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Old 11-04-2009, 03:06 PM   #21
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Some people seem to love to couple date . We are not in that group . We do occasionally meet other couples for dinner or a party but that's it . The bad thing about couple dating is if one of the couples split up or a spouse dies the party left behind is dropped quickly for another couple. Tacky but true !
The same thing can happen if two childless couples "double date" and hang out together a lot -- and one of the couples discovers that they are expecting. It's been my experience that you can usually kiss that social arrangement goodbye...
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Old 11-04-2009, 03:48 PM   #22
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The same thing can happen if two childless couples "double date" and hang out together a lot -- and one of the couples discovers that they are expecting. It's been my experience that you can usually kiss that social arrangement goodbye...
We've lost lots of good friends to child-rearing. It is somewhat of a joke nowadays as we dread our friends upcoming marriage because I just know that she'll want to get knocked up right away. I find that we stick with our childfree friends even if they aren't "perfect" just because it is a pain to try to find new ones without kids.

I am beginning to wonder about that age gap with older retirees, though. Might we have more in common with a couple that has retired at 55 than the 40 year olds still slogging away at jobs with little crumb crunchers to still put through school? I dunno...but we may have to find out.
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Old 11-04-2009, 03:51 PM   #23
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We've lost lots of good friends to child-rearing. It is somewhat of a joke nowadays as we dread our friends upcoming marriage because I just know that she'll want to get knocked up right away. I find that we stick with our childfree friends even if they aren't "perfect" just because it is a pain to try to find new ones without kids.
When we've had long-time couple friends tell us they are expecting (for the first time), it's all we can do to not say "it's been nice knowing you." They will, of course, keep in touch -- just enough to e-mail you dozens of baby pictures.
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Old 11-04-2009, 04:39 PM   #24
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I am beginning to wonder about that age gap with older retirees, though. Might we have more in common with a couple that has retired at 55 than the 40 year olds still slogging away at jobs with little crumb crunchers to still put through school? I dunno...but we may have to find out.
We seem to make good friends from the birder/naturalist community wherever we go. Most of these couples are older - some much older. But that just doesn't seem to matter at all. Not surprising that some of the closest friends are RVers (or ex-RVers) as well. A strong common interest cuts through all the generational stuff.

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Old 11-04-2009, 06:07 PM   #25
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We have trouble finding friends to hang out with. Most people our age (35) have kids, and just about the last thing I want to do is hang out with people and their kids. So we have to find people we both like and that are childless. Or I suppose empty nesters, but we still feel enough of a generational gap with people that age that it would feel awkward.

Can't imagine the "couples date" thing would work all that well for us, either. Just don't know how to find friends. Hrm.

This was exactly our problem (and continues to be). We used to live in your area. Check out the local NoKidding! Chapter: No Kidding! A social club for childfree singles and couples

We have made life-long friends via this group. I recommend it highly if you are looking for more childfree people to hang out with.
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Old 11-04-2009, 06:19 PM   #26
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Great article and right on the mark.
dh2b and I have figured out that he and I need to start new "couple" friendships from scratch. People from my former life (married) still have a subconscious mental block about me starting anew after my husband passed.
dh2b is divorced, so he lost all those friends from before except for a tried and true buddy.
But we are doing just fine, little by little.

Update: I just read Moemg's post #20. She knows.
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Old 11-04-2009, 08:24 PM   #27
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Fuego you are going to LOVE Dr. Thomas Stanley's new book called Stop Acting Rich. It is all about how "aspirationals" buy fancy liquor and "real" millionaires go for the bottom shelf stuff--or worse, what Dr. Stanley calls the "euphemistically named party-section of the liquor store".

I am halfway through it and howling over the liquor (and wine) stories.
Just a point. If you buy quality liquor you save all that money on mixers. Just an occasional ice cube for me.
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Old 11-05-2009, 11:23 AM   #28
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This was exactly our problem (and continues to be). We used to live in your area. Check out the local NoKidding! Chapter: No Kidding! A social club for childfree singles and couples

We have made life-long friends via this group. I recommend it highly if you are looking for more childfree people to hang out with.
Hey, thanks for the link! We might just get in touch.
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Old 11-10-2009, 12:15 PM   #29
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Just a point. If you buy quality liquor you save all that money on mixers. Just an occasional ice cube for me.
I had a sad reflection last night when I realized the blue martini mixer cost exactly the same per unit as the vodka I was mixing it with. $5 per 750 ml.

