Depressed.....What to do?

[omni550]

Well, I just ran firecalc using 35 years, 70K income, 850k starting, 12K duplex income, 10K wifes income, and taking SS at 62, wife is 5 years younger so she takes it when I am 67.

I added no income from me (very conservative, I will make money). Outcome is 100% success with average final balance of 2.9 million. I didn't include the $$ (400-500K) from downsizing my house or a probable inheritance of about 500K in 10 years.

I don't know if I am missing something but this looks very positive!!

Thanks for running Firecalc and posting your positive results.

Hopefully, this might help relieve some of your depression wrt finances.

From your more recent posts, I'm getting the sense that you are starting to possibly see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. That, and taking baby steps, one foot in front of the other, will hopefully propel you into a brighter future. Instead of seeing you as a loser, others may be jealous that you were able to quit the rat race so young.


omni

 

[Cantwaitanylonger]

So many questions and so much good advice. Thank you all so much.

I have (approximately) accounted for health care and taxes by upping my income needs to 70K. I really only need 50K to live. I also did not include and income from myself....I will make money.

I am going to give it a week or two more to address the depression. Part of it has already lifted by talking to you great people. Another part is lifted by running firecalc.

Comments like this help (and others like it)immensely:
I'm jealous of your situation as it sounds like you really enjoyed your work and the organization. Be grateful and use this time for a healthy break.


I am generally a happy-go-lucky, glass half full, count your blessings type of person. That is why the depression thing took me by surprise. I always thought I could handle this with no problem.

 

[Cantwaitanylonger]

Thank you for this post. It is actually bringing tears to my eyes.

Thanks for running Firecalc and posting your positive results.

Hopefully, this might help relieve some of your depression wrt finances.

From your more recent posts, I'm getting the sense that you are starting to possibly see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. That, and taking baby steps, one foot in front of the other, will hopefully propel you into a brighter future. Instead of seeing you as a loser, others may be jealous that you were able to quit the rat race so young.


omni

 

[Cantwaitanylonger]

To answer some of your questions, I have never had issues with depression.My plans were to work until 59.5 and start tapping 401K until FRA. I will receive full SS and my wife will get 50% spousal 5 years later. My wife has her own small business and she probably won't make more money or take another job. I called several attorneys and they didn't think I had an age case.

Did you have any issues over depression before you lost your job?

What were your plans for retirement before you lost your job?

You keep referring to your wife's SS..are your eligible on your own or for a spousal benefit?

I don't know how many hours a week your spouse works for the 800 a month but she might look for a different job with higher pay more hours..her wage doesn't even cover the prop tax on your lake home..

Were the victim of a system wide layoff or a targeted layoff..if it was targeted poke around and see if you have a case for age discrimination.

I mean you can drive Uber if you need to. You've got a lot of hand wringing going on here if you need to spend some money on counseling just grit your teeth and do it.

 

[Amethyst]

All natural feelings that anyone might have. For No. 8, though, you can defer 100% to logic. You haven't let anybody down, because you did not do anything to be let go. It would be like saying "That meteorite fell on my house! Now my roof is ruined, and it's all my fault!"

I think my depression is from a combination of the following:
1) Feeling of uselessness (nobody wants me)
2) Feeling of anger (how could they do this to me)
3) Feeling of helplessness (why won't anyone hire me)
4) Concern over finances
5) Concern that I will need to give up my dream house
6) Concern over quality of health care that I can afford
7) Some concern over what others think of me (that loser lost his job)
8) Feeling that I have let down my wife and kids

 

[tps7742]

First of all there isn't much more advice that I could offer than everyone has contributed alaready. Sounds like you are making very sound decisions now. Wow once again this is a great site!!

 

[Floridatennisplayer]

I would also use Fidelity's Retirement planner as further verification.

You seem in good shape to me.

