Help me spend money

[Hdhead]

Wife and I have lived a fairly frugal life. Have always saved maximum for retirement. Well, we are there and now with pension, SS, dividends, company stock, and multiple IRAs and 401k’s. I am overwhelmed with the nest egg and how to spend it. I feel stuck in this frugality mindset and can’t seem to spend more. I know it is a silly problem but for me it is real. Anyone else have this issue or ideas?

 

[REWahoo]

Anyone else have this issue or ideas?

Nope. I married an expert in the art of consuption and she's done a wonderful job at preventing me from spending below our means.

 

[RunningBum]

Well, if you don't want to buy stuff just to buy it, or travel more when you don't really to, just upgrade the things you do. Fly first class for the trips you do take. Stay in a nicer place. Next time you buy a car get something nicer.

You can also find worthy causes and give excess money away.

 

[harllee]

I grew up poor and have also amassed a nice nest egg. Sometimes I find myself being too frugal--refusing to spend money on something I really want or need and can easily afford. This has caused some disagreements with DH. Old habits are hard to break. As I have aged one thing I do is think about what will happen to the money I have left when I die. I am sure my beneficiaries will not hesitate to spend, spend, spend. So I ask myself would I rather spend the money on something I need or let my beneficiaries spend it when I am gone. Looking at the issue from that perspective sometimes helps.

I have a good friend who had a very frugal husband. Even though they had plenty of money he did not want her to spend hardly anything. He died a couple of years ago and now my friend is buying all the things her husband would not get her buy, traveling, etc. I often think how much happier my friend and her husband's life would have been if he had not been so very frugal.

 

[kgtest]

I have a 2 kids and one on the way...send some my way...diapers 'aint cheap, neither is daycare

Could digitize old photos
Update the will
Upgrade wardrobe
New car
Gift to heirs
Prepay funeral expenses?
Buy an animal, they can get spendy
Become an equestrian
Start gambling, pull tabs, scratch offs and power ball
Buy better booze
Upgrade to 1st class
Upgrade to the Presidential Suite
Wagyu Beef?
Alaskan King Crab and Oysters?
Install creature comforts like nicer toilets
Buy a new bed
Upgrade the appliances
Add landscaping

That's just a few ideas

 

[jim584672]

Give $1,000 bucks to everyone in this thread. You need to do this to escape your frugal mode.

 

[Rianne]

OP good question. We'll be in a similar situation in Jan. 2023. It is very hard to change life long spending habits. As of today, our beneficiaries will inherit our entire portfolio, outside bonds and cash, house, car (new 2019). All in living trust. No debts. If they inherit 1/2 that, they'll be grateful. I have charitable beneficiaries too.

We just don't get that much pleasure out of 1st class or driving a Lexus. Maybe a 1st class vacation or travel will be considered. We rarely buy new clothes and have downsized and have very little useless junk.

 

[GrayHare]

Exchange money for time by paying others to do things you have been doing yourself, yardwork, maintenance, etc.

 

[Sojourner]

We just don't get that much pleasure out of 1st class or driving a Lexus.

I could understand not getting much pleasure out of first class on a short domestic flight, but on long overseas flights? Those lie-flat seats are so comfy (compared to cramped coach seats), and the whole first class experience (food, drinks, service) is hands-down better than coach. Way better. Now, of course, one could argue whether this is worth the added cost—typically well over $1,000 more than the economy/coach fare. I struggle with that myself, but I think it's a reasonable upgrade to suggest to someone who enjoys traveling and is looking to "blow that dough" in retirement.

 

[H2ODude]

I've tackled it by forcing spending at sustainable levels; what it goes for usually ends up travel or automobiles, also helping kids and charity. I've done the endless playing with the FIDO calculator and Firecalc, and come up with a very sustainable spend rate good through age of 95 (could easily stretch since pension and SS are about half). That amount starts the month, forcing us to move money from the investments to the local credit union. At the end of the month what doesn't get spent is moved into "temporary savings" account. Rule is that anything in there must be spent, can't be moved back to "investments." Right now has over 33k in it, but have to buy some plane tix and pay for a cruise. Last year it went to a new unnecessary car and trips to Peru and Europe. We're 68 and have found that unfortunate events of contemporaries (ex colleague died of Alzheimers; neighbor had a minor stroke) motivate us to raid that account.

We got here by financial discipline, LBYM. Money is hard to part with after years of gathering it. But now we're using the same discipline to force it back to the economy. And, despite that, the egg is about 40% bigger now than when I bailed almost nine years ago. So we've been bumping up that monthly amount. We lived well in our gathering years but never traveled or bought cars the way we do now. That's OK. We were busy raising kids, paying for college, careers, etc, and now we're busy trying to spend it! As they say, Life is Good.

 

[BoodaGazelle]

You don’t say how old you are, and whether or not you have health insurance. I am sort of in your situation (my Fidelity account tells me I will have more than $2M at my death, and we have no heirs to leave it to), but due to ACA and MAGA income requirements, I cannot start spending much until DW and I reach Medicare age (3 more years)....

I have a hard time spending, but expect to be able to get over it.

 

[RunningBum]

We just don't get that much pleasure out of 1st class or driving a Lexus.

That's fine, everyone has their own priorities. On any length flight I like the easy boarding, and not fighting with others on the overhead bin space, and being one of the very first off. Usually bags are tagged specially and are first on the carousel. The wider seat and more leg room is just a part of it.

In any case, I won't be bothered if the OP rejects it. Just giving ideas that maybe will spur something else. I also like the idea given above about vending out unpleasant tasks. That can be about anything.

 

[Souschef]

I am in sort of the same situation. Our SS and pensions cover almost all our needs.
My younger son was buying a home, so I broke loose $$ to help him. I deducted it from his share of his future inheritance.
I still have more $$ than I need.

