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Old 03-10-2008, 02:37 PM   #41
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Each of us has a different attitude as to what constitutes burdening our loved ones during our old age. Some of us would want to pay for good, responsible advocacy and others would simply relegate that to a loved one who may or may not be genuinely delighted with that turn of events. I prefer a degree of independence which can be expensive and that may be different from most people these days. I prefer not to become a burden on my loved ones and I am taking the responsibility of planning for my old age myself. That's not just for them, but for me.

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I prefer a little of both . I will certainly have enough for a nice assissted living but I know my daughter or my SO (if he's still around ) will willingly be my advocate just as I am for my Mother . I do not consider helping my Mother a burden . It's an act of love . I'm lucky in that I have a family that takes care of each other while still staying independent .
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Old 03-11-2008, 01:33 PM   #42
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Originally Posted by Want2retire View Post
Each of us has a different attitude as to what constitutes burdening our loved ones during our old age. Some of us would want to pay for good, responsible advocacy and others would simply relegate that to a loved one who may or may not be genuinely delighted with that turn of events. I prefer a degree of independence which can be expensive and that may be different from most people these days. I prefer not to become a burden on my loved ones and I am taking the responsibility of planning for my old age myself. That's not just for them, but for me.

In my opinion this really is something that all of us should probably be thinking about, rather than thinking "Oh, I will not be alive at that age", "Oh, I will kill myself when I turn 80", or "Oh, my child/children will (will have to) take care of me".
W2R,

I hear where you're coming from and I respect your opinion. In my own case, I don't mind advocating for my parents, but I can see how some would view it as a burden or may not have the skills/attitude/personality/whatever for the task. Also, as you say, you might outlive those other folks as well. I really liked the thought of a resident-owned facility.

2Cor521
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Old 03-11-2008, 05:42 PM   #43
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The problem with "old age" is that it is different for everyone. What I've seen is "old people" willing to do anything to "stay in their home." All the while they don't want to be a "burden" on their children. Unfortunately, the only way they can stay in their home is to be a burden on their children but they don't see it. The other wonderful prospect is the development of some form of dementia that may or may not preclude their ability to seem to function semi-normally. Again unfortunately, one of the benefits of diminished mental capacity is the inability to recognize it in yourself so anyone trying to "help" is really trying to steal your money and make you do what you don't want to do.

Fortunately, my MIL is deceased and my FIL is so far gone the level of conflict has essentially disappeared. My FIL is so bad that even my tenderhearted DW is moving past the angst of dealing with her father's wants.

My children know I'm happy to be drowned in a toilet if anything like that happens to me. My son has my POW and instructions to kill me in the earliest legal means available should the situation arise.
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Old 03-11-2008, 08:23 PM   #44
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