And in the spirit of the kid/kid-free dichotomy - I taught my 4 year old daughter how to mix mommy's blue raspberry martini last night. "Math". That little trick should endear us to the kidded AND kid-free couples.
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Old 11-10-2009, 02:16 PM   #30
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Can't imagine the "couples date" thing would work all that well for us, either. Just don't know how to find friends. Hrm.
pursue your interests, assuming it is something social...not what you used to like doing, but throw off the shackes of the past and think about what you would do for fun if no-one was watching or judging you, including yourself.

you will then meet persons of similar temperment and there should be some child-free people in the mix to link up with.

I am just in the process of shedding a number of community/political volunteer things that I got into to network socially. Turned out to be too much work for the payback.

We are trying to work up the courage to take up Tango!!! I have developed an attraction to it watching you think you can dance. The wife was a semi-pro classical dancer in much earlier days (before she woke up and got a real job)..so I will have my work cut out for me catching up. My thinking is that there would be up-beat fun-loving couples with healthy marriages doing this sort of thing.

I will check to see if there has been a specific discussion of DINKonomics and DINKocology. Maybe we need a stand alone thread? This is our situation. Does FIRE tend to correlate closely with DINK, I would guess so?

I see the kids/DINK discussion took place already:

Children: You did or did not have them poll?
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Old 11-10-2009, 02:28 PM   #31
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I had a sad reflection last night when I realized the blue martini mixer cost exactly the same per unit as the vodka I was mixing it with. $5 per 750 ml.

And in the spirit of the kid/kid-free dichotomy - I taught my 4 year old daughter how to mix mommy's blue raspberry martini last night. "Math". That little trick should endear us to the kidded AND kid-free couples.
mix the vodka with cherry juice (very jummy martini) and watch your uric acid blood levels drop.

Cherry Juice Gout - Benefits of Cherry Juice
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Old 11-10-2009, 03:19 PM   #32
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Amused by the article. Then it dawned on me, we don't really go on couple dates!...we are the "token" anchor couple in our circle of friends. Some have kidlets, but most do not. Other people have new SO's pop in an out of their lives (though, there are a couple hangers on) Does this mean we need to find couples to date?? Nah, people are too much fun regardless! The article just made this sound really stressful!
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Old 11-11-2009, 10:01 AM   #33
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pursue your interests, assuming it is something social...not what you used to like doing, but throw off the shackes of the past and think about what you would do for fun if no-one was watching or judging you, including yourself.

you will then meet persons of similar temperment and there should be some child-free people in the mix to link up with.
Have not found that to be the case in the slightest. We do have social hobbies where we meet some people -- I do lots of martial arts, wife does orchestra. But we have met fewer childless people that share enough of the same ideas on what constitutes fun than you'd think.
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Old 11-11-2009, 10:08 AM   #34
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I think I have figured out a solution for all you kidless couples. Just pop out a couple kids! They will keep you busy, entertained, and exhausted all the time (at least for the first 18-25 years*). Then you won't have any time or energy to even worry about not having any other couples as friends!

Note: tongue in cheek attempt at humor in the vein of "can't figure out what you want to do in retirement? Just work forever until you die!".


*apologies if this sounds like a prison sentence for some serious aggravated felony conviction
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Old 11-11-2009, 11:41 AM   #35
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Drink the coolaid by yourself, Fuego!

Nice try, though.
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Old 11-11-2009, 11:43 AM   #36
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(at least for the first 18-25 years*)

...

*apologies if this sounds like a prison sentence for some serious aggravated felony conviction
Yeah, but with a felony conviction, that 18 to 25 can be reduced with good behavior...
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Old 11-11-2009, 11:52 AM   #37
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Yeah, but with a felony conviction, that 18 to 25 can be reduced with good behavior...
With good behavior from kids, that 18-25 might feel more like, well, 18-25 instead of forever. Besides, one can always hope they have spawned a supergenius that can finish college by age 15. Right?
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Old 11-11-2009, 11:53 AM   #38
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Drink the coolaid by yourself, Fuego!

Nice try, though.
Just thought I'd throw out a practical solution to the "too much time, not enough friendship to fill it with" conundrum. Most seem to propose a solution centered around the "more friendship" angle, I'm looking at it from a "reduce your available time" angle. Problem solved!!
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Old 11-11-2009, 07:52 PM   #39
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I think I have figured out a solution for all you kidless couples. Just pop out a couple kids! They will keep you busy, entertained, and exhausted all the time (at least for the first 18-25 years*). Then you won't have any time or energy to even worry about not having any other couples as friends!
Ever heard of OPK ?
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Old 11-12-2009, 05:51 PM   #40
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