working wife w/retired husband support group

[Sarah in SC]

Gizmo, I plan to work for quite some time after DH retires and he better have a better program than your husband, or else he'll be decomposing in a damn hurry!

I would expect lots of household chores to be done as well as keeping up with the "man duties" of tractors and repairs. I'll continue to cook/grocery shop, as I like that stuff. I think that a man gives you clues long before he retires as to what his contributions to the household will be. And you give them clues as to what is acceptable without righteous indignation.

Ha, see how good you have it? I have had many folks tell me that DH won't really retire, because it is easier to work for a paycheck than to work for me!

[SarahW]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarah in SC Gizmo, I plan to work for quite some time after DH retires and he better have a better program than your husband, or else he'll be decomposing in a damn hurry!

[vicente solano]

My working wife doesn´t speak English, let alone write it. My version of what she thinks? No initiative on my part. I´m -moderately-at her disposal, I´m hoping for easy non-stressful chores. The truth is that she has given up on me.
On the other hand I try to be as an unobtrusive and undemanding as possible. And I try to make her laugh and amuse her to compensate. But I´m afraid it´s not enough......

[chinaco]

Interesting.

How many wives that ERd with the husband still working picked up the man duties?

[obgyn65]

Are you planning to start a guys' support group chinaco ?

Quote:

Originally Posted by chinaco Interesting. How many wives that ERd with the husband still working picked up the man duties?

[haha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chinaco Interesting. How many wives that ERd with the husband still working picked up the man duties?

I heard there was one in Kalamazoo....but the report could not be verified.

Ha

[Silver]

My husband stopped working only 3 months before I did and he did seem to pick up more of the chores during that brief time. And I was envious of his World of Warcraft time because....I wanted to play more too!

We are both avid players...end-game raiders primarily...and our guild is made up of several married teams. I'd say learn to play so you can appreciate what he's talking about sometimes. It's great fun.....certainly a challenge sometimes....and the headsets with microphones are so attractive!

[DangerMouse]

Hmm I find this thread very interesting.

I stopped working a couple of years ago, whereas DH is still slogging away. I do all duties except for the earning money bit, which is DH's only chore. We were having a discussion the other day about swopping roles. However, DH's vision of swapping roles was working out, doing a bit of programming and that was about it. He looked at me like I was a madwoman when I told him cooking and cleaning would be his responsibility. Think he imagines I could do everything I do now plus work and believe me that is not going to happen.

[Sarah in SC]

Ah, yes, Dangermouse, the invisible (to men) tasks. <snort> Stand firm!

[FIREd]

Since my wife would never participate in such forum, I can only speak for her. Since I retired I have taken over ALL household chores. It wasn't hard because I was already doing most of the housework before retiring anyways. She is now free to spend her nights and week-ends as she pleases. That's how she benefits from my retiring. The house is always clean and maintained, the fridge well stocked, the accounts balanced and the bills paid. I know some things I do drive her crazy but those things were driving her crazy well before I retired. I am just worried that she is getting used to the concierge service a bit too much... I have to remind her sometimes that the service will be discontinued upon her retiring. Perhaps that's why she is not in a hurry to retire.

[Nova]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarah in SC Ah, yes, Dangermouse, the invisible (to men) tasks.

You are so right. What's with that!

[Blackwoodt]

how much longer do you plan to work- August 31st 2012
how long has he been retired - his construction work ended about 7 years ago, he now works out of the house making just enough money to pay for his toys.
what does he do that drives you crazy - not know what day of the week it is, or care.
what does he not do that drives you crazy - start dinner, I work 45 miles from home, it would be nice to have dinner ready some nights.
did he take over some of the "chores" on his own or did you have to push - he does no inside chores, but I do no outside chores and have a housekeeper to maintain peace.
He takes care of our 10 acre home, along with the 7 acre place I bought for my mom.
does he want you to retire soon - He's ok with my date. I could retire now and we would be fine with my stock, 401K, and savings, but if I wait until Aug 2012 I’ll be 55 eliminating the 10% early withdrawal from my 401K, and old enough to qualify for employer health insurance.
do you have any special plans to do together when you are both retired - RV, travel and see parts of the country that we have not had time to yet visit, along with golf the Robert Trent Jones golf trail.

