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Old 08-20-2015, 05:00 PM   #41
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We've shared nothing but our actions with our kids. They ain't stupid and, in fact, I think DS fears we are going to end up in the poor-house needing his support.

They both know and should be able to extrapolate from:
  • I had a pretty good job with a company that paid well
  • I had stock options (although neither has a clue how many and how much they appreciated)
  • Their DM didn't work after their births
  • We have given each of them about $100K over the last several years (large house down-payment, a couple of smaller Xmas gifts when feeling flush)
  • We live as large as we want. It's not that large, but they know if we want it we buy it. They can also guesstimate our normal spending at < $100K/yr
DD likes to tell us "you'd better be good to us now, we get to pick your nursing home". If & when the time comes I suspect they'll be surprised at how well they can look after us and still inherit a lot more than they thought.
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Old 08-20-2015, 05:49 PM   #42
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Coming from the perspective of the adult child...I'm 53 and my parents are in their 70's...they have told me that I am the executor, that the split will be roughly equal between us 3 kids with a bit for some grandkids, and where all the important paperwork, account numbers and passwords are located. Beyond that, I don't need any more information. They've been gifting us lump sums the last few years, so I know they're doing fine.
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Old 08-20-2015, 06:26 PM   #43
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My parents shared everything with me when they became more dependent upon me. Before that, I had a general idea of their finances. We have shared virtually nothing with our kids. It didn't seem appropriate when they were young and now that they are on their own, we see no advantage to them OR to us to share such info. Based on our wills, they will inherit very little, though we continue to help them as WE deem appropriate. We ARE struggling with how we will handle our finances as we slip into decrepitude. I can't see one of the kids being involved in that transition. I'm hoping I can find an "institution" or legal instrument(s) to deal with it. YMMV
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Old 08-20-2015, 06:52 PM   #44
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I am 68 years young and do not know my mother's net worth; do not need to now.
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Old 09-19-2015, 05:30 AM   #45
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I am 68 years young and do not know my mother's net worth; do not need to now.
I'm hoping that you don't need to know because someone else in the family does, or the size of mom's estate is obviously not worth worrying about.

Guessing your mom could be in/near her nineties. I'd respectfully offer that you or someone in the family 'needs to know' at this point. If there's a sizable estate involved (if you knew) you might steer her toward some serious professional estate planning. Why leave a dime more to the tax man than necessary?

Our family views managing multigenerational wealth almost as a sport. A certain point arrives where the elder takes aside a few family members and has that "spell it out" dinner and discussion.
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Old 12-16-2015, 12:28 AM   #46
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When DH retired in February, we added our 27 year old dd onto our accounts. She knows our worth. She is our executor with everything we have being split between our DD and DS. Have all papers in safe, password list etc. She has copies and access to the safe.

Told her because she is independent, smart, trustworthy and will do exactly as we wish.

DS is still trying to figure out life at 35. He will be flabbergasted when he gets his share at the end of our lives...if we don't spend it all first.
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Old 12-16-2015, 09:46 AM   #47
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I think it is good to tell the children all in your late 60's. But as for myself I think I had many ideas early on my family was in real estate(it is hard to hide houses LOL) Even as a teenager I could of put up a ballpark number what my parents were worth. The only thing I did not know was the details.
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Old 12-16-2015, 09:59 AM   #48
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we added our 27 year old dd onto our accounts
I always wondered about the legal consequences of doing this. Does this legally comprise a gift to said dd at the time she is added to the accounts?

Also, have wondered whether this could open up the account as a target in a law suit or divorce proceeding.

May be perfectly okay, but I wondered if there could be unintended consequences.
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Old 12-16-2015, 10:04 AM   #49
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I don't know if there is a right answer, but our parents starting sharing the specifics (will and other docs including full financial holdings) sometime in their late 80's. I'm not sure why they chose to do it, they didn't tell us anything before then.

I am glad they've planned so well, and there will be an inheritance (my sister needed to know) - but I didn't need to know any of the details, just where to find everything when the time comes...
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Old 12-16-2015, 10:33 AM   #50
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Originally Posted by kimcdougc View Post
When DH retired in February, we added our 27 year old dd onto our accounts. She knows our worth. She is our executor with everything we have being split between our DD and DS. Have all papers in safe, password list etc. She has copies and access to the safe.

Told her because she is independent, smart, trustworthy and will do exactly as we wish.

DS is still trying to figure out life at 35. He will be flabbergasted when he gets his share at the end of our lives...if we don't spend it all first.
This has a number of negative consequences, I strongly urge you to talk to a fee-only financial planner, CPA, and or estate lawyer. Having her as a co-owner has tax and legal consequences. She could owe a lot a taxes when you pass vs no taxes if she was not a co-owner. If she files for bankruptcy could cost you some or all your savings.
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Old 12-16-2015, 02:16 PM   #51
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This has a number of negative consequences, I strongly urge you to talk to a fee-only financial planner, CPA, and or estate lawyer. Having her as a co-owner has tax and legal consequences. She could owe a lot a taxes when you pass vs no taxes if she was not a co-owner. If she files for bankruptcy could cost you some or all your savings.
+1

And although she is stable now, stuff happens. She could be sucked into a lawsuit and then your accounts that she is joint on are considered hers, and become targeted assets. Any number of bad scenarios can play out.

