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Hard times --- Kids Moving Back In with Mom and Dad
Old 03-30-2008, 12:52 PM   #1
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Hard times --- Kids Moving Back In with Mom and Dad

I know this happens with people in their 20's and sometimes in their 30's... but in their 50's too.


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Old 03-30-2008, 04:01 PM   #2
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About 30 years ago I was doing exterminating work...

to my surprise, there was one guy who was in his 50s (I think late 50s) who moved back in with his 80 yo mother... and not because she needed his help!!! She had money and a maid and was very 'spry'... he had just blown through his trust funds and had nothing left... sad...
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Old 03-30-2008, 04:01 PM   #3
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Obviously, many will take this to excess as in parents sacrificing thier own retirement for spendthrift adult children, but overall moving in with family makes more sense than than looking for some sort of charity, debt relief or a gov't handout. Everytime I read these stories of hardship, I wonder "where's thier family?".
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Old 03-30-2008, 04:18 PM   #4
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chinaco, just a suggestion: stop paying attention to the media. You will be a much happier person.
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Old 03-30-2008, 04:22 PM   #5
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DW and I did it once for about three weeks at ER but it was more for convenience. We were having a house built, builder was late, previous house was sold. We had the funds to stay in a hotel if necessary, but FIL offered. We took him out to dinner a lot.

It didn't help DW's peace of mind when I said "You realize, of course, that this means we're unemployed and homeless."

On the serious side, yes it is sad. I have a 40-year-old niece living with her mother, but it is the mother's financial foolishness that put them there. Sometimes they can even afford propane to heat the house with.
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Old 03-30-2008, 06:02 PM   #6
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I have two siblings in their 40's who live at home with mom and dad. They landed there after college and just never left. The folks like them around to do things with. They seem to like the free laundry and meal plans. Everybody could afford to live independently, but they just don't seem to want to. Personally I think the kids are missing out on living their own lives. They have limited social life outside of family friends and while they keep in touch with old high school and college friends and go on outings and vacations, they have no romantic interests and will never raise a family of their own. I guess they live vicariously through nieces and nephews. Not the life I would (or did) choose for myself. I was moving to a different state as soon as I graduated. But different people choose different paths. If what brings the kids back home is inability to make economic choices on their own, then that's particularly sad.
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Old 03-30-2008, 08:21 PM   #7
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And then there's this scenario:

Mother cuts off 61-year-old son's allowance - CNN.com
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Old 03-30-2008, 09:03 PM   #8
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My two brother-in-laws who are still living at home with their mom. They apparently enjoy living at home since they do not have to cook or cleaning up the house. Cost of living is cheap since they only have to pay 1/4 of property tax and utilities. My 80-year old MIL seems to enjoy having them around. I guess it's very lonely to live by herself without any transportation.
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Old 03-30-2008, 09:19 PM   #9
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That is my biggest fear, I don't want to be supporting my kids when they are adults.
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Old 03-31-2008, 04:20 AM   #10
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My two brother-in-laws who are still living at home with their mom. They apparently enjoy living at home since they do not have to cook or cleaning up the house. Cost of living is cheap since they only have to pay 1/4 of property tax and utilities. My 80-year old MIL seems to enjoy having them around. I guess it's very lonely to live by herself without any transportation.
Yes. When one gets older, they need some support. I suppose it is mutually beneficial. It will be interesting to see if they stick with it if she needs real assistance for day to day living.
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Old 03-31-2008, 05:14 AM   #11
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That is my biggest fear, I don't want to be supporting my kids when they are adults.
I don't know of any laws requiring the support of able-minded adult children. If it's that big of a fear, make it known to them now, that it isn't going to happen. Then they can plan accordingly.
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Old 03-31-2008, 06:20 AM   #12
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There are people who have never moved more than a few miles away from their parent's home too. Some people just feel really connected to their family, I think, without the intention of just mooching off of them.

What's really funny is the military guys and gals who move back in with their parents to save their housing allowance, or send the DW to her parents when he deploys so they can save theirs. I've never heard of the DH moving back home while the wife deploys, but I'm sure it happens too. Sounds like a good idea until they get back, find all this money in savings (or find DW/DH spent it all ), and then go buy a new car/motorcycle/boat.
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Old 03-31-2008, 06:28 AM   #13
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Thats what we have been telling our kids all along...there is no free ride after college, or after high school if they either don't go or can't get into college. Even though we will provide some support for college, we will not provide it all, and they definitely will have to generate their own spending cash during school.

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Old 03-31-2008, 07:34 AM   #14
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My 75 YO brother's 41 YO daughter and her two young children moved back home after a divorce. I think she plans to stay until they kick. Se probably justifies that on the basis that her parents will need help soon. But my brother is still working full time (he likes what he does). In the meantime, the kids are driving him and my sister-in-law nuts. SIL has taken to helping out in my brother's office just to get out of the house.
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Old 03-31-2008, 08:37 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by Texas Proud View Post
About 30 years ago I was doing exterminating work...

to my surprise, there was one guy who was in his 50s (I think late 50s) who moved back in with his 80 yo mother... and not because she needed his help!!! She had money and a maid and was very 'spry'... he had just blown through his trust funds and had nothing left... sad...
Hey, I would have probably done the same thing if I had the chance...
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Old 03-31-2008, 09:12 AM   #16
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Wow.... I have heard these stories a lot. I even have watched it happen in my own family. I have an almost 40 year old cousin that still lives at home. I believe this is the parents fault, and their lack of resolve that allowed this to happen. In my opinion (and no I have no children so I might be dead wrong), if your raise your children growing up to believe and understand concepts like personal responsibility, earning their own way, and instill in them a sense of pride in everything they do, then when the time comes they will move out gladly. Not because they are no longer able to "mooch" off of their folks, but because they will not WANT to. People that are responsible for themselves tend not to want to be dependant upon others. I had a burning passion to make it on my own.... and I still do...
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Old 03-31-2008, 09:31 AM   #17
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Well in some societies extended families live to together. I know of a few.
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Old 03-31-2008, 09:38 AM   #18
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Well in some societies extended families live to together. I know of a few.

True..... there was this guy at work who talked about building a 'double house'. It was his son's idea.... they both put in their money and build a BIG house with two living 'wings'... one for him and one for his parents..... they would all live there and then the parents/grandparents could see their grandchild as often as they wished... we all thought he was nuts... live down the street or even next door, but in the same house

And the son WAS paying his share.... so it was not a true moving back home.
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Old 03-31-2008, 09:40 AM   #19
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God, I hope this never happens to us with our 3 daughters, especially the one that owes us the $25k we loaned her so she could fulfill her lifetime dream and get a masters in marine biology (none of which has been paid back due to other gigantic school loans & heavy credit card debt). They've been home at Christmas before for 10 days, and I laid down the law and said never over 7 days--after that much time we just get on each other's nerves too much. It also seems that when they're here, they fall back into the pre-teen/teen mode of having us doing everything for them.
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Old 03-31-2008, 09:54 AM   #20
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After my 50 year old friend's divorce he moved back in with his parents for what he told them would be two weeks until he found a place. I told his folks to boot him out after two weeks or they will never get rid of him. It turns out he loved the homecooking, free rent and laundry service and no responsibility. Five years later he finally found a place to live and moved out. It was not about money, he has plenty. It was finding a new comfort zone and not wanting to lose it.

I see the moving back in with the folks trend getting much worse. My sisters three boys will never make it on their own. They have been spoiled, never been taught how to handle money and everything is done for them.
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