The Cosmic Avenger
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
And in a pinch most of that stuff can double as fuel or if the zombies are coming, pretty effective weapons when combined with a rag!
Not pictured: a couple of cases of actual Sterno.
So if you need to sell that Maker's Mark, I'll have cash for ya ;-)
You mean that worthless pre-apocalypse paper? It might be good for tinder...