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Old 06-16-2010, 02:56 AM   #21
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When I get the annual reminder to complete my mandatory 2 hours diversity training.
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Old 06-16-2010, 05:58 AM   #22
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Yes, makes for wonderful parties! Greek food, Belgian beer, French wine, Spanish ladies getting the dance floor going, etc.
Hey, what do you mean with that "Spanish ladies getting the dance floor going" thing?
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Old 06-16-2010, 06:52 AM   #23
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Perfect. I guarantee that the stakeholders reached out and addressed the issue as a collaborative opportunity. Translation: Assigned the problem to someone else.

Steve
Unfortunately, this is more likely a situation that will cleave to the "no good deed goes unpunished" adage. There is almost no way short of quitting that I will get out of having to help on this one. Damn my professionalism and work ethic...
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Old 06-16-2010, 06:55 AM   #24
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When I get the annual reminder to complete my mandatory 2 hours diversity training.
Oh, yes, mandatory training. Let's see, in the past year I was sent to a two day class on how to write (I have been a published author of business pieces for years) and a week of basic credit training (I have been a credit analyst for over a decade). In the next year, I expect to be sent to a course on how to have meetings with management teams (I have been grilling C-level execs for years as a rating agency analyst, buy side analyst, etc.).
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Old 06-16-2010, 07:11 AM   #25
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...when the CEO talks about building loyalty and employee retention, after there have been 5 CEOs in 8 years...

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Old 06-16-2010, 09:36 AM   #26
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diversity training.
Bingo!
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Old 06-16-2010, 10:25 AM   #27
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When the trainer and two students travel overnight from Dallas to Atlanta for a little 4 hour internal training session, and the class has a total of three students, one from Atlanta.
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Old 06-16-2010, 12:14 PM   #28
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Send a message via AIM to Khan
you see the word 'deleveraging' in an email.
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Old 06-16-2010, 01:52 PM   #29
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I feel compelled to remind US corporations that theiy are to blame for diseminating/exporting all this HR nonsense all over us, bakward nation in corporate business that we are!
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Old 06-16-2010, 01:59 PM   #30
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I feel compelled to remind US corporations that theiy are to blame for diseminating/exporting all this HR nonsense all over us, bakward nation in corporate business that we are!
It's a disease that respects no borders.
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Old 06-16-2010, 04:01 PM   #31
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It's a disease that respects no borders.
I.e. outside the box...
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Old 06-16-2010, 07:40 PM   #32
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- when you see a response to your request for service that says: "Our SLA for completing this type of request is 5 days. Our average time for completing this type of request is 8.79 days"

- when you read a status report that explains that the project is behind schedule due to a "leak in productivity"....and nobody thinks that is odd.

- when you have a problem with another department, you have to contact a Relationship Manager, who then brings in an Incident Manager, who will turn it over to a Problem Manager if it goes on for more than 24 hours.

And that was just in the last 2 hours of my day
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Old 06-16-2010, 09:37 PM   #33
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Unfortunately, this is more likely a situation that will cleave to the "no good deed goes unpunished" adage. There is almost no way short of quitting that I will get out of having to help on this one. Damn my professionalism and work ethic...
I see. So the stakeholders will be reaching out to.... you. My condolences. One a related note, 'reach out' is one of my favorite recent corporate-speaks. I guess that's because I most often hear 'I'm reaching out to you.....' which means I'm about to be asked to do someone else's job.


Steve
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Old 06-16-2010, 09:41 PM   #34
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I'm pretty sure there are at least 3 new Dilbert cartoons in this thread. Someone should alert Scott Adams
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Old 06-16-2010, 09:45 PM   #35
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You have pens, mugs, coasters, caps, shirts, jackets, umbrellas, tote bags and clocks touting the company logo....

...and no I didn't steal them. They were 'awards'.
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Old 06-17-2010, 06:31 AM   #36
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Another one from me - When there is a public holiday in my country, I have to set an Out of Office note stating that "Today is a public holiday in ....".
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Old 06-17-2010, 06:36 AM   #37
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When the reward for winning a company contest is to meet Mr. Bigshot and shake his hand.
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Old 06-17-2010, 06:40 AM   #38
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I see. So the stakeholders will be reaching out to.... you. My condolences. One a related note, 'reach out' is one of my favorite recent corporate-speaks. I guess that's because I most often hear 'I'm reaching out to you.....' which means I'm about to be asked to do someone else's job.


Steve
Well, the same superior who sent that wonderful glob of corpspeak recently read something that worried him (I read the same thing and concluded it was a rounding error magnitude issue). He asked me to set up a meeting with the authors of what he read and include him. Lo and behold, he was busy at the time of the meeting, so I found myself conducting a meeting with people I thought were idiot alarmists about an "issue" I thought wasn't one.

Heard another one yesterday: "risk stripes.". I had to ask what it meant. It refers to the various types of financial risk: credit risk, interest rate risk, etc.

Summoned to go "kiss the ring" of our VP at a different location today. Rooty-toot.
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Old 06-17-2010, 07:52 AM   #39
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When you have Corporate, Regional and Divisional "Director's of Compensation" yet everyone in the company gets the same 2% Merit increase.
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Old 06-17-2010, 10:00 AM   #40
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You have pens, mugs, coasters, caps, shirts, jackets, umbrellas, tote bags and clocks touting the company logo....

...and no I didn't steal them. They were 'awards'.
We once received (I'm talking the entire corporation) a "cell foam"; i.e. a facsimile mobile phone made from "foam". Went straight from my mail slot to the trash can...

Wonder how much of my nonexistent raise went to pay for that useless POS...
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