 

[FIREd]

I think my depression is from a combination of the following:
1) Feeling of uselessness (nobody wants me)
2) Feeling of anger (how could they do this to me)
3) Feeling of helplessness (why won't anyone hire me)
4) Concern over finances
5) Concern that I will need to give up my dream house
6) Concern over quality of health care that I can afford
7) Some concern over what others think of me (that loser lost his job)
8) Feeling that I have let down my wife and kids

Pretty normal feelings for someone facing involuntary unemployment - I had all of those feelings when I was unexpectedly laid off during the dotcom meltdown. Daily exercise and keeping busy helped to clear up my head.

It looks like you had planned to retire at 59.5, only two years from now. So you must have been pretty well prepared for retirement by the time you lost your job (financially and psychologically). Minor adjustments might be necessary to account for your earlier than expected exit, but I think that if you take a step back you will realize that you have this under control.

 

[imoldernu]

Plenty of good advice here to build a good base of confidence and safety for the future. Looks like you're good to go...

No advice from me except to encourage continued "looking" for the possibilities and to relax.

In a similar situation, but career cut short by health considerations, DW and I retired at age 53, with a very small percent of your net worth. Currently feel safe and happy 28 years later. Sometimes, looking at actual situations, with real money and real people, helps with understanding the numbers that come from calculators or spreadsheets. The details of what happens, and what can happen, allows for a wider perspective. While it sounds scary, looking at real life scenarios is preparation for the unexpected. I guess the word is "calming".

Not as advice, but if you haven't been there, you might wanna peek at this older thread on ER for a not entirely dissimilar experience of unexpected early retirement. "Sharing 23 years of frugal retirement".

Definitely not your situation, but a dip into things that happen, with all of the smart things and the many, many dumb things that occurred along the way.

Best wishes for a happy "next 40 years".

 

[Aiming_4_55]

Hey there - sorry about the job situation. It sucks when it's not on your own terms and probably the most hurtful, a punch to the belly in some sense. As others have said, count your blessings. A simple blessing is, my Dad never saw 57, he passed away in his 40's. He wasn't on earth to see my accomplishments, so schedule something with your family...end of summer gathering picnic. Take the family and go for a leisure drive and walk/hike before summer slips away this year. Make the best of it now.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things, i.e no quick decisions to sell your dream house, taking inventory of things that matter, check your numbers, perform some deferred maintenance around the house, etc.

As far as employment, explore contract work. Sign up for a few agencies... network with any of the part timers or contractors that your prior employer might of used. If you want handyman work and can be reliable, you will be in demand. When I called around for a handyman in St Paul, the first 3 could never show up on the day/time they tell me.

Lastly, if you were counting down to age 59.5 to have penalty free access to your retirement accounts, you are very very close and that's around the corner. Don't worry so much about FRA or the next 30 years. Make lemonade with the lemons, relax and know it's not that bad. Good luck.

 

[MarieIG]

First of all, it is normal to be feeling depressed after being laid off. (You may see a few people here who are happy about, but that is usually when it falls directly in with their plans.)

Secondly, you have only been out of work for one month. That is a very short period of time. It is possible to to get another job - you don't need to make the same money as before, just cover those property taxes and a bit more if you want to stay in the dream home.

Thirdly, you will be ok no matter what.

Fourthly, you will be able to make money as a handyman (why don't you pick up sporadic jobs now while your still hunting for a full time job.

Fifthly, you have rental income.

Sixthly, you have be able to withdraw from your 401(k) without penalty (see 72(t).

Seventh, you do have the option to rent out part or all of your dream home for a years or two, if you are unsure of selling it.

Eighth, during the time period that your income is down, you should be eligible for additional government benefits.

Ninth, you have let no one down. You have worked hard for years, been a good provider, husband and father. It was completely out of your control, and basically only 2 1/2 years before schedule.

Tenth, Good luck!

 

[Cantwaitanylonger]

Thank you for this. Are there any government benefits are available besides unemployment and ACA?

First of all, it is normal to be feeling depressed after being laid off. (You may see a few people here who are happy about, but that is usually when it falls directly in with their plans.)

Secondly, you have only been out of work for one month. That is a very short period of time. It is possible to to get another job - you don't need to make the same money as before, just cover those property taxes and a bit more if you want to stay in the dream home.

Thirdly, you will be ok no matter what.

