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Old 12-02-2011, 06:07 AM   #41
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It is interesting to read these responses. It always surprises me how many people have dysfunctional families. Mine was very supportive (albeit a bit non-huggy Irish) and I find it hard to understand how parents could treat their kids the way I see portrayed in movies and in some of these posts. I just naturally assume that as adults it would be easy to modify their behavior by cutting them off until they cut the cr*p out. But it is clear from stories like FD's and some of the responses that many of these people are incapable of change. Sad. On the plus side it is also clear that the abusive personalities don't necessarily get passed on.

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Old 12-02-2011, 07:42 AM   #42
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Originally Posted by citrine View Post
Modhatter and MissMolly....I have the same exact mother! I had to distance myself for a while and now try to limit my interactions with her as well as our conversations. She is not able to see anything past others faults, her friends' big homes, the lot that life has dealt her.....We are not at the point of driving her to her doctors visits...but I really do dread that day. exMIL has distant relatives.

I put up with exMIL for the 1st ten years of my marriage, then I declared the next 10 years belonged to me. I limited my exposure to her, never again going to the parents' home, but only joining my ILs in public where I could count on some level of decent behavior.
At first, my husband objected to my declaration of independence, but when she continued to degrade me (and him), he finally saw her for what she was. He continued to visit his parents, mostly so he could see his dad. Those visits inevitably ended up in screaming matches, as he related to me when he returned to our home.
I suggested he find ways to overcome the "gatekeeper" setup, i.e. take his dad out by himself, but it was always overruled. Sad...
A few months after he passed, I cut off all contact with her on the advice of my physician and grief counselor. I took a lot of "hits" from the community for doing that, but it was very liberating. I tried to stay in contact with FIL, but again...overruled.

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Old 12-02-2011, 08:21 AM   #43
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As Tolstoy said in the opening to Anna Karenina, "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
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Old 12-02-2011, 11:03 AM   #44
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Einstein's Theory of Relativity: Time slows down when you're with relatives...
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...not doing anything of true substance...
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Old 12-02-2011, 12:57 PM   #45
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One thing I have learned throughout this process, there's ALWAYS someone how had it WORSE than you. If I have to be fair, I did grow up in a 2-income household where we never went hungry or couldn't buy clothes........

Consult with your own advisor or representative. My thoughts should not be construed as investment advice. Past performance is no guarantee of future results (love that one).......:)

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