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Old 06-09-2007, 10:27 AM   #21
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I don't think I'd be in a good position to suggest that she start the separate savings account (if her husband found out that I was the one suggesting it, there could be fallout). But if she raises that topic again, I could take a stronger position in confirming that is indeed what she should do. I'd be morally okay with that kind of approach.

Sigh.....

Thanks for the input, Oldbabe.
I have seen that type of relationship before. If taken incorrectly, any advice that the husband stop spending would be seen as a threat to his moral authority and leadership style. As you noted, she is just an advisor and it sounds like he has his mind made up about how he wants to spend [b]his money.[\b]

I can also appreciate what you mean about fallout. One of my friends is not currently speaking to me because her husband doesn't approved of the two of us discussing certain topics.
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Old 06-09-2007, 09:33 PM   #22
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One of my friends is not currently speaking to me because her husband doesn't approved of the two of us discussing certain topics.
When will women learn to take care of themselves first? (Been there, done that.)
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Old 06-09-2007, 10:55 PM   #23
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When will women learn to take care of themselves first? (Been there, done that.)
She's doing it for her kids, of course.
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Old 06-10-2007, 08:31 AM   #24
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One of my favorite posters is that of a pig sitting in a wallow of slop. The caption is ' never try to teach a pig to sing ... it wastes your time and annoys the pig'.
I object to this uncomplementary characterization of Porcine-Americans...
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Old 06-11-2007, 02:51 PM   #25
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p.s. I talked to her recently so I'm mostly venting here. If you have constructive suggestions I certainly wouldn't mind hearing them but I will admit to being skeptical that I can influence this situation for the better other than just 'being there' for her.
Sence they have a teenager the marrage is probably several years in and roles are quite set. A traditional approach might work best for a couple with traditional roles.

As the head of houshold the husband might be convinced that he needs to tend to wife's security needs for the future as well as today. It is a common stereotype/ truth that women need to nest and secure the home more than men . Savings is a form of that. Denying her that is denying her peace of mind. Planning for the future should be approched as a chance for him to care for her. That he will also benefit is a plus . (Getting finances under might even help any depression ) Emphasize that the inability to fulfill all the "wants " is not failure - working as a successful team is success.
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Old 06-11-2007, 11:06 PM   #26
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An article on the release of a new documentary, "Maxed Out". MySA.com: Business

"My only agenda going into it was making something funny and entertaining," said Scurlock, a Los Angeles-based filmmaker and business-school dropout who hoped the movie would follow the success of "Super Size Me," a documentary that recorded director Morgan Spurlock's fast-food binge. "If I had known what it would turn into, I'd have never made it. It's a darker movie than I expected to make."

Here is a sobering statement:

"...more U.S. citizens will file bankruptcy this year than graduate from college, get divorced or diagnosed with cancer."
There's a book out, too. I picked it up at the library last week and just started reading it today. Very interesting.
Amazon.com: Maxed Out: Hard Times, Easy Credit and the Era of Predatory Lenders: Books: James D. Scurlock
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Old 06-12-2007, 10:08 AM   #27
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The moment that one guy realized "Hey, instead of turning down high-risk people for borrowing, we should encourage them, and charge them high interest rates!" the debt crisis was born.
You might be interested in Joseph Nocera, A Piece of the Action: How the Middle Class Joined the Money Class (1994).
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Old 06-12-2007, 10:26 AM   #28
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This friend's family has one income ~60k, 4 kids under age 10, 175k mortgage, minimal 401k, NO college savings, and FOUR cars. Old paid for Cherokee, minivan bought w/ HELOC & paying interest only for four years now, and the toys are financed for five years each - 2007 Wrangler and 2006 Mustang.
Enough said!

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My friend asks me for pointers about investing because she plans to have the money some day to finally start their retirement savings. I have to tell her that until she and her husband share the same financial goals, there's no point in discussing this.
Rather than passing judgment, perhaps it might be easier to simply suggest that passive investing in index funds is a good low-cost approach for people who lack the time or interest to manage their own portfolio.

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I will admit to being skeptical that I can influence this situation for the better other than just 'being there' for her.
I agree. She is an adult, presumably of sound mind, and is free to make her own decisions. Since she chooses to tolerate her husband's questionable actions, presumably she either agrees with them, or believes that there are other, more important, benefits to their relationship that outweigh the financial damage.

It's not really your place to attempt to impose your own values upon their marriage. At best you will be ignored, at worst you will cause her to end the friendship. There's no real upside to interfering ...
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Old 06-19-2007, 11:05 PM   #29
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Sorry for the bump, but I have been out of the country and just got a chance to watch this documentary. Very well done.

While I watch this and know that short of something terrible happening (major medical issue, prolonged unemployment, ninjas, etc) I will never have to worry, it troubles me how easily people get in over their heads.

To think that people are so far down that they see suicide as the only way out? That goes beyond just poor money management. There is a strong fiscal responsibility on the parts of the legislators and the financial companies to provide some modicum of oversight into keeping the industry from being usurious and crushing the lower class. And yet, they do nothing.

Sorry, should have warned you guys I'm a liberal But whether you believe in socialist policies or not, I'd hope we can all agree that the subprime problem could have easily been mitigated by the lenders themselves. Even in the movie the professor lady, with mounds of data, shows this to be true. But hey, who cares if the average American is slowly losing the fight to provide for their kids?

Honestly, I don't know how some of these financial people sleep at night. Sadly, I bet they sleep quite well.
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Old 06-20-2007, 09:05 AM   #30
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I have a close friend with the opposite financial philosophy as we on this board. Her and her DH want to live life while they are young, but consider living to mean having all the toys.

This friend's family has one income ~60k, 4 kids under age 10, 175k mortgage, minimal 401k, NO college savings, and FOUR cars. Old paid for Cherokee, minivan bought w/ HELOC & paying interest only for four years now, and the toys are financed for five years each - 2007 Wrangler and 2006 Mustang.

They don't understand why I don't trade in my 9 year old honda for a new car payment. They feel bad that I am 'depriving' myself, when of course I don't see it that way at all.

Writing this out it seems odd that we are so close, but outside of finances we do actually have a lot of common interests!
Well, they will have an interesting retirement, but I am worried about the kids..........what kind of "money education" are they getting, other than entitlement??

I was driving with my 8 year old the other day in my 4-year old Honda Accord. I asked him if he liked the car, and he said yes. My response?

Cool...........you'll get to have it when you're 16!!!! His mouth fell open, and he asked "you're going to keep it EIGHT MORE YEARS And I smiled and said: "Will you help me pick out a different car when I give you this one"? "Sure, Dad, he said.............

Gotta start the lessons young............
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Old 06-20-2007, 09:07 AM   #31
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To think that people are so far down that they see suicide as the only way out? That goes beyond just poor money management. There is a strong fiscal responsibility on the parts of the legislators and the financial companies to provide some modicum of oversight into keeping the industry from being usurious and crushing the lower class. And yet, they do nothing.
I had a college professor that summed up suicide pretty darn well:

"Suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a TEMPORARY problem"..........I never forgot those words.........
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