Going broke at 81

[Cut-Throat]

I guess the point of my very long story is that sometimes you just don't have the option. Something quick like heart attack or stroke incapacitates you with no warning. You need to have a pact with a spouse to smuggle you drugs, I think, but you still need to be strong enough to take them.

Yup, I know what you mean! - But if I am aware enough to worry about money, I can take myself out!

 

[Sheryl]

So true.

I guess the nightmare, is being aware enough to care that you are in a dump but too broke or sick to do anything else about it.

 

[haha]

My fantasy if I get into a tough situation was always to go off one of the cliffs on HiWay 1 up around Stinson Beach. It is hard enough to stay on the road there even when you want to.

Still, I think it is hard to end life. My Dad was in "assisted living" for about 4 years until he was 88. He sure didn't like it, but he was a real coper. He found things that made it worthwhile. Then he caught a good hand and died in his sleep.

Ha

 

[brewer12345]

I guess I'm not convinced that even the best companies will be certain to be there and to pay.  We thought that pensions were for sure too, just a few short years ago. 

My inclination is not to rely on a product being there for me 50 years from now, when the concept has not even been around for 20 yet.   

This is the best reason I've heard yet for preservation of capital if you have no heirs.

There's no suchthing as absolute certainty. Having said that, I spent years looking at the credit quality of life insurers professionally, and there are some who wite the product that I have no doubts about (John Hancock and Genworth/GE).

I still think self-insuring is likely to be cheaper and more flexible, though.

 

[Eagle43]

Cut Throat:  I have been inside about 7 or 8 different nursing homes, I think.

I totally and completely agree with you.  Right now, I would say the same thing.   I NEVER want to be there.

My mother is in one now. I shutter at each visit, looking around at the people during endgame. The highlight of the day is the meals. Like life imprisonment, going in knowing you're not coming out alive is depressing. And unlike life imprisonment, there's no parole.

 

[Martha]

I worked for a time in the kitchen of a nursing home. This home was really quite nice. It was on the edge of the bay, with beautiful views out most windows. Most of my contact with the residents was at lunch time. I would on occassion serve meals in the lunch room. Some of the residents used to snap there fingers, calling out "waitress, waitress" like they were in a restaurant. Got to know some of the residents pretty well. Most were pretty positive people and would joke around with each other at the table.

I also spent a lot of time washing dishes. Trays would come down from the rooms where people couldn't get to the dining room for meals. Once in a while a plate would have sh*t on it. A commentary on the meal?

It wasn't such a bad place to be but it wasn't a great place to be either.

 

[rmark]

My grandfather moved to assisted living in his late eighties. He said he liked it. His old neighborhood was turning into crack town and grandma had Alzheimers. He took care of her until even the home care people said it was too advanced for their help. He felt cut off from other people. And someone moved out to live nearer their kids, so no one died for him to move in. He has since passed away, but it worked for him.

In turn, I have my wifes 83 yr old father living next to me in a mobile home. He said he needed just a few more good years, but after running a life expectancy calculator (which said he should go to about 105) I think he lied to me.

 

[Gearhead Jim]

Well, here I am at age 60 and never thought I'd last that long- military, airplanes, aerobatics, police work, car racing, etc. I don't have any kind of death wish and was always very careful about those activities, maybe that's why I'm still here. Or just lucky.

When I was 20, I said "Shoot me when I turn 40."
When I was 40, I said "Shoot me when I turn 60."
Now I say, "Shoot me when I start to lose my marbles or my mobility." (DW would say the marbles rolled away 30 years ago)

My point is that regardless of what we say when younger, most old folks still desire life over death. If you have provided for your care when you can no longer do it yourself, then that gives you much more freedom to choose.

It's one thing to say "I want to end my life because my physical/mental condition is unbearable", quite another to say "I want to end my life because I can't afford the help I need."

Some of us have philosophical or religious prejudice against suicide, others develop those attitudes later in life. You need to make the financial preparations sooner so you have the option for philosophical/physical decisions later.

 

[brewer12345]

Well, here I am at age 60 and never thought I'd last that long-  military, airplanes, aerobatics, police work, car racing, etc.  I don't have any kind of death wish and was always very careful about those activities, maybe that's why I'm still here.  Or just lucky.

When I was 20, I said "Shoot me when I turn 40."
When I was 40, I said "Shoot me when I turn 60."
Now I say, "Shoot me when I start to lose my marbles or my mobility."  (DW would say the marbles rolled away 30 years ago)

My point is that regardless of what we say when younger, most old folks still desire life over death.  If you have provided for your care when you can no longer do it yourself, then that gives you much more freedom to choose.

