Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 05-30-2010, 02:10 PM   #61
Administrator
W2R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 38,827
I thought my daughter's attitudes towards her wedding ceremony and its expenses were very realistic and her wedding was lovely.

I would suggest that there are individuals in all generations who go nuts with wedding expenses, and other individuals in all generations who do not. If your kids or grandkids are spending too much on their weddings and sticking their parents with the bill, their generation is not to blame for it.
__________________

__________________
Already we are boldly launched upon the deep; but soon we shall be lost in its unshored, harbourless immensities.

- - H. Melville, 1851
W2R is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 05-30-2010, 02:15 PM   #62
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Amethyst's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 5,874
A wedding reception is a party, and parties should be all about the guests. But most weddings don't seem to be about the guests, and that is why they are so tedious. Like new houses in developments, the more people spend on a wedding, the more it is the same as the last wedding one attended, only bigger.

The above, I suspect, is why some of us remember our small, inexpensive, nontraditional weddings and receptions so fondly.

Amethyst
__________________

__________________
If you understood everything I say, you'd be me ~ Miles Davis
'There is only one success – to be able to spend your life in your own way.’ Christopher Morley.
Amethyst is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-2010, 02:15 PM   #63
Moderator Emeritus
Bestwifeever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 16,372
I know two young newly minted MDs who just got married at City Hall in December without telling anyone until two weeks after the fact. Her parents are soooo mad because they wanted to throw a lavish wedding for several hundred guests--exactly what the young couple wanted to avoid (and did).

So yes it is definitely not a generational thing, but personal.
__________________
“Would you like an adventure now, or would you like to have your tea first?” J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
Bestwifeever is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-2010, 02:25 PM   #64
Administrator
W2R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 38,827
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bestwifeever View Post
I know two young newly minted MDs who just got married at City Hall in December without telling anyone until two weeks after the fact. Her parents are soooo mad because they wanted to throw a lavish wedding for several hundred guests--exactly what the young couple wanted to avoid (and did).

So yes it is definitely not a generational thing, but personal.
That's what happened to me, only I wanted my parents to be there. I wanted both immediate families and a couple of friends, maximum 10 guests, in the back yard. But my parents insisted otherwise. So, I had to put up with an extravagant, lavish church wedding with 300+ friends of my parents (almost none of whom I knew) and catered bash with freely flowing champagne and all the trimmings afterwards. I regarded it as the distasteful but necessary hazing required to be accepted into the World of Married People.
__________________
Already we are boldly launched upon the deep; but soon we shall be lost in its unshored, harbourless immensities.

- - H. Melville, 1851
W2R is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2010, 03:36 AM   #65
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Tadpole's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,169
Before this thread scrolls off the front page I wanted to put in my own data. Total cost of wedding, including ring, $20. Still married after a zillion years.
__________________
Tadpole is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2010, 08:43 AM   #66
Full time employment: Posting here.
ronocnikral's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 852
while my joe job is an engineer, DW loves photography and has had a wedding photography business since 2000. since 2008 when we married we have a wedding photography business. It's uber annoying to me and I really detest it at times, but it funds both our Roths (DW's only income), savings and a vacation every year. here are a few observations about our target brides (upper 20's, about where me and DW are, just for us to come shoot your wedding is about $3000):

1. All brides want it all. Regardless of age, race, socio-economic class
2. Most brides are unrealistic about what things cost. They want to know why our prices are so high. Not a discussion I get into. They book a cheaper photographer. These typically say, "I want your pictures at that guy's price."
3. Most of brides live on the edge, regardless of who is paying for the wedding. The latest and greatest story is the bride who booked us and complained about the cost of everything. They drove over in $30,000 truck to book us. Then she wanted "her" pictures so she could do her own save the dates. I had to go over the US copyright act with her again. she whined and complained b/c she "just wanted a nice picture of them not in ski clothes or motorcycle jackets." found out they have both have sport bikes, a trailer to pull the sport bikes and take frequent trips to the rockies to cruise around. oh, and a 14 day honeymoon in fiji. and the bride downed about $100 worth alcohol the night before the wedding. and they hasseled us about our price the whole way. either way, they found the cash for their pictures and the mom wrote us the final check.
4. it's about them.
5. when we moved last year, we had a bunch of film negatives that we were going to throw out. we decided to call people and try to sell them to them for cheap ($300). i got sick of apologizing for bringing up their "first" wedding. We skated away with about $1000 before uncle same took his slice of pie.

i could go on and on. but what's interesting is living in this LBYM world and catering to people who do the opposite. Makes marketing tough, but we are doing alright now...

Our wedding was paid for by me. and ironically, we had no photographer.
__________________
ronocnikral is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2010, 09:18 AM   #67
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 886
Quote:
Originally Posted by haha View Post
I could never disagree with this attitude. It is the insane expenditures that seem, well insane.


