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Old 06-14-2015, 07:09 PM   #21
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I have a dear friend whose late husband was a tech guy, and I told her that she never had to sell his tech stocks if she didn't want to. It isn't a ton of money anyway, and it seems to me to be a small price for her to pay to maintain that connection. Just like hanging on to his favorite guitar.
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Old 06-15-2015, 08:50 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by Sarah in SC View Post
I have a dear friend whose late husband was a tech guy, and I told her that she never had to sell his tech stocks if she didn't want to. It isn't a ton of money anyway, and it seems to me to be a small price for her to pay to maintain that connection. Just like hanging on to his favorite guitar.
OP: sorry for your loss.

Sentiments like these make me cringe a little bit because one should separate emotions from investing wherever possible. It might be just a small amount of money, but still not the way to go. If you are looking to maintain that connection, find some other way.
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Old 06-15-2015, 09:18 AM   #23
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This is where it helps to be an INTJ like me. When I inherited a trust, a house and a portfolio, I had no hesitation in selling them and realigning the proceeds with my desired asset allocation. I don't need to own the house to keep happy memories, and I have no emotional attachment to funds selected by my mother's financial institutions many years ago.
A little bit off the main topic, but I am scared about what my reaction will be when my Dad dies (Mom is already gone). Currently, I stand to inherit the house they designed and built 40 years ago. I was raised in that house and there are many, many good memories there but I won't have any real (logical reason) to keep it. But it's also sort-of a tribute to my Mom and Dad and that will make it very hard to part with. Because the house is older and on a large lot in a VERY desirable area, it is quite possible it would be bought by a developer and torn down to build 3 or 4 McMansions which just makes me ill thinking about it. I know the house is just that...a HOUSE. It isn't my parents and I know that, but it still bothers me thinking of it being destroyed.

NOW...back to the OP. There is lots of good advice here and I won't piggy back on what they say except I agree with avoiding financial advisors. There is a WEALTH of information out there to teach yourself all you need to know. Neither parents or I have EVER used a FA and we have done quite well for ourselves. I shutter at the thought of the MANY, MANY thousands of dollars that may have been wasted with 'management fees'. If there is a doubt as to what you want to do with the inheritance...just sit on it. Eventually, you will have enough knowledge to execute what is the best plan for YOUR situation.
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Old 06-15-2015, 09:43 AM   #24
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A little bit off the main topic, but I am scared about what my reaction will be when my Dad dies (Mom is already gone). Currently, I stand to inherit the house they designed and built 40 years ago. I was raised in that house and there are many, many good memories there but I won't have any real (logical reason) to keep it. But it's also sort-of a tribute to my Mom and Dad and that will make it very hard to part with. Because the house is older and on a large lot in a VERY desirable area, it is quite possible it would be bought by a developer and torn down to build 3 or 4 McMansions which just makes me ill thinking about it. I know the house is just that...a HOUSE. It isn't my parents and I know that, but it still bothers me thinking of it being destroyed.
If you can afford to keep it, then do so. You can always rent it out for the income. Treat it as an investment property. Perhaps some day you will have children or grandchildren who won't earn enough to live in the very desirable area in which the house is located. While they may not have the emotional attachment you do, they would benefit greatly from the schools and proximity to wealthier folks (who could help their careers).
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Old 06-15-2015, 09:54 AM   #25
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If you can afford to keep it, then do so. You can always rent it out for the income. Treat it as an investment property. Perhaps some day you will have children or grandchildren who won't earn enough to live in the very desirable area in which the house is located. While they may not have the emotional attachment you do, they would benefit greatly from the schools and proximity to wealthier folks (who could help their careers).
I have thought about keeping it, but it has quite a few idiosyncrasies that would make it slightly troublesome as a rental (such as the propensity for pipes to freeze). Like I said, logically, it's not smart to keep. Emotionally, it's a little tougher. Plus, when my Dad passes, I will most likely not stay in the area (or even the state) and the odds of me coming back to visit is very remote.
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Old 06-15-2015, 11:03 AM   #26
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OP: sorry for your loss.

Sentiments like these make me cringe a little bit because one should separate emotions from investing wherever possible. It might be just a small amount of money, but still not the way to go. If you are looking to maintain that connection, find some other way.
I should mention that I'm a CFP, and well aware of the importance of separating emotions from investing. But I also deal with the reality that most people aren't exactly homo economicus in practice.

