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What's the word for this behavior type - I'm stumped.
Old 07-30-2015, 05:18 PM   #1
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What's the word for this behavior type - I'm stumped.

I am used to club members who you can always count on to help organize and run events, thank heavens we have them. I am also used to club members who rarely if ever help at all (some can't spare the time) but they pay dues and attend events, and that's fine. And most everything in between.

But we have a prominent member, who is on the board, who runs events often and is always cheerful/social with all members. But he also constantly undermines the club, even subtly sabotages events run by others, and runs down some fellow board members pretty openly. He's retired, after an undistinguished career, and it almost seems like he's a garden variety complainer/whiner who just has an insatiable desire to 'be somebody.' He really doesn't have the skills to be a board member, but he volunteers/participates more than most so they just seem to 'take the bad with the good?'

I know the board should deal with him, but they all serve as unpaid volunteers.

I'm just puzzled by the behavior, passive-aggressive sorta, but that doesn't seem to fit. Bizarre...
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Old 07-30-2015, 05:26 PM   #2
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sounds like a napoleon complex
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Old 07-30-2015, 05:48 PM   #3
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Trump complex
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Old 07-30-2015, 05:56 PM   #4
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Narcissist. It's all shout ME!
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Old 07-30-2015, 06:07 PM   #5
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Narcissist. It's all shout ME!
I just read the wiki definition, and I think you've nailed it. I've never seen anyone quite like him.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narc...ality_disorder
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Old 07-30-2015, 07:18 PM   #6
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Could be early signs of dementia with life-long narcissist tendencies coming out because of the diminished inhibitions that dementia brings.
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Old 07-30-2015, 08:01 PM   #7
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As I read the original post, before reading any of the responses, narcissism sprang to my mind.
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Old 07-30-2015, 08:06 PM   #8
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That's also symptoms of a stroke. People say things they only used to think to themselves.

Getting old ain't for the faint of heart!
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Old 07-31-2015, 08:01 AM   #9
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That's also symptoms of a stroke. People say things they only used to think to themselves.

Getting old ain't for the faint of heart!
Understand, but in this case he hasn't had a stroke, I've known him for almost 20 years.
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Old 07-31-2015, 09:10 AM   #10
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Every organization has one (or more) of these types.

In a perfect world, the club President should take the individual(s) aside and inform them that they are alienating other board members to the point that some might resign. Openly putting down unpaid volunteers or sabotaging efforts should never be tolerated. The offending board member could be invited to resign if the offending behavior continues. If the leadership is right, then it will happen.

In the real world, organizations are so desperate for volunteers that the "bad" are retained along with the "good". The only problem is that for every bad one, there are probably many "good" ones who do not step forward because they don't want to deal with the "bad" one. So the net result is less volunteers because of the bad vibes created by the antagonist.

My diagnosis for this person is "button pusher" to draw attention to himself.
"Invalidator" also comes to mind (reference this book http://smile.amazon.com/Nasty-People...s=nasty+people )

Mr B just went through something like this. He took the high road and resigned rather than allow a few bad ones ruin his retirement. Not always the best solution for the organization, but the leadership where this was happening did all the wrong things.
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Old 07-31-2015, 09:43 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by freebird5825 View Post
Every organization has one (or more) of these types.

In a perfect world, the club President should take the individual(s) aside and inform them that they are alienating other board members to the point that some might resign. Openly putting down unpaid volunteers or sabotaging efforts should never be tolerated. The offending board member could be invited to resign if the offending behavior continues. If the leadership is right, then it will happen.

In the real world, organizations are so desperate for volunteers that the "bad" are retained along with the "good". The only problem is that for every bad one, there are probably many "good" ones who do not step forward because they don't want to deal with the "bad" one. So the net result is less volunteers because of the bad vibes created by the antagonist.

My diagnosis for this person is "button pusher" to draw attention to himself.
"Invalidator" also comes to mind (reference this book http://smile.amazon.com/Nasty-People...s=nasty+people )

Mr B just went through something like this. He took the high road and resigned rather than allow a few bad ones ruin his retirement. Not always the best solution for the organization, but the leadership where this was happening did all the wrong things.
Your analysis seems right on including the "real world" reason he hasn't been rejected all these years.

And you're also right about losing good people, membership has declined in recent years. I took over communications for the club (web, social, etc.) including generating a lot of content (the hard part), but now that I've seen the inner workings first hand, I will probably quit soon. Sad, but volunteer organizations have their own unique challenges - and our leadership is overly diplomatic IMO, where I tend to be a little too "candid."

However, they haven't tried one of the tactics I used in the Corporate world several times. Put the chronic complainer in charge of what he/she is complaining about if they can do it so much better. The outcome was always a) they came to appreciate the challenges the predecessor was faced with, and piped down or b) they piped down as soon as they were threatened to deliver on their claims. Maybe I'll suggest to our leaders...though I expect our narcissist will just apply his nonsense somewhere else.
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Old 07-31-2015, 09:52 AM   #12
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Gosh, it's annoying when good people get together, do the best they can, and somebody keeps "subtly undermining" the fun.

This behavior has a name that starts with A and rhymes with "glass bowl." He produces a steady stream of doo-doo, and the other members seemingly are too nice to tell him to put a plug in it. Freebird has provided an excellent script for doing so.
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Old 07-31-2015, 10:08 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by freebird5825 View Post
Every organization has one (or more) of these types.

