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Old 07-19-2011, 03:40 AM   #61
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I don't think a marriage can survive without a compatible view on financal matters. We have worked out a system that keeps all the accounts(both cash and investments) separate but we manage them together. She has her own cash accounts so I don't have to write cheques for her. I fund her expenses so she can reinvest her investment income but this amount is small and hasn't canged in years. I pay for all the large expenses. Has worked for us but obviously there are many ways to set this up and as long as the spouses are on the same page everything will likely be OK.
No prenup because when we first got together she helped support me. Don't think I would want one at this point -ie" if it ain't broke don't fix it."
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Old 07-19-2011, 03:44 AM   #62
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30 years together, 28 of these married.
We are on the same page, financially and otherwise.
Still each of us has own priorities, but we talk to make them match.

A divorce can be the enabler of FI, but only if chosing the wrong partner created an obstacle before.
If you do not have the right mindset for FI a divorce will not help....
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Old 07-19-2011, 06:01 AM   #63
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Though it seems like a common thread in these is a difference in financial thoughts and habits - the wife and I are very like-minded when it comes to frugality and FIRE.
That was one of the lessons learned from the first marriage. DW and I are so "on the same page" about money (which is really about priorities) that sometimes it gets a little weird, like telepathy or something.

And it really isn't about money. To us, responsibilities come first, then go play. The ex reversed those priorities. That's why I can say that I wasn't inherently opposed to anything the ex wanted to do. I just won't do it on credit.

Or as one of my sisters put it after the divorce "Opposites attract but they can't live with each other". Which about sums it up.
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Old 07-19-2011, 07:05 AM   #64
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Going on 43. Happily married. Started with 0. We have always combined our resources. Income and expenses are tracked on Quicken (before, by Money) so we both know what the other is spending.

She used to be the CFO, but we found early on that I can better our finances. So we switched responsibilities - I am the CFO and she the CEO.
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Old 07-19-2011, 07:39 AM   #65
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Here's a slightly different angle. I have a 45 year old friend who is a partner in a consulting business. His third share ownership is worth a lot. Before he built the business he was quite keen to get married, now he says he'll never get hitched or even get into a common law situation. He has a great girlfriend of 3 years who is really nice and works as a clinical nutritionist, so he has the bigger bank balance, but as they are "just dating" as he says money isn't a big factor. However he's just waiting for the marriage conversation. I feel sorry for him, but understand his thinking.
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Old 07-19-2011, 08:02 AM   #66
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@nun: If your friend wants to build a future with another person he should better look for a partner with similar financial standing and he should tell his current GF as soon as possible that there will not be a future as a family for them.
She deserves to know. "Just dating" might be only his point of view.
If she has never shown signs of being a gold digger it is not fair to treat her like one.
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Old 07-19-2011, 08:30 AM   #67
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@nun: If your friend wants to build a future with another person he should better look for a partner with similar financial standing and he should tell his current GF as soon as possible that there will not be a future as a family for them.
She deserves to know. "Just dating" might be only his point of view.
If she has never shown signs of being a gold digger it is not fair to treat her like one.
well put. I agree. if a person just wants to have fun that doesn't make them a gold digger.
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Old 07-19-2011, 08:42 AM   #68
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I didn't know how big a spendthrift I was married to (29 years) until she died. After her passing I was able to save over 50% of my income which allowed me to FIRE 3 years earlier than planned. Such a sad way to reach your goals, however things do happen that you can't control.
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Old 07-19-2011, 10:06 AM   #69
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DH and I were married at 22. Also merged our $0.00 "portfolios". We grew into our financial outlooks together--neither of us came into it with a thought-out strategy about handling finances.
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Old 07-19-2011, 10:29 AM   #70
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He says she goes through $10K a MONTH like it's nothing! Gah! Says he tried to put just $8K in the account every month, but she will overdraw it, and they end up with bank fees.
Just out of envy curiosity, what the heck is she spending it on? I could understand a recurring expense like yacht maintenance, but having to creatively come up with unique expense categories every month seems like an insurmountable challenge.

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She used to be the CFO, but we found early on that I can better our finances. So we switched responsibilities - I am the CFO and she the CEO.
When spouse's pension starts up at age 60, she's promised to take over the bills & finances. (Which I should have completely in auto-pay by then.) For some reason she expects me to die first, so we figure this will help her get a handle on the finances long before it becomes a crisis.
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Old 07-19-2011, 11:00 AM   #71
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Just out of envy...she expects me to die first...
Living up to expectations takes on a whole new meaning!
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Old 07-19-2011, 11:18 AM   #72
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Just out of envy curiosity, what the heck is she spending it on? I could understand a recurring expense like yacht maintenance, but having to creatively come up with unique expense categories every month seems like an insurmountable challenge.
Shoes, shoes, and more shoes

And then there are designer clothing, hairdressers, spas treatments, QVC, more clothing, jewlery, big ticket luncheons, yet more clothing, expensive bottles of wine, yadda yadda yadda...

Send me $10K and I'll show you how it's done. In my wildest dreams, of course.
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Old 07-19-2011, 11:46 AM   #73
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Here is what one lady friend and her husband consider necessary to a decent lifestyle:

*Frequent vacations
*Frequent eating out
*Lots of wine, and darn good wine at that (Well, I can sort of understand this priority )
*Fashionable clothes and shoes every year
*Maid service (even when she was a single town house owner)
*House professionally decorated
*Will not eat leftovers (even though she's an excellent cook)
*Will not wash anything by hand
*Yard service (small yard, I could do it all in one weekend)
*Cars get bathed at the gas station
*Personal trainer

I've come to realize, they feel sorry for us and think we live very dull lives. (I've also heard her say "I'll probably never be able to retire.")

