Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Wondering what I may be up against ?
Old 12-06-2011, 07:51 AM   #1
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
frayne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: 19th Hole
Posts: 2,531
Wondering what I may be up against ?

DW and I found out last week MIL has stage four cancer of the bowel, liver and lungs. Her wishes are to move in with us and split time between here and my son's house until she passes on. She is currently in Ohio and will be arriving this evening here in Chattanooga. She has given my son POA over all of her affairs, medical and financial. We have a room already for her. She is mid 70s and still fairly mobile. The oncologist said she has anywhere from one month to one year depending on chemo treatments. She is planning on trying chemo to see how it makes her feel and may or may not continue treatments.

I really have little to no experience with this kind of situation and just wonder if anyone here can offer some sage thoughts, suggestions, etc. Any and all replies are appreciated in advance.
__________________

__________________
A totally unblemished life is only for saints.
frayne is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 12-06-2011, 08:17 AM   #2
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Duesseldorf, Germany
Posts: 1,005
I am so sorry for your MIL and your family.
You might want to contact a support group for relatives for some guidance during these difficult times. Such group might be available through hospices or palliative care institutions in your area.
From my deceased relatives I have learned that they appreciated to talk open about their situation and not having to face well intended denial.
__________________

__________________
chris2008 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-2011, 11:46 AM   #3
Administrator
W2R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 38,890
I am so sorry.

Being a caregiver for someone dying of cancer can be a very arduous full time job. Depending on her condition you may even have to hire a live in nurse at some point. I agree that you should contact a support group.

A relative was given 2-3 weeks to live upon diagnosis of terminal cancer, and yet survived for a year and a half. The last year was a nightmare for him and his wife/caregiver. The live-in nurse was a godsend and she was used to this so that helped a lot. Having her there was definitely not cheap.
__________________
Already we are boldly launched upon the deep; but soon we shall be lost in its unshored, harbourless immensities.

- - H. Melville, 1851
W2R is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-2011, 11:49 AM   #4
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
REWahoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Texas Hill Country
Posts: 42,107
fryane, I'm assuming she will be in hospice care. If not, get them involved. They have excellent resources for both the patient and the caregivers.
__________________
Numbers is hard

When I hit 70, it hit back

Retired in 2005 at age 58, no pension
REWahoo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-2011, 11:49 AM   #5
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,364
Quote:
Originally Posted by W2R View Post
Being a caregiver for someone dying of cancer can be a very arduous full time job. Depending on her condition you may even have to hire a live in nurse at some point. I agree that you should contact a support group.
+1
__________________
GrayHare is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-2011, 12:03 PM   #6
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
ls99's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 4,792
Been through it with 3 different family members. It can get pretty tough. Suggest, as others have, get a hospice involved. They provide immense help, understanding and guidance.
__________________
There must be moderation in everything, including moderation.
ls99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-2011, 12:07 PM   #7
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
pb4uski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Vermont & Sarasota, FL
Posts: 16,428
So sorry to hear of your MIL. We lost both FIL and MIL to cancer, each just over a year after diagnosis. It is an insidious disease.

+1 with others to get supports in place now - you will find that you can't do it all by yourselves and will need breaks to rejuvenate so you can be there for MIL.

Best of luck.
__________________
pb4uski is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-2011, 12:16 PM   #8
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
bbbamI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Dallas 'burb
Posts: 9,039
Perhaps this website can help....

Hospice care: Comforting the terminally ill - MayoClinic.com


My best to you and your family.
__________________
There's no need to complicate, our time is short..
bbbamI is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-2011, 12:39 PM   #9
Moderator Emeritus
Rich_by_the_Bay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 8,827
My advice: get hospice involved as soon as she is established with a new oncologiist.

Notwithstanding her desire to stay in the home, have a plan for her leaving home care due to mounting needs (inpatient hospice, assisted care, etc.). Start checking them out sooner rather than later -- hospice may be able to guide you.

I'm about due for routine colonoscopy. Note to self: schedule it.

Best to you and your family.
__________________
Rich
San Francisco Area
ESR'd March 2010. FIRE'd January 2011.

As if you didn't know..If the above message contains medical content, it's NOT intended as advice, and may not be accurate, applicable or sufficient. Don't rely on it for any purpose. Consult your own doctor for all medical advice.
Rich_by_the_Bay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-2011, 01:21 PM   #10
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: San Diego
Posts: 283
Hospice is great, they can assist with getting all sorts of stuff she may need. It sounds like she's in good shape now, but eventually a walker, wheelchair, hospital bed, are all things that hospice has helped with in my experiences.

I think I mentioned the book here recently, but I was really helped by a book called Handbook for Mortals. It's pretty much written for your situation.

I hope that she has enough health to have some happy experiences while she's with you, as that doctor dying article mentions, it's not about quantity, it's about quality.

Best of luck, you'll be in my thoughts.
__________________
meekie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-2011, 02:06 PM   #11
Recycles dryer sheets
Nuiloa's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 496
I'm very sorry to hear about your MIL.

In addition to the stress of the disease, the poor woman will also be stressed by leaving her familiar surroundings. There's also the loss of autonomy, when you move into someone else's home. I feel very sad for her.

In addition to the hospice care, I would also recommend that you plan regular respite care for yourselves. Give yourselves permission to have some fun without feeling guilty. You will need it.

Nui
__________________
Inside me is a skinny person crying to get out, but I can usually shut the b*tch up with cookies
Nuiloa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-2011, 04:25 PM   #12
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,555
I am so sorry to hear this. Hospice was a great resource when my brother had lung cancer. Good luck and take care of yourselves.
__________________
Dreamer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-2011, 04:39 PM   #13
Moderator Emeritus
Bestwifeever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 16,375
No advice or suggestions, just a "hang in there" and a comment on what a caring DH you are to be there for your wife's mother.
__________________
“Would you like an adventure now, or would you like to have your tea first?” J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
Bestwifeever is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-2011, 06:47 PM   #14
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 702
Sorry to hear about your MIL. My mother passed away about 11 months ago and was in Hospice for about 9 months before she passed away. She was also in an ALF facility. The extra care that she got from Hospice was wonderful.
__________________
FreeAtLast is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-2011, 08:19 PM   #15
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,015
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rich_in_Tampa View Post
My advice: get hospice involved as soon as she is established with a new oncologiist.

Notwithstanding her desire to stay in the home, have a plan for her leaving home care due to mounting needs (inpatient hospice, assisted care, etc.). Start checking them out sooner rather than later -- hospice may be able to guide you.

.....

Best to you and your family.
Absolutely agree. My father wanted to stay in his home after his terminal diagnosis and my brother and I agreed to be there for him as long as we could care for him. We got hospice involved early on and they were wonderful, providing in home care, respite care and support to us all. When Dad's condition got to the point where we just couldn't handle his needs, he agreed to move to the hospice facility, where he spent his last month as he said "treated like royalty.". He died so peacefully, without distress or pain, and our last memories of him are of dignity and a graceful passing. Hospice staff are really angels on earth.
__________________
Achiever51 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-2011, 09:34 PM   #16
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,649
I am so sorry. Also agree with the advice of others. Both of my parents had hospice care at home. Without more medical details it is hard to know how she may do with the chemo. Take care of yourselves thru this process.
__________________

__________________
sheehs1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Are all of our problems solved? donheff Other topics 28 11-18-2011 07:48 AM
Wondering about blindness calmloki Other topics 10 09-28-2011 12:37 PM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:27 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.