Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
When should you correct others, when not?
Old 10-03-2014, 11:27 AM   #1
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Midpack's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: NC
Posts: 21,200
When should you correct others, when not?

Several of us had an enlightening discussion on this subject at dinner last night. I assume we've all missed the line at times, overcorrecting or undercorrecting others in hindsight. I know which way I err more often, though I'm consciously trying to do better.

It's pretty obvious what the outer boundaries are (ie, correct if not doing so puts someone in danger, don't correct when the error is a trivial distraction), probably not worthy of discussion. It's where/how you draw the line(s) that can be tricky & interesting.

Thought there might be some thoughtful perspectives here.
Quote:
  • Before you fact-check someone, consider the stakes of addressing the issue
  • Use a mild, nonconfrontational tone when questioning or correcting someone
  • Speak up if it would be irresponsible to withhold a correction.
How can I politely correct people? - CNN.com
__________________
No one agrees with other people's opinions; they merely agree with their own opinions -- expressed by somebody else. Sydney Tremayne
Retired Jun 2011 at age 57

Target AA: 50% equity funds / 45% bonds / 5% cash
Target WR: Approx 1.5% Approx 20% SI (secure income, SS only)
Midpack is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 10-03-2014, 01:33 PM   #2
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Northern IL
Posts: 26,819
Oh man, this is a hot button for me.

First off, that article lost me almost right away...

Quote:
If you're going to point out someone's errors -- ... -- you should proceed with caution.

That's because even when you're acting with the best of intentions, no one enjoys being corrected.
Well, there you go. I 100% 'enjoy' ('appreciate' would be a better term) being corrected. Why the heck would I want to go around saying things wrong, saying the wrong things, or believing things that are not true? Please, please, please - correct me!

We go through years of schooling, and sometimes pay big tuition dollars.... to be corrected when we are wrong! I'll provide this service for free, and would appreciate anyone else returning the favor.

Now sure, it needs to be done tactfully (which depends on the relationship and scenario), but I also don't think people should be sensitive about this either.

Even I would not have interrupted someone on the pronunciation of Massachusetts or espresso on a first date - but with family/friends in a causal situation, I might. My thinking is, better to be corrected in a 'safe' environment than to sound somewhat stupid (less educated, ignorant?) in a formal setting.

I'll maybe comment on this more fully later...

Quote:
Finally, if you have a friend who makes the same error all the time and it drives you insane, go ahead and say something. But be subtle, and phrase the correction as a question: "Isn't Mary 49, not 50?"

That allows your chum to say, "Oh, you know, you're right," as if she had come to that conclusion on her own.
but yes, I know someone who makes the same errors (plural - he has dozens of them) repeatedly. He also talks a lot, so has many more opportunities for error than most other people. And yes, it drives me nuts. They are almost like Yogi-isms, but without the thought or cleverness behind them. I'll stop now before I blow a gasket!

-ERD50
ERD50 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2014, 02:06 PM   #3
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lawn chair in Texas
Posts: 14,183
Too much trouble...

I like to read, and so probably have more useless trivia information stuck in my brain than many, but what a good way to ruin an otherwise pleasant conversation than to start on politics or religion, or anything where opinions get formed based on what someone wants to believe, and not "facts".

I do sometimes want to tell people of that recent invention called a "search engine", especially on Facebook.
__________________
Have Funds, Will Retire

...not doing anything of true substance...
HFWR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2014, 03:53 PM   #4
Moderator Emeritus
M Paquette's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Portland
Posts: 4,946
Based on observation of others the past few weeks, one should only correct another when:

1) You're right and they are wrong.
AND
2) the topic is religion, politics, or foreign affairs.

The matter can be considered fully resolved once each party has been relocated to the back of their designated squad car.
M Paquette is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2014, 05:35 PM   #5
Gone but not forgotten
imoldernu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Peru
Posts: 6,335
Too painful to discuss...
Attached Images
File Type: jpg so-embarrassed.jpg (210.0 KB, 15 views)
imoldernu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2014, 05:41 PM   #6
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
clifp's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 7,733
I'm similar to ERD. I really don't mind being corrected. "Now Clif you ignorant slut"isn't my favorite way of being corrected.

