First post:Using annuities to reign in a spender?

[azphx1972]

Good luck should you become incapacitated or are declared incompetent, and she has to take over the household finances.

If you and your partner aren't on the same page on important issues like this, you are far better off being single.

 

[BellBarbara]

Hello? His money is her money, they are married. I can't believe some of the posts here. grrrrrrrrrrrrr

Let me give you another thought - I was a over spender, more for convenience (worked long hours) so I would order online for things I thought I needed. I was working and making 6+ figures (as was DH) and we maxed out our 401ks. I was always pulling from savings to pay my credit card in full each month. I was a little worried about how I would do in retirement. But I told myself that if I didn't mend my ways, I would go back to work in some form. That is truly an incentive. My husband was not too worried....mainly about redecorating/remodeling which is my passion.

Well, fact forward 9 months post retirement, and I don't do it anymore. I now realize I was doing it because I was both making my life easier as well as rewarding myself for hard work. (I hated my job as most of us do towards the end).

So I think tracking is really good, and scheduling a financial overview meeting each month so your wife becomes more aware. It might also allow you more insight into exactly what she is spending on which helps both of you. You could also have some sample budgets from couples on here who are retired to show categories such as clothes or other things she overspends on.

Maybe I am wrong, but you are a team, so it's a team issue. Divorce is crazy, way more expensive and awful all around. (you can easily fund her overspending by not paying attorneys fees for divorce!). People do change some. I did.

 

[Texas Proud]

Hello? His money is her money, they are married. I can't believe some of the posts here. grrrrrrrrrrrrr

/snip/

Not everybody believes this to be true.... as all the people with his/hers/ours accounts...

Also, a lot of states do not think so either... separate property states...


Then there can be a prenup that says what he has is his separate property.... (also what is hers is hers).....

 

[haha]

Not everybody believes this to be true.... as all the people with his/hers/ours accounts...

Also, a lot of states do not think so either... separate property states...

His hers ours accounts may have some helpful psychological effect, but they are a fiction. Like the lady says above, they are married! What is his is hers, what is hers is his. (Expecially that first part)

Also there is no such animal as a separate property state. Some years ago Mississippi was the last state to maintain ownership by title. I think that is long gone like the cuckoo bird. There are community property states, but that does not mean mean that other states are separate property states. Most or perhaps all of them use the principle of equitable division, which basically means the property is divided however the judge wants it divided. Even in community property jurisdictions, the community law can be overridden to produce a "more equitable result".

Hint, this will rarely or never be a result that will be welcomed by the gentleman partner. And in case you think that because you earned the higher salary you should get more, think again. This can just as easily be interpreted to mean that she sould get more, because you can easily earn more. Oh, you are retired? I am so sorry, but that is not a value we care about in family court!

I am afraid that Bell Barbara is 100% correct, it is almost certainly cheaper to let her buy whatever she wants, and to be damn nice about it too. You can cut back to make up any shortfall.

Ha

 

[Lazarus]

His hers ours accounts may have some helpful psychological effect, but they are a fiction. Like the lady says above, they are married! What is his is hers, what is hers is his. (Expecially that first part)

Also there is no such animal as a separate property state. Some years ago Mississippi was the last state to maintain ownership by title. I think that is long gone like the cuckoo bird. There are community property states, but that does not mean mean that other states are separate property states. Most or perhaps all of them use the principle of equitable division, which basically means the property is divided however the judge wants it divided. Even in community property jurisdictions, the community law can be overridden to produce a "more equitable result".

Hint, this will rarely or never be a result that will be welcomed by the gentleman partner. And in case you think that because you earned the higher salary you should get more, think again. This can just as easily be interpreted to mean that she sould get more, because you can easily earn more. Oh, you are retired? I am so sorry, but that is not a value we care about in family court!

I am afraid that Bell Barbara is 100% correct, it is almost certainly cheaper to let her buy whatever she wants, and to be damn nice about it too. You can cut back to make up any shortfall.

Ha

You sound like you speak from experience. I am married but would never do it again. My wife says the same thing.

 

[LakeTravis]

His hers ours accounts may have some helpful psychological effect, but they are a fiction. Like the lady says above, they are married! What is his is hers, what is hers is his. (Expecially that first part)

Also there is no such animal as a separate property state. Some years ago Mississippi was the last state to maintain ownership by title. I think that is long gone like the cuckoo bird. There are community property states, but that does not mean mean that other states are separate property states. Most or perhaps all of them use the principle of equitable division, which basically means the property is divided however the judge wants it divided. Even in community property jurisdictions, the community law can be overridden to produce a "more equitable result".

Hint, this will rarely or never be a result that will be welcomed by the gentleman partner. And in case you think that because you earned the higher salary you should get more, think again. This can just as easily be interpreted to mean that she sould get more, because you can easily earn more. Oh, you are retired? I am so sorry, but that is not a value we care about in family court!

I am afraid that Bell Barbara is 100% correct, it is almost certainly cheaper to let her buy whatever she wants, and to be damn nice about it too. You can cut back to make up any shortfall.

