Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Awkward Wealth
Old 09-05-2014, 10:39 PM   #1
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 7,746
Awkward Wealth

Today it happened. The first time I felt very awkward about being (relatively) wealthy.

Back in the spring, I found myself having coffee with two neighbors. We all have kids that attend the neighborhood elementary school, and we also have younger kids around age 2 or 3. The two neighbors are discussing finances and one of them (let's call her A) reveals the financial difficulties she's facing. They are about to lose their used car due to missing one payment too many. Her husband can't find work and has been scraping by on day laborer jobs and occasional handyman stuff.

I kept my mouth shut about why it was 10 am on a weekday and I'm hanging out shooting the breeze over coffee (I'm ER'd). The other neighbor knows I'm retired but she didn't toss that fact out for discussion (she has tact).

I see A while walking to school and at school functions and consider her an acquaintance. I forgot she worked at the local Trader Joes until I bumped into her this morning at TJ's (again, around 10 am). I chat with her a bit and then proceed with my shopping. Capers, marinated artichokes, wine, champagne, cheese - the regular things you get at TJ's that aren't cheaply found at Walmart or Aldi.

Crap, I can't find any caviar. I don't even know why it's on my grocery list other than DW put it there (it wasn't me!). After looking everywhere for the caviar, I finally decide to ask someone. The only person around was my acquaintance A. I tried to make it sound less expensive by asking "do you know where the fish eggs or caviar is located?". I already had my cart full of all these clearly luxury goods by this point. "A" told me the caviar is in the cheese section, but it's seasonal. Check back around Thanksgiving.

It felt awkward. And I felt a little guilty. I know I shouldn't feel guilty though.

Anyone else have those awkward wealth moments?
__________________
Retired in 2013 at age 33. Keeping busy reading, blogging, relaxing, gaming, and enjoying the outdoors with my wife and 3 kids (8, 13, and 15).
FUEGO is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 09-05-2014, 10:52 PM   #2
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
easysurfer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 13,127
During conversations, some people say "TGIF" meaning of course, glad the w*rk week is over. I usually say, "Yes" then change the topic

I remember when first "breaking the news" to a few friends that I was retired. The expression of some of their faces were "gosh, you must be rich" and that felt a bit awkward as I really don't consider myself rich but that I w*rked hard to put myself in the position that allowed me to FIRE.

I got no problems with caviar as you'd see me in the canned tuna and canned sardines section anyhow
__________________
Have you ever seen a headstone with these words
"If only I had spent more time at work" ... from "Busy Man" sung by Billy Ray Cyrus
easysurfer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 03:07 AM   #3
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 410
I wouldn't feel too bad about it. After all, if you weren't shopping there she wouldn't have the one steady job that is probably keeping their family afloat.

Might be nice to invite them over for dinner or something, though. Maybe during the conversation you can bring up some of the things you do to live a nice life on relatively little cash.
lhamo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 06:42 AM   #4
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Sarah in SC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 13,566
You are a southerner. Take them a casserole or a cake sometime with an encouraging note attached.
__________________
“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching.”
Gerard Arthur Way

Sarah in SC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 06:55 AM   #5
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
athena53's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 7,306
Back when they were offering an "economic stimulus" rebate in the US, my husband was talking with our dentist and his BIL as they were on their way to a church campout. (Dentist is also a member of our church.) The dentist and his BIL were talking about what they were doing with their money and asked DH what we were doing with our rebate. DH said, "We didn't get one- we're over the income limit". They asked him what the income limit was. DH gracefully sidestepped the question by saying he wasn't sure, but that between my wages and his SS we were over it.

So then I knew I probably made more than our dentist- and he's a darn good dentist. For the most part, DH and I are really careful of giving any indications of how well we're doing. That revelation was a bit of an accident.
athena53 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 07:08 AM   #6
Moderator
sengsational's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 10,622
Quote:
Originally Posted by FUEGO View Post
The only person around was my acquaintance A. I tried to make it sound less expensive by asking "do you know where the fish eggs or caviar is located?".
It just HAD to be caviar that you couldn't find, hehe! The quintessential luxury food.
sengsational is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 07:17 AM   #7
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
travelover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 14,328
After I hit my first million, I quit hanging with the little people....


