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Best State for a Divorce
Old 08-30-2006, 11:00 PM   #1
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Best State for a Divorce

Friend of mine is facing the big "D", but it may be a ways off. They move with their work, and asked me which state is best ... which for the wife, which for the husband? They want to be fair, but not taken to the cleaners.

Any opinions / experience out there?
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Re: Best State for a Divorce
Old 08-30-2006, 11:08 PM   #2
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Re: Best State for a Divorce

try http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=714599
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Re: Best State for a Divorce
Old 08-30-2006, 11:17 PM   #3
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Re: Best State for a Divorce

Clearly the best state is one of significant intoxication.
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Re: Best State for a Divorce
Old 08-30-2006, 11:39 PM   #4
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Re: Best State for a Divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by youbet
Clearly the best state is one of significant intoxication.
Nope, thats probably how to get into a marriage not into a divorce.
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Re: Best State for a Divorce
Old 08-31-2006, 03:26 AM   #5
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Re: Best State for a Divorce

you must get divorced in the state you have your residence in....while you can get married in any state you have to get divorced in your own state as your bound by their laws
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Re: Best State for a Divorce
Old 08-31-2006, 07:32 AM   #6
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Re: Best State for a Divorce

If they are amicable, the cleaners don't apply -- they can write their own agreement (with lawyers' help). If they are not amicable, then no amount of moving will help.
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Re: Best State for a Divorce
Old 08-31-2006, 12:30 PM   #7
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Re: Best State for a Divorce

Going through it myself, here's my comments:

For my state, you can get divorced here after you've met the residency requirements, which are...6 weeks. Each state probably differs in their requirements, but you can probably find the laws online.

I think one big thing to consider is whether a property is a community property state or not. There are 11 of them, I think, including mine. In my case, that means that everything we own or earn during the marriage (unless it was brought into the marriage, received as a gift or inheritance, and not commingled with other community property) is 50/50, regardless of who earned it or whose name is on the title. Right now, while I am going through the final stages of the process, all my income is half hers (and hers is half mine).

If they want to be fair and not get taken to the cleaners, I would suggest that they:

1. First sit down themselves and try to write up an agreement. Financially, it should determine all of their assets and liabilities along with who gets what. Kid-wise -- if they have any -- it should determine who gets who when, taking holidays and school into account.
2. Take whatever they agreed on along with a list of whatever they can't agree on to an attorney-mediator. This will cost them approximately 1/4 of what it would cost to go to lawyers separately. Mediate, mediate, mediate.
3. Each take the mediation agreement to a lawyer of their choice to review it to make sure they understand and make sure there are no big mistakes or misunderstandings.
4. File a stipulated divorce -- basically you take the mediated agreement to a divorce judge, and he rubberstamps it and says you're done. Judges would much rather have couples come up with their own agreement than have to decide it for the couple. Also, if kids are involved the more amicable you can make it the better (as long as you're not capitulating).
5. Another point on kids -- check with the local district court. Each state is required by federal law to establish child support guidelines, which in my case are considered de facto fair. In our case we are adopting the guidelines wholesale into our agreement.

Bottom line, I don't think any one state is pro-wife or pro-husband. The court system tries to be fair and establishes guidelines in each area as to what is fair, and in most states there is already established case law on stuff. The problem comes in that each marriage brings a different set of circumstances to the table which makes applying the guidelines somewhat of a judgment call.

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Re: Best State for a Divorce
Old 08-31-2006, 12:50 PM   #8
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Re: Best State for a Divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by mathjak107
you must get divorced in the state you have your residence in....while you can get married in any state you have to get divorced in your own state as your bound by their laws
That's the whole point of the question-- the "friend" is trying to figure out what state to establish residency in before they execute the divorce.
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Re: Best State for a Divorce
Old 08-31-2006, 05:12 PM   #9
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Re: Best State for a Divorce

Moving to find a less punitive divorce law state would be counterproductive to at least one of the two in the marriage and I doubt that one would agree to move. Unless it is truly a no fault amicable divorce it will cost at least one of the involved parties a large amount of their assets. Even no fault divorces need an agreement that is legal in that state. If kids are involved the state will determine the formula for child support; not you. Retirement plans are also frequently divided by formula with a large portion going to the spouse with little or no established plans; especially if it is a long term marriage and there is a 40% or higher difference in income between the two parnters.

The only good state for divorce is the proper state of mind one will eventually be in when it is all said and done. In the meantime, it is a state of chaos.
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Re: Best State for a Divorce
Old 08-31-2006, 05:59 PM   #10
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Re: Best State for a Divorce

now matter which one you pick you end up in a state of confusion
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Re: Best State for a Divorce
Old 08-31-2006, 06:26 PM   #11
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Re: Best State for a Divorce

in new york we are an equitable distribution state and let me tell you that can be worse than a community property state sometimes..at least with community property you get at least half....dont confuse equitable with equal they are very different...a judge may award your wife 3/4 of everything just because your earning potential is higher and you can make it back over a lifetime and she cant
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Re: Best State for a Divorce
Old 08-31-2006, 08:22 PM   #12
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Re: Best State for a Divorce

So SecondCor.....If someone mediates, and the lawyer submits this paperwork to the court how long will it take for the judge to approve/dissapprove and get this back to the lawyer? What is the timeline?

Is this what you did too?
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Re: Best State for a Divorce
Old 08-31-2006, 08:39 PM   #13
 
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Re: Best State for a Divorce

I'm guessing if you are a man some place like Afganistan or Saudi Arabia would give you a break!
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Re: Best State for a Divorce
Old 08-31-2006, 08:51 PM   #14
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Re: Best State for a Divorce

Now wait a minute. Are there kids involved? If so who will be taking care of them. Buying sneakers, going to parent teacher conferences, taking time off from work to bring them to the MD for an ear infection, waking up at midnight to give them the dose of medication and having to get a babysitter to go to a friends wedding. Or has someone not been in the workforce or has taken care of everything at home while the spouse travelled for work, or worked long hours or pretty much raised kids on their own.

It is not all about money. Sometimes you have to pay the piper.

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Re: Best State for a Divorce
Old 08-31-2006, 09:03 PM   #15
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Re: Best State for a Divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cut-Throat
I'm guessing if you are a man some place like Afganistan or Saudi Arabia would give you a break!
An Islamic Perspective on Divorce would give men more rights.
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Re: Best State for a Divorce
Old 08-31-2006, 10:59 PM   #16
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Re: Best State for a Divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spanky
An Islamic Perspective on Divorce would give men more rights.
I hereby drop my opposition to Muslim immigration.

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Re: Best State for a Divorce
Old 09-05-2006, 05:39 PM   #17
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Re: Best State for a Divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by Siv
So SecondCor.....If someone mediates, and the lawyer submits this paperwork to the court how long will it take for the judge to approve/dissapprove and get this back to the lawyer? What is the timeline?

Is this what you did too?
It is more or less what I am doing. I am currently on step 3 in my list, and have been told that it takes anywhere from 2 days to 2 weeks to get it signed off on by the judge, just depends on what the judge's schedule is like. Contrast that with an estimate of over a year for a divorce trial.

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