You really can't go home again...or not?

[Orchidflower]

I have time now and am in my hometown eldercaring an aging parent, so, for the first time in my adult life, I have the time and computer to sit down and track just a few people I lost contact with since high school (that is a tad over 40 years ago!). This has been really interesting. I find I have about a 60% positive/40% no response at all ratio.
(I must tell you that I worked pretty much all the time for the past 40, never went to a high school reunion, never visited anyone hardly...just worked....the American way for the big, fat American dream..ha! However, I was relatively popular in school and never had a beef with any relatives that I know of.)
Even more interesting is finding out who wants to have a relationship (even if it just stays at email level) and who simply has no interest.
Some good childhood friends just have no interest, others are delighted and want to get together asap. Some relatives either write the shortest note they can, and other relatives want to know everything about my life and share theirs.
One old beau from when I was just 15, and our mothers were associates, has written me two short notes and each time asked, "Where are you? What are you up to?" What is with that? I answered him before, so did he not read that long email? Frustrating. I just cannot figure that one out, but am sitting back now and letting him come to me if he wants to continue writing. I've written two informative emails, so that is my quota.
So, what I was wondering is: Has anyone else on this board ever attempted to reconnect with people they have not seen or heard from since, say, high school? What has been your experience with it? It's been a fascinating ride to try and reconnect, and a really interesting study of human nature, that's for sure. People...go figure
(The ones that I was able to get together with was a blast, tho! And so worth the time I took digging them up!)

 

[kcowan]

I reconnected with high school buddies at a 25th reunion. Fun to talk over old times and find out what they were up to but that was it. We all have our own lives now. Did some work with my Uni Grad class and same results, even for really close buddies.

Maybe Facebook will change things by enabling continuous contact for those that want it.

 

[Orchidflower]

This is what I got from someone who attends all the reunions (she's local):
25th: Comparing paychecks; bragging about their kids' accomplishments
45th: Comparing operations, aches and pains.
No kidding...this was what I have been told.
Some who bragged about their high achieving kids now are either back home (divorced and bringing the kiddies home to Grandma and Grandpa) or doing time in some jail cell.
Guess the old saying that "you never know" is true.
I was no different than you, kcowan, at around the 25th year of being out of school. But being retired for the meantime, I have the time to slow down and enjoy for once (as much as you can enjoy while eldercaring). Amazing to me that I have taken the time to write people, also. But I never took the time before to contact anyone as I was, like you, chasing that American dream...towards Heart Attackland, I guess.

 

[Sandy]

never tried to catch up with old HS friends, but my parents live in the same town and I get lots of up dates on people I don't remember.

could be others are not in the same place (time and a computer in hand) to reconnect. Could be they don't look back at that time with the same views or see themselves as very different from then so don't expect any commonalities. Some like to compartmentalize their lives into the moment, others like continuity.

FWIW, I did reconnect with my first significant other for a couple of years. It was challenging to recreate a [-]new relationship [/-] friendship in the context of current lives and loves which kept colliding with past closeness and hurts. Would do it again, but it is asking for much pain.

 

[Orchidflower]

If that was your first significant love relationship...ouch! You have more guts than I do. If I were to renew my thing with my first love--who lives about 2 miles from where I am eldercaring now--well...I have no doubt I would hide behind the grocery store shelving if I saw him.
It HAS breezed thru my mind what would I do if I saw him? He caused me alot of pain, which I got over fast by moving on to other dates (ahhh..youth). But that still does not make me want to talk with him. Gosh! It took me ten (10, yes!) years to quit having dreams about sitting down and talking with him at a cafe over coffee and asking him why he was such an a**hole...I mean, why he dumped me like he did. Do not want to revisit that.

 

[Gumby]

..

 

[CuppaJoe]

An early (mutual) crush of mine appeared as the opposition client in a divorce appeal case, 2,000 miles away from our last meeting. It was very weird, and I lived in dread of receiving a phone call! It was like the elephant in the room that no one talks about. When I had occasion to call the opposition attorney's office, it was like they really wanted to take my call. For the first time ever, my boss went to the courthouse to read the Superior Court record instead of keeping a copy in the office, so at least I didn't have to see that. The ex-spouse was ever so friendly, and after the case was over, wanted to come into the office to meet me; hasn't happened yet, hope it doesn't!

 

[Orchidflower]

Oh my! That is some story!!!!

 

[Goonie]

Some of the folks that I grew up with and went to school with are still good friends. I see several others from time to time around town. I never go out of my way to try to contact those that I've not seen, or that I've lost touch with. I figure if they want to get in touch with me they can......I still live here in town in my childhood home......I'm waaaayyy easy to locate!