What I do know, and have been well-schooled on, is the simple reminder that all financial advisors should know: IT ISN'T MY MONEY. And if she wants to hang on to something like that, it is her money to spend as she wishes. She's smart enough to know that it is an emotional decision, and we leave it at that.
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Old 06-15-2015, 11:22 AM   #27
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I have thought about keeping it, but it has quite a few idiosyncrasies that would make it slightly troublesome as a rental (such as the propensity for pipes to freeze). Like I said, logically, it's not smart to keep. Emotionally, it's a little tougher. Plus, when my Dad passes, I will most likely not stay in the area (or even the state) and the odds of me coming back to visit is very remote.
Well, it doesn't sound like a great house for someone else then...

I lived about 20 years in the house I grew up in.... I have zero sentiment towards it...


I lived 25 years in my old house... I have zero sentiment towards it also.. it is not that far from where I live... maybe a 5 minute drive... I have driven by maybe one time to take a look as they took out all of DWs plants and flowers and cut down most of the trees, some I had planted... I thought it was stupid of them as the house now looks barren.... but it is their house... I have not been by in over 4 years... maybe I will go look at it just to see if there has been other changes...



BUT, if you really want to keep the house intact, you can sell it with the stipulation that the house cannot be torn down... it will cost you money to do that since most buyers will not want that restriction, but it can be done.... (note: I would give that stipulation a time period because after you are gone who really cares if it is standing... nobody)...
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Old 06-15-2015, 11:33 AM   #28
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I know the house is just that...a HOUSE. It isn't my parents and I know that, but it still bothers me thinking of it being destroyed.

N.
No, it's not just a house. There's a part of you there. Part of your parents are there. Roots are hard to explain to people sometimes.

Around here, we go through this as many, many homes are passed down to 3rd, 4th, 5th and sometimes 6th generations who are still living in the same family home.

I live in my grandfather's home and my brother lives in our great-great-grandfather's house. It's more than a building.
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Old 06-15-2015, 11:35 AM   #29
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Memories of physical items like houses, furnishing, land, etc. can be preserved via photos and videos. Snap lots of them, then part with the actual item. It's much easier and less costly to maintain the virtual item, and in many cases it can evoke the same memories.
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Old 06-15-2015, 12:31 PM   #30
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I should mention that I'm a CFP, and well aware of the importance of separating emotions from investing. But I also deal with the reality that most people aren't exactly homo economicus in practice.

What I do know, and have been well-schooled on, is the simple reminder that all financial advisors should know: IT ISN'T MY MONEY. ...
Absolutely.

I crossed this path in helping to settle FIL's estate. FIL & MIL inherited some stocks from FIL's parents in the 60's. They held them, collected the divs, and that was that.

As we were consolidating all their various accounts, I mentioned selling these stocks and putting them in an S&P fund to keep it simple and get some added diversification. Or we could sell and harvest the loss from the ones that took a loss since FIL's DOD, and lower her taxes that year. These stocks are ~ 30% of her NW, and almost all of that is in 2 (blue chip) stocks. I think better diversification is prudent, but it also isn't a critical thing.

Well, when I mentioned this to MIL, she just calmly said "I don't want to sell any of those stocks". I just said, "Well, OK, we won't do that then" and I never mentioned it again. Yes, it's her money, her choice. If I thought this put her at significant risk, I might have gone further in explaining that risk, but she's OK.

Not my choice, but it's not my money.


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Memories of physical items like houses, furnishing, land, etc. can be preserved via photos and videos. Snap lots of them, then part with the actual item. It's much easier and less costly to maintain the virtual item, and in many cases it can evoke the same memories.
Agreed. And no frozen pipes to deal with!

My childhood home was replaced by a McMansion. Can't say I feel anything about it (other than I can't point it out to my kids and explain that the 3 kids shared a bedroom smaller than any of their single bedrooms - cue the Four Yorkshiremen!). I've got memories and pictures. I don't think I'll be concerned about what happens to the second home I lived in either (DM's current home). Time marches on.

But everyone's different. I also very, very rarely visit any of my relative's graves. I think about them often, we have pictures and videos and mementos. For me, standing next to the grave adds nothing. But I guess it is important to some people.

-ERD50
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Old 06-15-2015, 02:36 PM   #31
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Memories of physical items like houses, furnishing, land, etc. can be preserved via photos and videos. Snap lots of them, then part with the actual item. It's much easier and less costly to maintain the virtual item, and in many cases it can evoke the same memories.
I agree wholeheartedly. Even if were to live in the house, it wouldn't ever be the same, I know that. I also call it a 'house' because it's no longer my 'home'. Granted, my Dad is still there, so there are still memories being made, but there are bad memories too (my Mom was in hospice in the home and subsequently died in the house, as she wished). I think the loss I would feel is how proud she was of that house..it was definitely her HOME. They struggled in life and that house was something to be very proud of and the thought of it being destroyed, well, it's bothersome.

As for the comment about 'selling the problems' to someone else, please don't think that I wouldn't disclose that to the possible buyers... I wouldn't do that.
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