Divorce, Net Worth and Early Retirement

[audreyh1]

Wow! I'm impressed by how many millionaires we have posting/responding on this forum. 68 out of the 78 respondents reached $1M net worth. That's 87%!

Audrey

P.S. OK, OK, I know $1M is not what it used to be!

[GMueller]

What is even more impressive is that the vast majority of responders who achieved a net worth of at least $1M, did so before they reached 55 years of age. This surprised me. In addition, the majority (67.5 percent) of the millionaires were never divorced. The limited results from this poll do not seem to support those responders who claim that their divorce hastened their early retirement. As for myself, I know my two divorces set me back. My nestegg was built substantially on one paycheck. Compounded over time, another paycheck would have made a big difference.

[youbet]

Quote:

Originally Posted by GMueller The limited results from this poll do not seem to support those responders who claim that their divorce hastened their early retirement.

People seemed to be answering from two points of view:

1. Having a financially compatible mate from the get-go and never divorcing at all would most typically result in the fastest route to FI but,

2. If you have a bad marriage with financial incompatibility, getting divorced and staying single or finding a more financially compatible spouse will hasten FI compared to staying in the bad marriage.

I believe that most people who are claiming that divorce hastened FI meant as opposed to staying in a bad marriage, as in #2 above.

[Corporateburnout]

Quote:

Originally Posted by audreyh1 Wow! I'm impressed by how many millionaires we have posting/responding on this forum. 68 out of the 78 respondents reached $1M net worth. That's 87%! Audrey P.S. OK, OK, I know $1M is not what it used to be!

The real estate boom of the last 10 years have helped increased one's net worth dramatically. I'll bet a lot of folks with a net worth of 1M or over have a substantial amount tied in home equity.

It is still however a great accomplishment to achieve this level of net worth by the age of 55.

[Spanky]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Corporateburnout The real estate boom of the last 10 years have helped increased one's net worth dramatically. I'll bet a lot of folks with a net worth of 1M or over have a substantial amount tied in home equity.

There might be another poll that excludes home equity.

[Mr._johngalt]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spanky There might be another poll that excludes home equity.

That's a good one. Someone want to start?

JG

[d]

Quote:

Are you recommending a plan where you'd marry the first time planning on divorce so you could get on to the second marriage? Or, if you could pick out a good one first time around, would you stick with him/her?

not making any such recommendation, but if you know of a way to begin with the nth marriage without first experiencing the first n-1, i'd be interested to hear about it!

my comment ("both") means that the experience of the prior marriage was a "valuable learning exercise". had we begun with the second, we would not have had the "benefit" of that learning.

[Nords]

Quote:

Originally Posted by d my comment ("both") means that the experience of the prior marriage was a "valuable learning exercise". had we begun with the second, we would not have had the "benefit" of that learning.

Not all knowledge has to be personally experienced to be "valuable".

And I hope there's no such thing as a "good starter marriage"...

[d]

Quote:

Not all knowledge has to be personally experienced to be "valuable".

there's no substitute for experience!

[Khan]

"A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience."

One was more than enough.

[free4now]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nords Not all knowledge has to be personally experienced to be "valuable".

Such wise words. I actually think a large part of why I am FIRE is because I have a strong predilection to learn from history rather than by making my own mistakes. I know so many people who learn about investing by just "doing it". They learn about down markets by losing their money rather than by looking at historical charts. They learn about marriage by getting married. They learn about divorce by getting divorced.

Me personally, I want to learn about marriage by studying what happens to those people who have already tried it! But then again there are certain parts of relationships that simply don't make sense except in the first person.

[Spanky]

Quote:

Originally Posted by free4now I am FIRE is because I have a strong predilection to learn from history rather than by making my own mistakes.

What did you learn? You mentioned that you only worked in software for only 13 years. How do you manage to FIRE so early? Anyway, it is a great accomplishment.

[youbet]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nords And I hope there's no such thing as a "good starter marriage"...

I'm very pleased for everyone (and I understand it's more than 50%) who chose to end their first marriage and move on and found a better situation in marriage 2 or 3 or........? It's good when things work out.

For us, well we kind of missed the boat. It's been 42 years since we first started dating and 36 years since we tied the knot. It got kind of busy inbetween then and now with earning a living and raising a family and we just forgot to call the lawyers to get the divorce proceedings going. So now we just party on knowing we missed our opportunity and living with the scorn and ridicule of being "old married fuddy duddies."

Could be worse I guess.....

