You know you work for Megacorp when...

[Eager Beaver]

Your "Corporate Communications" emails come in 14 different languages!


Please contribute, I'll add more as the inspiration comes my way. I don't care if its real or not (mine is ).

 

[Keim]

Your regional manager calls your direct manager. Asks him to call you and have you call your regional manager.

 

[ziggy29]

When your status report to your boss says that you didn't get your project finished because you spent too much time working on status reports.

 

[Life_is_Good]

When you work in CA and (all of a sudden) you're somehow responsible for several offices in China! That means phone calls throughout all hours of the night and language barrier problems.

 

[Eager Beaver]

When your status report to your boss says that you didn't get your project finished because you spent too much time working on status reports.

If mergers and acquisitions always result in an 'increase in efficiency', then I'd hate to see the poor saps beforehand...

 

[brewer12345]

A literal quote from an email I got yesterday:

"Thank you for surfacing this issue and forwarding it to the appropriate stakeholders."

 

[ziggy29]

If mergers and acquisitions always result in an 'increase in efficiency', then I'd hate to see the poor saps beforehand...

Hey, part of my job is to help integrate new acquisitions with existing company processes and reporting infrastructures. It keeps food on my table.

 

[schmidtjas]

When the branch general manager gives the branch management a 10 minute lecture on what "value added" means, and gets it totally wrong, and no one bothers to correct him since they know he'll forget what that particular buzz word means by next week.

 

[HFWR]

A literal quote from an email I got yesterday:

"Thank you for surfacing this issue and forwarding it to the appropriate stakeholders."

Ack...

 

[Tigger]

When among your 100 closest colleagues (in the same building) there are at least 24 different nationalities.

 

[Eager Beaver]

How about this one (received today):

"We brought our global operations together by leveraging a balanced matrix organization..."

I'll spare you all the rest

 

[REWahoo]

This is dredging up way too many unpleasant memories from my w*ork life. Where is that 'ignore thread' button...

 

[IndependentlyPoor]

When among your 100 closest colleagues (in the same building) there are at least 24 different nationalities.

Isn't it great? One of the best things about work was getting to know my Chinese, Korean, Indian, Vienamese, and Qatari coworkers. A traditional Indian wedding at Barsana Dham (yep, in Austin) was a blast.
Oops, forgot the Russians, Australians, and various Europeans.

Quite a learning expeience for a rural Texas boy.

 

[IBWino]

When your status report to your boss says that you didn't get your project finished because you spent too much time working on status reports.

Or because you spent all of your time in mandatory training for:

1. Corporate Ethics Policy​
2. Safety Procedures​
3. Communication Skills​
4. Principles and Qualities of Good Leadership​
5. Export Controls​
6. Sexual Harrasment​
7. etc.​
8. etc.​
9. etc.​

 

[IndependentlyPoor]

They fly you halfway around the world to make a 15 minute presentation that everyone ignores.

 

[Tigger]

Isn't it great? One of the best things about work was getting to know my Chinese, Korean, Indian, Vienamese, and Qatari coworkers. A traditional Indian wedding at Barsana Dham (yep, in Austin) was a blast.
Oops, forgot the Russians, Australians, and various Europeans.

Quite a learning expeience for a rural Texas boy.

Yes, makes for wonderful parties! Greek food, Belgian beer, French wine, Spanish ladies getting the dance floor going, etc.

 

[GoodSense]

A literal quote from an email I got yesterday:

"Thank you for surfacing this issue and forwarding it to the appropriate stakeholders."

Do we work for the same company?

 

[Rambler]

They fly you halfway around the world to make a 15 minute presentation that everyone ignores.

+1

...when a member of the BoD tells you that "you will never be nominated for a Board role because you are too smart and too good of an operator to be on a Board" (actual statement, when asked what I wanted to do in my future).

...so, if I'm smarter than the collective Board, why again to they exist? I think I need to re-consider my goals... Aw heck with it...skip the ESR, maybe just ER instead...

R

 

[stevenst]

A literal quote from an email I got yesterday:

"Thank you for surfacing this issue and forwarding it to the appropriate stakeholders."

Perfect. I guarantee that the stakeholders reached out and addressed the issue as a collaborative opportunity. Translation: Assigned the problem to someone else.

Steve

 

[scrinch]

"We brought our global operations together by leveraging a balanced matrix organization..."

Given that leverage is essentially a way of taking advantage of imbalance, I'd say that this is a bit of an oxymoronic statement. Light on the oxy, heavy on the moronic!

 

[Moscyn]

When I get the annual reminder to complete my mandatory 2 hours diversity training.

 

[vicente solano]

Yes, makes for wonderful parties! Greek food, Belgian beer, French wine, Spanish ladies getting the dance floor going, etc.

Hey, what do you mean with that "Spanish ladies getting the dance floor going" thing?

 

[brewer12345]

Perfect. I guarantee that the stakeholders reached out and addressed the issue as a collaborative opportunity. Translation: Assigned the problem to someone else.

Steve

Unfortunately, this is more likely a situation that will cleave to the "no good deed goes unpunished" adage. There is almost no way short of quitting that I will get out of having to help on this one. Damn my professionalism and work ethic...

 

[brewer12345]

When I get the annual reminder to complete my mandatory 2 hours diversity training.

Oh, yes, mandatory training. Let's see, in the past year I was sent to a two day class on how to write (I have been a published author of business pieces for years) and a week of basic credit training (I have been a credit analyst for over a decade). In the next year, I expect to be sent to a course on how to have meetings with management teams (I have been grilling C-level execs for years as a rating agency analyst, buy side analyst, etc.).

 

[Rambler]

...when the CEO talks about building loyalty and employee retention, after there have been 5 CEOs in 8 years...

R