I have received my first pension check from Columbia University. I started at their Lamont Observatory in the early seventies.
They were one of the first to convert from defined benefits to defined contributions during my employment. After a few years I became vested.
A few months ago I decided to start collecting. Since I am not yet 65, am 61, it is a reduced amount.
They made exhaustive calculations, adjusted for life expectancy, early distributions, phase of the moon, solar radiation, carbon footprint and credits, and came up with a figure: $29.43 for life. Yippeee.
They wanted to know how I wish to receive the funds. I elected paper checks. Yesterday I proudly marched into the local bank, where my checking account is and presented the check to the teller for deposit. Letting her know that this is really a pension check. She nearly choked.
So now I have sufficient funds coming in monthly to cover my daily cafe habit, at the truth and veracity league for part of the month. Where bottomless coffee= $1.17 with tax. 50 cents tip = $1.67 therefore my pension check covers exactly 17.62275449 cups of java.
It may seem anal for this calculation, but, you gotta see the humor in it. In reality in don't care. I just find it amusing.