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Old 03-26-2010, 08:44 PM   #21
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While I'm on a rant:
Years ago I loaned a relative some money.
He never paid me and actually cheated me on another deal we had.
I never got paid.
One day it came up in a conversation with my older brother about me never getting paid.
He kind of laughed and said: has he (the relative) ever asked for more money or bothered you since then?
I said, No.
My brother laughed again and said, "then it was worth it".
I thought, you know what?
You are right.
It was worth the money to get him out of my hair for good.
Not to mention I learned a life long lesson about who to deal or do business with.
Steve
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Old 03-26-2010, 08:56 PM   #22
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But you have to explain the "no" decision if the person is at all close to you. What do you say?
Sorry, that's not in my budget.

No more explanation required!

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Old 03-26-2010, 08:56 PM   #23
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I don't loan money to anyone.

I don't communicate with 'family'.

I do give money to people on a random basis (my own criteria).

Don't ask me for money; don't expect money based on any conceivable relationship.

If I do give you money, I expect you to 'pay it forward' and I have no way of enforcing this.
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Old 03-26-2010, 09:12 PM   #24
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Well, Khan, your choice. My choice is different.

I'll be there for you when you hit the nursing home. See you then.
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Old 03-26-2010, 09:43 PM   #25
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Loan the two high-living show-off Gucci-Pucci mooches in my family who had the gall to ask for money--and I knew I'd never see it again--nope. It wasn't like either one of them needed an operation either: they both just wanted money to (as one said) "be a sport." Yeah, I'll sport 'ya...riiiiiight. Just said I didn't have it and acted sad about it. OK, I know..I'm an actress.

Float loyal clients for payment of items they couldn't afford at that time with a promise they would pay so soon as they could (and usually gave me a date), heck, yes. I have done this tons and never got bit by it either. John Deere the tractor company did this during the Great Depression, and you wouldn't believe the loyalty they built with farmers around the country. Sometimes it's the smarter business move I found.

Loan an employee, friend or family member money: TOTALLY depends on their character to me as I'm not easily swayed by a sob story figuring I've got my own sob stories. Good character that I know is dependable and honest...most likely I would. Creepy character...no way, Jose, and just use the "I just make it a policy to never loan anyone money ever" bit.
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Old 03-26-2010, 09:47 PM   #26
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I've never been asked to loan money to a friend, and I can't think of any that would even think of asking.

I've loaned money twice to my brother when he was in dire circumstances with job losses and complications. He never asked for a loan, but was very grateful, and paid back in full once he was on his feet. I also once loaned one of my sisters a small sum, unsolicited, when she was really down and needed a hand-up. Never got a penny in return but could afford the loss - can't see us ever lending her money again, and to be fair, she never did ask for help in the first place.

My other sister twice asked for a loan for a specific goal and we loaned her the money each time which she repaid in full.

We loaned our son some money to get him through college and into his first job. He paid it off as fast he could, well ahead of the schedule I'd set.

We've gifted money to our parents several times for specific items that made their lives much better.

All the family know that we are now on a fixed income and need our savings for the long term, so I doubt we'll be making any loans in the future, unsolicited or otherwise.

Even with the loan that was not paid back, we would gladly do it all again.
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Old 03-26-2010, 09:53 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by Stevewc View Post
While I'm on a rant:
Years ago I loaned a relative some money.
He never paid me and actually cheated me on another deal we had.
I never got paid.
One day it came up in a conversation with my older brother about me never getting paid.
He kind of laughed and said: has he (the relative) ever asked for more money or bothered you since then?
I said, No.
My brother laughed again and said, "then it was worth it".
I thought, you know what?
You are right.
It was worth the money to get him out of my hair for good.
Not to mention I learned a life long lesson about who to deal or do business with.
Steve

Totally agree with your brother. I've had similar happen to me and figured it was worth the loss of some money to get the person out of my hair for good. Smart brother. In fact, I have another relative who's making a great living$$ who also will loan once intentionally knowing the person will never offer even to pay him back and figures bye-bye and they are outta his hair...forever.

I've loaned folks small amounts like $20 when they asked for it just to see if they would pay me back. No offer even to pay me back...sayonara creep and never again.
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Old 03-26-2010, 10:11 PM   #28
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I have loaned significant money a couple times in my life:

1)To my best friend in college, who got his girlfriend pregnant, she wanted an abortion but didn't have the money for it. She didn't want her parents to know due to shame I think. Even though I am pro-life, I borrowed him the money, $700 I think. It was hard for me to do that but I had the money and they needed it. He paid me back and is still one of my best friends. They now are married, have 4 kids, have a strong Christian faith, etc, so I guess it worked out.......

2)I borrowed a co-worker $1000 once. She had her hours cut the same time her husband was laid off for awhile. They needed some money to tide them through so I decided to. She paid me back too.....
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Old 03-26-2010, 10:42 PM   #29
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If not, how do you say "no"?

I normally say, "I have a strict investing plan that leaves me with very little free cash." That's pretty accurate.

Just wonder how the rest of you decline the request, when you do decline.
I never loan money to friends and family. (Give, yes, but loan? never).

When the topic comes up (which it almost never does), I'm completely honest and tell them that I don't want to lend them money because I value their friendship and/or love too much to endanger it by the problems that sometime surround personal loans. Usually I can insert this little gem into the conversation *before* the request for the loan, because I can see it coming. This is easier on the wannabe borrower's ego because they can say they weren't going to ask anyway (for the same reason), and I can say that I knew they wouldn't. Warm fuzzies all around.

