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You know you work for Megacorp when...
06-15-2010, 07:49 AM
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#1
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Dryer sheet aficionado
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 28
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You know you work for Megacorp when...
Your "Corporate Communications" emails come in 14 different languages!
Please contribute, I'll add more as the inspiration comes my way. I don't care if its real or not (mine is ).
__________________
eager beaver - n. Informal - One that is exceptionally, often excessively industrious or zealous: "The eager beavers of industry seldom reach their potential, much less rise to the top" (Newsweek).
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06-15-2010, 09:40 AM
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#2
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Moscow
Posts: 1,569
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Your regional manager calls your direct manager. Asks him to call you and have you call your regional manager.
__________________
You can't enlighten the unconscious.
But you can hit'em upside the head a few times to make sure they are really out...
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06-15-2010, 09:46 AM
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#3
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: North Oregon Coast
Posts: 16,483
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When your status report to your boss says that you didn't get your project finished because you spent too much time working on status reports.
__________________
"Hey, for every ten dollars, that's another hour that I have to be in the work place. That's an hour of my life. And my life is a very finite thing. I have only 'x' number of hours left before I'm dead. So how do I want to use these hours of my life? Do I want to use them just spending it on more crap and more stuff, or do I want to start getting a handle on it and using my life more intelligently?" -- Joe Dominguez (1938 - 1997)
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06-15-2010, 09:58 AM
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#4
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 236
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When you work in CA and (all of a sudden) you're somehow responsible for several offices in China! That means phone calls throughout all hours of the night and language barrier problems.
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06-15-2010, 10:11 AM
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#5
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Dryer sheet aficionado
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ziggy29
When your status report to your boss says that you didn't get your project finished because you spent too much time working on status reports.
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If mergers and acquisitions always result in an 'increase in efficiency', then I'd hate to see the poor saps beforehand...
__________________
eager beaver - n. Informal - One that is exceptionally, often excessively industrious or zealous: "The eager beavers of industry seldom reach their potential, much less rise to the top" (Newsweek).
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06-15-2010, 10:15 AM
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#6
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 18,085
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A literal quote from an email I got yesterday:
"Thank you for surfacing this issue and forwarding it to the appropriate stakeholders."
__________________
"All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others."
- George Orwell
Ezekiel 23:20
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06-15-2010, 10:20 AM
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#7
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: North Oregon Coast
Posts: 16,483
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eager Beaver
If mergers and acquisitions always result in an 'increase in efficiency', then I'd hate to see the poor saps beforehand...
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Hey, part of my job is to help integrate new acquisitions with existing company processes and reporting infrastructures. It keeps food on my table.
__________________
"Hey, for every ten dollars, that's another hour that I have to be in the work place. That's an hour of my life. And my life is a very finite thing. I have only 'x' number of hours left before I'm dead. So how do I want to use these hours of my life? Do I want to use them just spending it on more crap and more stuff, or do I want to start getting a handle on it and using my life more intelligently?" -- Joe Dominguez (1938 - 1997)
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06-15-2010, 11:46 AM
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#8
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 81
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When the branch general manager gives the branch management a 10 minute lecture on what "value added" means, and gets it totally wrong, and no one bothers to correct him since they know he'll forget what that particular buzz word means by next week.
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06-15-2010, 11:48 AM
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#9
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lawn chair in Texas
Posts: 14,183
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brewer12345
A literal quote from an email I got yesterday:
"Thank you for surfacing this issue and forwarding it to the appropriate stakeholders."
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Ack...
__________________
Have Funds, Will Retire
...not doing anything of true substance...
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06-15-2010, 11:51 AM
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#10
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 388
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When among your 100 closest colleagues (in the same building) there are at least 24 different nationalities.
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06-15-2010, 11:53 AM
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#11
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Dryer sheet aficionado
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 28
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How about this one (received today):
"We brought our global operations together by leveraging a balanced matrix organization..."
I'll spare you all the rest
__________________
eager beaver - n. Informal - One that is exceptionally, often excessively industrious or zealous: "The eager beavers of industry seldom reach their potential, much less rise to the top" (Newsweek).
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06-15-2010, 12:00 PM
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#12
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Texas: No Country for Old Men
Posts: 50,003
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This is dredging up way too many unpleasant memories from my w*ork life. Where is that 'ignore thread' button...
__________________
Numbers is hard
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06-15-2010, 12:06 PM
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#13
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Austin
Posts: 1,142
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigger
When among your 100 closest colleagues (in the same building) there are at least 24 different nationalities.
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Isn't it great? One of the best things about work was getting to know my Chinese, Korean, Indian, Vienamese, and Qatari coworkers. A traditional Indian wedding at Barsana Dham (yep, in Austin) was a blast.
Oops, forgot the Russians, Australians, and various Europeans.
Quite a learning expeience for a rural Texas boy.
__________________
Start by admitting
from cradle to tomb
it isn't that long a stay.
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06-15-2010, 12:09 PM
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#14
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 465
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ziggy29
When your status report to your boss says that you didn't get your project finished because you spent too much time working on status reports.
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Or because you spent all of your time in mandatory training for: Corporate Ethics Policy
Safety Procedures
Principles and Qualities of Good Leadership
Export Controls
Sexual Harrasment
etc.
etc.
etc.
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06-15-2010, 12:17 PM
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#15
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Austin
Posts: 1,142
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They fly you halfway around the world to make a 15 minute presentation that everyone ignores.
__________________
Start by admitting
from cradle to tomb
it isn't that long a stay.
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06-15-2010, 01:34 PM
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#16
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 388
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IndependentlyPoor
Isn't it great? One of the best things about work was getting to know my Chinese, Korean, Indian, Vienamese, and Qatari coworkers. A traditional Indian wedding at Barsana Dham (yep, in Austin) was a blast.
Oops, forgot the Russians, Australians, and various Europeans.
Quite a learning expeience for a rural Texas boy.
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Yes, makes for wonderful parties! Greek food, Belgian beer, French wine, Spanish ladies getting the dance floor going, etc.
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06-15-2010, 10:33 PM
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#17
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Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 678
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brewer12345
A literal quote from an email I got yesterday:
"Thank you for surfacing this issue and forwarding it to the appropriate stakeholders."
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Do we work for the same company?
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06-15-2010, 10:48 PM
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#18
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 2,487
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IndependentlyPoor
They fly you halfway around the world to make a 15 minute presentation that everyone ignores.
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+1
...when a member of the BoD tells you that "you will never be nominated for a Board role because you are too smart and too good of an operator to be on a Board" (actual statement, when asked what I wanted to do in my future).
...so, if I'm smarter than the collective Board, why again to they exist? I think I need to re-consider my goals... Aw heck with it...skip the ESR, maybe just ER instead...
R
__________________
Find Joy in the Journey...
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06-16-2010, 12:09 AM
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#19
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 67
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brewer12345
A literal quote from an email I got yesterday:
"Thank you for surfacing this issue and forwarding it to the appropriate stakeholders."
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Perfect. I guarantee that the stakeholders reached out and addressed the issue as a collaborative opportunity. Translation: Assigned the problem to someone else.
Steve
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06-16-2010, 12:20 AM
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#20
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: North Bay
Posts: 1,246
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eager Beaver
"We brought our global operations together by leveraging a balanced matrix organization..."
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Given that leverage is essentially a way of taking advantage of imbalance, I'd say that this is a bit of an oxymoronic statement. Light on the oxy, heavy on the moronic!
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