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Old 03-13-2018, 08:58 AM   #61
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It was my idea to buy the 2nd home in the high country more than 10 years ago. My wife was reluctant, but came along. It cost more than our main home. No guilty feeling. No regret.
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Old 03-13-2018, 09:32 AM   #62
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I know this will sound stupid but does anyone else feel guilty about buying themselves nice things ?
I don't feel guilty because I don't buy myself nice things, except for the occasional thrift store find. Reason is I don't believe that my elevated income and spending power entitle me to live better than the next guy. My dad always said "don't be Jones"; go ahead and earn as much as you honestly can or want, but never spend in a manner that anyone around you would notice, even if they can't see you doing it. So as a rule I don't buy anything that costs more than the average person around me can afford.

Maybe my take on this is stronger than typical but I think most people have at least a twinge of this feeling. FWIW I don't have any misgivings about people who choose conspicuous consumption (or leisure, or philanthropy), and it wouldn't bother me if my heirs blow their inheritance on bling that they post on Facebook. Just not my cup of tea.
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Old 03-13-2018, 10:03 AM   #63
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When I look at getting that dream car - now I realize that it may be my last chance to get something like that and really enjoy driving it for many years. At some point you are too old to really enjoy it.

But weíll probably settle for an Acura or Lexus.
y.
Agreed!
At 59 I can see getting by on only 2 more car purchases and probably won't go over 4 more so if not now, (next car) when?
But to me the Lexus would be the luxury car. Heck, a Toyota Avalon would seem like luxury compared to most of the junk i drove back in the days. Maybe the BMW or Audi on a lease.
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Old 03-13-2018, 10:51 AM   #64
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Robbie

If youí gonna do all the rest- - at least BLOW THAT DOUGH on some new appliances...another 10k will hardly be missed
Oh yeah, a new fridge will be coming after it's done as well as a new stove. The dishwasher is new only a couple of years old is energy / water efficient and does a great job cleaning the dishes. I'm also going to get the best range hood I can find (at least 500 CFM blower) so I can blacken / sear fish inside w/o smoking the house out.
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Old 03-13-2018, 11:10 AM   #65
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Guilt? Heck no. Although there is not much stuff I need. Private Tango lessons are fun and well worth the $.
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Old 03-13-2018, 12:29 PM   #66
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As a car guy, yes I feel guilty spending for things that can only be enjoyed by me.
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Old 03-13-2018, 12:46 PM   #67
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Not at all! At least not usually. I wish I had more ideas of nice things that I might actually want.
I have been thinking about this thread, and realized that I left out something that I should have mentioned, to be completely honest.

I actually feel guilty about NOT spending money on myself. My entire family has always been "on my case" for not longing for, valuing, and wisely spending considerably more money than I do. I think they believe I'm a nice girl who is slightly off my rocker. I'm not! I'm just different from them when it comes to money and spending.

I try to spend money because I value their opinons. That is always in the back of my mind. I never spend enough that I feel they would approve, though.
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Old 03-13-2018, 12:53 PM   #68
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I don't feel guilty about spending on myself; spending decisions take into account want vs. needs, and always consider cost vs value. I live comfortably, but not extravagantly, by most ER standards; so I could spend a lot more than I do. Not "wanting" more, and the "value proposition" influence spending more than any consideration that such spending would be for me.
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Old 03-13-2018, 01:01 PM   #69
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I don't feel guilty because I don't buy myself nice things, except for the occasional thrift store find. Reason is I don't believe that my elevated income and spending power entitle me to live better than the next guy. My dad always said "don't be Jones"; go ahead and earn as much as you honestly can or want, but never spend in a manner that anyone around you would notice, even if they can't see you doing it. So as a rule I don't buy anything that costs more than the average person around me can afford...
One's definition of the average guy depends on his environment and the people he encounters through the day. I also do not want to stand out with conspicuous consumption. However, I do enjoy spending on things that bring me pleasure, and that may not be what the "average guy" enjoys. He does not know what I spend my money on.

