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Old 06-01-2016, 02:47 PM   #61
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My husband thinks he can handle everything. He did before married me. But I like finance and like to plan things. I enjoy doing spreadsheets, I love manipulate numbers. So I'm sure he'll be ok, just not as profitable.
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Old 06-01-2016, 03:22 PM   #62
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Originally Posted by ponyboy View Post
Im shocked that so many users here struggle with their partner when it comes to finances. Not sure how you can go through a lifelong commitment (for some) and not be on the same page when it comes to finances.
No struggle at all! DH cheerfully explains that I majored in Math while he studied English Literature so it was a no-brainer that I managed investments. I never make a major move without running it by him first since the outcome affects both of us, and we have similar risk tolerance levels.

We also have very similar spending and saving priorities, which is far more important than who actually makes the final financial decisions.
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Old 06-01-2016, 06:39 PM   #63
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pony, I think for a lot of us, it is a division of labor sort of thing. DH does some stuff really well, has an excellent temperament for those things, and I have it for the finances. It isn't that we are one of those "traditional" couples from the golden days of yore, it is more like a desire for efficiency and optimal use of time and talent.
+1 DW is not interested in it... I have no doubt she could do it if she had to... especially with DD's help... it is just that I cover it and she can spend her time on things she does better than me.
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Old 06-01-2016, 06:53 PM   #64
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Everything is mostly on auto pilot so very little time spent. We both know everything that is happening. When one of us dies not much changes.
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Old 06-02-2016, 09:02 AM   #65
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I'm the wife - and I manage the money/investments/bills in our house. DH is the one who'd be lost financially if I die first.

I wrote a document for him "in case of death"... It outlines everything - tells him the routines for paying bills, what is autopay, what is manually paid. It talks about withdrawal processes. It lays out every account, every bill, etc. He put a hard copy in the safe deposit box, we put a copy with the will and trust, and there is an electronic copy on our shared backup drive.
+1


But, my dad has told ME everything about their finances if he goes first; my mother wouldn't be able to handle it.
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Old 06-03-2016, 10:08 AM   #66
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I'm the wife - and I manage the money/investments/bills in our house. DH is the one who'd be lost financially if I die first.

I wrote a document for him "in case of death"... It outlines everything - tells him the routines for paying bills, what is autopay, what is manually paid. It talks about withdrawal processes. It lays out every account, every bill, etc. He put a hard copy in the safe deposit box, we put a copy with the will and trust, and there is an electronic copy on our shared backup drive.
I'm the husband, but otherwise, this is exactly what I/we have done, and about once a year or so, when the wife voices some worries, I go back through the document with her, and make sure that everything is up to date. I have also listed a couple of wealth management/advising companies (whom I have previously researched) for her to interview and hire, upon my death, or if I become physically and mentally incapacitated at any time. I think it is much better to pay an honest amount for good money management/advice than to get ripped off by "friends and family".
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Old 06-03-2016, 03:14 PM   #67
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Im shocked that so many users here struggle with their partner when it comes to finances. Not sure how you can go through a lifelong commitment (for some) and not be on the same page when it comes to finances.
I'm not shocked at all - actually this was comforting for me to read since I'm also in that boat. DH has NO clue, and doesn't want to learn either. I have a document for him and our adult children and I suspect they'll have to take over and call in the aid of our fee-only financial planner, who knows the situation and said she could get him set up on auto pilot for a ridiculously low one-time fee. She's much younger than we are, so I'm hoping she's still around if I kick first, but I doubt I will.

I can't fathom being so disinterested. Seriously, we could have $200,000 in credit card debt and he wouldn't know. I just wouldn't trust anyone to that extent with my future, not even my spouse. He's happy as a clam, so on we go. 'Tis what it is!
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Old 06-03-2016, 03:36 PM   #68
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...

I can't fathom being so disinterested. Seriously, we could have $200,000 in credit card debt and he wouldn't know. I just wouldn't trust anyone to that extent with my future, not even my spouse. He's happy as a clam, so on we go. 'Tis what it is!
This is so familiar. I've joked with my wife, as I urge her to be more involved: "what if I go off with some hot young thing and take all the money?" Her response: "you won't."

Hmmm. Maybe she means, "You have no chance in hell of finding such a hot young thing"?
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Old 06-03-2016, 04:56 PM   #69
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I can't fathom being so disinterested. Seriously, we could have $200,000 in credit card debt and he wouldn't know. I just wouldn't trust anyone to that extent with my future, not even my spouse. He's happy as a clam, so on we go. 'Tis what it is!


Same here. DH knows me well, though; I'm a financial control freak, I refuse to carry a balance and pay credit card interest, and I'm still traumatized by living with a financially irresponsible first husband. He knows that if I buy myself something nice or we go on an extravagant vacation I've figured out how to pay for it and still keep us solvent.

Frankly, I don't think I could ever trust someone enough to yield that much control! I'm glad he does.
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Old 06-03-2016, 05:02 PM   #70
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It could be worse. Do you remember this thread?

Newbie needing advice

I reached out to her with PM in April of 2015 to see how things were going be she never responded.
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Old 06-03-2016, 07:21 PM   #71
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Gosh, pb, I'd forgotten all about her.
This sends chills up my spine:
=========================
Well, he finally fessed up tonight. Turns out he lost everything in the 2008 crash because he was highly leveraged. He had dabbled with that a bit in his 20s then we agreed jointly that it wasn't good to do anymore, but he started back up. So, I guess you can see he's a bit like a gambler with an addiction. Anyway, he's been hiding it for 5 years, making up numbers, telling me lies, hoping to make it back. So, yes, I'm out probably about $600K and 15 years of squirreling away and living below my means, not to mention all the emotional crap that now comes with this.
========================

Can you imagine? So sad.
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How have you set up accounts for wife if you die first??
Old 06-05-2016, 07:34 PM   #72
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How have you set up accounts for wife if you die first??