But then if somebody really pushed me to lend them money, I would offer to give them money instead of lending it. And I would only do that if I was willing to do so.

The only exception is my daughter who is the light of my life, and so obviously my "weak point". I would always lend her money if she wanted to borrow it from me, but she has never asked. I have offered and she has never taken me up on it. Sweet kid!
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Old 03-27-2010, 12:38 AM   #30
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....My policy now is never loan money. Call me Scrooge, but to me, the quickest way to create problems in personal relationships is to be asked to act like a creditor. On the flip side, if I hear of someone with money problems, I have bought small size gift cards for gas and groceries here and there to help out in times of sickness or hardship.

My response to any wanna-be borrowers is always along these lines...
"I'm on a fixed income......
Same here....I've given folks grocery store gift cards many times to help them through trying times in there journey through life. None have ever asked me to do that, and the ones that I've done it for have always been extremely grateful.

As for loaning money to folks....NOPE! We were brought up in our family to not lend folks money...lend them a helping hand, yes....but not money! My Grandad used to 'hire' folks occasionally to help him in his workshop, and he'd 'pay' them with a bag of groceries.....but he never loaned anyone money....and no one ever complained about it.

Whenever I've been asked by someone for a loan, I've responded very matter of factly, "Sorry, I don't loan money", and I let the chips fall where they may. I feel no obligation whatsoever to give anyone an explanation of why I won't loan them money....and I feel no guilt over it either!
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Old 03-27-2010, 01:28 AM   #31
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I've also been accused of being a drug dealer and and CIA operative.
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Usually I can insert this little gem into the conversation *before* the request for the loan, because I can see it coming.
A few years ago shipmates were visiting Waikiki so I invited them to lunch. I felt a similar awkward situation developing and I was sure that I was going to be asked for a substantial "investment".

The "request" turned out to be a job offer. That was even more awkward...
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Old 03-27-2010, 07:18 AM   #32
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Nope. One relative did ask for a loan which I declined to do because she has a long history of financial mismanagement and has borrowed money in the past from other family members and not paid it back.

Her request was for the retainer fee for a bankruptcy attorney. Yeah, that seems like a good investment....
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Old 03-27-2010, 07:33 AM   #33
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Generally I do not loan money. A couple of friends have asked for loans/investments to put to business use and I plead tight cash flow. I don't want to stress a friendship that way. I did make a $5,000 loan to a niece facing a family emergency but I mentally wrote it off when I made it assuming she would probably trickle proceeds back over many, many years. Unfortunately, after one $100 repayment she never followed up and never said a word about the default. I still like her but I don't trust or fully respect her and would never loan to her again in any circumstances. As long as I can afford it without stretching I would loan money to other family members in dire circumstances. But once burned on any individual - never again to him or her.
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Old 03-27-2010, 08:01 AM   #34
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I lent my sister $2,500 to pay off her student loans at one college so she could transfer to another college. She actually just wanted me to co-sign for a loan which I thought was much more risky for my financial health. Interest free and I just asked her not to repay me $5 at a time.

3 years later she still had not paid me back and I asked her about it and she wrote me a check. She then stopped payment on the check to "teach me a lesson". She thought it was terrible that an older sister would not forgive the loan and hasn't spoke to me since.

Lesson learned. I would never loan money now. I also think it was a small price to pay because she has never got her act together and to this day creditors call my ex's house looking for her.
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Old 03-27-2010, 09:27 AM   #35
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I lent my sister $2,500 to pay off her student loans at one college so she could transfer to another college. She actually just wanted me to co-sign for a loan which I thought was much more risky for my financial health. Interest free and I just asked her not to repay me $5 at a time.

3 years later she still had not paid me back and I asked her about it and she wrote me a check. She then stopped payment on the check to "teach me a lesson". She thought it was terrible that an older sister would not forgive the loan and hasn't spoke to me since.

Lesson learned. I would never loan money now. I also think it was a small price to pay because she has never got her act together and to this day creditors call my ex's house looking for her.
What chutzpah!!! Chutzpah - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia I'd haven taken the cancelled check, myself and the sister to small claims court to teach the younger sibling a lesson! This is so unbelievable that I know you're not making it up.
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Old 03-27-2010, 10:06 AM   #36
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I have had 2 siblings ask when they were having some financial troubles. I made a gift of the money (not that I would get it back anyway).

I lent one sibling money a couple of times when they were short on cash and needed a short-term loan (it was paid back promptly).

But I am done giving lending money to most my siblings. They needn't ask anymore.

DW's siblings have not ever asked.

Friends... I have not had anyone ask to borrow money. My answer would be no (in a diplomatic way).
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Old 03-27-2010, 10:12 AM   #37
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Even with the loan that was not paid back, we would gladly do it all again.
You are a good man. Now, if you would kindly replace your avatar with this one....you will be an even better man.

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Old 03-27-2010, 10:22 AM   #38
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From the time I was 19 until I was 25, I sent money home to my mother every month (I stopped when she remarried). I have also given my brother and sister money on an irregular basis when needed (but they haven't needed it in over 20 years now; I'm proud of them.)

Lest anyone think I am just a soft touch, I did recently and memorably turn down one of the in-law's request for a substantial loan (which I knew would never be repaid).

Aside from my family, there is only one other person in the world to whom I would give money unconditionally.
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Old 03-27-2010, 10:51 AM   #39
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Old 03-27-2010, 12:22 PM   #40
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I've just thought of the response I will use if I am asked to make a personal loan:

"I'll be delighted to introduce you to my bank manager. She's very helpful".
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