 

[Hdhead]

That amount starts the month, forcing us to move money from the investments to the local credit union. At the end of the month what doesn't get spent is moved into "temporary savings" account. Rule is that anything in there must be spent, can't be moved back to "investments." :

A must spend account may be what I need to help force the issue. May force a spending spree on stuff I would never even consider till now. Or maybe I need a shrink

 

[savory]

Nope. I married an expert in the art of consuption and she's done a wonderful job at preventing me from spending below our means.

Did we marry the same women?

 

[W2R]

Wife and I have lived a fairly frugal life. Have always saved maximum for retirement. Well, we are there and now with pension, SS, dividends, company stock, and multiple IRAs and 401k’s. I am overwhelmed with the nest egg and how to spend it. I feel stuck in this frugality mindset and can’t seem to spend more. I know it is a silly problem but for me it is real. Anyone else have this issue or ideas?

I can relate to this so much! I am used to a frugal lifestyle and in retirement I tend to under-spend by quite a lot. I do not need or want to spend more.

I decided that whatever makes me happy, is the way to go. Wasting money does not make me happy! So I try not to do that. On the other hand, it is so nice to finally have plenty of extra money (after half a century of not), when there is something I decide I truly want and would value. I think long and hard before I make that decision.

Yesterday I bought a Lazy Boy recliner which (to my way of thinking) cost an arm and a leg and will be delivered in 6-8 weeks. Some people would yawn and say oh well, that's just furniture, no big deal. But it was a big deal to me! I could hardly sleep last night but I don't feel a bit bad about spending the money, because I thought about it a long time and decided this is something that would be of great value to me.

My idea is to just tell yourself it is perfectly ok to not spend, when you feel more comfortable that way. You will know when something has enough value to you, to decide to spend on it. Loosen those purse strings when you feel like it, but only at a rate that is comfortable to you.

 

[Born2BRetd]

Old habits are hard to break. When my husband and I bought our first house a long time ago, we were on a very tight budget and didn't buy anything (including a $3.00 wastebasket for the bathroom) for a couple of years. Finally, we had a little wiggle room in the budget and I felt frozen by the idea of spending any money. I called a friend who was a big spender and we went shopping together and I bought some new clothes. It helped break the ice and I was able after that to occasionally buy something.

 

[ATX78701]

Give $1,000 bucks to everyone in this thread. You need to do this to escape your frugal mode.

+1 (or rather + $1,000)

Seriously, congratulations on your abundance. I'm not retired yet but at this point all of the calculators are saying that I'm ready and will have leftovers at end of life.

I'd probably hold my money for years but once I'm over 75 and also know that I can cover health issues with out of pocket and/or insurance, I'll probably give to schools and sponsor kids so that they can get the right start on a good life. That seems like a great gift that can be enjoyed for a long time. At this point, I'd probably gift the scholarships anonymously because I don't want to be on anyone else's radar for money.

Let us know what you decide.

 

[brett]

We are in the same fortunate position. We travel frequently but our nest egg keeps growing. It is incredible to me. It seems that we turned around and discovered these large sums that have been growing. We have never been extravagant, we do not want for anything, and at this stage in our lives we value experiences and good health over possessions.

What are we doing? First off a edu fund for each of our grandchildren. Plus a will proviso in our wills so that the first cut of money goes for their post secondary education if required. Next...if our resources keep growing I want to fund a retirement for each our of children. They have a good life now but we had the advantage of the golden baby boomer era...pensions, etc.

 

[Dtail]

I am definitely not the spender in the relationship and it is a secondary reason why I keep track of all expenses, so no spending help needed here. lol

 

[audreyh1]

It's been a gradual process for us. I can't say we were ever super frugal, but we were definitely careful with our money, lived below our means, saved a lot, invested carefully and didn't take on long-term debt other than mortgage.

We still do those things, but with our annual income going up so much we've definitely loosened the purse strings. We still seek value for quality - but at a higher quality level, we eventually started traveling first class much of the time, we enjoy higher end hotel rooms and will often upgrade and use nicer hotels, we buy whatever we want for groceries (don't eat out much unless traveling). We don't skimp on travel overall. And we gift way more than we ever did before.

 

[FlaGator]

A few small things to share the abundance without putting yourself at risk, you could stop at any time.

1. Upgrade what you consume-no need for Natty light anymore
2. Tip bigger when you go out
3. Tip for things you haven't before
4. Give holiday and or random gifts for your service people - trash, UPS/FedEx/mail
5. Get a lawn service
6. Anonymously payoff someone's layaway at Wal Mart


There are plenty of creative ideas in the "Blow The Dough" threads

 

[walkinwood]

I think there's more to this issue than just frugality. You current standard of living defines you to a certain extent. Your family & friends have come to see you as living this lifestyle. So, when you 'upgrade' it, you've changed - not only to yourself, but to your loved ones. And I think this is an issue that isn't readily acknowledged. "What will they say?"

It isn't dissimilar to the issue that most of us feel (at different levels) when we ER while others we know & love are still working.

Take small steps - lots of great suggestions here, but the one that appeals most to me is to upgrade what you're already doing. Traveling? Stay at a better hotel or upgrade the seat class. Eating out? try more expensive restaurants - maybe you'll like them more. Better wine? At the upper end - a more expensive car.

Small steps will ensure that you don't overdo it. Good luck.

 

[NW-Bound]

Nope. I married an expert in the art of consuption and she's done a wonderful job at preventing me from spending below our means.

Consuption sounds like a frightening activity in addition to being an expensive one.

PS. If it is not worth posting in the thread of "Couples - What do you fight about most?", then I assume that it is not really that bad.

 

[Winemaker]

Do what DW did back at Thanksgiving, by spiking the ball. She bought a Mercedes.