When we refuse to splurge on something, we like to think that it is because we do not see the value. Could it be rather guilt avoidance? There may be some of that.

Here's an example. We have never paid for business class seats on an international flight although we know how nice it is when we were on business trips and it was paid by megacorps. Recently, when I brought it up and said perhaps we should upgrade, my wife said that the money could go a lot towards helping orphaned and abandoned kids in orphanages ran by Buddhist monks and nuns, and Catholic sisters in 3rd world countries. We regularly send money to support these organizations via people we know who are more actively involved. A few additional thousands can really make a difference for these kids.
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Old 03-13-2018, 02:15 PM   #70
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I don’t spend a lot of money on myself but I am stealth replacing DH’s wardrobe. Made him try on some well-fitting jeans/pants at Nordstrom with a cute young salesperson whose opinion for some reason he valued more than mine . DH has a very nice shape for an old coot and even he was stunned to see how good he looked. He did check the price and balked a moment but I brushed it off with how long they would last, can’t take it with you, etc etc. He went back and bought another pair the next week. I guess it’s not a stealth operation anymore, and maybe since I get the pleaure of looking at him that I really am spending it on myself....
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Old 03-13-2018, 02:46 PM   #71
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To make my story even more ridiculous my son and DIL got me an iPhone 5S about three years ago and put me on their company plan, they own a small business. So I haven't paid squat for the phone or phone service. Just seems outrageous to pay that much for a phone. My 5S is acting up but I'm going to milk it as long as I can. Yes, I know I'm a cheap unreasonable bastard. Even with a new phone I'm still on their plan and will pay nothing for service.
For a second I thought I bumped into my father. I pay for him, mom, and grandma cell. I am pretty sure he finagled our Netflix login too. I guess more inheritance for me
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Old 03-13-2018, 04:13 PM   #72
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Sometimes. Recently I have had an interest in some Tacoma boots. I've had it up on my computer screen a number of times over the last 6 months.... all I had to do was hit ENTER and they were on the way. And I still haven't done so. I just don't typically buy things so for me this would be unusual...... I know that I would rather be able to retire early... maybe that's whats keep me from it.
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Old 03-13-2018, 04:35 PM   #73
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I donít spend a lot of money on myself but I am stealth replacing DHís wardrobe. Made him try on some well-fitting jeans/pants at Nordstrom with a cute young salesperson whose opinion for some reason he valued more than mine . DH has a very nice shape for an old coot and even he was stunned to see how good he looked. He did check the price and balked a moment but I brushed it off with how long they would last, canít take it with you, etc etc. He went back and bought another pair the next week. I guess itís not a stealth operation anymore, and maybe since I get the pleaure of looking at him that I really am spending it on myself....
Cool! I think you earned your title!
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Old 03-13-2018, 06:32 PM   #74
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For us, the deterrent from buying a luxury auto is similar to the deterrent from buying a luxury home. While we might be able to swing the purchase price, the "Everything that goes along with the purchase" costs are just too high, and don't carry value for us.

Car: Insurance, maintenance, repairs - much higher for a luxury make.

Home: All of the above, plus you almost always have to join a clubhouse (which interests us not in the least), contribute fees toward Other People's golf and tennis, etc. etc.
I don't know about luxury homes, but your description sounds like something outside of our price range.

Where I live, about 1 mile away is a very nice subdivision where the homes are on 1/2 acre or more. No clubhouse, not golf or tennis (some have their own tennis court). The price is in the 7-figure, and I would not mind owning a home there, and I could if I did not ER. One cannot have everything.

About a luxury car, that is something I can have, within reason of course, but I don't enjoy one enough to think it's worth it. I would have to pamper it, and get mad if someone puts a ding on the door or scratches the paint. It would be too much aggravation for me, unless I were so rich I would just trade it in so as not having to see that scratch.