Fourthly, you will be able to make money as a handyman (why don't you pick up sporadic jobs now while your still hunting for a full time job.

Fifthly, you have rental income.

Sixthly, you have be able to withdraw from your 401(k) without penalty (see 72(t).

Seventh, you do have the option to rent out part or all of your dream home for a years or two, if you are unsure of selling it.

Eighth, during the time period that your income is down, you should be eligible for additional government benefits.

Ninth, you have let no one down. You have worked hard for years, been a good provider, husband and father. It was completely out of your control, and basically only 2 1/2 years before schedule.

Tenth, Good luck!

 

[ShokWaveRider]

OP: Firstly I can empathize with you, and hope you work it out (feeling depressed). I had the same thing happen to me once, but looked at it a different way as we wanted to ER early and we needed a swift kick to stop the procrastinating, we took it as the swift kick (Glass Half Full instead of empty). Like you we had some investments but not as much as we would have liked. We downsized (from and expense perspective) and took some time to think about what we wanted to do. IMHO one of the things you need to do is get rid of that 12k RE Tax. That would reduce the stress, while the rental is paying for it, you are not net positive, so at least selling the rental may be an option, and it would provide a buffer for the near future.

Then write down the options you and DW would be happy with and go from there.

 

[bradaz2488]

Not much to add to others good advice. You have come to a great side to get advice. If you are getting a 100% success rate on FireCalc then you are good to go as long as your assumptions are realistic and you have entered the data into the tool correctly (garbage in = garbage out)... Inflation + HC costs are probably your biggest variable so make sure you give yourself a good buffer to make adjustments down the road. If you are using the CPI setting as your inflation rate for FireCalc it probably is not conservative enough to account for increasing HC costs over 35 years. You may want to use 3.5%-4% inflation rate and re-run tool to see what you get. If you plan to take SS at 62 keep in mind that if you go back to w*rk you need to stay under the income (w2) level to avoid tax penalty on your SS benefits. I understand the lake house is your dream house, but I would have a exit plan in place if things do not go as plan. It would make me nervous to have a house that is equal to what I have in my 401K. Do not let your emotional attachment to the house crater your retirement plan. You and your wife need to agree on a exit plan to down size before it impacts your plan. Just my 2 cents.. As far as the depression, it sounds like you were (are) a positive and successful person and this unexpected detour that life has delivered you just took you by surprise. As long as you keep family and friends close to you for support you should be fine. Everyone has moments of depression, but just make sure it does not consume you and listen to your family and friends if they think you need to seek help.

 

[Scuba]

First of all, it is normal to be feeling depressed after being laid off. (You may see a few people here who are happy about, but that is usually when it falls directly in with their plans.)



Secondly, you have only been out of work for one month. That is a very short period of time. It is possible to to get another job - you don't need to make the same money as before, just cover those property taxes and a bit more if you want to stay in the dream home.



Thirdly, you will be ok no matter what.



Fourthly, you will be able to make money as a handyman (why don't you pick up sporadic jobs now while your still hunting for a full time job.



Fifthly, you have rental income.



Sixthly, you have be able to withdraw from your 401(k) without penalty (see 72(t).



Seventh, you do have the option to rent out part or all of your dream home for a years or two, if you are unsure of selling it.



Eighth, during the time period that your income is down, you should be eligible for additional government benefits.



Ninth, you have let no one down. You have worked hard for years, been a good provider, husband and father. It was completely out of your control, and basically only 2 1/2 years before schedule.



Tenth, Good luck!

+1
Great post!

A few other thoughts re looking for a job:
- When you are depressed and/or angry, it is not a good time to interview. Take some time to heal and rebuild your confidence and sense of well-being and you will present yourself more favorably.
- Have you thought about volunteering? Maybe you could go talk with students about what it's like to have an engineering career, or volunteer your handyman skills to help Habitat for Humanity. This will help you feel useful and productive again, and you might meet others in the process who could lead you to good job opportunities.

It sounds as though you have lots of good options and you will be fine financially. I'm hoping you will look back on this someday as a true blessing because you were able to retire earlier than planned. Good luck!