At times I've been genuinely please to be corrected.

"It is not what you don't know that will get you in trouble, it is what you know that ain't so, that is dangerous."
clifp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2014, 05:58 PM   #7
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 10,252
Now that the OP has been corrected, here's another article on
Learning to Love Criticism that recently appeared in the NY Times.

Warning! Article discusses performance reviews and especially how men and women are different.
LOL! is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2014, 05:59 PM   #8
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
samclem's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: SW Ohio
Posts: 14,404
The column in the OP gives some useful guidelines. I appreciate being corrected if I make a factual error, and I even appreciate being "corrected" in more subjective cases if it leads to a good discussion. But I let factual errors that others make go by frequently if calling attention to the issue would likely lead to hurt feelings, look nit-picky, or derail the conversation.
samclem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2014, 06:12 PM   #9
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
samclem's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: SW Ohio
Posts: 14,404
Quote:
Originally Posted by LOL! View Post
Warning! Article discusses performance reviews and especially how men and women are different.
I didn't find the attempt at quantifying this to be very convincing. The underlying data gathering (here) involved a review and "grading" by a single researcher who knew the gender of the rater and ratee as she did the very subjective evaluations of comments.
samclem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2014, 06:52 PM   #10
Administrator
Gumby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 22,971
All I can say is that my need to correct others has declined greatly over time.
__________________
Living an analog life in the Digital Age.
Gumby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2014, 07:13 PM   #11
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Northern IL
Posts: 26,819
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gumby View Post
All I can say is that my need to correct others has declined greatly over time.
I find it interesting that you describe it as a 'need'. I see it as a service to others.

For example, I recently mispronounced a word that I guess I've read fairly often, but rarely heard used in normal conversation. A family member corrected me. Great! Now I won't make that mistake in front of strangers who would not be comfortable enough to correct me, and would just think I was not so bright to mispronounce that word.

I don't know if they felt the 'need' to correct me or not, but I'm glad they did. I would not have benefited from their remaining silent, regardless the reason.


Quote:
Originally Posted by clifp View Post
I'm similar to ERD. I really don't mind being corrected. "Now Clif you ignorant slut"isn't my favorite way of being corrected. ...
I don't even mind the 'you ignorant...' part. Odds are, that is coming from someone I know well enough that we can throw jabs like that at each other and laugh about it. It's good to have friends you are that comfortable with (OK, correct me for ending a sentence with a preposition! - hmmm, how would you say that correctly in casual conversation?). And if it isn't a good-natured jab, well that person is likely just reminding me they are an arse, in case I forgot.

-ERD50
ERD50 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2014, 08:05 PM   #12
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Lsbcal's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: west coast, hi there!
Posts: 8,808
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gumby View Post
All I can say is that my need to correct others has declined greatly over time.
Sounds about right!

There is so much nastiness in the world we should put the emphasis on positive (and don't forget thoughtful) interactions.
Lsbcal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2014, 09:07 PM   #13
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Amethyst's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 12,596
If the critic's purpose is to keep me out of major or minor trouble, I humbly accept correction.

If the critic mainly seems to be seeking self-vindication, my back is right up there with Everest, even if I'm not the one being criticized. For example, there is a rash on my FB page of people who constantly refer to portions of the population as "idiots," "morons," and "incurably stupid," while announcing that calling someone "retarded" is cruel. I, frankly, can't distinguish one insult from another.

