Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-19-2015, 10:06 AM   #21
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 507
Quote:
Originally Posted by bclover View Post
I admit, I'm struggling with this one. Help/suggestions are appreciated.

So, I am a widow with two young adult sons (24, 21) at home. I admit they know next to nothing about my financial picture.

they do know about how much we spend to live as my late husband and I felt strongly about them learning about living expenses and how spending effects the family.

Both are college students, my oldest has a learning disability (Asperger's) but he does ok.

LOL, they are great kids, my youngest is not the poster child for responsibility which I'm afraid to admit because it always seems on internet boards everybody else's kids are mensa candidates that were mature from age 6.

So do I keep the information "general"? show them where the will, insurance and other papers are or do I let them know dollars and cents? (younger son would start entertaining ideas of blowing his inheritance on a stripper named Cinnamon but that's another story)
Nothing.
they think we are real wealthy because we have a large travel budget but
we live on a lot less than they do..
SJ1_ is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 08-19-2015, 10:54 AM   #22
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 930
My Dad wrote and kept updated a letter that identified the relevant financial information we'd need to know. Contact info for retirement/death benefits from his employer, account information and info about where relevant records are kept, who the lawyer was etc. But he didn't include any amounts. We knew my parents each had pensions and could cover their expenses, but we never knew the specific amounts.
Katiek is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-19-2015, 11:46 AM   #23
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 9,358
Our kids know what we are worth, more or less. We have many discussions on finances, houses, career choices, etc. and we explain how we got to where we are and what we would do differently, knowing what we know now. Our older one calls us frequently for course and career planning advice. He called last week to discuss a job offer and signed off with how glad he was to have parents in the same field to share their insights, and he is old enough now that he wasn't even being sarcastic.
__________________
Even clouds seem bright and breezy, 'Cause the livin' is free and easy, See the rat race in a new way, Like you're wakin' up to a new day (Dr. Tarr and Professor Fether lyrics, Alan Parsons Project, based on an EA Poe story)
daylatedollarshort is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-19-2015, 12:08 PM   #24
gone traveling
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 3,375
Quote:
Originally Posted by bclover View Post
I admit, I'm struggling with this one. Help/suggestions are appreciated.

So, I am a widow with two young adult sons (24, 21) at home. I admit they know next to nothing about my financial picture.

they do know about how much we spend to live as my late husband and I felt strongly about them learning about living expenses and how spending effects the family.

Both are college students, my oldest has a learning disability (Asperger's) but he does ok.

LOL, they are great kids, my youngest is not the poster child for responsibility which I'm afraid to admit because it always seems on internet boards everybody else's kids are mensa candidates that were mature from age 6.

So do I keep the information "general"? show them where the will, insurance and other papers are or do I let them know dollars and cents? (younger son would start entertaining ideas of blowing his inheritance on a stripper named Cinnamon but that's another story)
Since you're a widow, someone needs to know where all your papers are including accounts. Whether that's your sons or a lawyer or whatever, they need to be able to find things. As long as you're in good health, I don't see going into details till u're 65-70.
gerntz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-19-2015, 02:56 PM   #25
Dryer sheet aficionado
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 28
I say it depends on the kids. My parents never told and we never asked but when one passed and one became ill we were in the dark. On the other side of the coin, my inlaws have 1 responsible kid and 1 irresponsible even in their late 40's. When the irresponsible smelled money he's got the kids trained to ask the grandparents for iPads, a car, computers, together vacations paid for by the grandparents and on. I won't go into detail but now one passed the other one is barely hanging on financially.

I say write where and what down in general so they can find out but not amounts and talk to the responsible one (power of attorney) if any to tell them where to find the paperwork and information. Don't tel how much because at a young age it will sound like a lot or like you're rich and can afford things they need or want. Let them learn how to budget and save on their own.
elisap is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-19-2015, 03:02 PM   #26
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
GravitySucks's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Syracuse
Posts: 3,501
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChiliPepr View Post
Oh, and Cinnamon is a nice girl who just ran into some trouble!
She is, but that Sindy is nothing but trouble.

I'm also widowed. When deciding if I could retire I did give my eldest (31) daughter some rough numbers as she's in the retirement financial industry and I trust her advice. My youngest (26) lives with me and also has pieced together a rough ideas as I explained the 4% (she overheard other elders talking about 8% being an acceptable swr.) rule to her and she has a good idea what I spend.

Both know where the accounts are and that I'm expecting them to let me live in their basements when Sindy runs through my stash.

