter and might move elsewhere as you are flipping through your vacation photos.

Or she might consider the sharing a bonding experience with you and more granddaughter talk in the future .
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Old 12-27-2017, 12:28 PM   #8
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My suggestion would be to change the subject every time she brings up her grandchild. You can acknowledge what she says-say something like "How nice she knows her colors, but have you seen that new movie that just came out?" You get the drift-steer the conversation elsewhere every time she mentions the grand kid.

If that fails, time to move on to other friends.
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Old 12-27-2017, 12:31 PM   #9
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Please help me find kind words that will work.

I've recently moved to a new town and started socializing with a gal I met. She is smart, educated, reads the news, has interests similar to mine (museums, etc) but she goes on and on about her 2 year old granddaughter. She will get a grandson in a few months and I assume she'll talk about him, too.

She talks about which colors the girl knows the words for, how high she can count. I'm happy she has so much love for this girl and love in her life.

I've asked her to please talk less about the girl. She tried for awhile but went back to looooong descriptions about the details on this girl.

She used to do lots of volunteer work with small children so I think she is just more interested in them than I am. (The part of my volunteer work with children were with teen girls.)

Are there some kind words you can offer to help me get her to cut down on the amount of grandchild talk? Otherwise, I'm going to have to exit this budding friendship.

Thanks!
Yes, she will talk about him. Grandchildren are the delight of many peoples' lives. I don't know a grandparent who does not talk about their grandchildren.

I don't have children or grandchildren, but most (not all) of my friends have both. I hear many tales of grandchildren, and see many pictures as well. My friendships are worth a lot to me, so occasionally I listen to more tales than I would otherwise like to. As it happens I love little kids, so the stories usually don't bother me. When they do get a little long, I just keep nodding and making approving noises, and go somewhere else in my head for a few minutes until the subject changes.

There is not a kind way to tell a friend that you don't want to hear about one of the greatest joys of their life (at least I can't think of one). Since the friendship is new, I would recommend that you look for another friend if this is so important to you. But be aware that many people of similar age also have (or will eventually have) grandchildren too.
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Old 12-27-2017, 12:33 PM   #10
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If you have a pet start talking excessively about it)
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Old 12-27-2017, 12:34 PM   #11
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I agree that these conversations can be dull especially if you have no grandkids or have no real relationships with hers, but your friend isn't unusual at all. I hear DW and our friends sharing stories of grandkids back and forth all the time. And most of them are genuinely interested, and often have some emotional investment in each other and sometimes the grandkids being discussed.

I see it as the lesser of the evils compared to talking about aches and pains. LOL

Best advise I can think of is to politely change the subject especially to something of mutual interest....like the weather. 😊
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Old 12-27-2017, 12:41 PM   #12
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You can't control people.

You don't just come to a new town, start spending time with some random person there whose talk you don't like, and then figure that instead of doing the hard work of looking for a friend you like, instead you can just start changing that random person to suit your preferences.

The kindest way to deal with it is to look for other friends. Or, you could change yourself so that you enjoy listening to her talk about her grandchildren.
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Old 12-27-2017, 12:41 PM   #13
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I have friends and relatives who post endlessly on FB about their grandkids, who are all pretty neat kids to tell the truth.

If that were all they talked about, they would be self-focused bores and I would not have much to do with them. However, they also post about many other interests. More to the point, they also show interest in other people's interests. That's called being a friend.

So, even though it's normal for people to talk about their grandkids a lot, it's also normal for people to talk about something else, including the interests of you, their friend. If they can't do that, I think there's a chip missing.
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Old 12-27-2017, 01:03 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by gretah View Post
Please help me find kind words that will work.

I've recently moved to a new town and started socializing with a gal I met. She is smart, educated, reads the news, has interests similar to mine (museums, etc) but she goes on and on about her 2 year old granddaughter. She will get a grandson in a few months and I assume she'll talk about him, too.

She talks about which colors the girl knows the words for, how high she can count. I'm happy she has so much love for this girl and love in her life.

I've asked her to please talk less about the girl. She tried for awhile but went back to looooong descriptions about the details on this girl.

She used to do lots of volunteer work with small children so I think she is just more interested in them than I am. (The part of my volunteer work with children were with teen girls.)

Are there some kind words you can offer to help me get her to cut down on the amount of grandchild talk? Otherwise, I'm going to have to exit this budding friendship.

Thanks!
The good news is soon your friend will talk less about her granddaughter, and you donít need to do anything to make that happen.

The bad news is, she will replace that with talk about her grandson, and becasue heís new to the world, the total time she spends talking about both will be greater than before.

You may not have as much shared interest as is needed for this relationship to grow and flourish. Probably best to move on and keep looking.
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Old 12-27-2017, 01:05 PM   #15
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Folks handle it differently.

I'm reminded of my uncle, he was hard of hearing, never had hearing aids. He played music at local clubs every weekend.

I know he was really hard of hearing though, cause he never heard his DW.
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Old 12-27-2017, 01:07 PM   #16
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My Grandchild Is Cuter Than Your Grandchild

Every time I see a bumper sticker like the one above, I take an oath never to be like that.

Be glad it is not 20 minutes of people talking about their pets.
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Old 12-27-2017, 01:14 PM   #17
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My Grandchild Is Cuter Than Your Grandchild

Every time I see a bumper sticker like the one above, I take an oath never to be like that.

Be glad it is not 20 minutes of people talking about their pets.
You say that like there's something wrong with that!
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Old 12-27-2017, 01:17 PM   #18
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Find someone else who didn't have kids, or doesn't like their kids and so doesn't want to talk about them. Or maybe someone who is self obsessed that they don't want to hear about others.
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Old 12-27-2017, 01:18 PM   #19
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My Grandchild Is Cuter Than Your Grandchild

Every time I see a bumper sticker like the one above, I take an oath never to be like that.

Be glad it is not 20 minutes of people talking about their pets.
Good point, but why do you say pets and not furbabies?
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Old 12-27-2017, 01:29 PM   #20
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+1.

You've already tried intervention. That's a sign (her response) that you should reflect upon at length and in depth, before continuing down the path
I agree, since you did try. Your post is a good reminder to have give and take in our conversations.
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