Depressed.....What to do?

[mountaintosea]

After going through all the posts I didn't see anybody make this suggestion. You want to keep the big house? What about Air B&B? You could move to duplex and rent out bigger house until you think you have enough? Or how about a Bed and Breakfast if possible with local regulations etc? Just my .02.

[Cantwaitanylonger]

Thanks for the response. I would view the renting of my house as a very aggressive action. I would have to move out and find another place to live. My wife won't live in the duplex right now. She may change her tune if times get rougher. I can't buy another house without selling this one, without a job. If I am still in this position in 6 months and UC is running out, the house will need to be sold and then I can easily downsize.

[bclover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cantwaitanylonger I could live in the duplex but wife won't. We are in our dream house that we built 10 years ago. A logical move would be to downsize but I hate to make any rash decisions while I am in a depressed state. I haven't run firecalc lately. I will run again tonight. I have been somewhat paralyzed with depression.

Hey Can't wait,

I'm going to address the depression issue. Please take care of this before selling, moving, withdrawing anything.

I KNOW OF WHAT I SPEAK, I lost my wonderful dh of 30 years to cancer. that first year was Hellasish to say the least. I was/am very fortunate that my BFF and my sister covered every thing until I could get the energy to crawl out of bed. You should have seen me the first time I tried to cut the grass (some thing my husband always did) talk about HOT Mess!!

anyway getting laid off is rough. rough on the brain.

I'm with ER Eddie, I would sit tight and take care of that.

Why would you want to make major financial decisions with 1/2 brain, I'm not saying that to be insulting but really that's what any depression does.

Please wait a while, get your sea legs underneath you.

Wishing you good luck.

[panhead]

You have gotten some great advice! Here is what I see and it looks good:

Nestegg: 850k *4% = 34k/year
rental income 12k/year
wife income 10k/year

total: 56k/year

So you need to make $14k/year to make your $70k/year? Dude that's like $7/hour, isn't that less than minimum wage? If I were you id be a bit wary of the handyman business due to liability, but I think a job at lowes or home depot is an awesome idea, or any hardware store for that matter. It appears this should more than cover your shortfall. It also looks like when SS hits, that will more than cover the income from the low paying job.
Keep looking for the high paying gig for 6 months or until UI runs out, then seriously consider the above. There are some things to figure out, like how to tap the IRA, but it is all doable.

I see no need to sell your house if it is truly your dream home. You may have to do more staycations there, but that may be fine for you. There is risk (some might say 4% is not safe, RE bust, etc), but as one of my favorite posters here used to say, "stay agile, mobile, and hostile" be ready to adjust fire if you have to, something we all have to be ready to do.

Best of luck!
-Pan-

[Cantwaitanylonger]

bc, so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing and giving advice. I am not making any large decisions in the near future. Comments like yours and others are helping me out of the depression.

Pan, Thanks for running the numbers. I have run them 1000 times but it is somehow reassuring to see them from someone else. You are right with the $7 per hour needed and the UC more than covers that. It just hit me last night that I can use the rule of 55 to get money from my employers 401K penalty free. I only have about 35 K in there.

One small ray of hope. I got a hit last night on one of my job searches and will interview in 3 weeks for a really good job. Trying not to get too hopeful....

[bclover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cantwaitanylonger bc, so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing and giving advice. I am not making any large decisions in the near future. Comments like yours and others are helping me out of the depression. Pan, Thanks for running the numbers. I have run them 1000 times but it is somehow reassuring to see them from someone else. You are right with the $7 per hour needed and the UC more than covers that. It just hit me last night that I can use the rule of 55 to get money from my employers 401K penalty free. I only have about 35 K in there. One small ray of hope. I got a hit last night on one of my job searches and will interview in 3 weeks for a really good job. Trying not to get too hopeful....

AWESOME!!
and enjoy the interview. really, if you haven't been job searching in a while use this interview as a learning opportunity.

