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Old 04-22-2016, 05:52 PM   #41
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I did not read all the responses, so this may me a repeat.

We are currently paying towards our GD's college, and have money set aside for GS.

Here is the way DW and I look at it. "We are spending their inheritance?"

We are not taking away from anything we want to do, or purchase. Often when parents go out with adult children, there is a fight for the check. We tell the kids, "Its your money". In the early years they wanted to prove they could afford it. Now, I think they understand.

Your father has the resources, and it most likely makes him feel good to do this. You know you can afford it, and I'll bet he does too. You can let him do it and make him happy, or refuse it and you will get the money when he is dead.
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Old 04-22-2016, 10:30 PM   #42
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Originally Posted by Rustic23 View Post
You can let him do it and make him happy, or refuse it and you will get the money when he is dead.

...at which point I will probably try to honor his memory by spending more on my kids' college, because that's the number one thing he would have wanted done with the money (after keeping it away from the government, one of his prime directives). Hmm.
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Old 04-23-2016, 07:45 AM   #43
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Originally Posted by daylatedollarshort View Post
One other thought....Our kids' GPs have given them some pre-inheritance kinds of money gifts now, and I would just say from personal experience there are more frivolous things kids that age can find to spend money on than a college education. If they are going to inherit or be gifted the money eventually anyway, college may not be a bad use of the funds.
The OP might consider himself fortunate.

While we didn't need his money for college, my (very) wealthy grandfather wouldn't have contributed a single dime even if we were destitute. It would have never even entered his mind.

"You'll get it when I die; until then, it's mine" was his mantra.

It was too late for tuitions but his heirs are forever grateful and most RE'd soon after his passing.
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Old 04-24-2016, 09:34 AM   #44
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Let your children make the decision.

It is their future. They should make the call.
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Old 04-24-2016, 12:33 PM   #45
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At first I was reading your post thinking "Dad is 80, let him do this..." but then I read your thoughts about the issues and see there's some history/baggage there, so it's a tough one. Say yes and you have the potential issues, say no and you might cause a riff that you'll regret in later years.

Have your kids been accepted at these high end schools even? If not it might be less of an issue...
Sorry, Aerides, I missed this question before.

My kids are all very bright and do well on the standardized test. My oldest got a 2200 on the SAT and was a National Merit Scholar. Having said that, my two sons were not / have not been conscientious about grades and other activities, so they were not / are not heading toward high end schools.

My daughter is the straight-A conscientious kid who is internally motivated. She also has outside activities so could go to a good top-notch school if she wanted.

That all having been said, a decent out of state private university can easily run $50-$60K per year, which would outstrip their college budget even with decent scholarships.
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Old 04-24-2016, 12:36 PM   #46
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FWIW, my Dad is highly in favor of "useful" majors. I had considered psychology and philosophy before ending up with a CS degree.
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Old 04-25-2016, 06:20 AM   #47
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The other day, my father very intently emphasized to me again that he thinks that the price of college should be no object, and that the best course of action is for my kids to choose the best college for them, and that between my father and I we should just cover the cost.

On the one hand, I appreciate my father's generosity. On the other hand, as noted above, I'm not sure I agree with him. On the other other hand, it seems bad somehow to keep this conversation to myself and not inform my kids.

What I am thinking of doing is having a conversation with my kids informing them that I'll still pay what I was planning to pay, and then if they want to go to a more expensive school, they need to work that out with my Dad. If he wants to pay, and they want to accept, what's wrong with that?

On the other other other other hand, I feel like I should be the one paying for all of their college. Having my Dad help out, even though he wants to, makes me into some sort of cop-out, since I was able to retire at 46 partially because I decided not to budget for 12 years of Ivy League.

What would you do?
"You know that I don't need Grandpa's money, and he'd like to do something nice for you guys. Instead of leaving me an inheritance when he dies, he'd rather enjoy the money while he's alive. He's told me that he's willing to help you guys pay for college. You know what I'll give you, and Grandpa is willing to help cover the rest of the cost."
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