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Old 11-30-2015, 08:12 AM   #1181
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Litgal,

Why do you go visit people like that even if you are invited? I don't think I would. I don't think it's just a matter of lack of manners.


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Hi, tmm--

Sometimes I've asked that same question. Actually, there are no friends in this category. They are all relatives who seem to want me to stay in touch (and/or would be upset if I did not). Over the years-- from my other observations--- it appears that they truly do not know any better, and live in settings where everyone else apparently behaves that way. If I drop hints about some of their behaviors, they take it as a personal insult. They sometimes tease me (in a friendly, non-malicious way) about how "polished" and "formal" I am.

I am neither. I just aim to meet the standards of common courtesy. Because I don't think they know any better, I still try to keep the bridges built with the relatives.

Again, great question. Since my family is very small, I try to "work with what I have."

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Old 11-30-2015, 08:28 AM   #1182
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Originally Posted by LitGal View Post
Hi, tmm--

Sometimes I've asked that same question. Actually, there are no friends in this category. They are all relatives who seem to want me to stay in touch (and/or would be upset if I did not). Over the years-- from my other observations--- it appears that they truly do not know any better, and live in settings where everyone else apparently behaves that way. If I drop hints about some of their behaviors, they take it as a personal insult. They sometimes tease me (in a friendly, non-malicious way) about how "polished" and "formal" I am.

I am neither. I just aim to meet the standards of common courtesy. Because I don't think they know any better, I still try to keep the bridges built with the relatives.

Again, great question. Since my family is very small, I try to "work with what I have."

Yeah, I understand. Family is family, no matter how strange some of the members may behave, although it would be quite hard for me to deal with people (relatives or not) who show no respect. You are a much nicer and tolerant person than I am.
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Old 11-30-2015, 11:09 AM   #1183
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Lack of basic manners in some of my peers, relatives, and their kids:

1. No thank you notes or acknowledgments of gifts sent at Christmas or birthdays.

2. Lack of acknowledgement (like standing up, walking across the room, and greeting with a hello/hug/or handshake) when I pay them a visit (especially after traveling, sometimes, hundreds or thousands of miles). (And it's not like I'm unwelcome. I've been invited!)

3. Not standing or walking a guest to the door to say goodbye. Just staying seated, glued to the TV, and saying "Bye."

4. Pointing out all the "stuff" I don't have. (Usually electronic in nature. I could buy any of that stuff if I wanted it, but am happy with my relatively simple life.)

5. So many folks' eye contact glued to their phones. Much less eye contact during conversations.

6. Adolescent relatives' critiques of my vocabulary, wardrobe, and electronic skills. No interest in anything I might have to offer the human race. (Same kids who acknowledge no gifts.....)


Guess I've simply joined the realm of "old fart-dom." Though there seem to be plenty of people who don't relegate me to that land......

Actually, one thing seems clear. My favorite friends and relatives are the ones who, for whatever reason, have none of those behaviors, 1-6. They may not even like me.........but that might be hidden by their good manners!


Just to give a critique on one....

I do not always get up to say goodbye because my DW can yack for 15 minutes at the door and even will go outside to yack some more... I usually do get up and say goodbye, but go back to the couch.... now, I am talking about her friends... with relatives I usually say they need to get going so she does not keep it going....
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Old 11-30-2015, 12:06 PM   #1184
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They sometimes tease me (in a friendly, non-malicious way) about how "polished" and "formal" I am.

I am neither.
You are neither "polished" and "formal" only in your own eyes.... But you are in theirs. People are different and lead different lifestyles. DW and I have learned this in our relationship with our son and his family.

If their lifestyle and social customs rub you the wrong way to the point where you really wish you wouldn't be invited, take a year off.

Saying things like this:

Quote:
If I drop hints about some of their behaviors
strongly indicates you're more than overdue for a break. So, take one.......
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Old 11-30-2015, 03:37 PM   #1185
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Yeah, the breaks are pretty easy. I generally see these folks once a year on average, sometimes only once every 2-3 years. I always look forward to the visit, since I easily forget the contrasting lifestyles during the time I'm gone.

