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Old 04-02-2015, 06:24 PM   #61
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The OP is a child. Good child will most likely be rewarded! And a naughty who knows....
Just be a good child, don't count on much and maybe reward will be quite sweet.

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Old 04-03-2015, 10:28 AM   #62
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Originally Posted by fh2000 View Post
I also think that you are being selfish. But, I think it's OK to be selfish as long as you don't hurt anyone. And by that I mean that I think you should not bring up your parents' money unless they bring it up first. Really. Plus, you'll feel like you did the right thing. I did not learn to appreciate that feeling until around age 42. I often did the right thing but did not get the rewarding feeling. I think you will learn to appreciate that kind of stuff later on in life. I think it's OK to think about it, just don't bring it up.

I also did not like hearing about how I would think when I got older. Try to have patience.

Mike D.

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Old 04-03-2015, 10:54 AM   #63
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Originally Posted by Gumby View Post
Consider the following scenario:

Mom tragically dies young. Dad remarries a younger woman and they start having kids together. Or Dad marries another woman who comes with existing children from a prior marriage. Dad then dies and leaves everything to the new wife. Who do you think will end up with the money after that? Hint - probably not you.

Live your life as if you never knew about your parents' money. If you ever get any of it, consider it icing on the cake. But you have to bake the cake yourself.
This is exactly what has happened in my DH's family. I won't bore you with the long tragic tale, but the woman my DFI married has a son who has only done handy-man type of odd jobs his entire life. He has two grown kids and five grandchildren.

My DH and his brother have had successful careers and are both FI. My DFI explained to his sons that his wife insists that all remaining funds will pass to her son's family "because they need it more."

This hasn't changed their relationship to their father because they believe he should do whatever he wants with his money. But they both will admit that it does feel bad.
Don't look back. You're not going in that direction.
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Old 04-03-2015, 10:55 AM   #64
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My dh and I do not believe in inheritances. In every family situation that we have been apart of involving any type of wealth and believe me it's never been enough to write about, it has lead to fighting, ill will and nastiness.

My sons will get many opportunities in life, fully paid college tuitions, financial help with first house and my youngest will probably have their law school tuition paid for.

If they can't stand on their own two feet after that, me leaving them money is not going to save them.

They are fully aware of my wishes. any substantial wealth I have will go to causes I support. right now I don't have any grandbabies so I may change my mind if that occurs but as of right now, I plan on spending my hard earned cash.
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Old 04-03-2015, 11:08 AM   #65
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Originally Posted by marko View Post
The OP was asking specifically about if he should broach the subject of what his inheritance might be.

At some point in life, I believe that most children of multi-generational wealth are clued in as to what/where/how of the family finances; specific inheritance amounts being another story altogether.
You obviously didn't know DW's family. Not that they had LOTS OF MONEY, but...

Her grandfather kept everyone informed with yearly letters to the major heirs letting them know about wills, important papers, lawyers, etc. No details, but everyone knew what to do when the worst came.

So Grandpa passes on and Grandma moves in with FIL and MIL. We are suddenly in an information vacuum. OK, no big deal, until Grandma dies and her will (dated the day before her death with a signature that suspiciously resembles MIL's) leaves everything to MIL. Also, no big deal, until MIL's cousin convinces them that a family trust would solve their estate tax problem. Of course, their estate HAD no estate tax problem and wasn't ever going to have an estate tax problem.

A series of financial missteps occurs, including FIL selling off all of his stock holdings in the middle of the night sometime after the tech crash when he had stopped his meds. After MIL dies, FIL rewrites his will clearly outlining one distribution of his assets but then includes his live in companion on a couple of Transfer on Death accounts that make the will impossible to follow.

Despite DW's overtures, FIL would not discuss ANY aspect of the finances, simply assured her that "Everything is in order."

As a result, FIL's estate is a royal pain to settle and DW is the executor. All of this slowly comes out and almost seven years out we are still trying to get some minor things settled.

We learned two lessons that we have told our adult kids:

1) Don't count on an inheritance, things happen, and
2) We want to have conversations with you about our money - so you can help us avoid doing stupid things like your grandparents did.
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Old 04-03-2015, 12:21 PM   #66
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Thanks for all the responses everybody. I have been reading them all.

I do feel selfish for thinking these thoughts, but I think my (first world) "dilemma" or viewpoint is a valid one. I don't think I am actually being selfish because I haven't initiated any convos about it, or altered my way of life because of an expected inheritance. I've just pondered the ".....what if ..... 25-30 years from now when Mom and dad pass, and I am already FI on my own, and my net worth doubles due to an inheritance....will I have wished I would have lived my life differently in my 20s-40s".

I know this is not a problem situation to be in, so I don't need to hear anything about how I'm being ridiculous about it It's just a valid thought/possibility to consider.

At the end of the day, I think I will be happiest long term if I:

1. Prove myself out (meaning, work hard, save, and build my OWN nest egg)
2. Stick to MY life plan, and don't adjust MY way of life based on uncertain possibilities and factors that I cannot control

That way, there are no strings attached (monetairly) to anyone in my family, and our relationship is based off other natural familial factors and love.
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Old 04-03-2015, 01:11 PM   #67
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Originally Posted by younginvestor2013 View Post
Thanks for all the responses everybody. I have been reading them all.