[kombat]

This whole topic seems alien to me. I've got to say, I can't really relate to the mindset where one half of a couple is able to retire, but the other half isn't. We've always treated our marriage like a partnership. We're a team. There's no "my money" or "your money," it's all "our money." When the pile gets big enough that we can both quit our j*bs, we will. Until then, we both have a responsibility to keep w*rking and adding to the pile. I can't relate to couples who keep separate finances.

I guess the only rationalization I can see for one partner retiring while the other continues to w*rk is if they can afford to both retire, and one spouse simply doesn't want to yet. In that case, there shouldn't be any resentment or angst about how the retired spouse spends his/her time. If there is, then the net-yet-retired spouse can just quit their j*b too, and join the party. Problem solved.

[gizmo]

oops! I guess decompose was not the word I meant to use but with DH's inactivity of late it probably was not that far off the mark!

[Sarah in SC]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kombat This whole topic seems alien to me. I've got to say, I can't really relate to the mindset where one half of a couple is able to retire, but the other half isn't. We've always treated our marriage like a partnership. We're a team. There's no "my money" or "your money," it's all "our money." When the pile gets big enough that we can both quit our j*bs, we will. Until then, we both have a responsibility to keep w*rking and adding to the pile. I can't relate to couples who keep separate finances. I guess the only rationalization I can see for one partner retiring while the other continues to w*rk is if they can afford to both retire, and one spouse simply doesn't want to yet. In that case, there shouldn't be any resentment or angst about how the retired spouse spends his/her time. If there is, then the net-yet-retired spouse can just quit their j*b too, and join the party. Problem solved.

Glad to explain--always was DHs dream to quit at 50. I'm 8 years younger so it was easy for me to say you quit then and I'll follow you when I feel like we can make it without my salary. We DEFINITELY have our money in one pot! But with the age disparity and my recently completing my college education and professional credentials, I think I still have some time to contribute before setting sail with him, so to speak.

I, too, have that pet peeve about separate finances, so trust me, that isn't an element of our staggered plan.

[TeeRuh]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kombat , and one spouse simply doesn't want to yet.

Yep, that was our case. DW loved being around the kids (teacher; of middle school no less). I was totally burnt out at MegaTech and either had to retire or possibly go "Postal" on my managers.

t.r.

[FIREd]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kombat This whole topic seems alien to me. I've got to say, I can't really relate to the mindset where one half of a couple is able to retire, but the other half isn't. We've always treated our marriage like a partnership. We're a team. There's no "my money" or "your money," it's all "our money." When the pile gets big enough that we can both quit our j*bs, we will. Until then, we both have a responsibility to keep w*rking and adding to the pile. I can't relate to couples who keep separate finances.

We don't keep separate finances. We are financially independent and DW could retire but she is not ready to. She actually likes what she does. She is young and ambitious. She has a few lofty career goals she has yet to meet and she won't feel satisfied until they are met. I, on the other hand, was happy to retire as soon as our finances allowed it. Despite our FI status, I recognize that her working remains beneficial for the both of us. The money we save from her income helps strengthen our long term retirement prospects and most importantly, she brings home health insurance coverage for the both of us which is a benefit not to be underestimated nowadays. Therefore, I am happy to support her by taking over the household business. It seems only fair. How is that not a partnership?

[Nords]

Whew.

I won't try to defend my gender, but I will point out that there are exceptions to every tar brush sweeping generalization rule!

I'll wait for the guy's version of this thread, but let me also point out that in ER neither my spouse nor I do much cooking. Not much cleaning, either. For us becoming empty nesters was a much bigger transition than ER. So maybe the question shouldn't be "Who does what?" as much as it should be "What's worth doing?"

[Blackwoodt]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nords So maybe the question shouldn't be "Who does what?" as much as it should be "What's worth doing?"

That's why I have a housekeeper, life is to short to worry about dust bunnies!

[rescueme]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kombat This whole topic seems alien to me. I've got to say, I can't really relate to the mindset where one half of a couple is able to retire, but the other half isn't.

We were both well able to retire (financially) on May 1, 2007, and both planned to do so on that date.

I retired, DW did not (and is still toiling away, A/O today). The difference? While we were financially able to retire, emotionally it was a different thing.

I was able and willing to do so. My DW? Able? Yes. Willing? Not yet. She changed her mind two months before May 1st, when she needed to submit her retirement papers.

It's not that we have to depend on each other to live. We have our life together, and things we do alone. When she is ready, she will do so. That could be this May (her forth "reschedule" since I retired); she may not. That is her decision...

IMHO, if you must do everything together (including retirement), maybe you are "too close" ...