Ha

Actually, Texas Family Code Chapter 4, Subchapter B, § 4.102 recognizes Partition Agreements (Post-Nuptials) which serve to declare separate assets, property, income, and liabilities. My DW and I had an attorney draft one up late last year; we signed it, had it notarized, and filed it with the county. It clearly and most certainly defines what is mine, what is hers, and what is "shared".

 

[haha]

Actually, Texas Family Code Chapter 4, Subchapter B, § 4.102 recognizes Partition Agreements (Post-Nuptials) which serve to declare separate assets, property, income, and liabilities. My DW and I had an attorney draft one up late last year; we signed it, had it notarized, and filed it with the county. It clearly and most certainly defines what is mine, what is hers, and what is "shared".

Yes, I really know nothing about this as I am not married and will never be married again. I am talking only about the commonly referenced his/hers/our informal arrangements.
Prenups, post-nups, never wanna nups-all technical things that are well beyond this simpleton who learned one thing, but learned it well. Do not let her sleep over.
Wake up, get outta here! That coach is starting to smell kinda pumpkin-like.
Ha

 

[ShortInSeattle]

Hello? His money is her money, they are married. I can't believe some of the posts here. grrrrrrrrrrrrr

.

I don't believe my husband's money is mine. Instead, we believe that our money is ours. It's a bit of a distinction from the "whats yours is mine" mindset. Meaning every dollar is owned jointly, and all spending decisions are subject to joint review. We're both accountable for making and sticking to our budget. We have extra money in savings, it doesn't mean I get to hit the mall.

If I want to purchase something outside the budget, I ask. So does he. We both own every dollar, together.

To each their own, but I like the way we do it.

 

[LakeTravis]

Yes, I really know nothing about this as I am not married and will never be married again. I am talking only about the commonly referenced his/hers/our informal arrangements.
Prenups, post-nups, never wanna nups-all technical things that are well beyond this simpleton who learned one thing, but learned it well. Do not let her sleep over.
Wake up, get outta here! That coach is starting to smell kinda pumpkin-like.
Ha

Wise words, indeed.

 

[NW-Bound]

+1

I wonder if a couple gets married when they are young that the chance of this situation developing is higher. When newlyweds start their life together and build up everything from scratch, they tend to share responsibility and wealth.

It could be my imagination, but I suppose if I get married later in life once I have made and saved a lot of money on my own, I would be less trustful of my new mate, or at least less willing to share.

I don't believe my husband's money is mine. Instead, we believe that our money is ours. It's a bit of a distinction from the "whats yours is mine" mindset. Meaning every dollar is owned jointly, and all spending decisions are subject to joint review. We're both accountable for making and sticking to our budget. We have extra money in savings, it doesn't mean I get to hit the mall.

If I want to purchase something outside the budget, I ask. So does he. We both own every dollar, together.

To each their own, but I like the way we do it.

 

[Jager]

My wife, bless her, is lousy with money. She has never saved a dime in her life. She spends based upon perceived need/utility rather than what funds are available. So for the 32 years we've been married, I've handled the majority of the finances - most the bills, savings, and investments.

There is no question that were we to divorce, there would be no distinction between "her money, my money." But it's also true that our informal division of financial responsibility - you use your money for these things, I'll handle everything else - has very effectively served to limit the financial liabilities she has wrought. "Your money, my money" marital divides are certainly not a panacea (my wife could easily have overspent her bucket, for instance, incurring debt we'd both be responsible for), but they can very often help when couples are not of a like mind on saving/spending philosophy.

 

[Meadbh]

His hers ours accounts may have some helpful psychological effect, but they are a fiction. Like the lady says above, they are married! What is his is hers, what is hers is his.

Even multimillionaires have this problem. Even a postnup didn't preclude this ex from getting $2.1 million a year.

Record-breaking divorce ruling against Maple Leafs Foods president: eBay Café: Community

 

[BellBarbara]

Yes, pre-nups and post-nups are regularly tossed by courts or ignored by judges. We did a pre-nup (second marriage) to protect my assets from his ex-wife (on behalf of his daughters if my hub should die).....and even then the attorney said it was more helpful as guidance to a judge (who may wonder what my husband's intentions were about my property) than a legal document restricting them from his daughters.

My dad had a pre-nup on second marriage, judge tossed it, saying he felt they had been married long enough that it shouldn't be in force and he had to split his pension with his second wife, even though it was from a job he had well before he married her.

You all put too much stock in legal agreements when it comes to family courts.

 

[growing_older]

I don't believe my husband's money is mine. Instead, we believe that our money is ours. It's a bit of a distinction from the "whats yours is mine" mindset. Meaning every dollar is owned jointly, and all spending decisions are subject to joint review. We're both accountable for making and sticking to our budget. We have extra money in savings, it doesn't mean I get to hit the mall.

If I want to purchase something outside the budget, I ask. So does he. We both own every dollar, together.

To each their own, but I like the way we do it.

I like this way too. Heavy on the joint agreement part. I think this is where the system breaks down for many. If they cannot get agreement, then they do it their way anyway.