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Old 11-18-2013, 02:47 PM   #81
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Well done, doesn't it feel good to have achieved all that? Just before I retired I was talking to an ex-pat friend of mine at the place I worked. He had come from a similar background from an industrial town about 10 miles down the cost from me, and now was a very well paid manager and actually a year or two older than me. He said that he would love to retire as well and didn't know how I'd managed to be able to retire at 55. I told him that I hadn't just bought a Mercedes convertible brand new from the dealer, or the latest and greatest unbelievably expensive golf clubs to play at a club that costs $100,000 to join. (I have no idea what the ongoing costs are, but I'm sure it is high). But this was the life that he had aspired to, and achieved, but to maintain it meant to keep working all hours in the day under loads of stress. (I actually worked with him a lot and was a friend of his so I knew how much stress he was under).
Yes, this forum is full of folks like you and me who toiled, and saved to reap benefit. Now, I am trying to enjoy what I sow before FIRE - see my post on here - Living it up a little before retiring?.
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Old 11-18-2013, 03:01 PM   #82
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Doing brake jobs in the snow builds character....there's no better time to do it. And the general rule is, "Your breaks will need to be replaced on the snowiest and coldest week of the year."

My ole man taught me how to do a break job, inspect rotors etc etc. All of that has allowed me to save for FI.

"Boy, come here and pump these brakes for me, now!"
Consider yourself blessed. I worked since I was 14 and my dad took all my earnings, and kicked me out of the house for 3 straight days when I told him I was accepted to Cal Berkeley (1000 miles away from him). The reason for getting kicked out? He knew I could not bring him any more of my earnings. I was sleeping in family car, or just walking around at night until dawn before crawling back home (got no place to go). Some 30 years later, my son was accepted to the same college and I was so proud and happy for it ... (kicking him out of the house was out of the question ).
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Old 11-18-2013, 07:27 PM   #83
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The challenge that I now have is spending money. The joke in my family is that we all have short arms and deep pockets.
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Old 11-18-2013, 07:45 PM   #84
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The challenge that I now have is spending money. The joke in my family is that we all have short arms and deep pockets.
I love it! I'll have to remember that phrase!
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Old 11-18-2013, 07:58 PM   #85
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Consider yourself blessed. I worked since I was 14 and my dad took all my earnings, and kicked me out of the house for 3 straight days when I told him I was accepted to Cal Berkeley (1000 miles away from him). The reason for getting kicked out? He knew I could not bring him any more of my earnings. I was sleeping in family car, or just walking around at night until dawn before crawling back home (got no place to go). Some 30 years later, my son was accepted to the same college and I was so proud and happy for it ... (kicking him out of the house was out of the question ).
Yikes! My dad told me if I wanted a car I needed a job to pay for the gas to put in the car. He didn't necessarily give me all of the financial advice he possessed, but I think it was mainly my disinterest and unwillingness to learn.

That is shameful what your dad did and I would hold him accountable. At the very least I would ask him why, help him understand why what he did was wrong and hopefully accept an apology. It's helped me in some internal family affairs that were on a similar shameful level as your experience.

I am almost certain my 'ole man thought there was no hope for me financially but he has since been more accommodating to this type of conversation with me. With him, I always have to prove I am worthy.
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Old 11-18-2013, 10:55 PM   #86
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Yikes! My dad told me if I wanted a car I needed a job to pay for the gas to put in the car. He didn't necessarily give me all of the financial advice he possessed, but I think it was mainly my disinterest and unwillingness to learn.

That is shameful what your dad did and I would hold him accountable. At the very least I would ask him why, help him understand why what he did was wrong and hopefully accept an apology. It's helped me in some internal family affairs that were on a similar shameful level as your experience.

I am almost certain my 'ole man thought there was no hope for me financially but he has since been more accommodating to this type of conversation with me. With him, I always have to prove I am worthy.
I think your dad tried to teach you the importance of money & hard work in his own way. It probably helped you become financially successful beyond you and your dad's dreams.

