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Old 08-04-2011, 03:27 PM   #101
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Originally Posted by zonar View Post
I have been married more than once and I hate to say it everytime I got divorced my finances took a beating. I'm mostly clear of all prior responsibilities. I have 4 years of child support left and I have been paying for 11 years even during time of unemployment. I have 25% equity tied up in former marital house that I fully own, but am desperately trying to sell to pull out the equity. If I do succeed I will be finally clear and reasonably on the way to where retirement is even possible.

My dream is to never get married again. The risk for me has been far to great not to say it can't work for other people. I have the freedom and sleep well at night. That piece of paper carries so much headache and risk, it's just not worth it. It is a false sense of security.

Never mix business with pleasure!
Agree. I have never been divorced and am happily married. But I would never risk remarriage if something happened to my wife. My wife says the same. I guess I was one of the lucky ones.

In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.
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Old 08-04-2011, 03:38 PM   #102
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Before my 2nd marriage six years ago, I got a pre-nup. I don't know how airtight those things are, and I hope to never find out. But in my first marriage, I came into the deal with 95% of the assets and left with 50% after about 5 years.

Not withstanding the financial implications, I like marriage overall better than single life, but there are positives and negaitves on both sides.

Retired on 5/31/2011 at 54
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Old 08-05-2011, 09:50 AM   #103
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Originally Posted by quietman View Post
I thought we were ready to FIRE, but exDW didn't. Apparently she had info I did not and shortly after that we were divorced. It set me back at least 10 years between the cost of divorce and re-accumulating the assets exDW took with her.

On the other hand, being responsible for my own decision making has made it even more clear how highly I value my eventual ER, even if it is not as E as I once hoped.

Being single and frugal has been interesting while dating. If I add spendy interests to my dating profile, the number of positive responses goes up dramatically. If I sound more frugal, the number of responses gets very small. Since the potentially frugal partners are so rare, I'm using my frugal profile to screen out the golddiggers. Unfortunately it may be too successful as I am having trouble finding potential ER partners. I guess frugal single women are scarce where I live. Glad we have the board to find like minded conversations.
It's definitely difficult to find someone like minded in the spending department, even for single women doing the looking. I always admire men who have decent jobs but drive used cars, cook at home rather than go out to dinner several times a week and live frugally - because it's exactly how I live my life. When I've looked at "dating profiles" men who tout "spendy" hobbies and world-wide travel get a pass from me as I realize we'd be totally mismatched. My vacations tend to be spent camping and visiting family.

Hang in there, single women working hard to achieve FIRE are out there...I am pretty sure I'm not an anomaly
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Old 08-05-2011, 10:00 AM   #104
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And another advocate for the matchmaking site that our admins should be working to develop!
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Old 08-05-2011, 10:06 AM   #105
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Originally Posted by zonar View Post
That piece of paper carries so much headache and risk, it's just not worth it. It is a false sense of security.
When you get married you give your spouse a lien on your assets and in fact on your self, in that you can be compelled to work to support her, not just lose assets to her. This liability can be called at any time, and often will be called at the absolute worst time for you. When you have lost a job or suffered a business setback for example.

Many people on this board have very successful long term marriages, but even they are subject to what I think of as the Iron Law of US Marriage.

Romantic love has a mesmerizing effect, at least on men. For our own well being we should get high school courses to try to proof us against it, and then some type of Continuing Education requirement to keep our man-licenses up to date.

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Old 08-05-2011, 05:26 PM   #106
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FIRE does not have to lead to divorce and certainly not to affairs. The psychology behind affairs is actually fairly well understood. There are a number of good books on the subject. You are 1/2 responsible for problems in your marriage including those that arise due to FIRE. Your spouse is 100% responsible for the affair.

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