Like others, Mrs. UpAnchor is also uninterested in the details-only "Are we doing ok?" and "Will we be poor in retirement?" But after being reminded of the above thread, MAN am I lucky!
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Old 06-05-2016, 08:51 PM   #73
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Gosh, pb, I'd forgotten all about her.
This sends chills up my spine:
=========================
Well, he finally fessed up tonight. Turns out he lost everything in the 2008 crash because he was highly leveraged. He had dabbled with that a bit in his 20s then we agreed jointly that it wasn't good to do anymore, but he started back up. So, I guess you can see he's a bit like a gambler with an addiction. Anyway, he's been hiding it for 5 years, making up numbers, telling me lies, hoping to make it back. So, yes, I'm out probably about $600K and 15 years of squirreling away and living below my means, not to mention all the emotional crap that now comes with this.
========================

Can you imagine? So sad.
Yes, sad. I'm really curious as to how things turned out.. it sounded like they were on a good path with sassy taking over everything but radio silence since then.
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Old 06-07-2016, 08:33 AM   #74
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Shorty after DH and I married in 2003, we moved halfway across the country for my job (I'd been working from home for a year so DS could finish HS, then moved to HQ). My former house sold easily; his, unfortunately, took another year to sell, but the mortgage was manageable and we didn't need the equity since we were moving to a LCOL area.

When it finally sold and he got a check for $100K, he handed it over to me and said, "put it in your account- I don't want to deal with it". Our advisor was incredulous. "Does he know that if you deposit that check on your account and he wants it back, I can't send it to him?" I assured him that DH knew that.

So far he hasn't asked for it back. He really did not want to deal with it.
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Old 06-07-2016, 01:03 PM   #75
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Im shocked that so many users here struggle with their partner when it comes to finances. Not sure how you can go through a lifelong commitment (for some) and not be on the same page when it comes to finances.
We don't struggle with it and we are on the same page. But, DH trusts me to manage the money and I enjoy keeping track of stuff and doing it. He doesn't.

About 10 years or so ago we were having a discussion about division of labor. He does a lot of the stuff that is very "visible" when it is being done like doing stuff on the house or yard or running certain errands.

I handled the budgeting, bill paying and investments. That was all done on computer. So, he made a comment about him doing "more" than I did. So we switched some of our jobs around and he took on bill paying and budgeting and I took on some of his stuff. A month later, he came back and asked me to switch back. I managed to get the bill paying back on track (yes, he had missed a few) and I never heard a peep out of him again about his doing more than me.

I do discuss big issues with him. When I set the year's budget I go over it with him and get his input. If something unusual comes up I tell him the options and get his view. If there is a major investment change I want to make I talk to him about it. I always want to spend much more time on these discussions than he wants to spend.
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Old 06-07-2016, 02:16 PM   #76
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Discussions like this also make me feel less alone.
The max interest I can get out of DW is at the end of each calendar year I show her all the numbers, run through the spreadsheets, and generally lay out the plan for the next year. Her eyes begin to glaze over after 30 seconds, but she dutifully pays attention and then ignores it all until next year.

Fortunately, she is smarter than I am so she won't have any real problem when I get hit by the beer truck.
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Old 06-07-2016, 08:26 PM   #77
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My husband is not interested in investing. He doesn't want to learn. He use to think that a savings account and CD's were the only safe way to save. I give him a financial report every week. I give him a hard copy and a flash drive of all login information and security questions. He keeps them in our safe. He's finally come around to my investing in the stock market. He no longer asks me if we should sell our stock in a market downturn. I've told him if anything happens to me to leave everything how I have it set up. If he has any questions after I'm gone to talk to a friend of ours that's financially knowledgeable.
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Old 06-08-2016, 10:16 AM   #78
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DW had no desire to manage the finances and was very risk adverse. (Thought everything should be in CDs or US bonds.) All she wanted to know is if my life insurance was sufficient. Anything else she figured BIL would take care.
I'd tell her every year that I had enough term life for her to dance through the Caribbean with her grief counselor Raul for ten years then she'd have to go back to work or live off the 401k. That's all she wanted to hear.
Neither of us figured she'd go first.
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Old 06-08-2016, 02:27 PM   #79
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I suspect she is not going to like managing your rentals, either. The Fido and Vanguard people can provide some guidance on the paper assets, but finding a property manager that won't make you spin in your grave is going to be next to impossible for her. Better to have a plan in place for managing or liquidating the rentals before that happens.
Don't forget that pesky estate tax that kicks in for estates worth more than 1.6million. I think if you are near your states estate tax amount, or just slightly above it you might want to spend down some money, or donate.
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Old 06-12-2016, 07:01 AM   #80
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Im shocked that so many users here struggle with their partner when it comes to finances. Not sure how you can go through a lifelong commitment (for some) and not be on the same page when it comes to finances.

Doesnt matter who dies first in my relationship...it would not make a difference. Wife knows where to invest money, who to trust, who not to trust...guess it pays finding someone who can work as a team and is also independent.
These were my thoughts as well. Quite surprised at the apparent bipolar financial nature of many of the marriages referred to here. Maybe opposites attract? Not being critical, but I don't think I would be attracted to someone who didn't display at least some interest in financial matters.
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