 

[45th Birthday]

As far as the depression goes - snap out of it. Yes, it's that easy. Just snap out of it.

Forgive my bluntness, but I found this to be an incredibly ignorant comment. People who are truly depressed don't choose this state and can't just "snap out of it." It is a medical condition that sometimes goes away on its own but sometimes doesn't. If one is depressed, one doesn't wake up one day and decide not to be. It is not "that easy."

 

[canuck5]

I think a homework assignment is in order! Take your lovely wife, take a few steps from your dream home and sit next to the water (with your favorite beverage of choice), watch the sunset and listen .......

 

[LiveBelowMeans]

I want to applaud the OP for being brave enough to bring up his depression concerns. This was not easy. Just admitting the feelings is a great start. Many excellent suggestions already mentioned. Good luck to you. You are on a good path.

 

[Al18]

Lots of good advice here - many of us have been laid off or fired during their career, including me. I recommend a 1 week vacation - preferably with no phone or internet access. Have fun.

When you get back, you can test drive retirement by living on your employment check.

I think retiring from a job is a little over-rated. They give a lunch and cake with some coworkers. I'd rather be fired or laid off - so you can collect 6 months of unemployment insurance.

The people that really matter to me are my family, not coworkers.

 

[ivinsfan]

To answer some of your questions, I have never had issues with depression.My plans were to work until 59.5 and start tapping 401K until FRA. I will receive full SS and my wife will get 50% spousal 5 years later. My wife has her own small business and she probably won't make more money or take another job. I called several attorneys and they didn't think I had an age case.

It sounds like you were shocked and surprised when your plans changed so suddenly, that's common and you're feeling low that things didn't work out the way you wanted them to.

It's looks to me like a deep breath, some time to adjust to what's happened and not beating yourself over something you couldn't control will go a long way to making you feel better.

All the best to you!

 

[Mdlerth]

Instead of seeing you as a loser, others may be jealous that you were able to quit the rat race so young.

+10

 

[Newventurer]

I am amazed that you say you can get by on $50k a year, $4167 a month, when your property taxes alone are 25% of that, add health insurance, real estate insurance for home and condo, repairs, auto expenses (car replacement?), child's future college tuition, clothing, utilities, etc. I guess that's how you can afford a $850k house. BTW not a criticism, more like challenge to see if I could do the same.

You have already overcome the hardest part, your depression is more or less out in the open. It can't hurt you anymore in the light of day. Best wishes!

Agree with others - take some time to process all that has happened. If you interview now, the desperation and depression will be sensed and will ensure the cycle of negativity continues.

 

[RobbieB]

I've been laid off 4 times and always had a job in 2 to 3 months later. Give it time.

Don't worry, be happy. Smoke 2 joints.

If you're doing the ads in the paper, internet job boards, sending out resumes, talking to recruiters and going on interviews you will find a job soon enough.

So stop worrying and have some fun on your time off. Fix up the dream house. Go for a walk after your coffee, the morning air smells wonderful!

 

[Cantwaitanylonger]

Again, Thank you for your understanding and comforting advice.

I agree with taking a breather until my head clears. I am not sure I could enjoy a vacation in my current state of mind. I would also be bothered by the spending on a reduced income. You are probably right in your direction. I'm just not sure I can do that now.

I agree that family matters and I have a great local and extended family.

Thank you.

 

[CaliKid]

I would go to the doc and get some meds. In fact, just go straight to a private psychiatrist as they can prescribe. It's worth the money as that's all they do every day. Some are like doc in a box which may be good or bad but they are cheap. The key is getting your mind straight. A lot of people take meds from time to time. I hate to fall back on them but I have seen them help a lot of people. Your mental health is #1 as everything else is more likely to fall into place if your mind is right. The way it is now if you ever do get an interview you may not come across at your best. For example, may seem desperate. Get your mind right! I wish you the best of luck with all of this.
P.S. Oh ya, and that's a big house and property taxes compared to your assets overall. Selling it and buying a smaller dream house may be a good idea. Maybe a dream townhouse!?