I've gone to a couple of class reunions and hung out with my long time friends there. We ignored and/or made sh*t of the class @$$holes, and had a pretty good time as well! We did renew a few (very few) old acquaintances. Our group thought that we'd just go in and visit around for a little while, eat dinner, and then leave early. As it turned out we were the last to leave.....the owner had to tell us to leave so they could close up!

Other than that, I've never tried to find former [-]cell mates[/-] classmates.

 

[W2R]

For some reason I don't really want to meet my old classmates, though I sometimes do wonder what happened to them. So, I read the "Class of '66" notes in the material the alumni association sends out, and also I will sometimes look one up on zabasearch and then browse the internet for clues.

Most of them seem to have lived very boring lives, staying in the same place and taking over their father's boring business, and/or marrying their high school sweetheart and raising four kids in the suburbs, and that kind of thing. There are exceptions - - a Senator, a few professors and researchers, and a well known author, and others who followed their dreams. The guy who wanted to be a doctor more than life itself, ended up being an English professor.

 

[haha]

Gosh! It took me ten (10, yes!) years to quit having dreams about sitting down and talking with him at a cafe over coffee and asking him why he was such an a**hole...I mean, why he dumped me like he did. Do not want to revisit that.

A woman friend of mine ran into a guy who more or less left her at the altar 40 years ago. They snuck around a little while, then soon he was divorced and my friend and her former fiance were married.

I guess she forgave.

Ha

 

[Orchidflower]

Out of the 3 Jr. highs in my town, 2 of them really still stuck together thru high school; but, since my Jr. high was broken up with haves and have nots, it really seems to have caused a dissension with this group even to this day...and we are 62-63 now! 2, yes, TWO, people from my 1st thru 9th grade class went to the recent high school reunion (all 3 Jr. highs went to the same high school if you did not figure that out). The other schools came in droves. But mine...nada. And that is out of 150 attendees!

Yes, haha, I guess she did forgive him. I would forgive him to...with a baseball bat for being such a jerk! Guess I lack a sense of humor.

 

[Moemg]

I contacted some of my high school friends thru classmates .com .It was amusing for a few e-mails and then back to real life .

 

[FinanceDude]

Well, I have no wish to rehash the past. My best friend from HS committed suicide 7 years ago, and he was the only one I kept in contact with.........

Most of the guys I was tight with got a job at the local factory, got married right away, and didn't want to associate with us "college guys"...........

They're still sitting on the same bar stool at the bowling alley that they were 20+ years ago..........

 

[FinanceDude]

A woman friend of mine ran into a guy who more or less left her at the altar 40 years ago. They snuck around a little while, then soon he was divorced and my friend and her former fiance were married.

I guess she forgave.

Ha

Or just wanted more than a FWB........

 

[CuppaJoe]

I was ("inadvertently"!) in town the weekend of my classes’ 10th reunion. An old on-again off-again friend called thinking that was why I was in town, invited me to join her because she didn’t want to go alone. Instead I hung out with some younger guys from the neighborhood, and had a really good time. We ended up at a pizza bar and in walked one of the nicest guys from my class, looking as sad as anyone can. In typical small town fashion he had been kicked out of his position as senior class president.... I guess I should improve my manners and respond to the reunion notices that come every five years but somehow they get put in a drawer and forgotten.

I check the obits in the hometown on-line newspaper and it surprises me how many people from my class (who usually appear as survivors) are just familiar names to me; I couldn’t tell you anything about their H.S. personalities to save my life. So goes the class of ‘64.

 

[TromboneAl]

FWB = Friend with Benefits -- haven't heard that before.

 

[Orchidflower]

I am living in the town I went to high school in...and STILL had no desire to go the reunion, so I get you, CuppaJoe. I just cannot see spending money to ever go to one either, but people actually fly in and stay at a hotel to attend these things. Why? I surely don't "treasure" my high school memories...or even my college ones.
Now my work/career ones...yes.
From my limited experience, it seems that those who treasure these high school memories are the ones that have no college memories...or the people who had jobs (versus careers or having a professional job). Just my opinion. But every one who enthusiastically tries to push me into going to my reunion has been someone who (as quoted above) is still sitting on the same bar stool for the last 20. Job and not career types.
I'm very excited to see all the old neighborhood people, tho. Big difference.

 

[Joss]

There obviously exist folks that seem to live and breath the reunion activities. Someone puts these events together. But it looks like there's not much affinity here for deep repetitive pursuit of the past. I wonder if there is some personality divider that separates a group that pursues early retirement from those that seem to stay plugged into their past.