But seriously, we keep a low profile. Just replaced a 10 year old car and some acquaintances were surprised that we bought new.
travelover is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 07:19 AM   #8
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 728
We're the wealthier ones in our extended family. We just don't talk about it but we discreetly help out when we can. We'll send gift cards from Santa to needy families at Christmas, maybe make a car payment if we have enough info, buy dinner, telling everyone we had a good week but we don't flash our money around and we live LBYM.
There is nothing wrong with being successful and I don't feel guily. I worked hard, saved and earned every dollar I and my family have. We give to charity, enjoy life and are thankful. So, why feel guilty. I do feel bad for those having financial difficultiies but I was once told that poor folks in the U.S. live better than 75% of the people in the rest of the world. So, comparatively speaking, you may have more than your friends but they have food on the table, a roof over their heads and a social support system to assist them. What's our choice? Why feel guilty? Great question, however. In closing I think the successful should remain humble.....and quietly thank their "higher power" for their health, family and financial success.
jerome len is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 07:56 AM   #9
Recycles dryer sheets
jetpack's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 437
I forgot about the stimulus rebate! I think the income limit was $150k for 2. I didn't get one, but I'm single.

When I got a new Nissan, I get asked what my payments are on it. What's the mortgage on my house. I don't pay those.
jetpack is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 08:14 AM   #10
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 3,046
Quote:
Originally Posted by sengsational View Post
It just HAD to be caviar that you couldn't find, hehe! The quintessential luxury food.
She probably thought, this guy is really rubbing it in, what a jerk.
jim584672 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 08:22 AM   #11
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Crownsville
Posts: 3,695
Hmm, I don't remember those economic stimulus checks. I searched on it, and it looks like they started phasing once your AGI got above $75K, for a single taxpayer. I'm not even above that now, so I wonder if I got one and just didn't remember it?

I do remember them dropping my SS contribution rate from 6.2 to 4.2 percent, for a couple years, though.

Were those checks something that you actually got in the mail, or was it something that the tax man should have been smart enough to factor in, when he did my taxes?

As for wealth embarrassment moments, the only one I can think of recently, was when I got a bonus check at work, for $1,000. I think it came to about $425 after they took out taxes, 401k, etc. I was chatting about it with one of the secretaries, who's on another contract, so she wasn't eligible for one. I know she's not in good financial shape, so I don't like to rub good fortune in her face. I didn't bring it up, but one of the other secretaries, who is on our contract and got a bonus check, bragged about it to her. She wouldn't mention how much she got though, so this first secretary was curious, and asked me about it.

I told her that mine was for $1,000, but it was only $425 after they took everything out, and I probably said it in a nonchalant manner, without even realizing it. She said that she would LOVE $1000, or even $425, because it would really help her a lot.

That made me feel awkward, that I was taking the "only" $425 attitude, where to her it was a really big deal.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm still grateful for the $425. I'd rather have it then not have it. But to me, it's nothing earth-shattering.

And, every once in awhile, I've brought up the topic of house-hunting, with various people. I usually set the search parameters on the real estate websites as two acres or more (willing to go one, though, if I see something I REALLY like) and no more than $700,000.

When people hear that $700K figure, their eyes often bug out, and they ask if I could really afford that? I tell them no, but in the next 5-6 years I should be able to, plus using my current home as a down payment. I also remind them that $700K is the absolute upper limit...I really want to go as low as possible!

Anyway, I've learned to cut out the house-hunting talk. And also, it might seem a bit foolish to be looking now, when I won't be seriously in the market for 5-6 years. But still, if something I absolutely fell in love with came on the market for, say, $400K, I might jump on it now.
Andre1969 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 08:22 AM   #12
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
MRG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 11,078
If it's ever brought up again, caviar is fish eggs. Tell them you were looking for salmon caviar, it's cheap, some eat it, some use it for fish bait.
MRG is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 08:30 AM   #13
Gone but not forgotten
imoldernu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Peru
Posts: 6,335
Pour moi, being poor, means never having to say "I'm sorry".

It's one of those unappreciated benefits.
imoldernu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 08:49 AM   #14
Moderator Emeritus
Bestwifeever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 17,773
A question I am 100 percent sure I will never ask: where can I find the caviar?

If you don't feel jealous of what others have, there is no reason to feel guilty about what you have. You have control over only one of these two situations.
__________________
“Would you like an adventure now, or would you like to have your tea first?” J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
Bestwifeever is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 08:58 AM   #15
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 18,085
We mostly live low profile, about average for our area. So we don't have awkward wealth moments too often. I did get caught flatfooted when another parent at the kids' school congratulated me on finding a new job (DW mentioned it). I sort of feel funny about even taking this contract, and didn't bother telling anyone other than immediate family. It got even a bit more odd when it came out in my response that I was not currently working. Since I haven't shaved in a couple of weeks and I was wearing a 10 year old pair of pants that have developed a fringe of strings at the bottom of the legs, I am sure all she thought was that I was an unemployed loser.
__________________
"All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others."