It's one thing to say "I want to end my life because my physical/mental condition is unbearable", quite another to say "I want to end my life because I can't afford the help I need."

Some of us have philosophical or religious prejudice against suicide, others develop those attitudes later in life.  You need to make the financial preparations sooner so you have the option for  philosophical/physical decisions later.

Interesting perspective, Jim. I watched my grandmother cling to life despite having what you or I might think of as a pretty low quality of life for years. She emphatically did not want to go.

I'm a more-or-less faithful Catholic, so I don't go in for suicide. My healthcare directive indicates no pulling of the plug, and my wife knows that I will not pull plugs for anyone.

 

[SteveR]

I believe that the issue is not so much financial as it is a "quality of life" issue. Most of us here can afford it or we would not be here (with some exceptions). C_T can clearly afford it as can many others here. The issue is what does one do when their quality of life is no longer acceptable? Suicide is always one option but may not be available or possible at some point in time.

I am sure that many older people in these places still want to live. I just can't see me wanting to live like that and to me that is indeed not living; it is merely surviving. If given a choice and the means, I believe I would rather be dead than be forced to live in that kind of environment while waiting for death to take me.

 

[Beowolf]

81? 91? 100? 105? You folks are certainly optimists!

I have heart disease, diabetes and cancer running through both sides of my family tree, and am in damned poor health and 100 lbs overweight at 46.

I made my ER calcs based on being out of money by age 70. I lose no sleep at all worrying about outliving my resources. I'm having my fun while I can.

Beowolf

 

[uncledrz]

81? 91? 100? 105?  You folks are certainly optimists!

I have heart disease, diabetes and cancer running through both sides of my family tree, and am in damned poor health and 100 lbs overweight at 46.

I made my ER calcs based on being out of money by age 70. I lose no sleep at all worrying about outliving my resources. I'm having my fun while I can.

Beowolf

time to start walking more, eating less McD's and more veggies, and drinking a glass of red wine each night before the amber ale.

 

[SteveR]

81? 91? 100? 105?  You folks are certainly optimists!

I have heart disease, diabetes and cancer running through both sides of my family tree, and am in damned poor health and 100 lbs overweight at 46.

I made my ER calcs based on being out of money by age 70. I lose no sleep at all worrying about outliving my resources. I'm having my fun while I can.

Beowolf

I am sorry about your health issues and your family health history. My family health history is awful. Heatdisease is the biggie followed by diabetes, blindness, and those that lived long enough, strokes and cancer. Father's father died in his 40's, father's brothers all died before 65; father had coronary bypass surgery 3X but was a tough SOB that lived to 81. My mother's side is not better with her parents both dying of heart disease before age 68. My brother and I wonder which one of us will be the first to have a heart attack. We both take care of ourselves and have frequent checkups including EKG and stress testing. I even had an arteriogram a few years back. So far so good.

I am still planning on living to at least 90. If I don't then my family will be able to ER sooner than they thought. If not, I will not have to eat cat food....ever nor will I have to be a financial burden to anyone.

You have a very good chance of outliving most of your ancestors. Plan to live longer and be happy when you actually make it.

 

[Beowolf]

time to start walking more, eating less McD's and more veggies, and drinking a glass of red wine each night before the amber ale.

Thanks for the kindly-intended advice, Uncledrz.

Being partly disabled and in chronic pain makes walking difficult. On the other hand it keeps me mostly confined to my house, and thus protects me from McD's.

The glass of red wine could cause a fatal interaction with one of my heart meds, so wouldn't be a good idea for me.

I do try to eat my veggies, though.

But mostly, my plan is to enjoy each day as it comes, for however many of them I get. I've taken the weight off 3 times in my adult life, and as happens to 14 out of 15 of those who do, can't keep it off. Never putting myself through that again. From now on, I'm having fun!

Thanks!
Beowolf

 

[uncledrz]

Ok Beow., with the more specific information, obviously some things you just can't do. Yet, you've got the good attitude.
One other suggestion. People around here (upper midwest) who can't do the regular excercise programs get involved in a heated pool excercise program. Don't know if its available to you, or if your able, but those who do it seem to "get hooked" and do it regularly.
It's connected with the hospital, so maybe your doc has some information or suggestion along those lines.

 

[Nords]

heated pool excercise program

Is this what we're calling "sex in a hot tub" now?

 

[ESRBob]

Is this what we're calling "sex in a hot tub" now?

That's one way to make it through those long upper midwest winters...