This is sketchy, but it might seem that those remaining "plugged in", might also tend to find themselves caught up in "keeping up". Financially, that might negate FIRE options. Or maybe FIRE is just a forward looking concept, at odds with a rearward looking one.

 

[travelover]

I went to my 25th high school reunion and was surprised at how well I remembered the kids that I had started out in elementary school with. I even remembered their voices and mannerisms. Kids that I only knew in high school honestly just didn't register, for the most part.

That was the only reunion I've attended and I don't know if I'd go to another - my curiosity was satisfied. One bizarre aspect was seeing so many people in one room of the exact same age. Some looked 20 years younger, some 20 years older than their actual ages.

 

[HFWR]

I went to my 25th high school reunion and was surprised at how well I remembered the kids that I had started out in elementary school with. I even remembered their voices and mannerisms. Kids that I only knew in high school honestly just didn't register, for the most part.

That was the only reunion I've attended and I don't know if I'd go to another - my curiosity was satisfied. One bizarre aspect was seeing so many people in one room of the exact same age. Some looked 20 years younger, some 20 years older than their actual ages.

Ditto...

 

[bright eyed]

I moved back to the town I grew up in a couple of years ago and it has been interesting for me as well. Our 10th reunion was really great - everyone was very happy to see each other, catch up etc. Many of us had been through elem and jr. high together so we all new enough about each other that it was hard to fake anything!

Now that i'm here permanently, I find it nice to catch up with old friends. It seems age has made us a little wiser and any old beefs have disappeared. I have also recently caught up with a lot of college friends and it has been the same.

There are however, some times where it is just awkward because people have moved on, are in a different place. But I think as long as you don't take it personally, than it won't drag the experience of reconnecting for you - down a negative path. Most of the time if you're just genuinely happy to see that person, then they will return the sentiment.

At first i would get a little frustrated if someone didn't return the enthusiasm, but I got over it and was just happy with whoever responded and wanted to get together.

Friendships in general take a lot of work and different people expend different amounts of energy maintaining them!

 

[bssc]

Thanks to Uncle Sam, I graduated from Seoul American HS in lovely South Korea. We haven't really had many reunions but I still keep in touch with friends which make for interesting meetings such as
Saturday, one of my friends called because his wife's horse got colic while they were riding along the Grand Canyon. They were in town at the vets and we saw them for lunch.
Another ended up in a small town in Wyoming at the hospital my wife's friend's sister works and they came to our wedding together.
I was in Sydney on business and found another friend about two miles from my office. We got together for lunch.
Another couple from HS help me buy our land in Colorado that we want to retire to.
We were taking a cruise from Hawaii and met up with another friend.

There are another five or six that I am contact with on a regular basis, much more than my friends from college, which number two.

 

[tangomonster]

I'd rather have root canal without an anesthetic than to go back to a HS reunion! HS was not a good time in my life, in a town where there were two distinct sections, lower-middle class (my side) and upper middle-class. Guess where the popular kids came from? And while they weren't quite as bad as the bullies you hear about in today's schools, they were not exactly sweet kids. Of course not everyone was like this, but these kids did sort of set the tone. And I was kind of a different type of kid who didn't easily fit into a category.

So no desire to go back and revisit anyone. But I've often wondered why I've never received an invitation for a class renunion in the past 35 years. Yup, moved to three different states and changed my name when I get married, but it does seem like with computers, people would get tracked down. Did anyone else not ever receive an invite? Or is this just one more example of those wickedly mean kids from Livingston, New Jersey?

 

[Nords]

I've reconnected with a few... a former girlfriend, another friend, one or two acquaintances. It's usually an e-mail or two but sometimes more-- one friend's son was applying to the Naval Academy and they had questions for me.

But I've often wondered why I've never received an invitation for a class renunion in the past 35 years. Yup, moved to three different states and changed my name when I get married, but it does seem like with computers, people would get tracked down. Did anyone else not ever receive an invite? Or is this just one more example of those wickedly mean kids from Livingston, New Jersey?

It's just too much work to track people down and separate out the names from the dupes. No one, not even ERs, would make the time for it.

Our H.S. class blew off the 25th because no one wanted to do the work. Not sure that there's much interest in a 30th, either.

If you really care to make it easier for your old classmates to track you down, register at a site like Classmates.com. At a minimum you'll find annoucements and maybe reconnect with one or two people. Some people change, some don't.

We watched a half-dozen USNA alumni plan a 55th reunion in Honolulu to which 125 couples showed up. They were all relatively hale & hearty (despite being in their high 70s) but even so the planning & execution was a heckuva lot of work. If our class ever plans a reunion here then I'm leaving town.

FWB = Friend with Benefits -- haven't heard that before.

Ah, but our kids have...