Do talk to an attorney about this and they will go into the gory details of what can go wrong. And it can, because they've seen it.
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Old 12-16-2015, 02:40 PM   #52
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+1

And although she is stable now, stuff happens. She could be sucked into a lawsuit and then your accounts that she is joint on are considered hers, and become targeted assets. Any number of bad scenarios can play out.

Do talk to an attorney about this and they will go into the gory details of what can go wrong. And it can, because they've seen it.
I put my kids on my account as TOD (Transfer on Death). I agree with not having her on the account.
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Old 12-21-2015, 03:54 PM   #53
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We are mid 50's, with 2 sons late 20's. We have not given them any details but we are clearly upper middle class. They know that the older is executor and there will be an even split. Our will had a trust until they were 25 but that is now past. They both are back in college after not finishing earlier. They both live by their own means now but only one of them has had work that paid enough to start retirement savings. I would like to see both of them have a workable plan for their future needs before they have the details of what our estate might be. I would not want the knowledge of potential FI from the inheritance to inhibit them from being more financially responsible on their own. I am not certain that there would be a problem but also not certain of the opposite.
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Old 12-21-2015, 08:45 PM   #54
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This has a number of negative consequences, I strongly urge you to talk to a fee-only financial planner, CPA, and or estate lawyer. Having her as a co-owner has tax and legal consequences. She could owe a lot a taxes when you pass vs no taxes if she was not a co-owner. If she files for bankruptcy could cost you some or all your savings.
DD is on our checking account not retirement accounts. She is an authorized signer in bank accounts. Our will is a living revocable trust. Shouldn't have any tax implications with that the way it is written up. She is also POA and health care POA.

Thanks for your input. Guess I worded it incorrectly.
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Old 12-23-2015, 01:41 AM   #55
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They know but they don't really care. The term wealthy have been throwing around in conversation. I think it's comparatively of course. My oldest child said we would be middle of the pack at her pricey private school, why the second child has to be careful when she speaks to her friends. She can't assume they are at the same wealth level.


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Old 12-23-2015, 10:17 AM   #56
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Our children are teens and twenties now. They know of our investing style but our message is similar to that delivered on a popular 80s sitcom, "Your mother and I are rich, you have nothing." And we try to de-emphasize the 'rich' part.
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Old 12-23-2015, 11:54 AM   #57
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They know we are doing ok financially. Kids are older. Unfortunately one married a "victim" (everything is someone elses fault). Money has caused us nothing but problems with this one. The loan dept closed!! They haven't spoken to us in three yrs. Now we don't say anything to anyone in our immediate family or either of our extended families about $ or how we do things etc.
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Old 12-23-2015, 07:32 PM   #58
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Don't ever tell them. Tell them you are hard up and barely have enough money.

My neighbor - widowed and nearly 80 years old woman is living alone, because her sons know about her money and wanted a doctor to write a report that she is incapacitated and that they should control her money. And her daughters-in-law were already trying to steal her mink coats. They just couldn't wait to get their hands on her money and assets. She fought back and had her doctor write a report that she is still mentally sharp. And now she lives alone without any of her thieving family.
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Old 12-23-2015, 09:08 PM   #59
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And a question for the wise ones. If you have 4 grown adult children.. One daughter with severe mental illness, one daughter with no gainful employment and two sons... Both college educated. Would you make the sons joint executors of your estate? Knowing one daughter will require lifetime care and the other will always be at or below min wage . Would it be better to put one son in charge? What are the pros and cons of having co-executors?


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Old 12-23-2015, 10:44 PM   #60
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And a question for the wise ones. If you have 4 grown adult children.. One daughter with severe mental illness, one daughter with no gainful employment and two sons... Both college educated. Would you make the sons joint executors of your estate? Knowing one daughter will require lifetime care and the other will always be at or below min wage . Would it be better to put one son in charge? What are the pros and cons of having co-executors?


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Your money your choice. Do you want to do a special needs trust for the special daughter? You could have the sons as trustees or all three other kids. How do you feel about the unemployed daughter? Is she doing what is best for herself like married and raising children or just lazy, would she benefit for inheritance? What do you think would happen to the special daughter if you weren't here? If her brothers and sister's would take care of her you could leave her 1/4 into a trust and each other 1/4 th so her share could pay her rent or for mental health treatment or just extras if she lives in a institution like hair cuts. If you leave out one of your typical three they will all learn to hate each other or think you were unfair and the others owe them.
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