[mathjak107]

i think my ex-wife and i would have gotten divorced a lot sooner but neither one of us wanted custody of the kids ha ha ha

[Mr._johngalt]

Quote:

Originally Posted by youbet I'm very pleased for everyone (and I understand it's more than 50%) who chose to end their first marriage and move on and found a better situation in marriage 2 or 3 or........? It's good when things work out. For us, well we kind of missed the boat. It's been 42 years since we first started dating and 36 years since we tied the knot. It got kind of busy inbetween then and now with earning a living and raising a family and we just forgot to call the lawyers to get the divorce proceedings going. So now we just party on knowing we missed our opportunity and living with the scorn and ridicule of being "old married fuddy duddies." Could be worse I guess.....

It will be 65 years for my folks next month. They get on each other's nerves
something awful and never did seem all that compatible. Quite
an accomplishment.

JG

[Mr._johngalt]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Khan "A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience." One was more than enough.

Amen, brother.

JG

[donheff]

Quote:

Originally Posted by youbet For us, well we kind of missed the boat. It's been 42 years since we first started dating and 36 years since we tied the knot. It got kind of busy inbetween then and now with earning a living and raising a family and we just forgot to call the lawyers to get the divorce proceedings going. So now we just party on knowing we missed our opportunity and living with the scorn and ridicule of being "old married fuddy duddies." Could be worse I guess.....

Congratulations 2B. That is an accomplishment to be proud of. I remember my parents 50th and 60th reunions - loads of fun.

[astromeria]

Frankly, I'm proud of my divorce. We were both miserable (especially me) and it took a LOT of guts to put it in motion. It was incredibly frightening as I had nothing (no money, no prep to earn a decent living, no lawyer, not much self-esteem at that point) and young children. Those of you who haven't woken up in the middle of the night most nights wondering what to do about your utter misery are very fortunate--and to be honest, IMO not in a postion to pass judgment on those who have been there. With my second husband, I've had more usual ups & downs--but I never spent months on end in a miserable funk with my life. It was easy to stay in this relationship--no kudos deserved or needed! Personally, I feel more deserving of congratulations for my divorce than for staying with my second marriage. Not that I ever expect to get it. Except from one person: when I told my best friend that my first husband and I were splittting, she said, "Thank God--what took you so long?!" And I had never even told her how I felt--I never told anyone! Apparently my unhappiness was obvious enough to those who cared to look.

[Mr._johngalt]

Quote:

Originally Posted by astromeria when I told my best friend that my first husband and I were splittting, she said, "Thank God--what took you so long?!" And I had never even told her how I felt--I never told anyone!

Yeah, I got some of that reaction (second time, not first time). Expect she did also.

JG

[bosco]

Quote:

Originally Posted by astromeria Frankly, I'm proud of my divorce. We were both miserable (especially me) and it took a LOT of guts to put it in motion. It was incredibly frightening as I had nothing (no money, no prep to earn a decent living, no lawyer, not much self-esteem at that point) and young children. Those of you who haven't woken up in the middle of the night most nights wondering what to do about your utter misery are very fortunate--and to be honest, IMO not in a postion to pass judgment on those who have been there. With my second husband, I've had more usual ups & downs--but I never spent months on end in a miserable funk with my life. It was easy to stay in this relationship--no kudos deserved or needed! Personally, I feel more deserving of congratulations for my divorce than for staying with my second marriage. Not that I ever expect to get it. Except from one person: when I told my best friend that my first husband and I were splittting, she said, "Thank God--what took you so long?!" And I had never even told her how I felt--I never told anyone! Apparently my unhappiness was obvious enough to those who cared to look.

wow, there are many similarities between this and my experience. Although I did have a profession and way to make a living. I was pretty beat down psychically, though. I was ready to settle for "every other weekend and 6 weeks in the summer" and sign over custody just to get it over with. My 11-year-old son stood up to me and basically said it "wasn't fair" that he and his brother couldn't spend half their time with each parent.

My ex was dead-set against this, so I had to threaten to have the court appoint a guardian ad litum in order for her to back off and agree to joint custody. That and a child therapist who really took my ex to task for her position. Looking back, I am so grateful that my son straightened out my thinking on this. I knew that I needed to get out of the marriage to save my life, but was brainwashed into thinking it was better to just give her what she wanted, that by traumatizing the kids I would be doing them more harm. I almost harmed them immeasurably more.

Ultimately, we both remarried and my second spouse and I bought a house 3 blocks from my ex. The kids went back and forth freely and although there were some rocky moments, I think everyone come out ahead.