- George Orwell

Ezekiel 23:20
brewer12345 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 08:59 AM   #16
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 7,746
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah in SC View Post
You are a southerner. Take them a casserole or a cake sometime with an encouraging note attached.
I'm thinking about throwing some handyman work to the husband. Then I can sit on my a$$, dine on caviar and champagne to the sound of someone else hammering away on my house.
__________________
Retired in 2013 at age 33. Keeping busy reading, blogging, relaxing, gaming, and enjoying the outdoors with my wife and 3 kids (8, 13, and 15).
FUEGO is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 09:02 AM   #17
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
athena53's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 7,306
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andre1969 View Post
Hmm, I don't remember those economic stimulus checks. I searched on it, and it looks like they started phasing once your AGI got above $75K, for a single taxpayer. I'm not even above that now, so I wonder if I got one and just didn't remember it?
Oh, they were checks. The idea was instant gratification/spending, not waiting till next April.
athena53 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 09:04 AM   #18
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,679
Andre, as I was looking up in my checking account registers I have in old spreadsheets, I was remembering how those stimulus payments worked.

There was one in 2001 which was more of an advance on one's taxes owed after the 2001 Bush tax cuts went into effect. Single people got $300 back and I got a $300 check that August. I believe the month you got a check depended on your month of birth or a digit in your SSN, not sure which. That $300 turned out to be more of a shell game.

Then there was another stimulus check in 2008. I have a record of a $600 deposit that June. Not sure but I do not believe it was an advance on my tax bill like it was in 2001. I don't think it was phased out as income rose because my 2008 income ended up being over $300k after I cashed out cmpany stock for my ER.

Then there was that short-lived Payroll Tax holiday in 2009 which lasted a few years. That lowered the FICA tax by 2% to 4.2%, increasing one's take-home pay for a while. That might have had a phase-out but I don't know because I never had to file that form with my taxes (I had already ERed).
__________________
Retired in late 2008 at age 45. Cashed in company stock, bought a lot of shares in a big bond fund and am living nicely off its dividends. IRA, SS, and a pension await me at age 60 and later. No kids, no debts.

"I want my money working for me instead of me working for my money!"
scrabbler1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 09:05 AM   #19
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 7,746
Quote:
Originally Posted by athena53 View Post
Back when they were offering an "economic stimulus" rebate in the US, my husband was talking with our dentist and his BIL as they were on their way to a church campout. (Dentist is also a member of our church.) The dentist and his BIL were talking about what they were doing with their money and asked DH what we were doing with our rebate. DH said, "We didn't get one- we're over the income limit". They asked him what the income limit was. DH gracefully sidestepped the question by saying he wasn't sure, but that between my wages and his SS we were over it.

So then I knew I probably made more than our dentist- and he's a darn good dentist. For the most part, DH and I are really careful of giving any indications of how well we're doing. That revelation was a bit of an accident.
My dentist is always talking about how broke he is and how his wife spends all their money. Shopping, vacations, private school, etc. I feel a little guilty for asking about a 10% cash discount they offer. And feel guilty when they throw in a free service like buy 4 fillings get the 5th free (congenitally week teeth for 1 kid).

Of course I know his HH income was at least as much as ours was while working, they just spend money very differently from us.

The freebies and discounts might be coming to an end since DW let slip that I'm retired and she's on the way out the door. That was the day we paid $800 for DW's 2 crowns (no discount there, and they actually charged us $50 too much according to the insurance). I'm still trying to train her on the ways of the stealthy wealthy.

I had just fibbed to the office manager at the dental office about returning to work. I told her how we ended our 5 week vacation a couple weeks early just so we could come home and relax. She responded "Wow, that must have been nice to have a few weeks at home to catch up on life before returning back to work!" I just said "Yes."
__________________
Retired in 2013 at age 33. Keeping busy reading, blogging, relaxing, gaming, and enjoying the outdoors with my wife and 3 kids (8, 13, and 15).
FUEGO is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 09:15 AM   #20
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 7,746
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bestwifeever View Post
A question I am 100 percent sure I will never ask: where can I find the caviar?
I'm not really interested in eating it, but DW wanted to try it, or maybe put it on homemade sushi.

The Trader Joe's where A works is on the border between the somewhat poor part of town (where I and A live, less than a mile way from TJ's) and the very very wealthy part of town. I can imagine A encounters plenty of people who are wealthy (or at least spend as if they had a ton of money). I guess my question was par for the course in her store.
__________________
Retired in 2013 at age 33. Keeping busy reading, blogging, relaxing, gaming, and enjoying the outdoors with my wife and 3 kids (8, 13, and 15).
FUEGO is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Awkward Holiday Photos REWahoo Other topics 28 12-19-2012 11:07 PM
How to avoid an awkward prenup discussion when you have adult children... Nords FIRE and Money 24 08-12-2011 10:08 AM
when LBYM gets awkward figner FIRE and Money 44 05-17-2011 02:52 PM
From the fine folks who brought us Awkward Family Photos... REWahoo Other topics 14 07-16-2010 09:30 AM

» Quick Links

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:54 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.