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Early Retirement Forum mobile app
__________________
“No, not rich. I am a poor man with money, which is not the same thing"
GravitySucks is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-19-2015, 03:38 PM   #27
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 550
I think that there are 2 types of kids: those who were raised so that they can take care of themselves and those who always need help. Based on your personal views of honesty and ability to live on their own of your kids you do your decision. I hope we raised our son be able to take care of himself and his family therefor he knows where to look for info about our assets.
VFK57 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-19-2015, 04:01 PM   #28
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Keim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Moscow
Posts: 1,569
I'm 43. About 5 years ago Dad told my older brother and I "the number." Haven't heard any investment specifics aside from that. My brother is set-up as executor. He may know more, but I have no reason to think so.


OTOH, my wifes parents just put her on all their accounts a few weeks ago.


Barring health issues I see no reason for 20 year olds to know much more than "We're doing fine. You should consider investing..."
__________________
You can't enlighten the unconscious.
But you can hit'em upside the head a few times to make sure they are really out...
Keim is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-19-2015, 06:51 PM   #29
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Southfield
Posts: 58
I joke with the kids (26, 30 and 32) every time I buy something that I've just spent more of their inheritance - and they are happy for me. DW and I both have had fights with cancer and perhaps that has changed their perspective. They would be perfectly happy if we spent it all and had a good time in whatever years we are blessed with.

OTOH, I'm sure they are also hopeful we'll manage our funds well so we don't live longer than expected, go broke, and move in with one of them! LOL.

Other than basics, they don't really know, aren't curious and for the moment trust we're simply managing it all just fine without them.

This thread reminds me though that I need to update some documentation. They know where to look, but if I don't put the right information there it won't help, will it?
__________________
The best way to predict the future is to invent it. - Alan Kay
fishndad42 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-19-2015, 08:02 PM   #30
Gone but not forgotten
imoldernu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Peru
Posts: 6,335
No advice on what or who to tell, but the number 1 necessity is that someone or two must know where the info is kept and that the details of paper, deeds, accounts and access information is available.

Personal experience of spending days and weeks of digging for information that should have been in one place. Recovered ten of thousands of dollars for the family of a neighbor who passed away with no trails to her finances.
imoldernu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-19-2015, 08:14 PM   #31
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 110
Just recently lost my father suddenly to suicide. He and my brother had been business partners for years. Obviously a big shock. We thought we had all his info at our fingertips. He changed all his passwords etc just before his death when a wallet was stolen. This has proven to be the greatest challenge for us. In response I updated "the folder" with my info. My trustee (my brother) knows exactly where the info is.

As a side note, my father's death prompted my 22 year old daughter to ask a serious of questions. Not prying just responsible. We talked in some detail about my estate etc and my goals. I think it was good for both us. Now that said, my 19 year old is not responsible enough to discuss things. He is at college having fun!


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum
prose3589 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-19-2015, 08:31 PM   #32
Full time employment: Posting here.
ohyes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 805
Our three have never known much, until we (finally) made our wills.

Two of the three have a copy of that will. The oldest offspring does not. While he will get 1/3, he is not engaged in a relationship with the rest of us.

So, while two of our kids know they will each inherit 1/3, they do not know how much 1/3 is (not that much). We did tell them it will not be much.

And, our oldest has absolutely no clue about any of it.

They may all be disappointed. In the meantime, DH and and I are having quite a bit of fun.
ohyes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-19-2015, 09:26 PM   #33
Full time employment: Posting here.
truenorth418's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Bushnell
Posts: 607
I don't see any reason to provide specific income or net worth numbers, but I think children would benefit a lot from knowing what things cost so they better understand the value of money.

Also, I recommend everyone prepare an estate plan including a will and let the family or at least the executor know where to find it in the event you die suddenly or become incapacitated. I know it is not a pleasant thought, but these things happen eventually and it's the best way to make sure your wishes are carried out when the time comes.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum
truenorth418 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-20-2015, 05:07 AM   #34
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Golden sunsets's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 2,518
Our children are generally aware of our NW and retirement income. They(30 & 32) are responsible and on there own. Our attorney is our executor. Our estate plan involves trust accounts and bequests to them when they reach 35. Our DS, who is generally interested knows who our estate attorney is and which drawers in our home office have records pertaining to the wills, trusts, living will, advanced health care instructions, POA, insurance policies, LTC policies, etc. I also maintain a spreadsheet with a list of our accounts and PW's which he has a copy of. I have told them to head straight to the law firm with the spreadsheet after the funeral.
__________________
"Luck favors the prepared mind"
Pasteur
Golden sunsets is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-20-2015, 06:36 AM   #35
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 153
Quote:
Originally Posted by Danmar View Post
I don't think one size fits all. Depends on the kids. Your example is one side but mine would be the other. My daughter is very responsible, independent, and does not feel or act entitled. I plan on helping her financially while we are still alive, but her inheritance will still be fairly large. Since she is the executor and sole heir, it makes little sense, in my view, to keep her in the dark. As we and she gets older, I expect to bring her more into the loop. Even at some point, discussing investment decisions.
Well said. Very similar for our two kids. They already know they must be on a path to independence after university, and working on that at least notionally during school. They also know how they grew up, how it compares to the rest of the world (they are well positioned within the 1%, never mind the other 99%) and what my general intentions are for myself. I'm focusing on educating them heavily as they mature on what works and what mistakes I made, and filling in the specific details they will need to know in parallel about their possible financial futures.
timemoveson is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-20-2015, 09:55 AM   #36
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
kcowan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Pacific latitude 20/49
Posts: 7,677
Send a message via Skype™ to kcowan
I have talked to DW about our grandchildrens' college investment plan. It has started being drawn down but it will be maintained until 2032. We decided that if anything happens to me, one of the children will be given authority for it. He is the backup executor in case we both croak.
__________________
For the fun of it...Keith
kcowan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-20-2015, 10:31 AM   #37
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 5,860
Zero.