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Just out of envy curiosity, what the heck is she spending it on? .
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Old 07-19-2011, 11:50 AM   #74
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Quote:
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Just out of envy curiosity, what the heck is she spending it on? I could understand a recurring expense like yacht maintenance, but having to creatively come up with unique expense categories every month seems like an insurmountable challenge.
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Originally Posted by freebird5825 View Post
Shoes, shoes, and more shoes

And then there are designer clothing, hairdressers, spas treatments, QVC, more clothing, jewlery, big ticket luncheons, yet more clothing, expensive bottles of wine, yadda yadda yadda...

Send me $10K and I'll show you how it's done. In my wildest dreams, of course.
I'm thinkin' Freebird nailed it. He said she goes nuts spending $ on clothes for her and the kids - probably about $1K a month. I'm assuming the rest goes to their other bills - the big house, car, etc. He's asking me for help in getting her to be more conservative in her spending habits. Ha! I will tread lightly on this one. He may want my help, but I don't think she wants to learn how to shop at the Salvation Army. LOL
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Old 07-19-2011, 12:19 PM   #75
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We've been married for 33 years and never considered separate finances. Of course it would have been hard in the begining to split up our combined $175/ week income. We have LBYM for decades while raising three kids and paying off two homes. It's a matter of priorities. We spend very little on clothes, dining out, hobbys, or entertainment during the bulk of the year. However, we drop a considerable chunk on our lake house, boats and nice vacations. Fortunately we both enjoy the same things. As my DW retirement nears we'll probably pick up the pace a little more. I hit my initial planned retirement age (55) and financial goals a few months ago. Now while we continue to save, each paycheck is a bonus .
Teamwork, start saving early, and LBYM.
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Old 07-19-2011, 12:29 PM   #76
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We're coming up on our 35th anniversary in Sept. We started with almost nothing at age 21. DH does not like to think about money, while it is a constant theme to me. In theory, we probably should have been one of those couples that wouldn't work but we actually make a great team.

We've always kept everything jointly except for my Roth IRA and pocket cash. DH always spends his pocket cash and I usually have a chunk of mine left at the end of the month so that goes into a "stash" container. It's no secret, he knows I have it and where it's kept. He doesn't care to count it.

In our earning years DH would have spent everything that came in if he didn't have a family to support. He loves electronics and gadgets and used to frequent thrift stores to find "vintage" things to play with. He had a good eye for that stuff and often would sell things at a profit. When it came to supporting us (I was a full time mom) he was completely wonderful but still needed to have money for "stuff".

As he approached retirement he came to realize that his time was more valuable than stuff so he has become a frugal retiree. He sees it as a new hobby and he's told me he really enjoys the downsizing/simplifying/economizing. Fine with me!

I've never been a recreational shopper. I own 5 pairs of shoes and that includes slippers and waterproof winter shoes. I'll go clothes shopping once a year just to replace things that are worn out. Three shirts or sweaters, two pairs of shorts and jeans and I'm good for the year. Just not into fashion and accessorizing. I could never spend thousands every month on clothing or decorating or eating out or mindless shopping.

DH has gone through some major changes since retiring in June, 2010. He still has no interest in money topics but a few weeks ago he asked about the monthly expenses compared to his monthly pension deposit. He knew that his pension covers the expenses but for him to ask for specifics was a welcome inquiry! I printed it out for him to have on hand. He may not look at it for months, but that's ok. It meant a lot that he asked.
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Old 07-19-2011, 12:37 PM   #77
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Here's a slightly different angle. I have a 45 year old friend who is a partner in a consulting business. His third share ownership is worth a lot. Before he built the business he was quite keen to get married, now he says he'll never get hitched or even get into a common law situation. He has a great girlfriend of 3 years who is really nice and works as a clinical nutritionist, so he has the bigger bank balance, but as they are "just dating" as he says money isn't a big factor. However he's just waiting for the marriage conversation. I feel sorry for him, but understand his thinking.
Why would you feel sorry for him? If he is happy, that is all that matters. I think some folks on here are too critical of others just because they are not as LBYM or financially astute as we like...........
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Old 07-19-2011, 01:30 PM   #78
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I married at 25 to what I can best describe as a goof. Nice guy, but I knew I would be the main bread winner forever. We had one child, and then I knew I would be the one doing all the work and earning the money....At that point our house was way up, so I decided to split then. I never regretted it. He was such a financial disaster!

Now I am married to a man who has just the right balance of saving and spending. I never have to think about finances with him. What a change!
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Old 07-19-2011, 02:01 PM   #79
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This divorce thread is interesting, but also a little depressing. As someone young and married (almost 5 years now)... Is there anyone on here not divorced?
DH and I will celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary in December. Despite starting out with very little, I cannot recall a single disagreement involving finances. DH realized very early on my interest & aptitude for money matters exceeded his, shall we say, more cavalier approach to family budgeting and finances, and he suggested I take control. We have periodic discussions about our finances, and he's more involved now, but he freely admits that his best financial move was handing me the reins. Coming from a family where my mother handled all the finances, it was a comfortable situation.
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Old 07-19-2011, 03:53 PM   #80
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Amethyst: Your list seems about right to me. Would do all that plus some and still we manage to LBYM. Obviously, if this is LOYM it is not smart.
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