Friends and family can’t relate

[H2ODude]

Interesting topic. Generally avoid it with all except a few close friends who are known to be of similar mindset (and circumstances). Attaining FI was always my goal but RE not so much, until it did. So we overshot the RE needs by a good bit. Neighbors and most friends have no idea how comfortable we are.

I get the need to discuss it with somebody. DW is just not interested in the subject and I've tried to get her there in case I check out before. DS has parallel interests and we talk about it sometimes.

Politics, religion, sex, and money are all pretty sensitive topics that one better know your audience if you're going to enter into them. Sex is the only one I don't have an audience for. Well, except for DW.

[Andre1969]

There's really only one or two people, in the "real world" I talk to about early retirement, mainly because most just wouldn't get it. Plus, I notice people complaining more and more about their lot in life. Big bills, being in debt, job problems, and so on, and as time has gone by, they're still in the same spot financially, while I've moved onward and upward.

So to talk to these people about early retirement just wouldn't be productive. It would just make them resentful of me, I'm afraid. Actually, about 5 years ago, I had a friend, where in a momentarily lapse of judgement, had an "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" moment. He was a few years older than me, easily made over twice what I did, in salary, and had a bit of a "limousine liberal" attitude about him (i.e., complain about how low minimum wage is, and the go out and hire some illegal aliens in the parking lot to do some yard work for him under the table).

Well, at that point I probably had about 2.5X more saved up than he did. He actually seemed to get a bit offended, and I could tell it changed the friendship. Now, this guy would also take 2-3week vacations to exotic locales, and paid $430K, about 10 years ago, for what is essentially a basement in Washington DC, so his money simply went toward other things.

Anyway, one of my other friends, whom I still talk with about retirement, and finance, is a teacher. He says he thinks he'll be working until well into his 70's....BUT by choice. He does whine, sometimes, about his pension that maxes out at 54%, but I think he's eligible for it when he's in his mid-50's. Plus, he'll get SS on top of that. I've tried telling him to keep in mind that once he's getting his pension, he won't be paying into SS, and he won't be paying INTO his retirement. So his take home might not be that much worse than it is now, and he should at least have some nest egg to off-set it.

He's one of those types though, that I think falls into the mentality of when you retire, you cut yourself off from interacting with people, your mind starts to rot from lack of stimulation, and all that. Hell, I think my mind is already rotting, from the daily workday rut! But, I think he worries about that happening to me.

[Taxman59]

Politics, religion, sex, and money are all pretty sensitive topics that one better know your audience if you're going to enter into them. Sex is the only one I don't have an audience for. Well, except for DW.

[redduck]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HNL Bill Most people who live at or above their means just can't comprehend living below your means. The liberal press likes to villify the 'rich' and gives no credit to those who get a good education (choosing a major that has the potential to pay back student loans Sorry, I think I'm about to go on an Ayn Rand rant....maybe it's too late!

Ah, really? No need to bring politics into this.

[flintnational]

Kris Kristofferson from the song "To beat the Devil".

"If you waste your time a talking
To the people who don't listen
To the things that you are saying
Who do you thinks gonna hear?
And if you should die explaining how
The things that they complain about
Are things they could be changing
Who do you thinks gonna care?"

[rwdflynavy]

I just retired from the Navy and work in general, except maybe some fun part time gigs. One of my cousins remarked on my retirement facebook post that they were jealous I got to retire so early (49). This same cousin just bought a vacation home on a lake...I didn't say anything....

[Amethyst]

Well, I think most people know military can retire at 20 years, whereas others have to wait longer (so why not buy a vacation home in the meantime?)

Also, some people (I don't know about this one) use "jealous" as a way of giving a compliment without sounding gushy. For example, a woman could tell another woman, "I'm jealous of your beautiful hair," or nice figure, or whatever. Nothing but a friendly compliment.

So some people might just mean "Wow, retired at <50 from the Navy, that is really nice for you" without anything else implied. I don't know, just thinking out loud.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rwdflynavy I just retired from the Navy and work in general, except maybe some fun part time gigs. One of my cousins remarked on my retirement facebook post that they were jealous I got to retire so early (49). This same cousin just bought a vacation home on a lake...I didn't say anything....

[Lukeee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rwdflynavy I just retired from the Navy and work in general, except maybe some fun part time gigs. One of my cousins remarked on my retirement facebook post that they were jealous I got to retire so early (49). This same cousin just bought a vacation home on a lake...I didn't say anything....

You could offer to trade advise for lake home time

[hilltide]

Made the mistake of discussing with a few friends being debt free once we paid off the credit cards and vehicles. We were excited but there were was jealously with a few of our friends. We do not discuss our progress with anyone since that day.


Only my father knows we paid off the house. Like others have said when we FIRE I think we will still be doing some "consulting". Hopefully it is from the Boat and Golf Course.

[corn18]

I retired from the Navy after 20 years and had a negative net worth. Got a great job paying 1% money and my net worth went down even more. I was the antithesis of LBYM.

I was talking to my HR director about cars and he was getting ready to buy a new jeep as his 12 year old Jeep was going caput. He was going to buy a 5 year old Jeep because his goal was to be debt free by 30 and be able to retire early. I could not comprehend this mindset. Buy a new Jeep, you can afford it. Spend, spend, spend. Debt is not bad. Live a little. What a horrible life you must lead.

I read the millionaire next door, made some drastic changes and now have a 7 figure net worth and saving like crazy to RE @ 55 (if I want to). Now I get where he was coming from.

I am so glad I had met him and glad he shared his goals. While the immediate impact was negative, I will never forget him and what he was trying to do. I haven't seen him in a while but will in a few months. I'll bring up the topic and hopefully be able to share how he impacted my life.

