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Old 04-19-2015, 12:43 PM   #41
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This woman is a bit severe looking for me. I pass.

Ha
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Old 04-19-2015, 01:00 PM   #42
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Well, depends on how ugly...who really wants someone who is pathetically "grateful" for your attention? I wouldn't! I want someone who's secure in themselves, and also thinks I'm terrific, and shows it.

As far as looks are concerned, I advise looking past women's artificial enhancements (hair color/extensions, make-up, fake anything), but holding out for a well-proportioned body, which indicates someone who takes good care of herself...which can make a financial difference over time.

As far as "princesses" and such, I believe mates should treat one another as kings and queens - not one mate doing all the "treating" while the other one just takes.

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Si
1. Keep the "cute girl" to yourself. You should have learned there is no payoff in advertising it. Alternatively, date the ugly ones - they draw less attention from the outside and really appreciate the attention. .
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Old 04-19-2015, 01:06 PM   #43
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Well, depends on how ugly...who really wants someone who is pathetically "grateful" for your attention? I wouldn't! I want someone who's secure in themselves, and also thinks I'm terrific, and shows it.

As far as looks are concerned, I advise looking past women's artificial enhancements (hair color/extensions, make-up, fake anything), but holding out for a well-proportioned body, which indicates someone who takes good care of herself...which can make a financial difference over time.

As far as "princesses" and such, I believe mates should treat one another as kings and queens - not one mate doing all the "treating" while the other one just takes.

Amethyst
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The Ugly Wife is a Treasure at Home
Old 04-19-2015, 01:09 PM   #44
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The Ugly Wife is a Treasure at Home

https://alumni.columbia.edu/node/984246

Not sure about this, but there might be something to be said for it.


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As far as looks are concerned, I advise looking past women's artificial enhancements (hair color/extensions, make-up, fake anything), but holding out for a well-proportioned body, which indicates someone who takes good care of herself...which can make a financial difference over time.

How likely is it that a man would need outside advice in how to pick an attractive woman? Usually he will take the one who appeals to him most strongly, and for whom he is qualified. There is a nomogram that says what combination of a man's physical, social and financial appeal will let him play in what dating league, and men and women mostly understand this.

Ha
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Old 04-19-2015, 01:19 PM   #45
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And while we're looking to Communist China for cultural advice on anything ....

Better yet, take the founding patriot, Ben Franklin's advice and go for an ugly older woman:

Benjamin Franklin, Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress (1745)

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https://alumni.columbia.edu/node/984246

Not sure about this, but there might be something to be said for it.

Ha
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Old 04-19-2015, 01:40 PM   #46
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And while we're looking to Communist China for cultural advice on anything ....

Better yet, take the founding patriot, Ben Franklin's advice and go for an ugly older woman:
Not a bad idea for a 25 year old, but I am getting a bit long in the tooth for this tactic.
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Old 04-19-2015, 01:43 PM   #47
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I have a hunch she doesn't look like this because sometimes money just isn't all that important in deciding whom you'd like to spend the rest of your life with.
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This woman is a bit severe looking for me. I pass.

Ha
I met her once (a very long time ago) at my tailor's. She was actually quite pleasant and didn't ask me for anything. Made my decade. Don't you know who she is?
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Old 04-19-2015, 02:04 PM   #48
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True, but since the OP is early 20's, I guess old Ben will be right on target! Especially the part about putting a basket over her head. I mean, once you have managed to degrade a woman to that level, there should be no more nonsense about her asking you for anything, let alone financial help.

Amethyst

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Not a bad idea for a 25 year old, but I am getting a bit long in the tooth for this tactic.
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Old 04-19-2015, 02:14 PM   #49
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True, but since the OP is early 20's, I guess old Ben will be right on target! Especially the part about putting a basket over her head. I mean, once you have managed to degrade a woman to that level, there should be no more nonsense about her asking you for anything, let alone financial help.

Amethyst

Well said, as always.
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Old 04-19-2015, 04:01 PM   #50
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There is a nomogram that says what combination of a man's physical, social and financial appeal will let him play in what dating league, and men and women mostly understand this.

Ha
And what is nomogram for women?
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Old 04-19-2015, 04:15 PM   #51
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I met her once (a very long time ago) at my tailor's. She was actually quite pleasant and didn't ask me for anything. Made my decade. Don't you know who she is?
Bo Derek?
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Old 04-19-2015, 04:52 PM   #52
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Yes...as a systems engineer, I would be quite interested in the derivation of such a graphical computation.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nomogram

I tried looking up "nomogram for dating" and all I got were medical sites about bilirubin and such.

