How Couples Choose When to Retire

Congratulations to your DW, rescueme!

As for the retirement honeymoon period, I am unsure as to how long one can expect that to last. Mine has been going on for about two and a half years and I am still ecstatic. :D
 
When I decided I could retire, my husband worked part-time from home as a consultant. He worked as projects became available, and when he wasn't working, he played house husband, which I loved as it took a lot off my shoulders when I had to put in long hours.

Funny, he hadn't really considered shutting down his part-time consulting business when I retired. When I explained to him all the things we could go do when BOTH our schedules were unencumbered (mainly the travel we both loved), he realized that - yep, maybe he should retire too. We've always been a couple that did a lot of things together - at least the big things. So for me I couldn't imagine not being retired together. He was able to gradually close down his business over the next couple of years in between our travels. It worked out very well. :)

Audrey
 
Even though my DW was totally supportive for my ER last summer (while she continued to work), it started out a bit rocky. She was resentful for several months. The situation has improved now. She plans to work another couple of years, but she sometimes now says she would like to ER as well. Health insurance is our big nut. If we had to pay (say) $15k a year for policies that now cost us less than $2,000 through her employer - that would put a dent in our financial plan.

I keep telling her we can certainly both retire and be fine financially, but I think she is worried that her discretionary spending would need to go way down (cloths, hair, nails.....). So she would rather work than have to cut back on that very important stuff :angel:.
 
obgyn65 said:
I have had a new girlfriend for the last few months now. This subject has not come up (yet).
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I'm pleased to hear that you have a new girlfriend :)

If this turns out to be someone you want to be with for the long run, it is a subject that needs to be discussed sooner rather than later.
 
Of course it is important to be on the same page with your spouse. And it is not always an easy process. Issues can go well beyond just the money and security concerns. Patience, and frequent communication has been key in my circumstance. Still not completely there yet.

I thought the article did a good job of exploring many of the nuances around why couples might stuggle to be on the same page with the 'when' question.


W2R said:
As for the retirement honeymoon period, I am unsure as to how long one can expect that to last. Mine has been going on for about two and a half years and I am still ecstatic. :D
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W2R, you really need to cheer up and be more positive about your ER decision.:LOL:
 
MuirWannabe said:
W2R, you really need to cheer up and be more positive about your ER decision.:LOL:
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:LOL: I'll try. ;) Upon awakening this morning and half opening my eyes, as usual I greatly enjoyed the pleasure of rediscovering my freedom. I tend to forget while asleep and then when I awaken, wondering if I am late to work, it is all new again. This is the most wonderful feeling!

obgyn65 said:
I have had a new girlfriend for the last few months now. This subject has not come up (yet).
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Wonderful! I am happy to hear this. Like Alan, I think that if this relationship has any potential then it is important to mention your upcoming retirement to her soon. I gather from your other posts that you are planning to retire this year.
 
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MichaelB said:
For some people it can be that difficult. It's not always just about the numbers. It wouldn't surprise me if the couple you refer to had already done the math and one partner was still unsure. As you point out, it could be a control issue, but it also could be something else. Retirement means moving from one phase of life to another, that that may disrupt some deeper and less well understood feelings or fears - or even unsatisfied ambitions.

Marriage is hard, early retirement is hard, and (IMHO) together they are an order of magnitude more difficult than each is separately. Congratulations to those that have found these easy.
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Thanks for pointing out the changes can be an issue. DW and I both retired from Army a while back, and after 1 year home retired, she decided that she needed to go back to work. She went to work for the school district here and has really enjoyed it mostly. Now she if eligible to retire the 2nd time next year, and I'm supposed to finish out 2015 and retire.

I'm still worried about her not having the structure a job forces on you, but I think she is better prepared to deal with it this time. More of her friends are either retired or close, she knows that she needs to plan some part of her week, we hit the gym daily, about 20 minute drive and 1 hr at the gym, (mostly I get sweaty fast, then watch the young females while she does a good 45 min or longer workout). So there is some structure in place.

All the changes you go through that are hard, retire from Army; Kids start college; empty nest; dealing with kids that are now adults and learning to let them make mistakes and fix them; and now real retirement. I would think they get easier but it doesn't seem so. Hopefully the real retirement will be easier than the other changes.
 
After selling our home 3 years ago and becoming debt free, I told DW that I wanted her to feel free to retire whenever she felt ready. She was in a stressful job working with Special Ed. students (and a few PITA coworkers). Her annual salary was only about 1/6 of mine and my job is very low stress for me. I assured her that I could work a bit longer if we felt it was necessary.

One year later, she decided the time had come. The arrival of two more grand children also helped her choose personal time over a small addition to our income that really made little difference in the overall plan for my retirement. I have an obscene amount of vacation time and it has been great for us to travel without having to factor in a job commitment for her.

Constant, honest communication has been key to our decisionmaking.
 
I guess we don't fit the mold in some ways. :LOL:

We have an annual "FIRE checkup" annually at Christmas time. We go over all investments, budget for the coming year, and plan for 2 different time horizons...1 year and 3 years. We commit to each other that we will come to agreement...so all these things in the article about not agreeing on whether they even have a detailed plan...don't apply.

We've decided that one spouse will FIRE earlier than the other. Which one? Well...it doesn't really matter at this point, but probably will be DW since she is 4 years older and my income is much higher. My plan is to have a part-time activity for low pay...and hers is completely get out...so I may go to PT before she completely leaves the race.

Why different times? Well, we just agree that there will be a lot of "logistics" and errands to run for a few months. I told her it would be nice if I could focus only on the j*b for the final 6-12 months while she cleans the house, takes the motor oil to the recycling center, buys groceries, mows the lawn, takes the dog to the groomer, schedules the furnace maintenance, plans our vacations, and a zillion other things that today we somehow share and fit into an already busy schedule as I'm sure all on this board do.