[braumeister]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tomhole While the immediate impact was negative, I will never forget him and what he was trying to do.

Great story. Thanks for sharing that!

[Andre1969]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tomhole I was talking to my HR director about cars and he was getting ready to buy a new jeep as his 12 year old Jeep was going caput. He was going to buy a 5 year old Jeep because his goal was to be debt free by 30 and be able to retire early. I could not comprehend this mindset. Buy a new Jeep, you can afford it. Spend, spend, spend. Debt is not bad. Live a little. What a horrible life you must lead.

This reminds me of one of my co-workers, from once upon a time. At the time, I was driving my grandmother's '85 Buick LeSabre, which developed some very expensive emissions control problems, to the tune of about $1,000. I mentioned this to my co-worker, who I think was driving either a '97 Sebring convertible, or a '99 Jeep Grand Cherokee at the time, and he simply blurted out "you need to buy something new...life's too short to drive crap!"

Well, the 2-model-year difference in the cars I mentioned, should be an indication of where this guy's financial situation ultimately ended up...

I was in my late 20's at the time, so he was probably early 40's. But he was living like a trust fund baby. Alas, those things don't go on forever, and sometimes the financial spigots get turned off.

[Rosie]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HNL Bill Most people who live at or above their means just can't comprehend living below your means. The liberal press likes to villify the 'rich' and gives no credit to those who get a good education (choosing a major that has the potential to pay back student loans), work really hard and productively, save and invest, forego fancy cars, houses and vacations, and then manage to retire at 50....they don't get the cost of living beyond one's means, or think that we start out rich (certainly, some do). Sorry, I think I'm about to go on an Ayn Rand rant....maybe it's too late!

I am a liberal.

I had a good education (culminating in a PhD, thenkewverymuch), had a $#itload of jobs from jr high onward to pay for said education, paid back my student loans, worked damn hard and productively, saved and invested, drove cheap clunker cars, and had modest homes and took short inexpensive vacations.

And I retired at age 53.

I am deeply offended by your implication that liberals are lazy and careless with money.

I await your apology.

[HI Bill]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rosie I am a liberal. I had a good education (culminating in a PhD, thenkewverymuch), had a $#itload of jobs from jr high onward to pay for said education, paid back my student loans, worked damn hard and productively, saved and invested, drove cheap clunker cars, and had modest homes and took short inexpensive vacations. And I retired at age 53. I am deeply offended by your implication that liberals are lazy and careless with money. I await your apology.

Dear Rosie - I apologize if I offended you, or any other unbiased liberal (or unbiased conservative). However, the more liberal press does what I stated they do. I never intimated that all liberals are lazy; I was referring to ultra-left liberal writers for the liberal-oriented press. I've read many, many financial articles bemoaning how lucky the rich are, and how unfair life is, and how the poor can't get ahead.

[bmcgonig]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HNL Bill Dear Rosie - I apologize if I offended you, or any other unbiased liberal (or unbiased conservative). However, the more liberal press does what I stated they do. I never intimated that all liberals are lazy; I was referring to ultra-left liberal writers for the liberal-oriented press. I've read many, many financial articles bemoaning how lucky the rich are, and how unfair life is, and how the poor can't get ahead.

And don't forget the ones from the other side insisting that the poor pull themselves up by their bootstraps.. Even if they ain't got no boots [emoji1]

[Gumby]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HNL Bill Dear Rosie - I apologize if I offended you, or any other unbiased liberal (or unbiased conservative). However, the more liberal press does what I stated they do. I never intimated that all liberals are lazy; I was referring to ultra-left liberal writers for the liberal-oriented press. I've read many, many financial articles bemoaning how lucky the rich are, and how unfair life is, and how the poor can't get ahead.

That's not an apology. A genuine apology contains the following elements:

1. I acknowledge what I did was wrong and offensive. "if I offended" doesn't cut it - you did offend.

2. I acknowledge that you were harmed by my wrongful conduct.

3. I regret my actions.

4. I have or will remedy the harm I have caused you and otherwise make such amends as are necessary.

5. I promise that I will not do it again.


Yours contained none of these and merely reiterated that you were right to have said what you did.

Gumby - another liberal who started with nothing, worked hard all his life and now quite enjoys being rich.

[ivinsfan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ivinsfan Money, religion and politics the third rails among many family members.

forum members too I guess... everybody takes things so personally now...people believe what they believe...liberal and conservative are just pigeonhole labels anyway...there are many fine people on both sides of those lines.

[happy2bretired]

I’m enjoying this [emoji23]

[ivinsfan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rosie I am a liberal. I had a good education (culminating in a PhD, thenkewverymuch), had a $#itload of jobs from jr high onward to pay for said education, paid back my student loans, worked damn hard and productively, saved and invested, drove cheap clunker cars, and had modest homes and took short inexpensive vacations. And I retired at age 53. I am deeply offended by your implication that liberals are lazy and careless with money. I await your apology.

So I'm not seeing where the poster said anything like this about you..or liberals in general. IMO the real problem that there is both liberal and conservative press instead of just press. Whatever happened to just the facts please and press opinions being clearly labeled on the editorial pages? This mixing of facts and opinions in the mainstream media is leading to massive discord and lack of rational thinking in this country.

[MichaelB]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ivinsfan forum members too I guess... everybody takes things so personally now...people believe what they believe...liberal and conservation are just pigeonhole labels anyway...there are many fine people on both sides of those lines.

Exactly. Pigeonholes that rarely lead to a better understanding of anything.

A few days after I quit my job I had lunch with DM. My sister and her DH joined us (not sure why and don’t remember). No one knew, I was really happy that day, told everyone at the table, and ordered some mimosas so we could celebrate. My sister and her DH didn’t touch the drink and refused the toast, and she told me I had ruined her lunch and day.