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End Game Preparations
Old 12-18-2015, 08:47 AM   #1
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End Game Preparations

My DW and I had a good discussion on steps to take if one of us passes suddenly (like both my parents). We touched on pensions, accounts, passwords, trusted advisors and medical and burial preferences. It's a needed and somber talk, but in the end we could go quickly and we want to ease the burden on survivors. I plan to open the discussion with my oldest grown daughter next week. Not quite a joyful holiday topic.

I'd welcome and advice, experiences, etc.
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Old 12-18-2015, 09:09 AM   #2
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My dad recently sat me down for that discussion, and he kept his tone very practical and matter-of-fact.


The fact that he is currently in perfect health, I think, made the discussion seem much more "hypothetical" than real, and a little less stressful. It would have been infinitely harder to discuss from a hospital bed.


So, best of luck with the discussion -- it is an important one to have!
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Old 12-18-2015, 09:27 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by Gabieta View Post
My dad recently sat me down for that discussion, and he kept his tone very practical and matter-of-fact.

The fact that he is currently in perfect health, I think, made the discussion seem much more "hypothetical" than real, and a little less stressful. It would have been infinitely harder to discuss from a hospital bed.
How old is your dad?

Like him, DW and I have no health issues but approaching 70 I've been considering when to have that discussion with our two adult daughters. We've left them detailed written information regarding what to do in the event of our incapacitation or death, but would feel better if we discussed it with them to allow for questions and greater understanding.
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Old 12-18-2015, 09:58 AM   #4
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My dad had a talk like that with me a few years ago, then never wanted to talk about it again. It's a hard topic for him to address. He's healthy for his age and doing well, but it seemed like a big relief to him at the time to know that his kids had at least one shot at the information. I think he had similar talks with my brother and sister. We're glad to know as much as we do about his wishes and hopefully will be many more years before we need to act on any of it.
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Old 12-18-2015, 11:02 AM   #5
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The talk isn't near as important is writing it down. My in laws are over 80 with a disabled child at home. No wills, POA or instructions on anything. When asked if they had anything written down they just responded "we've told enough people what we want, why should we pay money to an attorney to write it down". There's a train wreck waiting to happen here... DW and I have everything written down in legal documents and our kids know where they are, we didn't feel the need to talk much about it now, it's all there. My dad passed recently and he had a codicil to his will that wasn't witnessed properly when he signed it - it's invalid. He also had notes all over the place on who was to get what - the personal rep couldn't do a thing about any of them, it all had to pass in his estate. If you want someone to have something the only sure way to do it is give it to them while you're alive.
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Old 12-18-2015, 11:51 AM   #6
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My dad had a talk like that with me a few years ago, then never wanted to talk about it again. It's a hard topic for him to address.
+1 same here....
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Old 12-18-2015, 07:52 PM   #7
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Retired airline guy here, my wife keeps getting my passes after I die.
But the adult kids' passes stop 30 days after I kick off, which is a real problem for me.

Forget my Living Will, Health Care Power of Attorney, Advanced Care Directives, etc. I'll be hooked up to a dozen machines and have green mold growing out of my ears for years before they'll let me die.
"Hey, here's a great deal on trips to Boogerstan! How can we keep him going for another six months?"

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Old 12-18-2015, 08:13 PM   #8
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Never understood reluctance of others to discuss these kinds of issues. Makes zero sense to me: death of a loved one is difficult without all the nonsense that comes from shortsighted planning.


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Old 12-18-2015, 08:22 PM   #9
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Always good to plan while capable and not wait until it is too late. I have made a three ring binder with mutual fund statements, account numbers, passwords and a summary so that my wife can have all the financial info close at hand if needed. I should also tell my daughter about it just in case something happened to my wife and I at the same time.
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Old 12-18-2015, 09:37 PM   #10
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About a year ago I decided to put some information in a book that I keep in my desk drawer. On the front is a white label on which I wrote "A To Do List For When I'm Gone". I devoted one page for each topic such as who to contact upon my death, from my pension, life insurance companies, former employer, etc. and the information includes phone numbers. Trying to make it easy for survivors. I also included our investments, amounts, user names and passwords, phone numbers etc. in order to contact those agencies. Also listed bank accounts, phone numbers, passwords for accounts, etc. Someone needs to know where the money is and how to access it. I couldn't think of a better way to do this. My wife, son and daughter know about this book and that it must be the first thing they go to when I'm gone. Every couple months I update it.
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Old 12-18-2015, 09:47 PM   #11
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About a year ago I decided to put some information in a book that I keep in my desk drawer. On the front is a white label on which I wrote "A To Do List For When I'm Gone". I devoted one page for each topic such as who to contact upon my death, from my pension, life insurance companies, former employer, etc. and the information includes phone numbers. Trying to make it easy for survivors. I also included our investments, amounts, user names and passwords, phone numbers etc. in order to contact those agencies. Also listed bank accounts, phone numbers, passwords for accounts, etc. Someone needs to know where the money is and how to access it. I couldn't think of a better way to do this. My wife, son and daughter know about this book and that it must be the first thing they go to when I'm gone. Every couple months I update it.