[Scuba]

You are in a great position in that you don't truly NEED the job. Try to approach the interview as a fun way to meet new people and learn about the company. If you can adopt that attitude, you can avoid seeming like a desperate candidate which is never attractive. And make sure you rehearse your story re why you left your previous job. You probably already know this but don't be negative about your previous job, boss or company. That is a big turn-off in an interview. Good luck!

[ducky911]

Exercise is good medicine for depression.

[ndnguy822000]

@ducnky -I agree 1000% I have had sleeping issues for like 10 years but exercise helped solve all that and I didn't stay up thinking about random **** and not being able to sleep. Also the symptoms of working out a better body and muscle, and I went 5 years , no joke , without even a cold or cough and in last 10 years I had the fever once and the cold 4 times. Before that I used to get sick and depressed and anxiety etc

[Cantwaitanylonger]

Just an update. I now have job interviews scheduled for next Monday and Tuesday, with 2 really good companies. These came from my shooting my resume out there.

There are also a few other possibilities still out there. I'm hoping that one of these come thru. I'm encouraged by finally getting some response from my submissions.

This little experience has taught me volumes. It gave me some amazing time with my son before he starts his last year in college. My dog is loving having me home, getting long walks in the morning. I have a much better handle on my financial situation. I now know that I need to increase my after tax cash supply before retiring. I am also now transferring all my IRA $$ to Vangard to get admiral status and reduce fees. If I do get a job, I will have a greater appreciation for it also.

I am still a little down, but I really feel more hope and less depressed than before. If I get a job offer, that will be a thing of the past.

The other thing I learned is that there are a lot of caring people just a short message away on this forum. I was really down a week ago and this conversation really helped me get out of it. Thank you all.

I will keep you informed.

[tmm99]

I am happy to hear things are turning around for you. Most of all, I am glad you are feeling much better.

I love this forum too. I have gotten some great advice here myself.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum

[Scuba]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cantwaitanylonger Just an update. I now have job interviews scheduled for next Monday and Tuesday, with 2 really good companies. These came from my shooting my resume out there. There are also a few other possibilities still out there. I'm hoping that one of these come thru. I'm encouraged by finally getting some response from my submissions. This little experience has taught me volumes. It gave me some amazing time with my son before he starts his last year in college. My dog is loving having me home, getting long walks in the morning. I have a much better handle on my financial situation. I now know that I need to increase my after tax cash supply before retiring. I am also now transferring all my IRA $$ to Vangard to get admiral status and reduce fees. If I do get a job, I will have a greater appreciation for it also. I am still a little down, but I really feel more hope and less depressed than before. If I get a job offer, that will be a thing of the past. The other thing I learned is that there are a lot of caring people just a short message away on this forum. I was really down a week ago and this conversation really helped me get out of it. Thank you all. I will keep you informed.

You must be amazing to get 3 interviews scheduled so soon after being laid off. Well done!! Just remember that you are in a great position to be selective about what you take. If anything. Good luck!

[ivinsfan]

MSP is a great job market right now, I know something will happen for you soon. Keep us posted and continue your mood self checks. Help is just a phone call away if you need it.

[Blue Collar Guy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rec7 I was depressed. A man told me to read a chapter of the Bible everyday and go to church on Sunday. I did and the depression left me.

I was always sort of religious. When I joined the army I got a small free bible, I was regretting my decision early on about my enlistment. I started reading the Bible again, it cured me .

[Blue Collar Guy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cantwaitanylonger Well, I just ran firecalc using 35 years, 70K income, 850k starting, 12K duplex income, 10K wifes income, and taking SS at 62, wife is 5 years younger so she takes it when I am 67. I added no income from me (very conservative, I will make money). Outcome is 100% success with average final balance of 2.9 million. I didn't include the $$ (400-500K) from downsizing my house or a probable inheritance of about 500K in 10 years. I don't know if I am missing something but this looks very positive!!

Wow, if this is correct , then you are good to go, that should have made you happy. It made me happy for you!

[Blue Collar Guy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by omni550 Thanks for running Firecalc and posting your positive results. Hopefully, this might help relieve some of your depression wrt finances. From your more recent posts, I'm getting the sense that you are starting to possibly see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. That, and taking baby steps, one foot in front of the other, will hopefully propel you into a brighter future. Instead of seeing you as a loser, others may be jealous that you were able to quit the rat race so young. omni

Wow nicely said.

