I'm a saver, she's a spender

[haha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by razztazz Not to nit pick but just in case anybody wants to look this up, his name is Gottman. There is a famous Dr Goffman but he's in a different line of work

Thanks for correcting this.

Ha

[Aerides]

You are not a match.

You have a values difference here that will get worse, not better. She is an adult so she will not "change". She's showing you who she is, loud and clear.

She might be wonderful in many ways, but you will regret any more time spent with her.

[pj.mask]

I dunno. My wife is a bit of a spender but she does make more. We both use joint for family expenses like eating out and expect any money we put in to be gone at end of month. Savings are separate individual accounts. We have agreed spending but stuff we don't agree on (designer bags and clothes at high $) comes out of her own account. I buy my Costco clothes from the joint - all $1000/yr? (Small %)

Sure I get comments about my dressing but it doesn't bother me. If you are upset by her comments and she continues that isn't healthy.

[97guns]

my wife likes to spend too but also values money and loves saving just as much as spending, at least ive got her reeled into shopping at Good Will, dollar stores, discount food outlets and Ross Dress For Less

there are hygienic supplies and cosmetics that she will only use specific brands of and they aint at the dollar store but for the most part she is price conscious on most items and frugal

[Moemg]

It is not just the spending it is also how she is treating you .Run fast !

[TimeMeasure]

Quote:

Originally Posted by razztazz FAST

Had to laugh at this - because it's so true.

The real issue is not the spending vs. saving. The real issue is whether you have compatible value systems. It's very difficult to have a lasting or satisfying relationship if you have fundamentally different values.

And on top of that, as others have mentioned, Dr. Gottman pigeonholed significant predictors of relationship failure, and contempt is one of them. This is well worth a read because it is spot on:

https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-fou...-stonewalling/

Could your GF change? Anything's possible - but it doesn't sound likely from the information you've given us. Life is very short. Best to try to find someone to spend it with who truly values you, and who you in turn can truly value.

[FANOFJESUS]

She does not treat people with respect at all.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccenFp_3kq8

[Bamaman]

I actually found a woman that was more frugal than I was. And I kept her.

Too much differences in your personalities.

[travelover]

I dated a woman like this after I was first divorced. She was beautiful, too, which made doing the right thing all the harder. Save yourself a lot of grief and find someone who respects you for who you are. She will resent any effort to change her and you already resent her efforts to change you.

Good luck.

[Blue Collar Guy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by REWahoo Run.

Quote:

Originally Posted by razztazz FAST

Quote:

Originally Posted by SpinDr +1 on that!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meadbh +1000

OMG too funny.

[aja8888]

OP, realize that some of our female members in this thread are telling you to cut it off.

[MarieIG]

[My AGI is probably 5x hers, so we agreed on starting a joint account where I'd put in the lion's share, and she'd put in a little bit, and we'd use that for joint expenses like eating out, travel, etc. So far it's worked out pretty well as far as sticking to the budget we've agreed upon. My issue is that I feel she's constantly making snippy comments about me being "cheap", dressing like cr*p, not caring enough about brand names, not being impulsive ("spontaneous") enough, etc. The comments are really getting to me, given that my cost of living is way higher than hers, that I pay for almost everything we do as a couple, and that I value the security of a big nest egg way more than the fleeting joy of more stuff, or an extra appetizer. Any advice here? I've tried to address this before, but it seems to keep happening.[/QUOTE]

There are two sides to every story. Are you making comments about making FIVE TIMES MORE THAN SHE DOES, PAYING FOR THE LION'S SHARE OF EXPENSES, while expecting her to contribute to your dating account?

I am NOT giving her a free pass. I do NOT like her comments at all, they are rude. But I have to wonder if it is a bit of tit for tat. She sounds angry and/or resentful. And no, I am not suggesting that you two are made for each other, that does not seem to be the case, but I do suggest sitting down and having a serious talk about what is really bothering her. A lesson for your next, hopefully better relationship. (If designer clothes are really her top priority, then perhaps need to look a little deeper when choosing a GF)

Oh, and with your next romantic interest, perhaps find a gal that enjoys a walk in the park, a grill cheese sandwich, and believes in budgeting. And btw - keep your awesome AGI under wraps for a while.

Think seriously about what you WANT from a relationship. And also think seriously about what you BRING to a relationship. (And when you are thinking about what you BRING, start by taking the material things out of the equation, and look very closely at the man.)

[Luck_Club]

Sounds like this thread http://www.early-retirement.org/foru...one-88144.html

Good luck. It is tough to see the forest through the trees or a pair of tight jeans's

[socca]

Quote:

Originally Posted by RenoJay My issue is that I feel she's constantly making snippy comments about me being "cheap", dressing like cr*p, not caring enough about brand names, not being impulsive ("spontaneous") enough, etc.

"Friends with benefits" with GF in her own place managing her own finances is the most I'd want to be entangled with that one. It's also worth thinking about the example that the GF is setting for the kids, both in managing money and how to behave in a relationship.

[Elbata]

Try a couple experiments. Shouldn't be too difficult to think up.

[candrew]

Quote:

Originally Posted by RenoJay I've tried to address this before, but it seems to keep happening.

Over the decades, too many friends and acquaintances of mine have made the mistake of believing they could change the character of their significant others. None of them were successful.

[daylatedollarshort]

I personally would not be interested in someone with a complaint about "not caring enough about brand names". It is more important for me to fund my own retirement than Ralph Lauren's.

[atmsmshr]

Quote:

Originally Posted by haha Not only are her spending habits different from yours, but she seriously disrespects you. Over time you will cave, or have to confront what this says about her feelings for you. John Gottman has studied this, and he calls it contempt. He says it is a major divorced predictor. Ha

This is the core of the issue. Some avoid it happening to them by choosing relationships carefully, some are trapped and miserable, some inflict contempt on others, and some divorce.

[Amethyst]

I require more data.

"My GF is super smart, beautiful, has a professional career and is fun." How is she with your kids? You've been together a year; I'm surprised you didn't mention this.

To me, it sounds as if instead of love, you've made this relationship all about money, and how you make so much more than she does. Being beautiful - which you evidently consider so important that you are willing to accept a partner who makes far less money - takes time, effort, and yes, money. For that reason alone, she has a right to expect you to invest in your appearance, too. (You didn't say whether you do take care of your looks, and she is just searching for stuff to pick at, which would be a danger sign).

The quip about the extra appetizer puzzled me. Are you saying you won't let her have one (which would be too stingy for words) or that she thinks you need to have one, even if you aren't hungry (which would be weird)?

[IMATERP]

I wouldn't do it either! Nope, no way.

In addition to "your values" not matching, I really would question the other party who is being so condescending regarding your financial habits/priorities.

If she "traps you" - get a pre-nup, as it is not going to work.

Michael