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And what is nomogram for women?
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Old 04-19-2015, 04:53 PM   #53
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No doubt, it tells you how beautiful she must be in order to make up for being annoyingly intelligent.

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And what is nomogram for women?
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Old 04-19-2015, 05:06 PM   #54
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My questions is- How do I deal with revealing/hiding my wealth to lovers and friends when they are in debt or haven't begun saving? And how do I screen for people who'd otherwise be chill becoming golddiggers when they find out about my beginning wealth?
I feel awkward hiding things and I love teaching people yet don't want the resentment or financial predators that come with having begun accumulating wealth.


Felipe, answer from a dirty old man.

1. At 22 years old you are way too young to be serious about any young lady, older ladies, that's something entirely different. Don't reveal your wealth and any young lady with with half a brain will be able to tell by your actions how you manage your finances.

2. Relationships are built on trust, period.

3. Don't feel awkward about holding your cards close to your vest and if people want your advice, they will ask for it.

4. If your lady friend has any special skills sets, work out a barter deal.
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Old 04-19-2015, 05:11 PM   #55
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No doubt, it tells you how beautiful she must be in order to make up for being annoyingly intelligent.
That is not very good for my plans to FIRE We guys must be really stupid.
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Old 04-19-2015, 09:46 PM   #56
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Bo Derek?
Yes. It is Bo Derek. So, we must give you ten points. However, since you passed on one of the very most beautiful women of all time, we must take away those points. Additionally, because of your poor decision making you are now destined to hook up with The Late, Great Moms Mabley in the afterlife.


Moms Mabley

You really passed on Bo Derek? OK, once again, I agree Bo Derek looks like someone from not of our species. But, pass on her...?
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Old 04-19-2015, 11:37 PM   #57
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What you do is take the person out to a nice restaurant, and say "Order whatever you want." If she goes for the most expensive stuff on the menu and you mind that, then that should be a sign
If expensive, I'd order same thing my date ordered. Then, when it came time to pay for the meal, I'd break out my Entertainment card, pay for dinner and say "sayonara".
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Old 04-19-2015, 11:39 PM   #58
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The first rule is to NOT share with them...

You should be able to figure out what kind of person they are by just dealing with them.... and if you cannot, then drop them....

It is interesting to see how some people act when they know you have money.... they think you should 'help' them out when they get into trouble... or like you GF, when they want something right now...

Being compatible with someone is much more than between the sheets....
+1

As a 42 yo divorced guy, I ask EVERY woman a few probing questions early on to be able to check against later...

for example, ask them what their goals are. Realize many people my age have a goal to stop dating, or climb a specific rock or go on a specific vacation. I don't care what the answer is short term.

I ask people what kind of car they drive, and then follow up with is the car a reflection of their personality...

Then I see they get a new car during dating and ask why (and was the first answer a true reflection of their personality). Many people talk about moving to a new part of town as a goal, and I want to see if they achieve what they set out to do.

When asked what my goals are, I don't put dollar signs on them. I just articulate what makes me tick

I am motivated by achievement- I like setting goals and achieving them
I also tick on control- I like having control over problems and solutions at work and at home. I then point out how much it bothers me that my employer has control over my time and I do my best to make sure one day that does not happen.

My dating philosophy is more along lines that I want someone whose goals don't interfere with mine, they don't need to be the same.

For example, is there really a difference if one person wants to save for their kids education where I want to save for retirement? Yes and no, clearly different goals, but similar traits are needed to achieve the goals.

I'm also still single, so it's not like I have this figured out
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Old 04-20-2015, 10:38 AM   #59
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A couple weeks ago DW and I went to our local neighborhood bar/restaurant for a lite dinner. There was a couple seated behind us who were talking about goals, etc. and it was obviously a first or early date... we were amused by it.

I guess I reached to the top shelf with DW... when we were dating my sisters were amazed that she was dating me.

As for finances, we were both pretty poor at the time... her a college student and me in the first few years of my career... and it was pretty easy to tell where her monetary values were. I recall just before we got married that we were looking at buying a small condo and didn't have the $2,000 down payment that was required, so we moved on and continued to rent. Fast forward to today, and our monthly credit card bill that gets paid off every month is about $2,000.
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Old 04-20-2015, 03:31 PM   #60
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Felipe - Whom you choose to marry is the biggest decision you will likely ever have to make in your life. Treat it with such importance. This is a decision that you will either live with the rest of your life, or will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Rich
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