Dad's Finances and Change in Behavior

[Badger]

When my DM was in assisted living and was dealing with dementia she kept telling me my brother was stealing her money. In this case he had POA and actually was to the tune of 6 figures. She was correct. Boy was that a mess to clear up.

As others have posted in the past it doesn't always have to be a stranger.

Cheers!

[ncbill]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr._Graybeard My dad's car had a disconnected coil wire until a helpful neighbor came by. Dad told him the car wouldn't start, so he looked under the hood, spotted the "problem" and put Dad back on the road to get lost again (at that point he didn't recognize his own house). I felt bad about the deception. But after years of caregiving, I learned that sometimes it was necessary to lie to keep the peace. Dad vindicated me one day during one of those temporary bouts of lucidity. While chatting with my wife, he suddenly blanched and asked her, "Have I been driving like this?" She reassured him that no, he wasn't driving. Of course, a week later he was on my case, demanding to know what I had done with his car keys.

We used a program at a local hospital (designed to help those going through physical re-hab get back to driving) to convince mom to give up driving after a formal evaluation.

[Dreamer]

So sorry for the loss of your mother, Scapr.

[braumeister]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scrapr Almost exactly 2 years ago the family had "the talk" with Mom & dad about Assisted Living. Dad's words? You're taking me out of here feet first. Fortunately Mom took him into the back room and they came out with their coats on to go "look". as soon as Mom heard she didn't have to cook anymore she was all in. Mom died this morning. They both Dx Alzheimers

Condolences. It's always hard, no matter what. Sounds like you did well by them.

[Scrapr]

Quote:

Originally Posted by braumeister Condolences. It's always hard, no matter what. Sounds like you did well by them.

Thanks. Mom had a series of strokes last week that put her in a vegatative state. She was not in pain. But was not aware of happenings. So we all could say our goodbyes.

We were fortunate to find good AL and Memory care facilities. Family owned and not the bigger ones. As we were checking out the Corporate ones I found the hiring review sites helpful. Glass door, etc. One big facility right next to the Corporate office was a beatiful building. But the staff hated it. They turned over the Director 2 & 3 times a year.

My SIL was really on top of this. When moving to Memory care they asked about medical records. She pulls out multiple 3 inch binders....on each parent. The Director was astounded. LOL

[lhamo]

So sorry, Scrapr -- glad your mom's passing was relatively peaceful. We lost my mom three weeks ago. Congestive Heart Failure. She was pretty with it mentally up until around mid-November. Then she had a few instances of writing checks that she couldn't remember what they were for. And a couple of falls. Went to the ER after the second one and her blood oxygen was in the low 80s. We think the low oxygen may have been connected to the cognitive decline -- something else to consider if a loved one has heart failure or pulmonary issues.

Oh, totally agree with checking the facilities carefully. Including annual reports. One place we looked at with a Memory Care unit had some serious management issues and had been fined for elevators not being properly permitted. I also checked employment listings, investment reports (LOTS of corporate takeovers -- that place with management issues had a huge underlying loan and rates were going to skyrocket eventually). And I tried to meet privately with residents and families at all the places we were looking at. The research paid off. The place mom moved to was affordable and had great staff and residents.

[robnplunder]

Threads like this make me glad that my parents are stone broke ....

[akidagain2018]

I have seen the behaviors you describe exhibited by elderly and other people under medication. It can be very disorienting for everyone involved. Don't worry, keep him safe, try to coax him to give you more control, and/or try explaining. But it sounds like he has some paranoia which could be age, mental decline, medication side effects. It can take a gentle touch to navigate this, but don't hesitate to do something to figure out what is going on with him. Someone, you probably, should visit his doctor with him and develop a relationship with his doctor(s) if possible, try to get the Doctor's diagnosis and recommendations first hand. He needs a family member or friend to be his advocate in getting good care/diagnosis, and understanding all that on his behalf.