In a perfect world, the club President should take the individual(s) aside and inform them that they are alienating other board members to the point that some might resign. Openly putting down unpaid volunteers or sabotaging efforts should never be tolerated. The offending board member could be invited to resign if the offending behavior continues. If the leadership is right, then it will happen.

In the real world, organizations are so desperate for volunteers that the "bad" are retained along with the "good". The only problem is that for every bad one, there are probably many "good" ones who do not step forward because they don't want to deal with the "bad" one. So the net result is less volunteers because of the bad vibes created by the antagonist.

My diagnosis for this person is "button pusher" to draw attention to himself.
"Invalidator" also comes to mind (reference this book http://smile.amazon.com/Nasty-People...s=nasty+people )

Mr B just went through something like this. He took the high road and resigned rather than allow a few bad ones ruin his retirement. Not always the best solution for the organization, but the leadership where this was happening did all the wrong things.
Great analysis, Freebird!

As president of my HOA I have seen the damage that rogue board members can do. I quite agree that this is the leader's job to address. That's why they pay us the big bucks. Oh wait, I'm a volunteer.....
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Old 07-31-2015, 10:25 AM   #14
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Your analysis seems right on including the "real world" reason he hasn't been rejected all these years.

And you're also right about losing good people, membership has declined in recent years. I took over communications for the club (web, social, etc.) including generating a lot of content (the hard part), but now that I've seen the inner workings first hand, I will probably quit soon. Sad, but volunteer organizations have their own unique challenges - and our leadership is overly diplomatic IMO, where I tend to be a little too "candid."

However, they haven't tried one of the tactics I used in the Corporate world several times. Put the chronic complainer in charge of what he/she is complaining about if they can do it so much better. The outcome was always a) they came to appreciate the challenges the predecessor was faced with, and piped down or b) they piped down as soon as they were threatened to deliver on their claims. Maybe I'll suggest to our leaders...though I expect our narcissist will just apply his nonsense somewhere else.
Thank you. Can you tell I've been in this position before ? I was President of a social activities committee where I w*rked. The committee consisted of 1 representative from each subgroup. I had 2 naysayers.
Being the shy retiring type , I took the leadership approach of stopping negativity right in its tracks, and did actually invite the invalidators to resign during a meeting. I did it nicely, but firmly. They did so, and also had to explain to their immediate supervisor why. The entire committee ran smoothly after that.

Unfortunately, if the leadership in your group cannot/will not recognize what is happening, and/or won't do anything to repair it, then YOU have the option to remove yourself.

As I always tell Mr B, if it ain't fun anymore, walk away.

I'll bet you can find another place where the fit will be better for YOU.
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Old 07-31-2015, 10:30 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by Amethyst View Post
Gosh, it's annoying when good people get together, do the best they can, and somebody keeps "subtly undermining" the fun.

This behavior has a name that starts with A and rhymes with "glass bowl." He produces a steady stream of doo-doo, and the other members seemingly are too nice to tell him to put a plug in it. Freebird has provided an excellent script for doing so.
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Great analysis, Freebird!

As president of my HOA I have seen the damage that rogue board members can do. I quite agree that this is the leader's job to address. That's why they pay us the big bucks. Oh wait, I'm a volunteer.....
Thank you (takes a bow)

It's all about leadership. There is no way I would allow any volunteer (on my watch) to be bullied. Contributions from good people are too valuable.
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Old 07-31-2015, 10:40 AM   #16
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I definitely agree with the analyses.

Again, the rub is the narcissist contributes a lot of his time/effort to the club and is friendly, outgoing, generous (coffee, beer, food) and well liked by most people. The sabotage is reserved for a few board members/active volunteers, but the damage is considerable, and the source is not perceptible to most people. The board would lose a lot of effort (the narcissist), that I am sure they fear won't be replaced by others...it would be a gamble. They actually removed him from the board for a few months a few years ago, but no one would step up to fill the position, and he was reinstated.

That said, it's not going to get better, so they should probably clip his wings or worse.

First world problems...
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Old 08-01-2015, 10:16 AM   #17
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However, they haven't tried one of the tactics I used in the Corporate world several times. Put the chronic complainer in charge of what he/she is complaining about if they can do it so much better...
+1
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Old 08-01-2015, 05:26 PM   #18
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Like a dog in a pack, he leaves the alphas alone, and only goes after the ones who aren't good at standing up for themselves, and who don't have a lot of cronies to stand up for them.

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Again, the rub is the narcissist contributes a lot of his time/effort to the club and is friendly, outgoing, generous (coffee, beer, food) and well liked by most people. The sabotage is reserved for a few board members/active volunteers, .
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Old 08-02-2015, 11:43 PM   #19
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My non-scientific suggestion would be one of: @sshole, D1ck_Head (not me), Id10T or any other Internet names.

The guy's toxic, just ignore him, no diagnosis required.
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Old 08-03-2015, 12:42 AM   #20
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Like a dog in a pack, he leaves the alphas alone, and only goes after the ones who aren't good at standing up for themselves, and who don't have a lot of cronies to stand up for them.
Ouch! Guys, I'm getting w*rk flashbacks!

Actually, most valued contributors know who the dogs are. Except rarely does "management" ask or listen. This type of animal spends must of the time sniffing the behinds of the "top dogs" while kicking dirt into the faces of the rest the team pulling the huge load.

OTOH, this crap speed up my ER by at least 6 years

FH
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