So, being homebodies when not traveling, we would enjoy an expensive home more than an expensive car, but the difference in price rules the former out, while we do not care for the latter.
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Old 03-13-2018, 06:57 PM   #75
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I donít spend a lot of money on myself but I am stealth replacing DHís wardrobe. Made him try on some well-fitting jeans/pants at Nordstrom with a cute young salesperson whose opinion for some reason he valued more than mine . DH has a very nice shape for an old coot and even he was stunned to see how good he looked. He did check the price and balked a moment but I brushed it off with how long they would last, canít take it with you, etc etc. He went back and bought another pair the next week. I guess itís not a stealth operation anymore, and maybe since I get the pleaure of looking at him that I really am spending it on myself....
Love this! That's money well spent on both of you.
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Old 03-13-2018, 08:27 PM   #76
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Sometimes I feel guilty because DH doesnít spend much and I buy whatever I want. I donít overspend but I donít hesitate to buy something extravagant if I really want it and have thought about it for a long time. For example I picked out a very nice upgrade for my wedding ring. I had been wanting it for a few years but when we had the opportunity to get a great deal on a quality piece, I went for it. DH didnít mind but if left to his own devices, he probably wouldnít have spent nearly as much.

On a day-to-day basis, he usually consults me if heís going to spend more than a few hundred bucks. I donít normally consult him unless itís something on the magnitude of a car, home remodel or a trip. It works for us because I manage the money and he knows I would never spend money we canít afford.
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Old 03-13-2018, 08:29 PM   #77
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... On a day-to-day basis, he usually consults me if he’s going to spend more than a few hundred bucks. I don’t normally consult him unless it’s something on the magnitude of a car, home remodel or a trip. It works for us because I manage the money and he knows I would never spend money we can’t afford.
He asks you, but you do not ask him. Nice! That's the perk for being the purser in the family.

In my household, I am the investor, and the asset manager. My wife is my secretary and keeps track of paying all the bills. We both know what each other spend. Usually we spend together.
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Old 03-14-2018, 04:35 AM   #78
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Yes.



One of my personality traits is that I tend to spend freely on others, but struggle to spend anything on myself.



Intellectually I realize that it is foolish and that we need not worry any longer about money, but I still agonize over "wasting" money on myself. Even for small purchases, I find myself hesitating.



Perhaps it's because we didn't have much growing up. Perhaps because when my wife and I were first married we banked my entire income to save for a down payment on a house. Perhaps I'm "cheap". Perhaps I don't feel worthy. Whatever.



I'm working on it. But yes, I do feel guilty.


Ditto to almost everything you said. I feel like after years of very disciplined saving and investing and living below our means, I can now occasionally give myself some wiggle room and by something for myself...
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Old 03-14-2018, 05:44 AM   #79
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When I look at getting that dream car - now I realize that it may be my last chance to get something like that and really enjoy driving it for many years. At some point you are too old to really enjoy it.

But weíll probably settle for an Acura or Lexus.

Weíve had the funds to buy a nice new car for years now, and poor DH keeps updating his research. But we canít quite get to the pull trigger stage mostly because there are so many other things keeping us really busy.
That sounds a lot like me.

There will come a time when I will be too old to enjoy driving a good car (my father is in his 80s and now only drives during the day). Definitely a push towards doing it.
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Old 03-14-2018, 05:46 AM   #80
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For us, the deterrent from buying a luxury auto is similar to the deterrent from buying a luxury home. While we might be able to swing the purchase price, the "Everything that goes along with the purchase" costs are just too high, and don't carry value for us.

Car: Insurance, maintenance, repairs - much higher for a luxury make.

Home: All of the above, plus you almost always have to join a clubhouse (which interests us not in the least), contribute fees toward Other People's golf and tennis, etc. etc.
Yeah, the outgoings are a factor. On top of the usual, I will be losing the rental income from my car parking space (which is quite chunky in Hong Kong).

I could try to persuade DW to keep working to cover all this
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