God, I hope she didn't choose the wedding.

Ha
I've been sitting this one out, since I was the Father of the bride in 2008 and I get to do it again this year.
A few thoughts:
Guys who think nothing of buying a ridiculously expensive car often balk at the cost of a wedding. I realized that my brilliant, talented hard working and thrifty daughters had been dreaming of a storybook wedding since they were children.

I just went to a family wedding on LI. I own a small city car so I rent when I drive out of town. Our local rental agency knows me well and gave me a Mercedes for $44 a day when they heard I was going to a wedding on Long Island. It was even a modest wedding by LI standards. Yes the Bride came in a rented Rolls Royce, but the rest of the wedding party had to make do with a stretch limo . Otherwise it was simply a heck of nice party, no ice swans, no live band, lots of flowers and food. My daughter the bride-to-be could price it out to the penny. 120 people , $45,000

Was it worth it? Who knows.
__________________
Emeritus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2010, 07:07 PM   #68
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Amethyst's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 5,874
Reminds me of the secretary we had for a while (till we had to get rid of her, since even when she managed to show up, she did little work). She and her husband were forever behind on their mortgage and utility bills, but her cube was papered with costly professional portraits of her little boy in Santa's lap, dressed up as Cupid, in an Easter egg, in an Uncle Sam hat, in a Halloween pumpkin....thousands of $$ a year that she somehow found to spend at photo studios....and she had a new set of $45 fingernails every week.

I have never been the subject of a professional portrait, and have only ever had one manicure.

It's all about priorities, as you say.

Amethyst

Quote:
Originally Posted by ronocnikral View Post
3. Most of brides live on the edge, regardless of who is paying for the wedding. i could go on and on. but what's interesting is living in this LBYM world and catering to people who do the opposite. .
__________________
If you understood everything I say, you'd be me ~ Miles Davis
'There is only one success – to be able to spend your life in your own way.’ Christopher Morley.
Amethyst is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2010, 12:07 PM   #69
Moderator
Walt34's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Eastern WV Panhandle
Posts: 16,501
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emeritus View Post
Guys who think nothing of buying a ridiculously expensive car often balk at the cost of a wedding.
Not yours of course, but perhaps some others think that maybe the car will last longer than the marriage?

DW found her wedding dress at JC Pennys for I think about $120. And 21 years later it still fits her! Total cost of the wedding and honeymoon was ~$1,500, which was what we could afford at the time, paying cash. Family members took the photos, most of which are very good.
__________________
I heard the call to do nothing. So I answered it.
Walt34 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2010, 01:02 PM   #70
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 886
Quote:
Originally Posted by Walt34 View Post
Not yours of course, but perhaps some others think that maybe the car will last longer than the marriage?

DW found her wedding dress at JC Pennys for I think about $120. And 21 years later it still fits her! Total cost of the wedding and honeymoon was ~$1,500, which was what we could afford at the time, paying cash. Family members took the photos, most of which are very good.
When I got married I was unemployed and deeply in debt. (that's another story) My wife got a diamond engagement ring because my mother lost hers in the garbage when I was 9 and I searched through an apartment complex garbage dump for it. When I found it she promised to give it to any girl I would marry. And she did. Although I was unemployed my late mother in law was a saint, said I had wonderful prospects and paid for the honeymoon, half camping , half cheap motels in the Rockies. . The wedding was simple and suitable. No booze, nice eats, nice music. Friends took all the photos. DW wore her mother's wedding dress. DW can wear her college clothes and sometimes does to the distress of our daughters. Money doesn't make a wedding. Friends and family make a wedding.

I bought my first new car when I was 37 and needed a van to haul the kid's stuff. We always LBYM. I've only bought 3 new cars in my life.
__________________
Emeritus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2010, 01:20 PM   #71
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
bbbamI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Dallas 'burb
Posts: 9,039
Quote:
Originally Posted by bbbamI View Post
Mmmmm.....our wedding expenses came to a grand total of $30 in 1977 as we were married in a preacher's study.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spanky View Post
If there were a contest on the least expensive wedding, you would definitely win.
Nope....looks like I got beat out by $10.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tadpole View Post
Before this thread scrolls off the front page I wanted to put in my own data. Total cost of wedding, including ring, $20. Still married after a zillion years.
__________________
There's no need to complicate, our time is short..
bbbamI is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2010, 02:32 PM   #72
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
audreyh1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Rio Grande Valley
Posts: 16,456
Quote:
Originally Posted by ronocnikral View Post
1. All brides want it all. Regardless of age, race, socio-economic class

Our wedding was paid for by me. and ironically, we had no photographer.
No, all brides don't want it all! Maybe only those who hire wedding photographers.

And often it's one of the parents who wants it all.

I know quite a few who quietly went to city hall to avoid extreme parental pressure.