I was simply responding to the "pet peeves" theme......
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Old 12-01-2015, 12:50 AM   #1186
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One recent pet peeve, getting requests to renew your subscription a few months after starting said subscription or renewing. DW and I have a sub to Consumer Reports, I renew 5 years at a time. I just received a 'please renew at our special rate' letter even though our current sub doesn't expire till 2021! Roughly 4 years away as I just received my Jan 2016 issue.
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Old 12-01-2015, 04:44 AM   #1187
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One recent pet peeve, getting requests to renew your subscription a few months after starting said subscription or renewing.
Yep, and I've noticed that the expiration date of your present subscription often is mentioned nowhere (it's usually still on the mailing label of the magazines themselves). Magazine subscriptions are one of the few things for which I still write a check, so I can look at the register and see my note about when the subscription will expire.
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Old 12-01-2015, 10:43 AM   #1188
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Today's pet peeve is couples who use a single email address. There are things I want to say to her but not to him. It is especially annoying to get an email from "Jim and Jane Smith" because I don't know to whom I am replying. Email addresses are free. Get your own.
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Old 12-01-2015, 10:45 AM   #1189
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Today's pet peeve is couples who use a single email address. There are things I want to say to her but not to him. It is especially annoying to get an email from "Jim and Jane Smith" because I don't know to whom I am replying. Email addresses are free. Get your own.
Same thing with Facebook accounts. I know at least 3 couples who share an account.
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Old 12-01-2015, 11:11 AM   #1190
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Today's pet peeve is couples who use a single email address.
I hate this too, but it's surprisingly common.

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In most cases, it seems people do this for one of two reasons:
  • People tend to see an email account like the family telephone land line, or like a shared bank account.
  • One person in the couple is “not technology savvy” and it’s just easier for one person to manage the email.
https://seniortechgroup.com/programs...ail-addresses/

Bottom line, there really isn't a good reason to do this and lots of reasons not to.
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Old 12-01-2015, 11:34 AM   #1191
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I hate this too, but it's surprisingly common.


https://seniortechgroup.com/programs...ail-addresses/

Bottom line, there really isn't a good reason to do this and lots of reasons not to.
Since I ERd, I've been meeting many other ER folks socially. These are smart people: former teachers, bankers, civil servants, entrepreneurs.....don't tell me they can't figure out how to use email. They used it for 20-25 years at work. I see it as a sign of "we are a couple" mentality. So why does a Ladies Golf group have to get a message from a couple?
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Old 12-01-2015, 11:51 AM   #1192
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Same thing with Facebook accounts. I know at least 3 couples who share an account.
Lol, we call that the "cheater account". Usually because one of them was caught with something of a roving eye. Ditto for email addys.
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Old 12-01-2015, 12:00 PM   #1193
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Lol, we call that the "cheater account". Usually because one of them was caught with something of a roving eye. Ditto for email addys.
In a couple of systems I've w*rked on there were "mistress accounts", never to be discussed with anyone other than the primary account owner.
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Old 12-01-2015, 12:03 PM   #1194
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Lol, we call that the "cheater account". Usually because one of them was caught with something of a roving eye. Ditto for email addys.

Yep. Many, though not all, of the couples I know that do this started it after discovery of infidelity. As if the cheater can't figure out how to create their own, new account!


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Old 12-01-2015, 12:09 PM   #1195
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Yep. Many, though not all, of the couples I know that do this started it after discovery of infidelity.
Bwah hah hah!

Sounds like my friends are more interesting than I thought!
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Old 12-01-2015, 01:09 PM   #1196
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And some couples have individual email accounts and don't give them out to everyone.
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Old 12-01-2015, 01:13 PM   #1197
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We have a couple who we are friendly with who used to have a joint email account and now have separate email accounts. She checks his email for him and lets him know if there is anything in there that he needs to know about. If I send him an email, she tells him about it and he then calls me.

Strange arrangement, but it works for them.
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Old 12-01-2015, 04:56 PM   #1198
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My wife and I shared one personal email for years with no issues, although we each had separate professional accounts through our separate employers.

I worked 10 hour days 5.5 days a week for 35 years. Unless she took the kids out of state to visit her sister or mom, I spent my time with her, and she set up the social schedule. I really didn't have time to have friends outside of w*rk, other than neighbors, parents of my kids' friends, and fellow coaches. I don't ever remember reading one of her emails.
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Old 12-02-2015, 09:17 PM   #1199
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Pet peeve:

I can't stand it when people talk with food in their mouths. It's gross.

I'm running out of people I can sit at the same table with at Senior Lunch.

I'm going to stop going soon - it's gotten so bad.
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Old 12-02-2015, 09:46 PM   #1200
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Today's pet peeve is couples who use a single email address.
I w*rk with a good bunch of guys/gals, and we occasionally share a funny email or picture (seldom much racier than what is on the "Funny Joke Thursday" thread). One of the guys shared an email account with his spouse, and she was extremely upset by the "pornography" that was being sent into her home. Nobody had intended to send anything to her. It caused some ruffled feathers all around and seemed to be very easily avoidable.
At the very least, if an email account is shared, the username should make it very clear that it is JIMANDJENNYSMITH's account.
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