As for my dad, years later, I've learned he has narcissistic personality disorder (a drunken one at that). Person with NPD cannot be reasoned with. So, I didn't ask why but forgave him anyway (and have been supplementing his income for years). It's a blessing for him that I became financially successful beyond my/his dream. It's hard to live on minimum SSA in CA.
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Old 11-19-2013, 10:18 AM   #87
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As for my dad, years later, I've learned he has narcissistic personality disorder (a drunken one at that). Person with NPD cannot be reasoned with. So, I didn't ask why but forgave him anyway (and have been supplementing his income for years). It's a blessing for him that I became financially successful beyond my/his dream. It's hard to live on minimum SSA in CA.
You are a far better person than me, and props to you for forgiving him and helping him out. As spiteful as it sounds, I probably wouldn't have done that. I probably would have never talked to him, or seen him, ever again. I hold grudges.
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Old 11-19-2013, 10:49 AM   #88
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Forgiveness is very often misunderstood. We forgive others as it benefits us. I didn't make it up, it has been written about for centuries. Didn't say it's easy.

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Old 11-19-2013, 11:04 AM   #89
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You are a far better person than me, and props to you for forgiving him and helping him out. As spiteful as it sounds, I probably wouldn't have done that. I probably would have never talked to him, or seen him, ever again. I hold grudges.

Well, one of his billions sperms gave me life - without him, I don't exist. Looking at it from that way, it's easier to forgive. And time (many years of it) eases much the bitterness.

Back to the topic - many of us become successful b/c we learned from life. My dad gave me the extra incentive and motivation to be successful as a father myself, and be FI. As a young man, I tried to be exactly the opposite of him. If he were a normal dad, I don't think I would be so determined to make something out of me. In a way, he contributed to my being successful beyond anyone's wildest dreams. People from my background (poverty, dysfunctional family, gangs) often end up in ghetto, jail, or worse.
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Old 11-19-2013, 11:12 AM   #90
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Forgiveness is very often misunderstood. We forgive others as it benefits us. I didn't make it up, it has been written about for centuries. Didn't say it's easy.

MRG

True. It helps one to move on. For me, I forgive to forget.

One thing about being successful beyond your wildest dreams ... I was not aware of it while I was making it happen. One day after my younger brother's death, I sat down and seriously thought about RE, calculated some numbers and reached the conclusion that I've made it. Even with all the financial mistakes I've made, dot.com crash, and housing bubble burst, I can quit work today and continue with my posh life. All I need is a final push (courage) to retire.
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Old 11-19-2013, 11:18 AM   #91
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Consider yourself blessed. I worked since I was 14 and my dad took all my earnings, and kicked me out of the house for 3 straight days when I told him I was accepted to Cal Berkeley (1000 miles away from him). The reason for getting kicked out? He knew I could not bring him any more of my earnings. I was sleeping in family car, or just walking around at night until dawn before crawling back home (got no place to go). Some 30 years later, my son was accepted to the same college and I was so proud and happy for it ... (kicking him out of the house was out of the question ).
My father was not like that but I would not put it past my money hungry relatives to do something like that. All they think about is money. Since I am related to people like that I feel for you.
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Old 11-19-2013, 11:25 AM   #92
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Regarding retirement, it does not have to be all or nothing. I know that not everyone has my opportunity, but I worked part-time for nearly 10 years before calling it done last year.

After the ventures that I was part of dissolved and left me with worthless shares after a couple of years of work without pay, I was faced with deciding what to do with the rest of my life. I got full-time offers from two megacorps who knew me from previous works, but decided to work part-time. I needed some income to see my children through college, and I was too young to stay home twiddling thumbs or to surf the Web.

That worked out well, as I doubled my networth and acquired a 2nd home by not dipping too much into my stash too early. Without the earned income, I would not have the audacity to "buy low" in the 2008-2009 meltdown.

So, if a full-time position is too pressured, one may consider a contracting job to try ESR for a while to slowly get his feet wet, compared to jumping in fully clothed. It helped me a lot.
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