They know we are comfortable. They know where our paperwork is, who to contact, and have access to our bank safety deposit box.

They have their own successful lives.
brett is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-20-2015, 01:17 PM   #38
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,074
Quote:
Originally Posted by Golden sunsets View Post
Our children are generally aware of our NW and retirement income. They(30 & 32) are responsible and on there own. Our attorney is our executor. Our estate plan involves trust accounts and bequests to them when they reach 35. Our DS, who is generally interested knows who our estate attorney is and which drawers in our home office have records pertaining to the wills, trusts, living will, advanced health care instructions, POA, insurance policies, LTC policies, etc. I also maintain a spreadsheet with a list of our accounts and PW's which he has a copy of. I have told them to head straight to the law firm with the spreadsheet after the funeral.
That's funny and good advice. We finished our estate planning documents recently and in the process, we informed our 3 responsible children (34,30, 29) about the plans very generally, as we had to tell them since we named them all as successor co-trustees of our living trusts, and one them as an Health Agent/Proxy for us. (We were able to discuss our living wills and health care directives with each child and why we asked one of them to serve as the Health Care Agent -- which is the child with more life experiences and who is about to be married to a doctor -- these were more critical discussions to us, than the estate planning/wealth distributions issues.) We didn't mention anything about resulting trusts that each of them would have from our estates, our lopsided retirement accounts, or anything else that would increase their own net worth, except for some loan forgiveness features of debt our children (and their spouses) currently are on the hook with us.
Our children are fairly clueless about our net worth and retirement income; I'm fairly certain when the time comes for passing on our estate they will be pleasantly surprised. We intend to periodically hold family gatherings with them to dribble out information of where things stand, where are the documents, and who to consult about stuff. We are assembling our "Legacy Book" for them. We're confident that our children (and their spouses) can manage all of this well, but we are trying to make it as easy for them as possible, recognizing the process is painful and cumbersome for many.
__________________
Someday this war's gonna end . . .
ChrisC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-20-2015, 02:55 PM   #39
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
wmc1000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Gosport, IN
Posts: 1,214
Our kids, (26, 32, 34), only know we are well enough off to retire earlier than 66. As to our families, wife's parents never had much and the kids knew that. My parents never went into details with my wife and I.

When we were in our mid 50's my father finally clued me in after my mom passed and he remarried. Basically at that point he showed me his investment account and let me know it had a TOD provision to pass to me.

I told him then that I wasn't counting on or expecting an inheritance. Although an extra 7 figures wouldn't be turned down!
wmc1000 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-20-2015, 03:03 PM   #40
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Car-Guy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 10,863
I'm sure our only DD knows we are well off but we have never really discussed our net worth or finances with her. She knows I was making good money before I retired and also knows our current lifestyle (I'm not a LBYM type) It's just never been an issue but at some point in the future we will probably "have the discussion". To be honest, I wouldn't have a problem telling her now, if the subject were to come up.
Car-Guy is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Christmas Gift Allocation for your adult children bizlady FIRE and Money 29 12-05-2011 05:04 PM
How to avoid an awkward prenup discussion when you have adult children... Nords FIRE and Money 24 08-12-2011 10:08 AM
When did retirement finances become so disconnected with real finances? nun FIRE and Money 4 11-02-2010 01:48 PM
The Recession & our Adult children Moemg Other topics 100 06-18-2009 04:33 PM
Adult children living in another area: how often do they visit? Orchidflower Life after FIRE 42 08-21-2007 08:30 PM

» Quick Links

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:06 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.