At the end of the day, I think I will be happiest long term if I:

1. Prove myself out (meaning, work hard, save, and build my OWN nest egg)
2. Stick to MY life plan, and don't adjust MY way of life based on uncertain possibilities and factors that I cannot control

That way, there are no strings attached (monetairly) to anyone in my family, and our relationship is based off other natural familial factors and love.
You got it. Good job, things will turn out just fine. Your family will benefit from your attitude.
Not all inheritances turn out ugly, IMHO the ones that don't follow the plan you just laid out.
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Finances and Discussing Money across Generations
Old 04-03-2015, 02:23 PM   #68
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Finances and Discussing Money across Generations

Originally Posted by younginvestor2013 View Post
I am likely substantially younger (25) than the average poster here, so I think you all can give me some good advice or feedback.

As it stands now with my nest egg and savings rate, I am looking at being FI by my mid 40s with very conservative estimates.

My parents are in their 60s and FIRE'd with about a $4m net worth, with about $3.2m in investable assets. They are very conservative and practical with their money yet they've been generous with my sibling and me by providing us with UTMAs. My parents annual expenses are around $100k or less based on what they've told me and they do have a FA that I believe has done fairly well for them. I'm fairly sure that he's doing well for them because my parents have made many big ticket purchases this year that I don't think they otherwise would have purchased. And, they've also alluded to the fact that they're "one time" purchases.

I know part of my parent's plan is to leave a sizable inheritance to us, yet money is often a taboo subject in our family. My parents make random comments about their finances and plans to leave inheritances to us, but haven't had many "official" talks with us, and me and my brother know that mom and dad are "set" but no serious convos have been had.

My point in posting all of this is to ask for your advice on how I should handle the inheritance that my parents want to leave us, talking/starting a convo to my parents about it, and (most importantly) how I should live my life given all of the above?

I know everyone says to not plan for an inheritance, which makes sense and I can agree with.

But inheritance aside, I am slated to be FI at a young age (mid 40s) from the UTMA and own savings. If I factor a sizable inheritance on top of that, I could see a day where I have more money than I may ever need (possibly double the annual FI income than I'd actually need) still at a young age, and I may look back on my 20's, 30's, and 40's and wish I'd have lived them differently (whether it be travel more, take a different career path, stress out less, start my own business, etc etc).

If you were me, how would you approach life and your goals (be it professionally, socially, etc.) given the above? Also, do you think I should instigate a convo with my parents about finances and my goals?

Sorry if this is a long and deep post (maybe I have the Monday blues), but often I still find I'm searching for meaning and direction in life that corporate America leaves me yearning for, despite padding my 401k and providing a comfortable lifestyle. Then comes Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, and rinse and repeat each week!

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Focus on doing what you like.

It sounds like you know much more of your parents situation already than most. What else do you need to know? Their exact departure date?

OTOH, if they think you can help them with their plans, convo away.

How old were you when they told you about the UTMA?

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If you live to a hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. George Burns
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Old 04-03-2015, 02:57 PM   #69
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Originally Posted by younginvestor2013 View Post
Yeah, I guess I sort of asked for these responses.

Am I selfish for thinking about such a possibility?

I love my parents of course and think they should enjoy their earned retirement. But the INTJ/planning part of my brain is always thinking long term and how I can optimize things, so this is where my thinking on this subject comes into play.

I guess my thinking is that an honest conversation about family finances and long term goals would be beneficial to everyone involved. My parents have made frequent annual "gifts" to us <$10,000 recently, which I believe they plan to continue to do in the future, so it seems somewhat relevant. Although I see your point in the conversation being somewhat pointless, and even somewhat self-centered.
I don't think you a foolish to have this in the back of your mind. However, you are decades premature to make any type of plans about it. Life happens in those decades and often throws curve balls. My mom's dad was pretty wealthy (a few million), but by time her stepmom died she was in her late mid 70s, and the amount she and her step sister got was a several hundred thousand, no where near the >$1 million we had expected

My only advice is when your parents get into their 70s and they show any signs of dementia make a point of meeting anybody in their lives like a FA,or lawyer who has access to their financial information or control.
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Old 04-05-2015, 03:37 PM   #70
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Originally Posted by Katiek View Post
Congrats on being on track in your own right, but as you predicted, I don't think you should change anything about your life or plans based on an expected inheritance. I also wouldn't suggest a conversation with your parents about the inheritance you expect to receive except to assure them that you're doing fine and they should feel free to spend their money on themselves if there are things that will bring them happiness.

I think it would be fine to talk with your parents about their own financial planning and process in terms of learning from their experience, but otherwise I think it's up to them to initiate any conversation about any inheritance.

You never know what can happen, medical illnesses, accidents or a market downturn. Continue to plan for your own FI, and when/if you do receive something you may be able to accelerate your plans. But even in your own planning while I agree with LBYM, I also think your working years need some fun and that spending on meaningful experiences is a good investment and that it shouldn't be just accumulating for a future FI.

+1. I could not have said it better. All of the above.

Perhaps ask parents if they have long term care insurance. Long term illness (Alzheimer's) can destroy a portfolio in no time, as can an extended market correction.

Glad to see your parents making the one time buys.

Ask them what kind of charitable giving they might want to do now or as part of an estate plan.

Never assume it's coming your way.

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