Amethyst
__________________
If you understood everything I say, you'd be me ~ Miles Davis
'There is only one success – to be able to spend your life in your own way.’ Christopher Morley.
Even a blind clock finds an acorn twice a day.
Amethyst is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2014, 12:18 AM   #14
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
youbet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 13,151
For minor inaccuracies such as regional misprononciations, it's critical that the person doing the correcting is able to do it in a way that allows the speaker to go on and that doesn't change the course of the conversation. If the correction alters the direction of the conversation and the intended point can not be made, then the corrector needs to be corrected. He probably thinks he is an OK guy when he is actually an assh#le and needs to understand this.
__________________
"I wasn't born blue blood. I was born blue-collar." John Wort Hannam
youbet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2014, 12:24 AM   #15
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
youbet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 13,151
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gumby View Post
All I can say is that my need to correct others has declined greatly over time.
I'm with you on that one.
__________________
"I wasn't born blue blood. I was born blue-collar." John Wort Hannam
youbet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2014, 05:57 AM   #16
Administrator
MichaelB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 40,580
Quote:
Originally Posted by youbet View Post
I'm with you on that one.
Ditto.
MichaelB is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2014, 06:35 AM   #17
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
ziggy29's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: North Oregon Coast
Posts: 16,483
I tend to pick my battles carefully on this one. When you correct someone almost every time you notice they say something wrong, they pronounce something wrong or whatever, the impression you will leave is likely to be one as a smug, pedantic and arrogant person with a lot of people.

I also think people are more likely to take it to heart when you don't "cry wolf" about this sort of thing. I'd also save it for when it is important. If someone is about to go into a job interview and they have some of the facts wrong that are reasonably likely to come up in the interview, yeah, that's one thing. Correcting a mild pronunciation botch on a tough word in casual conversation just makes you look petty and smug, IMO (unless you know the person well enough to know that they would *want* you to do so).
__________________
"Hey, for every ten dollars, that's another hour that I have to be in the work place. That's an hour of my life. And my life is a very finite thing. I have only 'x' number of hours left before I'm dead. So how do I want to use these hours of my life? Do I want to use them just spending it on more crap and more stuff, or do I want to start getting a handle on it and using my life more intelligently?" -- Joe Dominguez (1938 - 1997)
ziggy29 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2014, 06:49 AM   #18
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
REWahoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Texas: No Country for Old Men
Posts: 50,003
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gumby View Post
All I can say is that my need to correct others has declined greatly over time.
That's just wrong.
__________________
Numbers is hard
REWahoo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2014, 07:43 AM   #19
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
calmloki's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Independence
Posts: 7,280
No 'tisn't. Count me in the little need to correct others camp. I do tend to show how I have been wrong in the past in a way that allows someone to observe my errors and modify their behavior if they choose.

calmloki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2014, 08:22 AM   #20
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Amethyst's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 12,596
I second the vote on wielding perspective on what's important enough to correct, versus what should be left alone. That gets back to the basic motive for correcting others, which one hopes is simply to keep them out of social trouble (or worse).

I have been a professional editor. Unkempt writing certainly catches my eye. Still, it doesn't set my eyes on fire such that I simply must correct it in order to gain relief.

Amethyst

Quote:
Originally Posted by ziggy29 View Post
I tend to pick my battles carefully on this one. When you correct someone almost every time you notice they say something wrong, they pronounce something wrong or whatever, the impression you will leave is likely to be one as a smug, pedantic and arrogant person with a lot of people.

I also think people are more likely to take it to heart when you don't "cry wolf" about this sort of thing. I'd also save it for when it is important. If someone is about to go into a job interview and they have some of the facts wrong that are reasonably likely to come up in the interview, yeah, that's one thing. Correcting a mild pronunciation botch on a tough word in casual conversation just makes you look petty and smug, IMO (unless you know the person well enough to know that they would *want* you to do so).
__________________
If you understood everything I say, you'd be me ~ Miles Davis
'There is only one success – to be able to spend your life in your own way.’ Christopher Morley.
Even a blind clock finds an acorn twice a day.
Amethyst is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Should your robot car kill you to save others? Chuckanut Other topics 39 05-26-2014 03:25 AM
What do you tell others when you retire early (under 40)? crumpyguy Other topics 32 03-14-2014 02:52 PM
Why do others not want me to retire???? DFA Other topics 32 02-19-2011 02:48 PM
Did you ever something you told others not to do?? Brat Health and Early Retirement 18 10-26-2008 10:15 AM
Ok for some, not for others.... bbbamI FIRE and Money 10 01-17-2008 12:09 PM

» Quick Links

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:20 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.