Audrey
__________________
Well, I thought I was retired. But it seems that now I'm working as a travel agent instead!
audreyh1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2010, 05:19 PM   #73
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Amethyst's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 5,874
What a great story! Think of you holding on to that ring all those years, studying each prospect, "Hmmm....is she found-ring-worthy? Is she? Hmmm."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emeritus View Post
My wife got a diamond engagement ring because my mother lost hers in the garbage when I was 9 and I searched through an apartment complex garbage dump for it. When I found it she promised to give it to any girl I would marry. And she did.
__________________
If you understood everything I say, you'd be me ~ Miles Davis
'There is only one success – to be able to spend your life in your own way.’ Christopher Morley.
Amethyst is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2010, 07:09 PM   #74
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Brat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 5,913
We gave each child a lump sum that they could use for their wedding or getting started. Daughter-in-law's family could contribute nothing, they had a nice church wedding and lovely reception with, probably, our contribution.

Daughter married into a family of Mediterranean origin... weddings are major productions. Her in-laws had and have a much bigger portfolio than husband and I so probably doubled our contribution (we were the out of towners, their side represented 75% of the guests so that was fair). The bride and groom had excellent jobs, guests included VC colleagues as well as family & friends. I never saw an accounting of what it cost and don't want to know.

The amount of $$$ spent on a wedding is part cultural. That is why the birth of a daughter in India can be a huge future expense for the parents.
__________________
Duck bjorn.
Brat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2010, 12:43 AM   #75
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Hyderabad
Posts: 75
You say India so I gotto throw my 2 cents in here :-)

In India lots of marriages are arranged marriages (still) so without money you may not be able to marry off ur daughter even when it is Love marriage (only kind of marriage people in Western countries know :-) many times its show-off time. Its very common for people to be spending 1-2 times of their annual income on weddings. Budgets upto 250-500K are happening. $15K to $50 K is middle to upper middle class range. Gifts to all kinds of relatives, 3-4 functions for 100-1000 people, bachelor parties in Goa/Thailand , designer dresses, diamond jewellery, 100 - 1000 grams of gold, Cars , Apartments, Honeymoon in Mauritious ... all on mainly Girls parents dime. Everybody is doing it (People with lessor means even take loan against retirement accounts) so everybody else has to ....

Aren't you glad that US/Europe culture has an option of doing or not doing it.....

Saddest thing is in India still some female infants get killed (Rural areas) because family does not want to deal with financial burden, male child is more desirable in most cases.
__________________
DesiGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2010, 06:33 AM   #76
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 886
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amethyst View Post
What a great story! Think of you holding on to that ring all those years, studying each prospect, "Hmmm....is she found-ring-worthy? Is she? Hmmm."
I never actually got to touch it. My mother pulled it off her hand and gave it to my princess.

Im flying out right now to see my mother, who is 90. But that's another thread
__________________
Emeritus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2010, 10:14 AM   #77
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 7,526
Re: Indian weddings. I just saw some facebook photos from a high school/college friend's wedding somewhere in the US. I'd have to imagine it probably cost in the low six figures. The groom came riding in on a white horse, ceremonial sword in air. Many other horses were involved, including the horse drawn carriage. Limos for the bride's family and groom's family. Probably 500-1000 guests. The bride had on maybe $50k worth of gold if I had to estimate. Not sure if she had precious gems too. At least six different costume changes.

But they (and their families) can most likely afford it. Dot com/computer people, pharma people, MD's, lawyers etc in the families.
__________________
Retired in 2013 at age 33. Keeping busy reading, blogging, relaxing, gaming, and enjoying the outdoors with my wife and 3 kids (5, 11, and 12).
FUEGO is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2010, 11:48 AM   #78
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
HFWR's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lawn chair in Texas
Posts: 12,964
Married twice. Maybe ten people at the first, four at the second.
__________________
Have Funds, Will Retire

...not doing anything of true substance...
HFWR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2010, 01:45 PM   #79
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,380
Quote:
Originally Posted by HFWR View Post
Married twice. Maybe ten people at the first, four at the second.
How many you inviting to the next, HF?
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2010, 03:40 PM   #80
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
HFWR's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lawn chair in Texas
Posts: 12,964
Quote:
Originally Posted by haha View Post
How many you inviting to the next, HF?
Zero, zilch, nada... Including myself!
__________________

__________________
Have Funds, Will Retire

...not doing anything of true substance...
HFWR is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
How much for daughter's wedding crispus Young Dreamers 189 05-20-2009 07:00 PM
Wedding gift Moemg Other topics 15 04-23-2009 04:21 PM
extra expenses? lowered expenses? 72t? retiringat50 FIRE and Money 6 01-08-2008 09:30 PM
Wedding Staples TromboneAl Other topics 12 08-01-2006 12:15 AM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:31 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.