Financial Obligations as a Parent

[pb4uski]

My parents could afford to pay for our college and they viewed their obligation as providing us with a college education if we chose to do it and then it was up to us. As I recall, I had an "allowance" during my freshman year of college but started working thereafter and didn't have anything after that other than Dad occasionally slipping me a $20 here or there my last 3 years of college.

My roommate's family was less well off and I remember him working like a dog to pay for college between his own work, grants and loans and some parental help, so I felt very fortunate that my parents took care of tuition and room and I only had to worry about food and my own personal expenses after that freshman year.

DW's family was similar to my roommate and she pretty much paid for her own post secondary education through work, grants and loans and a little help from her Mom.

I have taken the same approach that my parents did. We'll pay for tuition, room and board for four years - then the rest is up to you. That is what we did for DD. DS has chosen not to go to college so far, though we will pay for his post-secondary education and since his profession will be low-paying at least initially, I think we will probably help him out a bit here and there - not because we feel obligated to do so but because we are blessed and have the wherewithal to do so.

I also feel obligated to pay for a reasonable wedding should DD ever get married but more because we can. Beyond a certain $ amount though, it is on her and her fiance.

 

[Sandman62]

Regarding helping out with weddings... Am I the only one who feels, if we wanna help, we should do so equally for DS as for DD? I mean, in these days of equality, isn't the old "parents of the bride pay" rule outdated?

 

[Katsmeow]

Regarding helping out with weddings... Am I the only one who feels, if we wanna help, we should do so equally for DS as for DD? I mean, in these days of equality, isn't the old "parents of the bride pay" rule outdated?

I would agree.

That said, what I will contribute to any wedding will be very small. I think there are few greater wastes of money that spending many thousands on a wedding. I felt so strongly about it myself that when DH and I decided to get marries (a little over 20 years ago) I suggested that we fly to Las Vegas, get married, and have a nice weekend.

That is what I ended up doing. I was in my 30s and it was my first wedding and I think my parents gave us something like $5000 as a wedding present which we could use however we wanted to.

That is probably what I will do with my kids. Tell them - male or female - that we will contribute $X and they can use it for the wedding or whatever else they want to use it for.

 

[butterfly]

Regarding helping out with weddings... Am I the only one who feels, if we wanna help, we should do so equally for DS as for DD? I mean, in these days of equality, isn't the old "parents of the bride pay" rule outdated?

We will gift them a certain amount each, I think, and they can put it towards a lareg wedding, a house deposit, a honeymoon, furniture or other items for their home. But the amount would be equal for our DS and DD.

For me, it was A from my parents.

We hope to help our children as much as we deem healthy for them to develop a strong work ethic. If they show this we would be more likely to help them follow their dreams than if they squandered our hard earned cash on frivolities.

That said, our rough plan (children are only 6 and 3) is to pay for their education, university if the choose to go, whatever other tuition they require to further their field of interest/expertise, and maybe a helping hand with a house deposit.

We will also charge them room and board from a certain age (yet to be determined) but will give it all back to them when they move out as a surprise.

 

[ESRwannabe]

My parents stopped at college tuition. It was very kind of them to pay for my college and was a big help. They didn't have to do that, and I really appreciated it.

I worked several part-time jobs throughout college. They were all easy things for the most part like baby sitting computer labs and tutoring other students in math. When I graduated I had about $50k in the bank and a $3k junker car.

I went to graduate school for a year and then the dot bomb collapse happened. My degree was in computer science. So that wasn't good... I got scared and started looking for a job, and found one in my home town. Left graduate school and moved back home.

I lived with my parents for a few years after college, but I paid rent. Money was never an issue. I had a job in my field. I just liked staying there for a while. At the time I was a little worried about the recession.

 

[SumDay]

Regarding helping out with weddings... Am I the only one who feels, if we wanna help, we should do so equally for DS as for DD? I mean, in these days of equality, isn't the old "parents of the bride pay" rule outdated?

As the parent of two sons, I must admit I really do prefer the outdated rule.