Now that she's older, and exceedingly generous with our money in almost all regards...
Thank goodness, I thought it was just mine. Isn't it amazing how cheap they can be when it's
their money though?
I guess that gets back into the "who pays how much for which college" parents vs kids debate... And although I'm glad that our years of savings can afford today's tuitions, I'd always put my ER ahead of the kid's difference between public & private... I'd tell the kid that anything beyond our financial support of the public school is her scholarship challenge. I think that's a lot more easily accomplished than asking all of those funding sources to support my ER. I don't think our kids want us to kill ourselves working to send them to a better school.
I agree with the principle you're expressing, and my disagreement only comes from my own personal situation as being FI'ed earlier in life. Long before I had the benefit of reading this forum I decided early in my kids' lives to set a course regarding education and their financial liberation from my pockets. "You are going to complete college and after that you will be responsible for your own financial needs. I'll pay for the college that accepts you within my means and within reason."
Years later, when retirement became a looming possibility early in life, I stuck by my earlier statements and just included college expenses as a budgetary item under the "must be able to do" category.
I understand that this is more than just a financial situation for many people. At the time I made my commitment the kids were young (and so was I), money was good and retirement was some kind of mythical beast. I recall that at the time (early 90's) college loan debt was being much discussed and the numbers were just shocking. Looking at my financial picture, and having a vague notion about retirement, I decided it wasn't right to limit the kids' choices (or saddle them with huge debts) if I had the money - to do something that I was making mandatory (you will graduate...!).
Now, that doesn't mean if my financial world goes to hell that I'm paying for Harvard out of my pocket, but if it came down to not being able to pay for in-state public school, well, I think I could suck it up and go back and do the W word thing if I had to. If I was not capable, then we would have a conversation like one of those commercials I've been seeing where the dad tells the kid, "things have changed and times are difficult." They've got all kinds of loans and grants out there for education, but I'm not aware of any for retirement.
So far it's working out for us. Check back with me around 2015 or so and I'll give you a post-action debrief.
As for my reaction to Independent's comment, the vision I had in my head was me just back from a month's trip someplace, nice tan, practicing my putting in the backyard before I take the wife out to grab a steak and lobster, looking at the kid and saying: "Well, can't
you afford the junior college tuition? I'd love to help, but this retirement stuff is just getting to be really expensive. Don't you know how expensive airfare has become?"