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Fun math for divorce
Old 08-15-2017, 08:26 PM   #1
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Fun math for divorce

someone *very close to me finally settled a 2+ yr divorce.

-SHE finally get's her 2nd divorce finalized!
-Her lawyer gets $35k
-His lawyer gets $55k
-He gets $70k settlement to pay for back taxes he shorted while married
-He gets the house
-She gets no back child support nor future child support
-They sell one mutually owned property to split any gain/loss which goes straight to the lawyers
-She paid off his $10k vehicle loan, and dropped $50k into equity on his "other" property she had no name on, while HE cheated on her and Uncle Sam while MIL babysat.
-3 kids under 12 get years of counseling and psych bills
-Match.com gets the $100 enrollment fee from both of them

Were married 9yrs, if that 'aint true love, I don't know what is.

And they say the gal's always make out in court. This is definition of taken to the cleaner for a blue-collar family. Complete travesty especially for the children caught in the middle. 12 yr old went from straight A accelerated courses to expulsion. 5yr old is in counseling weekly. Make sure you marry someone truthful or honest, or prepared to have your world flipped.
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Old 08-15-2017, 08:34 PM   #2
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Somehow, I can relate to all of that. Long story, not worth telling here, or anywhere.

The kids always lose.
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Old 08-15-2017, 08:44 PM   #3
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I got divorced from 9 year marriage but kept things as amicable as possible. Am still friendly with ex and kids are doing way better than when we were married. Divorce itself doesn't ruin things IMO...it's that the lawyers try to get everyone to only see the bad in the other and forget the good.
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Old 08-15-2017, 09:01 PM   #4
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Half the marriages end in divorce, the other half in death... Neither a good option...

Stay single, stay alive.
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Old 08-15-2017, 11:35 PM   #5
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Make sure you marry someone truthful or honest
Everyone marries someone truthful and honest. It's what happens afterwards that ruins us.

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Old 08-16-2017, 05:00 AM   #6
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My lawyer fees were considerably cheaper. I paid my lawyer $0.00 in fees. Just by chance my soon to be Ex's dad was a lawyer. He liked us both so handled both sides for free....Always pays to be nice!
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Old 08-16-2017, 05:18 AM   #7
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Half the marriages end in divorce, the other half in death... Neither a good option...

Stay single, stay alive.

So young and yet so cynical! I've had both endings- would marry second DH all over again even though he died in our bedroom. First marriage produced DS and, as a much later result, my wonderful grandchildren.
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Old 08-16-2017, 05:45 AM   #8
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Half the marriages end in divorce, the other half in death... Neither a good option...

Stay single, stay alive.
A witty comment, but I have a news flash for you....even single people have a date with the Grimm Reaper...
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Old 08-16-2017, 07:08 AM   #9
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A witty comment, but I have a news flash for you....even single people have a date with the Grimm Reaper...
My calendar is already booked that day. I am not accepting any invites from anyone with a long scythe.
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Old 08-16-2017, 07:13 AM   #10
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HER lawyer got $35k? For what, making her poor and bailing HIM out?
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Old 08-16-2017, 07:19 AM   #11
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I agree- women don't always win. My lawyer warned me that some (mostly male) judges, sick of seeing men taken to the cleaners, are just waiting to do the same to a woman with means. Fortunately she held off my STBX's request for temporary alimony (which she said could morph into permanent). It was a real threat- I knew two other female actuaries paying alimony to ex-husbands.
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Old 08-16-2017, 07:28 AM   #12
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A witty comment, but I have a news flash for you....even single people have a date with the Grimm Reaper...
Yeah, I mean 100% of single folks die. Seems like better odds when married!

Wait, once someone gets divorced, that means their only option is to die, unless they re-marry, in which case they could divorce again. In an infinite cycle of divorce and remarriage, can someone mathematically defeat death?

Eureka?
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Old 08-16-2017, 07:33 AM   #13
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I agree- women don't always win. My lawyer warned me that some (mostly male) judges, sick of seeing men taken to the cleaners, are just waiting to do the same to a woman with means. Fortunately she held off my STBX's request for temporary alimony (which she said could morph into permanent). It was a real threat- I knew two other female actuaries paying alimony to ex-husbands.

My uncle used to say 'My ex-wife made me a millionaire. I used to have two million, now I only have one..."

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Wait, once someone gets divorced, that means their only option is to die, unless they re-marry, in which case they could divorce again. In an infinite cycle of divorce and remarriage, can someone mathematically defeat death?

Eureka?
Maybe after too many divorces, you wish you were dead?
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Old 08-16-2017, 08:00 AM   #14
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that's why I don't plan on getting divorced
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Old 08-16-2017, 08:01 AM   #15
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Yeah, I mean 100% of single folks die. Seems like better odds when married!

Wait, once someone gets divorced, that means their only option is to die, unless they re-marry, in which case they could divorce again. In an infinite cycle of divorce and remarriage, can someone mathematically defeat death?

Eureka?
This makes me think of my alternate tag line: If the gators don't get you, the skeeters will. YMMV
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Old 08-16-2017, 08:20 AM   #16
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That's why we work hard on our marriage. Do what we can to try and avoid it! Stuff happens but I am hopeful of a long and healthy marriage. Have heard way too many horror stories.
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Old 08-16-2017, 08:49 AM   #17
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Wounds heal but scars remain

A lot of threads on this forum involve money issues, but I suspect most of us believe that happiness > money.

Both of my brothers have been divorced for many years. Each divorce progressed amicably since there weren't a lot of assets to fight over. But amicable isn't the same as painless. Neither brother has ever recovered emotionally; they are both recluses, which they had not been before marrying.

I've watched other divorces where there were significant matrimonial goods and chattels. Mutual bitterness, stoked by third-party counselors, reached shocking levels. I can only speculate how much more painful those breakups were.

To all those here who have suffered through similar events, I hope you find peace sooner than later.
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Old 08-16-2017, 08:54 AM   #18
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A witty comment, but I have a news flash for you....even single people have a date with the Grimm Reaper...
And there is no reason go fuss with a matching site for that date!
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Old 08-16-2017, 09:10 AM   #19
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But amicable isn't the same as painless. Neither brother has ever recovered emotionally; they are both recluses, which they had not been before marrying.

I was fortunate in the my ex - whatever her other failings - realized that if we both fought it out in court, our lawyers would take a big chunk of our assets and we would be net losers. We gave a $1000 deposit to a lawyer who helped to mediate the divorce and guide us through the legal process. It went so well we ended getting over $250 back (which we split of course).

Yes, the scars remain. They get a bit painful, especially on the children's and now the grand children's birthdays and other such special events.

I have to remind myself not to burden women in my life by trying to make them carry my ex-wife's baggage. I had a previous lady friend who saddled me with her ex-husband's baggage (emotionally cold, selfish, some narcissism) and I believe it affected her attitude towards me and short-circuited what could have been a great love affair between us.

The best advice I have ever received about dealing with the emotional issues brought on by divorce is still this:

Living Well Is the Best Revenge.


Corollary: Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
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Old 08-16-2017, 09:13 AM   #20
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Lawyers and judges are not to be relied on for life-changing issues. While there are many good ones, remember the Bell Curve.
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