I've never in my life had a time when I came home from w*rk and had a hot meal waiting for me...so I asked her if she'd be willing to do that for me a couple days a week that last period...and she smiled and said "happily".

Once we get within 12 months (currently we're within about 2-3 years), we'll really have to nail this down tight (I'm an Engineer by education :LOL:).
 
ziggy29 said:
Yeah, my "dream outcome" is to be laid off and given a nice severance package right as I was gearing up to pack it in anyway...
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Hehe, this is how it worked for my Dad. Talk about a score, the company was sinking slowly and he saw it since he was part of the management team. So, at 60, when the company was still giving out nice severances, my dad volunteers to "take on for the team". He never looked back.

Steel
 
Transition harder than I thought

My plan was always 55 and out and my wife who has always stayed at home was totally on board. However, as 55 approached it became very clear to me that she was very anxious about: 1. Going broke 2. Having me around 24/7 basically driving her crazy. It really was a much more significant issue than I anticipated. She grew up dirt poor so #1 was a fear of going back to that and was taken care of pretty much when we went together to 2 different financial planners who ran the numbers and said we were indeed good to go. #2 made it easier for me to ease out by negotiating 1 day off and then 2 days off a week for the last 18 months rather than stop cold turkey. I think the transition has been good for both of us.

June 12 is last official day but I only have 10 more actual work days with days off and vacation.

My smile at work is getting bigger every day and people at work are adding to my already big list of cool things to do in retirement by sharing their own dreams with me.

Jackson
 
Ms G and I ended up FI sooner than we thought. Ms G finished a commitment, we took a 2 week vacation, thought wow we could do this permanently so we did, been on holiday ever since.
 
Therapists, not surprisingly, stress the importance of planning, clear communication and compromise. "In order for it to work well, each person needs to clarify their own vision of what's important and learn to talk with each other," says ...
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I know that financial planners are not very popular on this board. But, I've had a couple tell me that the most important thing they do for prospective retirees is get the husband and wife to talk to each other about this stuff. "Before we start talking about money, give me a picture of what you'll be doing in retirement ..."

(Of course, most of us would say that it's cheaper to hire a real counselor.)
 
Just had a good talk with my better half last night triggered by this thread and article. Fortunately we're on the same page.

Since my megacorp is being swallowed by a bigger megacorp there's a decent chance I'll be offered a severance package.... that would change the timing to NOW vs 2-3 years from now. After 17 years with the company... surviving being acquired, having the company split into two, and now the pending acquisition I've seen the company change a lot. From "employer of choice" (their slogan) to hey - its a paycheck till the economy recovers. I've been the steady stable paycheck in our household even as work conditions deteriorated... building the nest egg. My husbands field, architecture, has been much more volotile - with some gaps in work through the years. He's in a great position now, though.

We talked last night and decided I could pull the trigger whenever I felt confident the numbers work. I'm an anal engineer so he knows I won't put the family finances in jeapardy.... after all I've stayed with my j*b for about 5 years past when I started dreading going in every morning.

He'll pull the trigger in 2 years at 62, or when his job becomes less fun... whichever is later.

I maybe 10 years younger than him but my family tends to die of cancer young. (Dad @ 72. Mom @ 67, brother @ 49).... My husbands family lives long (in laws are 86 and 89 and still going). That's another factor in our combined decision to have me retire younger.
 
Rodi - Good for you. My father ERd at 55 because his father died in his early 60s and he had lots of places he wanted to see and also to enjoy the fruits of his labor and LBYM lifestyle. Fortunately, he lived to be 79 and was very active until the last 6 months. He attributed his longer life to the stress reduction from ER. I hope you can escape your toxic megacorp soon.
 
rodi said:
Just had a good talk with my better half last night triggered by this thread and article. Fortunately we're on the same page.
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Great to hear that you've had that conversation - well done.
 
Steel Rain said:
Hehe, this is how it worked for my Dad. Talk about a score, the company was sinking slowly and he saw it since he was part of the management team. So, at 60, when the company was still giving out nice severances, my dad volunteers to "take on for the team". He never looked back.
Click to expand...
My dad got an "early retirement incentive" at 57 (in 1992) that was too good to pass up. It included 6 months pay, 5 extra years of service for pension calculations and 100% employer paid health insurance until he and Mom were 65.

Pretty hard to pass on that one if the FIRE numbers work unless you *really* love your job. I can only fantasize about such a deal.
 
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Jackson D said:
My plan was always 55 and out and my wife who has always stayed at home was totally on board.
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My wife retired 20 years ago when our first was born. We 'communicated' back then that if she decided not to return to work, there would be things we would forego. That ended-up working out great because the budget we arrived at put us spending below my earnings.
 
I've got 10 days left! DW retired 6 years ago. We've talked a lot & she's always said "whenever" & we have general ideas of what we'll do, but the beginning of the test is upon us. I'll be surprised if we don't pass it.
 
I used to joke with my wife that I would retire before her. She would say, "No Way!" but when we made the decision for me to retire she wanted to keep working. At first she said she would work another 2 years and now it is 2-3 years. She has mentioned that she doesn't want to reduce her discretionary spending. I don't think she is psychologically ready yet. That's OK with me.

As for my "productive" time at home . . . We have always split the cooking and housework. For me to take on all the chores was no big deal for me. I spend some of the time enjoying my freedom and some of the time volunteering (which is also enjoyable). I can still see that DW is in work mode. We have a very small house so when she decides to ER we will have to negotiate our time together.
 
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