[armor99]

Sir.... I have not posted on this forum in years, but I am an engineer myself, so maybe more than some I can relate.

You have two things working against you now. First is you are an engineer, and like myself you are both blessed and cursed by a mind that has no off switch. Your mind is burning inside your head with all the thoughts of what you might have done wrong, could have done better, etc. I know.... I have been there. Understand and accept the layoff had nothing to do with you or your performance. The engineer in you is hunting for the flaw of what you did to cause this somehow..... know that you did nothing wrong.

The second is you have never been laid off before. It was painful for me the first time, trust me.... it will turn out fine, even though it does not feel like it at the moment. Feel free to pm me if you like.... I am not as far along as you.... I am 44 at the moment.... but I will one day retire early as well.

[Cantwaitanylonger]

Armor, You are absolutely correct about the mind burning. I wish I could just switch switch it off and have a little peace in my life. It has gotten better over the last week with the help of fine folks like you and the hopeful upcoming job prospects.

Good luck with your ER. I wish I had started thinking about this at your age.

Thanks for your insight.

Quote:

Originally Posted by armor99 Sir.... I have not posted on this forum in years, but I am an engineer myself, so maybe more than some I can relate. You have two things working against you now. First is you are an engineer, and like myself you are both blessed and cursed by a mind that has no off switch. Your mind is burning inside your head with all the thoughts of what you might have done wrong, could have done better, etc. I know.... I have been there. Understand and accept the layoff had nothing to do with you or your performance. The engineer in you is hunting for the flaw of what you did to cause this somehow..... know that you did nothing wrong. The second is you have never been laid off before. It was painful for me the first time, trust me.... it will turn out fine, even though it does not feel like it at the moment. Feel free to pm me if you like.... I am not as far along as you.... I am 44 at the moment.... but I will one day retire early as well.

[Unpaintedhuffhines]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 45th Birthday Forgive my bluntness, but I found this to be an incredibly ignorant comment. People who are truly depressed don't choose this state and can't just "snap out of it." It is a medical condition that sometimes goes away on its own but sometimes doesn't. If one is depressed, one doesn't wake up one day and decide not to be. It is not "that easy."

+1

Been in this situation before, but at the time, was nowhere near being able to retire. The problem is, you don't know how long it will take to find a job. Will you find one Tuesday or 16 weeks from Tuesday? No way to know.

I've had depression before, and it sucks. Exercise helps, talking to people helps, being busy helps, but for me, it took a visit to my primary care doc who gave me anti-depressants, which I was on for about six months, and it helped a lot.

If you've run firecalc and you're at 100%, congratulations. YOU did that. You are one of the rare ones - many people would love to be in that financial position. You should be feel good about this. I don't want to minimize your feelings, however.

A few years ago, whenever something "happened" in my life, I took the attitude of "this is the best thing that could have happened at this point in my life." Sounds kind of new-ageish, but it worked for me.

This could be a great turning point for you. Good luck in your journey.

[gayl]

Love the 'Smoke Two Joints' or 'get meds' suggestion!!

But in reality my suggestion is this:

1. Keep the lake house. Spend some time sitting outside just enjoying it. It's a great mental health break and healthy one too

2. Unemployment in California maxes out at around $500 a week. So it's not a heck of a lot but that will give you six months to try to develop something else.

3. if it turns out that you have to draw from your IRA, make sure you take it out and equal systematic payment so that you don't have the 10% penalty. No point paying a penalty to use your own money

4. In reality, once the shock value wears off you will be fine. Not everybody limps into FIRE willingly. But once it dawns on us that we really do have the right to put up our feet and earn money on something we enjoy just for the sake of enjoyment, most of us love it

5. Additionally, many areas run a professionals unemployment support group. It can be incredibly helpful as you face what is the next phase in your life. They do have job search available as it is run through the unemployment office however they do much much more than that.