This sounds like a great idea. I am still not sure about writing down passwords but I have been thinking about having all the information in one place and I like the way you have done yours.


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Old 12-18-2015, 09:49 PM   #12
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My Dad was very organized and he wrote a detailed letter with information on all sorts of financial stuff (investments, pensions, bank accounts) as well as practical information like - this is where we keep the records, here is where we keep the deeds to the graves, here is where the title to the car is, these are the people who deliver heating oi or perform other services on the house. He updated it over time and woud give all the kids copies when he updated it.

He passed last year, and the info in there has proven very useful. The practical house stuff was very useful to my Mom, and the financial info was very useful to my sibling who served as executrix of the estate.

Group the info by section and put down anything you might want to tell them, and if they don't need that info they can skip that section until they need it. All my siblings and I view that letter from my Dad as just another way he tried to take care of all of us and make things easier for us when we were going through an emotional time .
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Old 12-19-2015, 07:52 AM   #13
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I have a detailed balance sheet along with year end statements for each account in a file that would be a road map for DW and DD if I get hit by a beer truck.
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Old 12-19-2015, 08:01 AM   #14
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Some of us are braver than others, that's all. Never underestimate the power of fear.

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Never understood reluctance of others to discuss these kinds of issues. Makes zero sense to me: death of a loved one is difficult without all the nonsense that comes from shortsighted planning.


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End Game Preparations
Old 12-19-2015, 10:54 AM   #15
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Some of us are braver than others, that's all. Never underestimate the power of fear.

Not a so much a question of braver I should think, but perhaps considerate. I use that word only in the context of not wanting to force beneficiaries to wade through a legal/financial quagmire in dealing with an estate over their own unease with the topic.

I have seen how an ounce of prevention is worth 50 pounds of cure in this regard. Moreover, I have seen too many siblings pushed to breaking point fighting over nonsense, which is by the way never about the specific "nonsense", that could've been easily avoided if mom and dad had focused on their inevitable earthly demise.


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Old 12-19-2015, 11:01 AM   #16
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Not a so much a question of braver I should think, but perhaps considerate. I use that word only in the context of not wanting to force beneficiaries to wade through a legal/financial quagmire in dealing with an estate over their own unease with the topic.

I have seen how an ounce of prevention is worth 50 pounds of cure in this regard. Moreover, I have seen too many siblings pushed to breaking point fighting over nonsense, which is by the way never about the specific "nonsense", that could've been easily avoided if mom and dad had focused on their inevitable earthly demise.


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My golfing companion who is an elderly neighbor of mine discusses death quite often. He has his plan all set up and organized even to the point of when they can access the money. The funny thing he mentioned his dad. He said his dad intentionally had no written plans. He said his dad stated, if they cant sit down like adults and settle the estate equitably, they deserve to have problems.
Obviously he didn't think that was the "plan" to follow.


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Old 12-19-2015, 11:31 AM   #17
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I have a file on the computer with account names and passwords for my DW. (She refuses to get involved in this while I'm alive.) She did make me change the file name from: "Rick's Dead" to "For Connie With Love". Go figure!

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Old 12-19-2015, 11:33 AM   #18
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About a year ago I decided to put some information in a book that I keep in my desk drawer. On the front is a white label on which I wrote "A To Do List For When I'm Gone". I devoted one page for each topic such as who to contact upon my death, from my pension, life insurance companies, former employer, etc. and the information includes phone numbers. Trying to make it easy for survivors. I also included our investments, amounts, user names and passwords, phone numbers etc. in order to contact those agencies. Also listed bank accounts, phone numbers, passwords for accounts, etc. Someone needs to know where the money is and how to access it. I couldn't think of a better way to do this. My wife, son and daughter know about this book and that it must be the first thing they go to when I'm gone. Every couple months I update it.
So if some kid breaks into your house, you lose everything.
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Old 12-20-2015, 08:06 AM   #19
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We plan on doing this at age 70/71 assuming we're both still in good health; if not, earlier. However, our only child is busy raising his family, & while it's necessary & not a problem for us to do, we feel not distracting/burdening him with this for a while yet is the better option. He does know where our assets are.
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Old 12-20-2015, 08:45 AM   #20
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Always good to plan while capable and not wait until it is too late. ..........
My late FIL had it all written down re his wishes for life extension. When it came down to the wire, his daughter from his first marriage showed up and declared that no one can really know what they want before they actually face death and that his prior direction should be ignored. Fortunately MIL overruled and the poor guy was allowed to die at the tender age of 92.
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